Two Tooters
By Ryan Rinkerman
Written 12/19/2004-12/21/2004
It was late afternoon in Snork Land. A light green Snork in a black trenchcoat swam into the city limits. He was a career criminal named Flowin' Eddy. "Hmm…" he thought. "This seems like a nice place to commit my next crime! I'll think I'll rob the bank here!" He grinned as he thought of the riches he could obtain. "But wait! I've scammed the citizens here before! They might remember me! Maybe I should disguise myself!"
He then turned his attention to a nearby park. A group of Snorks were playing baseball.
"Come on, Tooter!" Allstar shouted, holding a bat. "Throw the ball!"
Tooter was on the pitcher's mound. He honked loudly, put the ball in his snork, and fired. Flowin' Eddy looked at Tooter.
"Hey! That kid kinda looks like me!"
Allstar hit the ball, and Tooter scrambled to catch it. He reached out and caught it in his glove. He whistled excitedly. "All right, all right, Tooter!" Allstar responded. "I know I'm out!"
"If I rob the bank looking like this, I'll get caught!" Flowin' Eddy remarked. "But if I rob the bank looking like that Tooter guy…then he'll get caught! HA! How can I go wrong?" He swam off to buy what he needed.
The next morning…
In the alley behind the bank, Flowin' Eddy put on his newly-purchased outfit, and then put on a green wig. He now looked exactly like Tooter. "Yes! This can't be more perfect!" He tied a black bandana around his mouth, and grabbed a large plastic bag. "Time to put my plan into action!"
Flowin' Eddy swam into the bank looking as angry as he could. There were very few Snorks in the bank this morning, and one booth didn't even have a line. Flowin' Eddy handed the teller the bag, and a note that read, "This is a holdup. Put all the money in the bag." The teller ran off to get the money. Flowin' Eddy looked up to see a security camera. Good. With this kind of evidence, everyone will believe Tooter did it.
"H-here, take it." The teller handed him the bag. Flowin' Eddy then swam as quickly as he could out of the bank.
Meanwhile, Dimmy was outside, walking down the sidewalk, heading for his favorite restaurant. "Mmmm…can't wait for a good plank-burger!" he said to himself as he rubbed his stomach. He saw who he thought was Tooter swimming towards him. "Hey, Tooter! Where's the fire? Probably not here; we're underwater!" Dimmy chuckled at his little joke.
"Outta my way, orange boy!" Flowin' Eddy screamed as he pushed Dimmy hard, knocking him to the ground. Dimmy got up and rubbed his aching butt.
"Come on, Tooter! The joke wasn't THAT bad!"
Flowin' Eddy ducked into an alley, behind a stack of boxes. "Perfect! Now to count my money!" He emptied his bag. "Let's see now, 1…2…3…"
One minute later…
Corky swam into the bank. "What in the whirlpool is all the commotion?"
"It's terrible!" the teller shouted. "We were just robbed!"
"A bank robber, eh? This looks like a job for…the Snork Patrol!"
"We got this photo from our camera." The teller handed Corky a picture, showing the robber leaning on the counter. "I know that Snork! That's Tooter!" Corky swam out to go find Tooter.
Tooter was swimming off to the park, ready for another game of baseball. Suddenly Corky swam in front of him. "Halt!" Corky yelled as he slapped a pair of handcuffs on Tooter. "You are under arrest for robbing the bank!"
Tooter whistled a low whistle, confused.
"We have this photo of you, in the act!" Corky waved the picture in front of Tooter's face. "You've been a very bad Snork, Tooter! You have the right to remain silent! Anything you say…er, whistle, can and will be used against you!"
Tooter was led to jail, still having no idea what was going on.
Afterwards…
News of the arrest spread fast. Everyone was shocked to learn that Tooter was responsible for such an awful crime. Allstar, Casey, Dimmy, and Junior were discussing it over lunch. They were all eating plank-burgers in a fast food restaurant.
"I can't believe Tooter would do such a thing!" Casey remarked. "He seemed like a nice guy!"
