Author's Note: This story was written for CaitlynMacKenzie for the 2015 Veronica Mars Holiday Gift Exchange. The prompt was: Veronica and Logan's version of "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days". I am such a huge fan of CaitlynMacKenzie and getting to write a story for her was a lot of fun! I hope you all enjoy :) And if you haven't seen "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days" I do recommend watching it but it probably isn't necessary to follow the story.

Chapter 1 - Day 1

Logan woke to the smell of rich coffee. He sat up, stretched, and looked around his apartment. He'd been at this advertising gig since he'd been recruited straight out of college. Initially it had felt good; he'd thought he'd done something for himself. It wasn't until recently that he'd discovered he'd actually been hired for his name.

Sure, he'd won awards and had a good reputation as the beer, bikinis and sports go-to guy, but something was missing. At first he thought it was because he'd just been skating by. It honestly didn't take all that much of his brainpower to be successful in his chosen career and he'd spent months considering making a change. But then it had happened.

Logan had been minding his own business (eavesdropping on a conversation between two of the head partners' secretaries) when he'd found out the truth. And while for most people it might have been devastating, for him it was a wake up call. He had been hired for his name; they got clients—well, a certain type of client—off his name, and they found the work he did perfectly sufficient.

And that was it. He knew what was missing after that. No one expected more from him. He was handsome, charming, and sufficient. But Logan knew he was more than that. More than Tap the Rockies commercials.

And he was going to prove it to them all.

It was that determination that had brought the piece of information to Logan's attention that was going to change everything.

Veronica sat at her apartment window looking down at the busy street. It was still early and she didn't need to be at Composure for another two hours, where she'd been the resident How-To girl for almost two years. When she'd accepted the position straight out of grad school, she'd been thankful to have employment; she couldn't help but feel resentment now. She'd worked hard, done what everyone wanted...played it safe. And she was sick of it.

A grey bundle of fluff deposited itself in her lap. She scratched the cat her now ex-boyfriend had gotten her. Piz had been nice and normal. He did these cute human-interest stories for NPR. But he'd also gotten her a cat…

"Not that there's anything wrong with cats," Veronica assured Bristow, as she relived the grief Piz had given her about the name.

—

"Who names a cat Bristow, Veronica? What are you going to call him?" Piz asked clearly affronted at Veronica's choice.

"Apparently, I would name a cat Bristow, and that's what I'm going to call him. God, Piz. What were you thinking? A cat?"

"Well, the apartment is small and you're gone a lot…"

"Exactly, so why would you get me a pet?"

—

Veronica sighed heavily. It had been their first real fight, but sadly not their last. It turned out to be the fight that revealed that Piz didn't know her at all, and each subsequent fight only hammered that fact home. Almost a year of dating and he didn't know she didn't like cats. Didn't know she would never set her drink down and then consider drinking from it again when out in public. And more than anything else, he'd had absolutely no understanding of her ambitions.

—

"Composure is great, V. Why would you want to leave? Everyone is so nice." Piz looked genuinely confused.

"I want to write about real things! Did you read my piece from last month?"

"Of course I did, I still don't understand why you didn't want to actually try any of those," he said, somewhat dejected.

"It was: How To Orgasm WITHOUT Him, Piz, not with. And besides it was all bullshit anyway. That article didn't save anyone's life or inspire the next generation of journalists. My god, I couldn't even get half of those things to work."

"I found it pretty inspiring."

—

"Bristow you have no idea what I put up with," Veronica told the cat (who had grown on her more than she cared to admit). It was funny, after a year of dating Piz, she honestly enjoyed Bristow's company more. Maybe I should send him a thank you card or something? she thought as claws dug into her thigh, signaling Bristow's imminent departure from her lap.

"Ow! I take it back, no thank you card for Piz, even if you are better company, claws and all." It was then that Veronica realized what had triggered the cat's attack on her poor thigh. She looked down at the caller ID: Dad. She took a deep breath and prepared for what was sure to be another conversation about her becoming a cat lady…

"Hi, Dad," she answered as perky as possible. "You're up awfully early."

