On an island in the South Pacific, seven people sat around a radio and listened to news from "home." Actually, their home was now the island. And life was good. Simple, but good. They should have left the radio off as news of the outside world tended to inspire regret and melancholy. But none of them, even their biggest intellect could see that, because they were all caught up in their pattern, and none of them stepped away from it.
After the weather report the radio continued "In Hollywood today legendary musical director Harold Hecuba begins his efforts to broaden out. Filming begins today on his drama 'The Fall of a Heavyweight.'"
"Like they say folks, the bigger they are, the harder they fall." A brief pause to wait for nonexistent laughter then "Brad Milner will star as the troubled champion. Milner first achieved stardom playing 'Tongo the Ape Man.'"
The skipper turned off the radio in disgust.
Gilligan asked "Do you suppose that's the Tongo actor we met?"
Ginger answered. "Probably. He never told us his real name. But he did have screen presence. Got to hand it to that lying, kidnapping jackass, he did have screen presence."
Meanwhile in Hollywood-
Four men in a room that could be the dining room of a fancy mansion. One man, a servant, removes empty soup bowls and brings each diner a steamed lobster. He also refills both the water and wine glasses of the diners. Then he leaves the room and the door closes.
The one in the middle, the one dressed in elegant, expensive casual clothes. His companion on his right is a tall thin man in a bow tie, large framed glasses and unkempt hair. His companion on his left is a handsome, very muscular man in a sweatshirt.
They talk back and forth. Then another voice comes out of nowhere. "Cut. Cut. It's all wrong."
The fifth man, a smaller fellow with glasses walked onto the main part of the set. "I'll show you how to play it."
Another man, built like a track star, ran along with a cart that held duplicates of the actor's costumes.
(Because the director had a habit of taking the casts clothes, leaving them in their undergarments, the wardrobe department had a strict policy of making a copy of everyone's clothes in the director's size and having a worker ready to offer him a selection of the clothes of everyone in the scene. Actors and actresses were under strict orders from the producer NEVER to yield the clothes on their back to the director.)
The director soon wore the expensive casuals and sat in the center. Pretending to eat while he talked, he gave his version of the lines, with emphasis. "I spent THIRTY years making myself the top furniture magnate in the country. ME, the fifth child of poor Irish immigrants. I never thought of what would happen after I was number one. My life plan was to live happily ever after but now another furniture company is making better selling DESKS. And another has better selling CHAIRS." After a pause he continued. "Since you gents are number one in your fields I wanted to ask how you cope with challengers."
He changed into a more economical dinner jacket, bow tie and put the large framed glasses over his real glasses. He ran a hand through his hair. Then he sat down to the hosts right pretended to eat and listened to a non-existent speaker then suddenly pulled a rolled up chess board out of his dinner jacket setting it in front of him. (Ignorantly he set the board with a dark square to his right.) He began to spit out words like a Tommy gun. "Sixty Four squares. But enough room for a battle. Since I became the national champion it got tougher. Everyone knows I'm the champ. Everyone studies my games my openings. Every year a new championship tournament. May have been a mistake to write chess books. I quit my job, make a living from chess. But now I wonder if it helped to work my day job. Spending 40 hours a week going over accounts was a blessed vacation from chess. Now I got all week to work on my game and I know one day it will not be enough. Everyone wants to checkmate the king."
He changed into sweat clothes while urging "When you play the champ play subtle. You were subtle. But be even one degree more. You've only been champ two months and it's now dawning on you what it means to be champ." He sat on the speaker's right. Somehow, his body language implied an impressive towering over the table as if he was playing the heavyweight champ of the world. He pretended to eat listening politely to the first non-existent speaker then turning to listen to the second with a face that suddenly hinted of worry. Then began to spout facile clichés. "You gotta own the ring. The other fighters you can't underestimate them. They're tough. You can't let your guard down for a second. But it's your ring. You gotta know there's a way you can take them there's a combination that will give you the knockout." But then as he stopped just a momentary flicker of doubt.
Then he said "Everyone take five and we'll go again."
That night in a private dining room the film's director, star and love interest (Eva Morgana) all sat eating. The studio paid for it, not every night, but this one time because of the publicity. A reporter and a photographer from Life Magazine recorded the event for their magazine.
The reporter asked various questions about the film then asked the stars about their relationship status.
He replied "We were paired up in our last film but it was just acting. Until Valentine's Day."
She took up the story "We'd worked 13 hours doing take after take. Exhausted we went to dinner. Then begin to talk about how it was the holiday of love."
He said "One thing led to another and it was like a Hollywood love story. In Hollywood."
The director said "I gave them a few screen tests. Their romance isn't compromising their chemistry." Left unsaid was that he hoped they'd break up and that that would improve their on screen tension.
The reporter asked about their career paths and found they all had monomaniacal dedication. Soon his quote list included "Do whatever it takes to succeed" Harold Hecuba.
"Rise to the top no matter who you leave behind" Brad Milner.
"If you see the life you want, hop on the boat and go after it" Eva Morgana.