"I don't know, Casey." Allstar rubbed his chin. "I've known Tooter my whole life, and it's not like him to do something like that!"
Junior leaned back in his chair. "Well, I for one am glad Tooter did it!"
Everyone at the table stared at him. "Why?" Casey asked.
"Everyone used to think I was the biggest jerk in the ocean. Now I look like a saint compared to the bank robber!"
"We can always debate that, Mr. I-once-tried-to-ruin-an-entire-concert," Allstar thought to himself.
Casey turned to Dimmy. "What do you think?"
Dimmy looked at his plank-burger. "I think they undercooked the meat this time. It doesn't taste quite the same."
Allstar rolled his eyes. "No, what do you think about Tooter robbing the bank?"
"He did? Oh! That's why he was in such a hurry! I tried to say hi to him, but that creep knocked me down, screaming 'outta my way, orange boy'! That was really…"
"Wait!" Allstar interrupted. "Did you say Tooter screamed at you?"
"Yeah! He really hurt my feelings! And my butt…"
Allstar pounded his fist on the table. "That couldn't have been Tooter! Tooter doesn't talk!"
"But then who did it?" Casey asked.
"I don't know, Casey. But if Dimmy's right, this proves Tooter's innocent!"
"Great." Junior sighed. "This is the red crayon incident all over again!"
"We gotta get him out of prison!" Allstar continued. "Who's with me?"
"I am!" Casey exclaimed.
"Me too!" Dimmy responded.
"No way!" Junior casually remarked. "I'm going to go enjoy my new-found status!" Junior swam out of the restaurant.
"I guess three out of four isn't bad. C'mon, let's go!"
The prison…
Allstar, Casey, and Dimmy swam up to the prison. "There it is, guys! Now, we need somebody who can create a diversion."
"I'm a natural for that job!" Dimmy replied.
"Good! Now, you distract Corky, then Casey and I will get the keys and get Tooter out!"
"Sounds good to me!"
Inside, Corky was at a desk, flipping through a comic book. On his right was a large cell, with Tooter as its only occupant. Corky had the keys to the cell in his back pocket. Suddenly, Corky heard Dimmy walk up to him, laughing his head off. "Corky, old buddy! You have to hear this great joke!"
"I don't know…I should be keeping my eye on this criminal right here…" As Corky looked at Dimmy, Allstar and Casey snuck in.
"Oh, but this is great!" Dimmy continued. "Listen. What does the king of the ocean like to listen to?"
Corky tapped his finger on the desk. "Uh, I need to get back to…"
"Nep-tunes! Get it?"
Casey swam behind Corky and grabbed the keys from his pocket. Casey handed the keys to Allstar, who swam over to the cell.
Meanwhile, Corky was getting annoyed. "That was great, Dimmy, now leave me alone!"
Allstar mouthed the words "Keep going!" to Dimmy.
"But I ain't finished! I got another one! A Snork walks into a bar with an Octopuppy under one arm and a two-inch salami under the other…"
Allstar fumbled with the keys and whispered to his friend. "Tooter! It's me! I know you're innocent!" Tooter grinned at this news. "Now, be quiet! I'm getting you outta here!" Allstar opened the cell door. "Great!" he whispered to Casey.
"Let's get back to Snork Land!" Casey said. The three swam for the door.
Corky was mad by now. "Why are you doing this to me, Dimmy? Can't you see I have to watch…" He turned his head to see an empty cell. "Tooter! He's escaped!" Dimmy swam out as fast as he could. "Oh, this isn't going to look good on my record!" Corky swam out of the prison, trying to catch up with Tooter.
Back at the city…
Junior swam over to a pretty blonde Snork with a blue skirt. "Hey there! Wouldn't you like to go out with me?"
"Yuck!" she replied, sticking out her tongue. "Why would I want to date you? You're the greediest Snork in the sea!"
"Uh-uh! The second greediest!" Junior smirked. "At least I don't have to resort to robbing a bank like other Snorks. So, how about it?"