"Number one daughter! Actually, I'm up exceptionally late. Just got in from a stakeout and thought I'd see how you're doing. I worry about you alone in that big city."

"I'm good. And I worry about you doing all night stakeouts. Please tell me you didn't keep yourself awake with Mickey D's and Cherry Coke."

"I could tell you that, but it would be a lie. So when are you coming to see me?" Keith asked.

Veronica stared back out the window. Depending on how the next few weeks went, maybe sooner rather than later. "I'm not exactly sure, but maybe Bristow and I could come out for an extended visit."

"You know I would love that, Veronica, but can you take time off like that?"

"I just—I don't know. It might be time for a change," she confided.

"All the cats taking over the apartment already?" he teased. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. I know you were excited to get out of Neptune, but you know you're always welcome back to your old room. And I think the high school is looking for a new Journalism teacher."

"That job is like the Defense Against the Dark Arts at Hogwarts—cursed," Veronica said dramatically.

"Just something to keep in mind. Okay, I need to go get some sleep before I have to be back in the office. I love you, Veronica. And I'll support whatever decision you make."

"Thanks, Dad. I love you, too. Get some sleep." She disconnected the call.

Her dad had been on his own for a long time and she worried about him being so alone and taking such poor care of himself. But at least this conversation hadn't devolved into him asking about Piz. He had really liked Piz (a fact that made her seriously question her father's ability to judge character).

Taking the last sip of her now lukewarm coffee, Veronica got off the window seat, ready to finally get dressed and head to work.

Logan miraculously found a spot to park his motorcycle right in front of his office. He quickly maneuvered into the spot and headed for the door to the building, only to come face-to-face with a pair of big brown eyes looking at him like he was a waste of space.

"Jackie Cook. Lovely morning, isn't it? Where's Kane? I can't remember the last time I saw one of you without the other," Logan snarked.

"Logan Echolls. Make the cover of any tabloids this weekend?" she bit right back.

"Oh come on, Jackie! We're both the spawn of second rate celebrities; we should get together and commiserate."

"Second rate? Really, Logan…" Lilly Kane's voice came from behind Logan. Her voice was like a cold shower.

"An Oscar doesn't make you a good actor...or good in bed. But you'd know that wouldn't you, Lilly?" Logan didn't try to hide his contempt.

"Two Oscars, Logan. And based on personal experience—like father, like son…" she trailed a nail down Logan's neck causing him to jerk away in disgust.

"Thanks, Lil'. Maybe next time you can borrow Jackie's reading material here: 'Turn-on Tricks' and 'How to Make Him Hot'. You might—"

"Okay, children, play nice," Jackie said, stepping in between them. "Kane and I have an appointment this morning over at Composure." Logan raised his eyebrows, earning him a dramatic sigh from Jackie. "It's the fastest-growing women's magazine in the country and happens to run more than a few of our client's ad campaigns." Jackie rolled the magazine and smacked Logan across the chest with it. "You should consider doing some boning up."

Logan gripped the magazine. "Maybe I will. Shouldn't be too hard."

"It rarely was. Let's go, Cook, we don't want to be late. Later, Logan." Lilly turned on her sky-high heels and gave Logan a little wave.

"Bye, Logan," Jackie said, giving him a sad look.

"Have a nice day, ladies!" Then, under his breath, he said, "I know I will without the she-devil in the office."

Logan let out a harsh breath and headed for his office. His day was never complete without a completely unnecessary (and always unpleasant) run in with Lilly Kane. Between her disdain for monogamy and the fact that she had ventured outside their relationship with his father, Logan had more than enough reasons to dislike Lilly. But the fact that she mocked his work (even if she wasn't wrong) and his bedroom skills (where she was completely wrong) always sent him into a tailspin.

Veronica pushed the buzzer of Parker's apartment and practically screamed at the sight on the small monitor. Parker Lee's face filled the small screen, red nosed and puffy eyed. She was the picture of breakup aftermath.

"I'm going back to bed, Veronica. You can't change my mind." Parker's voice came over the speaker, ringing and metallic.

