Five is a bunching fist that's within me
Six, little stitches thread through my heart
Seven, shining reasons tearing us apart
Eight, lose your hate, it's a game
Come on, love me, it's your fate
The band had been a hobby at first, a bit of fun on the weekends in high school with his mates Will, Freya, and Lancelot. They played at parties and the occasional pub but never seriously discussed going professional. It was when they went of to London for Uni that Will suggested they make a go of it.
" We aren't complete shit and it's a better way of earning cash than your usual Uni job. I don't fancy having to wear a beard net at some fast food dive."
No one mentioned the fact that it would take an act of divine intervention for Will to develop facial hair. None of them quite liked the idea of working retail or food services while juggling coursework and had agreed it was worth giving it a go. They could always find a normal service industry job or apply for one at Uni if it fell through, they wouldn't be any worse for it.
Something changed the moment they started getting booked regularly. It had been a thrill in high school to have a bit of limelight in their small town of Ealdor, but the crowds in London were bigger and the venues more numerous. They developed a small fan base and began to realize they could make a real go at it if they found someone to sign them.
Merlin had connections, he could always get his uncle Gaius to speak to the owner of Camelot Records, he'd been his personal physician for decades, but it felt wrong. It was for this same reason that he refused to use magic to get them signed he would do anything to ensure they succeeded but he wanted it to be because they were good, brilliant even.
Getting gigs in London was one thing but getting signed was another beast entirely. They were all thriving in their coursework, Freya with her social work, Will with criminal justice, Lancelot with education, and Merlin with his biology, but none of them truly felt alive unless they were on stage.
They could each succeed and live comfortable lives in their chosen profession. Merlin all but had a guaranteed position with his uncle as a physician's assistant on his way to being a physician but their hearts weren't in it. Graduation was quickly approaching, there was only a year left after the summer term ended and they might never have the time to perform around their careers once they graduated.
That was how they ended up calling in a favor a friend of Lance's owed him to perform in a bigger venue than they were used to, the Albion. It was famous for making or breaking bands depending on how the performance went. Record studio agents regularly found themselves scouting the club for the next chart topper. To say Merlin was a bit of a mess under the stress would have been an understatement.
"Merlin if you don't stop pacing you'll knock the cord from my bass again and I'll beat you up proper if you fuck up Lucy.", Will snarked from his place setting up Freya's drums.
Freya was perfectly capable of setting her drums up herself but the truth was Will had nervous energy in spades in much the same way as Merlin and needed to dispel it in some way. She lay behind her set staring up at the ceiling trying to even out her breathing, she firmly believed in the healing powers of meditation.
Will thought it was a load of bollocks and told her so on several occasions but had dropped the issue when she threatened him with sleeping on the couch at their flat. Merlin had agreed with Will but preferred to leave it be so long as she let him pace to his heart's content.
"I'd turn your hair green if you tried and you know it, imagine the disappointment your fans would feel at that." Merlin barely spared a glance in his friends direction as he continued to pace and fidget across the stage.
One hour, they had one hour until the doors opened and they saw if they had drawn a big enough crowd or not. He feared they had moved too soon.
While the Albion was a wonderful opportunity to play in it could also be their undoing if they didn't generate enough of a crowd. No one wanted to sign a band that didn't generate a crowd no matter how well they played.
Lancelot had been their campus spokesperson, passing around flyers and laying the charm on as thick as possible. If anyone could get Uni students to the show it was him. Will, Freya, and Merlin had worked on local businesses managers to let them post flyers in their windows and generate any kind of buzz for the show. Freya even updated their seldom used fan web page to let the cluster of loyal supporters know about the show.
Even still Merlin was on edge their efforts could have all been for nothing and then they would have to face the embarrassment of an empty crowd. Luckily for Will's sanity and Merlin's, Lancelot chose that moment to walk out from backstage onto the beat up hardwood stage.
"I can practically hear you thinking from over here Merlin.", he grinned at the singer.
"That's me I'm a loud thinker", he quipped in return continuing to fidget. Will made a disparaging sound in the back of his throat but otherwise let the comment slide without responding too busy trying to attach a cymbal.
"Come on then before you fidget so much you fall of the stage, help me check the amps are working."
It was hard to argue with Lance when he was smiling and being so reasonable despite the nerve wracking situation they were in. Granted it was hard to argue with Lance in general, one found oneself inclined to agree with him on principle. Still it did give Merlin something to do other than worry for the next hour so he complied gratefully.
They need not have worried about drawing a crowd from the looks of things outside of the curtain. The band had warmed up thirty minutes prior to open before retreating behind the great red velvet curtain when the doors opened. Now they were all worried for an entirely new reason, they had never played for a crowd this big, the room was packed.
"Do you see any talent scouts out there?", Freya queried as she checked and rechecked her hair in the reflection of Will's long dead phone. He was horrible about keeping the thing charged and Freya rarely brought hers to gigs, too easy to lose she said.
"No but I do see crowd large enough to put French Revolutionary mobs to shame.", Merlin was fidgeting again snapping his fingers and tapping his thighs trying desperately not to let off steam through the use of small magic.
"Well then we best not give them any reason to mob hm? Would now be a bad time to mention that that friend who got us the gig is here with his band and they're looking for an opener?", with that Lance left to finish preparations with a small smirk on his face.
He looked like an angel and meant it in the best most motivating way but sometimes Merlin forgot just how devious his lead guitarist could be.
No pressure just think of everyone in their underpants Merlin repeated to himself trying to remove a scuff mark from the floor with his shoe to release his pent up energy. He peeked out at the crowd yet again to practice but there were too many people and thinking of what underpants the lot would be wearing was far too distracting. Alright so sing and think of England, that could be applied here right? Except he was Welsh so thinking of England didn't do a hell of a lot of good.
Freya tapped him with a drum stick from behind and whispered "It'll be fine. Deep breaths, feel your feet touching the ground, relax all your muscles, and breathe."
As much as Merlin thought her meditation was a bunch of horse shite it did work in this instance. He could do this he could he really could.
He couldn't do this.
He really really couldn't do this
That was all Merlin could think as he approached the mic at the front of the stage. The lights were dimmed and the air was full of smoke and fog from the machine the club kept backstage, disguising most of the crowd. The lights blinded him blocking the rest of the crowd from his vision. As the announcements finished and Merlin reached for the mic the door in the back of the room opened letting in light from the street outside.
The man who walked in was all Merlin could look at, he hardly noticed the other man who entered with him. He was blond and broad like some Greek sun god's statue come to life. He was beautiful, more than that he was inspiring, and Merlin couldn't shake the deep seated feeling that he knew him somehow.
It was like he had been waiting for him for as long as he could remember. The two locked eyes as Merlin announced his band's name and with renewed confidence launched into the first set.
He forgot to be nervous from that point on.
His eyes never left the blond man in the crowd.