The blonde swam away, leaving Junior standing there. "Hey! What part of 'I didn't rob a bank' are you not getting, lady?" As he stood there, another idea crossed his mind. "Hmm…since I know Tooter is as evil as I am, I'm sure he'd love to help me out with my schemes! Wonder if I'll see him again…"
Meanwhile, Flowin' Eddy was still counting his ill-gotten gains. "…78…79…80,000 clams! I'm finally done! Time to make my escape!" He put them back in the bag, and swam out of the alley. Junior saw Flowin' Eddy, and grabbed his arm as he was swimming out.
"There you are, Tooter!" Junior said excitedly. "Broke out of jail that quickly, huh?"
"Who is this nut?" Flowin' Eddy wondered to himself. He was just about to swim away when Junior grabbed him again. "Wait! The people here still think I'm pondscum! Since you're a bad Snork too, how about if we work together?" Junior grinned evilly. "Think about it, Tooter! If we work as a team, you could make me…uh, us rich! How about…"
"I've had enough of this kid!" Flowin' Eddy thought. He broke free and swam away. "Fine!" Junior shouted after him. "I didn't want your help anyway!"
As Flowin' Eddy swam away, he remembered what Junior had said. "Wait a sec…that Tooter kid must already be in jail! My work here is done! All I have to do is escape with my bag, and I'm home free!" He turned a corner…
…and smacked right into the real Tooter. Both of them fell to the ground, the money falling not too far from them. Allstar, Casey, Dimmy and Corky caught up to see the two of them, looking suspiciously at each other.
"What? Two of them?" Corky stared at the two similar Snorks for a while. "Let's see…if one of them is Tooter…the other must be an imposter!"
"Then the imposter must have robbed the bank, not Tooter!" Allstar chimed in.
"But who's the real one?" Casey asked.
"There's only one way to figure out who's the real one!" Dimmy swam up to the two. "OK, you guys." Dimmy put on his most serious expression and shouted, "Which one of you is the fake?"
They each angrily pointed at the other.
Dimmy frowned and walked back to Allstar. "Gee, that didn't work out as well as I thought it would."
Casey turned to Allstar. "How can we tell which one is really Tooter? They look the same!"
Allstar thought for a second. "But if Dimmy was right, they won't sound the same!" He swam up to the two, looking extremely angry. "So both of you are imposters, huh? Then both of you are going to jail!"
The Snork on the right honked loudly, shaking his head. The Snork on the left shouted, "What? That doesn't make any sense at all! Only one Snork robbed the bank, and it's that one right…" Just then, it dawned on him that he'd been revealed. "Uh-oh!" Flowin' Eddy grabbed the bag and started to run away, but Corky swam over and knocked him down. Flowin' Eddy's wig flew off. "I knew I should've glued that stupid thing on," he grumbled as Corky slapped his handcuffs on him.
"You won't need wigs where you're going, criminal!" Corky grabbed Flowin' Eddy's wrist in one hand, the bag of clams in the other, and led the criminal to prison.
"This isn't the last you've heard of me!" Flowin' Eddy shouted. "I'll be back!"
"Well, we saved Tooter, and caught the robber at the same time! Now that was quite a day!" Allstar said to his friends. Tooter whistled in agreement.
"We're all happy to know you're innocent, Tooter!" Casey said.
"Except me!" Junior swam up to the rest. "Not only am I back down to the lowest Snork in town, but now I don't think Tooter will help me with any of my schemes!" He walked up to Tooter. "You know, if you ever think of really doing something like that, let me know and I'll…"
Tooter honked extremely loudly, causing Junior to hold his ears in pain.
"Guess you got your answer, huh, Junior?" Allstar chided as everyone laughed.
Junior rubbed his aching head. "Well, it was worth a shot!"
THE END
LEGAL STUFF: I did not create the Snorks. That would be Freddy Monnickendam. Nor do I own the rights to the Snorks. That would be Hanna-Barbera. Character Flowin' Eddy copyright Ryan Rinkerman, 2004. All other characters copyright Hanna-Barbera and SEPP, 1984-1989.