"But I have gifts," Veronica called. "Just let me up and I'll make you something to eat, okay?" Parker's face disappeared from the screen and the door popped open. Not wanting to risk missing the chance, Veronica quickly slipped inside and headed for Parker's apartment.

Veronica hadn't been surprised when Cindy 'Mac' Mackenzie had called to tell her that Parker was refusing to come into work and that it was Veronica's turn to deal with it. Parker, Mac, and Veronica had all been hired by Composure at the same time and they were about the only people in the city that Veronica considered her friends. There was no way she was going to let Parker get fired over a guy.

After a quick knock on the door, Parker stood before her, dressed in a truly hideous grandma nightgown with a crumpled tissue in her hand.

"Good morning, sunshine. Let's get you dressed. We have a staff meeting and I am not letting you get fired. They might let Madison have your cubicle, and that would actually kill me or, well, I might kill her." Veronica pushed into the apartment and made a beeline for Parker's closet. She quickly grabbed an outfit and tossed it on the bed.

"I'm not going. I've ruined everything…again," Parker said around blowing her nose.

Doing her best not to sound condescending, Veronica said, "Don't be silly, Parker. You only dated the guy a week."

"It was the best week of my life." Parker lunged for Veronica, her arms wrapping around Veronica's neck tightly.

"There are other fish in the sea. Lots of other fish." Veronica patted her friend's back and tried to reassure her.

"Have you met anyone since you broke up with Piz?" Parker asked, still sniffling.

"Oh, well, no. Not exactly."

Logan marched into the large shared office space, his two colleagues already there working. He knew he must still look angry, but there was nothing to be done about it. Logan had worked with Dick and Wallace long enough to consider them friends, and they noticed that he was out of sorts right away.

"Oh no. Does Kane still have your balls?" Dick Casablancas asked, his surfer aesthetic on full display.

"You meeting with the Sex Wax people today?" Logan asked, ignoring the comment.

"You know it. And don't think I didn't notice you avoiding the question," Dick said, holding out a mug of coffee.

"Man, leave him alone. It's bad enough he still has to work with her. We don't need to torture him, too," Wallace Fennel said, taking a shot on the pool table and turning to join the conversation. "So what's the plan? I got your email last night, but I thought maybe you'd lost your damn mind."

"Nope! DeLauer Diamonds!" Logan said, tossing his motorcycle jacket onto his chair and pulling off his sweaty undershirt.

"Well, you were right, Warren wants to pursue them aggressively," Wallace said, resignation in his tone as he held up two shirts.

"Stripes," Logan pointed, not missing the audience at the window. He gave a wave and a cocky grin to the group of women around the water cooler. "Mornin', ladies."

"You are the man, Logan. Why are you still hung up about Lilly?" Dick tried to bring the conversation back to his headspace.

Logan shook his head and turned back to Wallace and his unhappy expression. "What, Wally? This is it. This is how we move from being the Sneakers and Beer Division into being junior partner worthy assets." Logan took in Dick's confused look and Wallace's lack of enthusiasm. "Listen to me; diamonds are about as common as taxis on Fifth Avenue. They aren't even remotely rare; their entire value is based on sentimentality maintained by supply, demand, and—most importantly, gentleman—advertising."

"O'Dell already gave it to Kane and Cook," Wallace said.

"Well, you know O'Dell, he's kind of partial to hot leggy chicks," Dick added.

Logan groaned. "But the DeLauers hold seventy percent of the world's diamonds. Representing them means representing almost the entire diamond market." He collapsed into his chair, shirt still unbuttoned.

"Precious gems aren't exactly our…" Dick trailed off, scratching his head.

"Forte?" Wallace offered.

"Irrelevant!" Logan popped back up. "Lilly and Jackie are over at Composure. I need to get to O'Dell."

"No dice, man. And it's too late; he's meeting them for drinks at Enjouée tonight," Wallace said, shaking his head. "I know it was your tip, Logan, but you know how it is. O'Dell and Hearst make the calls."

"That's where you're wrong. W-R-O-N-G. Wrong, my friend. It's gonna be my pitch, my account, my campaign. This is my baby! This is the first thing I've been excited about in months, and there is no way Lilly Kane is getting it."