After copying those down the reporter turned to the lead actress and asked "Miss Morgana. Do you think your career was helped by changing your name?"
She smiled. "Can you imagine a movie poster listing the star as 'Eva Grubb'? Worse yet my first starring role was in 'Attack of the Space Insects.'" She smiled.
"Some of the reviewers say your performance is Ginger Grant like. Do you have any thoughts on that?"
Eva seemed guarded "They say I'm like her?"
He reached in his pocket and pulled out a folded piece of newspaper. "Here's the latest one. 'In the zest that she brings to each role the dedicated work ethic and even the same quality of sultriness Eva Morgana like the late Ginger Grant before her is a woman who'd be marooned without Hollywood. '"
He never understood why all three of them sat stunned as if they'd each been knocked out by a heavyweight.
After a most awkward pause Eva said "I used to watch her movies. Perhaps they see her influence as more critical then I knew."
The director spoke. "Ginger Grant's loss was a tragedy for the industry. Hell for the country. But the show must go on. Miss Grant continued acting after Marilyn Monroe's death."
With as much acting skill as he possessed Brad Milner solemnly said "We should toast to her memory."
They all solemnly did so. The reporter wondered why he couldn't hear the camera clicking. Looking ahead at his subjects he didn't see behind him the cameraman's stunned expression.
But the reporter had enough for his article. He and the photographer got in a car and a driver took them to the office. The reporter got out and went to the typewriter on his desk. The photographer turned in his film then he and the driver spoke. They got in the car and drove off again.
Meanwhile, also in Hollywood.
Inside a bungalow a powerfully built man lies on a couch. Nearby an older man in glasses with a clipboard sits on a chair near him. "So I heard about your movie work."
The patient replied. "Thanks Doc. I see why you got a rep with the movie cats."
"Your career makes you feel…?" He trailed off questioningly.
"Tops. Oh, I'm not a star and my lines are few. Which is good cause those lines are hard to learn. I can't hardly read. But I earn serious bread as Hollywood's surfing guru. Besides all the major surfers on my beach know I'm Brad Milner's body double in the surfing scenes." [In last year's "Who Killed Big Kahuna?"] "Duke Williams, the Duke of surfing films. I'm famous on my beach. And most of the chicks there dig it. Actually, all of 'em dig it. "
The doctor smiled encouragingly.
"I asked to see you again to tell you I've come around to your thinking."
"That is?"
"If I got my memory back cept for a two week hole, I should catch the next wave, not miss it wondering bout wave that was before. If I got dreams, they're more about my hidden mind then what was real anyhow. So I got a way to move on."
The doctor gave him an encouraging look.
"Paid a fuzz sketch artist to meet me after work and do the faces in my dreams." He showed the sketches to the doctor.
"And you think these mean?"
"Like you thought. I dream a health labado."
"Libido." The doctor corrected.
Duke nodded "I dig chicks. This one here-"he points "almost looks like the famous Ginger Grant. I smile when I see her on the late movie on TV. But I ain't hung up on her. Cause this one here-" he pointed to the other sketch. "She looks like the best of the girls back home in Kansas."
"Yes that does sound like you have a healthy libido."
When his hour was up, Duke left the bungalow. Meanwhile the driver came in.
The doctor rose to meet him. "Ramoo. What can I do for you?"
"It Mr. Kincaid. Him was doing well on your therapy. Found job where he could point and shoot and not have consequences."
The Doctor nodded.
"But today he relapse."
Epilogue-back on the island.
Two men in hammocks enjoying a tropical breeze preparing to sleep.
"Hey Skipper." Said the one in the upper hammock.
"Yes, Gilligan." The other replied.
"All our… guests who left and made it back to civilization. Do you ever imagine them getting punished for not sending help?"
"Whenever I think about them I imagine them ruined. But it's just a daydream."
"The professor tried to teach me about a Hindu belief once. Kam-ra. No, karma."
"Did he explain it?"
"Yeah. I didn't get it at first then I told him I remembered hearing in church 'as ye sow so shall ye reap.' And he nodded as if that was it."
The Skipper remembered hearing on the radio that Jackson Ferrell and his gang had been apprehended, Kincaid had a nervous breakdown and about George Barkley leaving his prize money on the island. Lord Beasley while doing what he wanted was a fool who went to the Antarctic and was freezing his… butterfly net off. Perhaps, Gilligan was on the right track after all.
A few minutes later. "Hey Skipper." But the only response was gentle snoring. So Gilligan said "Great. Now I have to wait till morning to ask what it means to sow and to reap."
The end.
Author's Note.
Duke Williams from 1x21 "Big Man On A Little Stick."
Harold Hecuba from 3x04 "The Producer."
Eva Grubb/Morgana from 3x14 "All About Eva."
Jonathan Kincaid and Ramoo from 3x18 "The Hunter."
Brad Milner alias Tongo the Ape Man from 3x20 "Our Vines Have Tender Apes."
Jackson Farrell and his gang 1x17 "Little Island, Big Gun."
George Barkley 3x16 "Take A Dare."
Lord Beasley 3x07 "Man With A Net."