A/N This is one of those 'what if' stories that indulges every part of my fandom love. Set some time between 5x01 and 5x09, probably more towards the latter.
A huge HUGE thank you to flashpenguin, without whom this story would be significantly shorter and far worse. Thank you so much for being great!
Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds, nor do I own the song 'For A Child' by Michael McDonald.
"A mother always has to think twice - once for herself, and once for her child."
Sophia Loren
They've just come back from a case in Milwaukee and JJ wants nothing more than to go home to Henry.
She sits alone in her office, the quiet reassuring, until the sharp ring of her cell phone breaks the silence.
JJ stares at the number lighting up her screen.
She knows it's familiar, but she shouldn't. She isn't supposed to recognize this number, but she does.
Hesitantly, with her heart in her throat, she hits the green button and lifts the cell phone to her ear.
"Agent Jareau?" the voice asks on the other end. JJ can tell by the tone that the voice has been crying, or at least has just finished, and is trying to appear strong and calm.
"JJ," she automatically corrects. Two letters and already the discomfort is turning her stomach in knots. She knows it's condescending on her part, but she can't stand formality, especially now.
JJ waits for a response that never comes. It's up to her to make the next move but she has to handle it with kid gloves. "Mrs. Hotchner," she says quietly, glancing around out of habit, "you shouldn't be calling."
Hailey sucks in a breath, and JJ can almost hear her nodding in reluctant understanding. "I know. But...I need to ask you something."
JJ hesitates. She always thought that Hailey suspected there was something between her and Hotch. There wasn't, but that couldn't be helped now.
But Hailey had contacted her, so she could at least hear her out.
"Okay," she agrees reluctantly.
"Foyet won't stop until he gets what he wants." Her tone is so final, so at peace.
But JJ hears the waver in Hailey's voice and closes her eyes because the waves of pain rolling through the phone are unbearable.
"And we all know how this is going to end, even if Aaron won't say it," Hailey continues. "It's me, or it's him, or God forbid it's both of us."
JJ flinches. She knows what's coming next. She doesn't want to hear it, but she can't put the phone down.
"Either way, I want you in Jack's life."
The air is pushed from JJ's lungs. "Hailey, I..." She doesn't know what to say, so she stops. Hailey continues, her voice quiet but growing stronger.
"I know we've had our differences, but you've seen Aaron at his worst. You've seen him every day for six years. If it's him, then...well, you can tell Jack that his father wasn't all business."
JJ tries to speak again. "Hailey, I don't think..."
There's a slight chuckle. It's not condescending; if anything, it contains a little humour. "JJ, please. " And the media liaison falls silent. "If it's Aaron, somebody needs to make the team a part of Jack's life."
JJ swallows, and nods, then realizes she cannot be seen.
"And if it's me..." Hailey is near tears, but the words don't waver, don't falter. "If it's me, I need somebody to pick up the pieces. Somebody Aaron trusts. I need Jack to have that. You're a mother. You know. You know in that way only mothers can."
In a way only mothers can, JJ understands.
"Promise me you'll do these things, JJ," Hailey commands. Her voice leaves no room for argument.
JJ wonders what she would do in Hailey's position, and the thought alone makes her chest tighten. "Hailey, I..." Once again, her voice fails her. She knows what she wants to say, she just can't.
She wants to say that there's always hope, but she won't lie. Nothing is promised. If she can't lie to a family wanting hope for a positive outcome, how could she do it to Hailey?
She wants to ask how Hailey can be so strong, when JJ can't.
"Promise me," Hailey demands. There are tears in her tone. Tears that choke the words, tears begging to be released. But that isn't Hailey. Hailey is calm. She's proud, knowing her fate has been sealed. There is no turning back. It's final.
And then JJ knows that no matter what happens this is goodbye.
"I promise," she whispers, but her heart is breaking as her mind screams that she can't make this promise. It shouldn't be her promise to make.
"He's yours now," Hailey whispers, "Because you'll do it right."
The line goes dead.
JJ stares at the screen and feels something drip onto her hand and realizes that for some time, she's been crying.
She sets the phone down and hastily wipes her eyes.
There's a knock at her door.
"Come in," she calls. Hotch steps into her office, nodding at the cell phone still held in her hand.
"I've been knocking for a while. Must have been an interesting call." He can sense that something has happened, but he doesn't know.
JJ stares at him, and concern softens his features.
"JJ?" He asks. There is something different about her; it's her attitude, her way of being. Even her carriage seems different.
But it's her eyes which draw his attention, the way they focus on him just as he moves closer. His voice is reassuring, bathing her in uneasy calm.
"JJ, who was on the phone?" It really isn't a question because deep down inside she knows that he knows. Only a mother talking to another mother could have caused these kinds of tears.
She may not know how to deal with Hotch right now, but of one thing JJ is certain: he can't know. Whatever happens next, whatever happens with Foyet, Aaron Hotchner can never know.
JJ clears her throat, smiles a smile that she has no doubt he can see right through.
"A friend who needed help," she replies simply.
"Is everything alright?" Hotch inquires.
The answer is clear.
"No."
JJ leaves it there, leaves Hotch hanging, because it's her secret.
Hers and Hailey's.
It may be the only secret they've ever shared, and it may be the one they take to their graves, but it's theirs.
Hotch is still staring at her, in a mixture of curiosity and concern.
"But you will be?" he asks.
JJ nods again.
"I will be."