The cab ride from Parker's apartment was short but necessary. If they'd taken the time to walk, not only would they have been late to the dreaded staff meeting, but there was also a very real chance that Parker would have made a break for it and run back home. No, the fare was worth it.

When the cab pulled up to the curb, Mac (ever the savior) stood waiting with more coffee. If only it had been Mac's turn to be on Parker duty. The constant, 'we can be old maids together, Veronica' was getting old. And if Veronica was going to be an old maid with anyone, it was not going to be Parker Lee. She loved her, but just, no.

Mac gave Parker a gentle hug. "I'm sorry, sweetie. I know you liked this one."

Parker had moved on from being a weepy mess to indignant confusion. "I am seriously mystified! I meet all these great guys and it will be going so well and BOOM!"

Veronica had heard this same line about ten times in the last three minutes. She reached for Mac's arm, gently holding her back to let Parker get a few steps in front of them. She turned to Mac. "Let's see where it goes this time."

Mac nodded in agreement. Veronica knew the approaching intervention was long overdue. Parker had become a serial dater and dump-ee. They needed to break the cycle.

"I just felt so connected. When we had sex, I cried. I mean, you know, I was just overtaken with all these emotions. In that moment I knew we were soul mates." Parker had said the same thing about the last three guys.

And selfish as it was, all Veronica could think of was the last few times she'd had sex with Piz. He'd tearfully told her how in love with her he was, while she'd been left completely unsatisfied. Veronica tasted bile in the back of her throat. Parker went on and on, but all Veronica could envision was Piz and the non-stop phone calls. Eventually she'd resorted to blocking his number, but he'd begun calling her work phone. And all of that was after months of dating. Veronica couldn't even imagine how someone would react to that kind of behavior after only a few days. Even months in, she hadn't been very tolerant of it.

"I'm too fat!" Parker sobbed.

Shit, what did I miss? Veronica turned a pleading look to Mac.

"Parker, you are not fat. Duncan didn't breakup with you because you're fat. You are acting like a complete lunatic," Mac said frankly. It was something Veronica loved about her.

"She's right, Parker. It wouldn't matter how beautiful or smart or funny or good at blow jobs you are; if Angelina Jolie acted like that, Brad Pitt would have been running for the hills."

"Whatever, Veronica. Like you would know. You had a completely devoted boyfriend—he never would have left you. And all those guys you dated our first year here. I bet that's how it's always been. No one would run from you, Veronica. You could throw up on a guy and he'd ask you to 'do it again'."

"Eww." Mac's face pinched up.

Veronica grabbed Parker's hand and pulled her out of the flow of people headed to the staff meeting. "That's where you're wrong. If I did the things you did, I'd get dumped, too."

Logan paced in his office. He had a lot to do before he crashed the meeting later that night. How to make the approach…how to counter what would surely be a strong argument from Lilly (and probably even Jackie) against him being included.

Logan actually liked Jackie. They'd gotten to be friends back when Logan and Lilly had been something. But now, it seemed like every encounter just ended in harsh words or unspoken regrets.

"This is ridiculous!" Logan said, hitting his desk and sending a spray of papers flying. Frustrated, he made his way to the window and craned his neck so that he could see the sky beyond the sea of buildings around him.

After a few deep breaths, Logan felt a bit calmer. Who do you call when you need diamond advice? The woman who's been wearing high-end jewelry on the red carpet longer than you've been alive, moron!

Logan got up from his desk and grabbed his cell phone, pressing speed dial. A few seconds later the call connected. "Hi, Mom. I need some advice."

Celeste Conothan ran a tight ship; it just happened to be made of overstuffed designer furniture and Persian rugs. Veronica wasn't sure who had decorated the office, but she was certain that Celeste had overpaid.

"Shoes off, everyone! I don't want heel divots in the carpet."

Veronica rolled her eyes as the group commenced their breath-centering. It was difficult, but she held her tongue as Madison Sinclair, Veronica's least favorite overly fake-perky writer at the magazine, managed to make a series of gruesome exposés sound 'upbeat'. If it didn't mean jail time, I would seriously—

A distinct knock came at the doors just as they opened to Celeste's secretary. "Ms. Conothan, I have Lilly Kane and Jackie Cook."

"Oh yes, excellent! Ladies you are just in time to meet everyone. We just started." Celeste stood and brought the two women into the circle of couches. "Everyone, our guests are here from O'Dell and Hearst Advertising. We'll be mocking up fall tie-ins for the rest of the morning."

"Thank you, Celeste, we're both very excited to be here." Jackie Cook smiled at the room. Veronica looked at her, Jackie Cook…

"Terrance Cook's daughter!" Veronica burst out to everyone's amusement and confusion.

"Um…yes. Are you a fan?" she asked, clearly embarrassed.

"Sorry, yes, well, really my dad is." Veronica smiled warmly. Her dad would be so excited when she told him later. Maybe she could get him an autograph.

"This is Veronica, our resident How-To girl! What's next for our How-To expert?" Celeste asked, bringing the meeting back on topic.

"Well, actually, I put together a piece about the wage gap and how it's—"

"Veronica, this is Composure, we do fashion, trends, diets, gossip. We don't talk about such vulgar topics." Celeste smiled tightly, clearly unhappy to have to explain as much in front of outsiders. "Leave those for the New Yorker and all the bloggers." Celeste waved a neatly manicured hand at Veronica in dismissal.

"But, Celeste, the wage gap impacts our readers," Veronica pushed, ready to continue the argument. When she felt Mac's hand on her knee, she sighed and settled back into her seat. Why did I sign a contract that prohibits outside employment? Veronica lamented silently to herself.

"When you turn this into a 'must read', you can write about whatever you want. But until then, you'll write about whatever I want you to. No more political pieces, understood?"

"Yeah, I've got it," Veronica said sadly.

Celeste turned her gaze to Parker. "Health and Fitness? What have you got for us?"

Parker sputtered, trying to speak, and Veronica realized they'd moved from indignant confusion back to weepy-and-barely-holding-it-together.

Mac quickly came to the rescue. "Parker got dumped."

The next few minutes were spent on the ritual that was akin to consoling a fallen soldier, everyone offering sincere (or at least mostly sincere) apologies and support. It was practically a weekly occurrence, and consistent enough that Veronica had come to think of it as an almost religious ceremony. The Church of Eternal Chocolate Consumption.

Veronica was pulled out of her dejected musings when she heard Parker beg Celeste not to let Madison write the piece about her breakup.

"Celeste no. Not Madison," Parker cried.

"Parker, I promise I will totally tell your story in the best possible way." Madison smiled, all teeth and viciousness.

"That's what I'm afraid of!"

No kidding, I wouldn't let Madison anywhere near my personal life, Veronica scoffed. What would she write about it, anyway? 'Sad, lonely, twenty-to-thirty-something bombs another relationship, you're not alone!' Veronica almost snorted. But then it hit her.

"I'll do it!"

Mac and Parker turned surprised eyes to her, and Celeste looked gleeful.

"Well, sort of. Think about it. How many women have had a relationship end and have no idea what they did wrong? Or why what they did drove the guy away. We all know Parker and she's awesome, right?"

Everyone nodded their agreement except Madison who was silently fuming.

"And yet we all know she's had…how many breakups this last year?" Veronica posed, not expecting a response.

"Nine," Madison called out excitedly, eliciting groans from half the room.

"The number isn't what matters." Veronica patted Parker on the arm. "The point is, she doesn't really know what she's doing wrong, and I bet a lot of our readers are having the same problem."

Excited murmurs expanded around the room and Veronica's confidence in her idea bloomed.

"What if I start dating a guy and then drive him away using the classic mistakes most women, like Parker, make all the time," Veronica said, feeling like she'd just sacrificed a bit of her feminist values for the sake of a friend (and what better cause was there than that?). "It'll be like a dating how-to in reverse."

"Yes, a what NOT to do. Oh yes, I like that very much, Veronica. I think I've got it: How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days. Okay go!"