How We Fell Asleep One Night
AN: One shot between Jake and Bella. I was inspired by a picture I will link at the bottom of my profile page if anyone happens to be interested. I want some critique please if anyone can offer cos I'm not too confident about it apart form a couple of paragraphs near the end. I would have gotten rid of the first couple if you didn't need them as build up I guess. Okay I am rambling. Please just R&R, I've been having a hard time writing lately so I need pointers. Enjoy :)
"Hey, hey Bells!" His voice broke through my screams, whispered and worry filled, "Wake up, Bells, please wake up."
My eyes flew open and there he was, well there was his silhouette in the darkness. His messy hair brushing at my face as he shook me as gently as his strong hands allowed.
"Jake?" I managed to croak, my voice a little worse for wear after screaming.
Like every night, I had been woken abruptly from my nightmare, a nightmare I never spoke of, and never will. I was pulsating with morbid horror, and great surprise at being so suddenly in close vicinity with Jacob.
"Who else? You okay?" His voice came quite loudly to say it was the middle of the night.
"Be quiet, Charlie might hear you." I hissed sitting up, and he rose with me, seeming to support me by the arms, and finally I saw the glint of worry and fear in his eyes.
I don't think he had ever heard me scream before.
"Oh, no he isn't." Jake said, his fingers dropping to the bedding and even in the darkness I could feel his blush, "He got called out, another attack closer to town than normal."
"Is everyone okay?" I jumped up and quickly began checking him for scratches I knew wouldn't be there.
"Yeah, we're fine Bells." He chortled taking my hands in his own and breathing over them, warming them instantly, "I came by to check you were okay. They've never came this close before. I was worried. Then I heard you scream, I mean I'm used to your nightmares but you were really loud today."
So, he had heard me scream. I blushed; I knew I did even in the darkness.
"Quil and Embry are patrolling, they were worried too." He smiled kindly, "Whatever it was didn't come into town though."
"Good." I nodded thinking of two more wolves of gigantic proportions wandering around the outside of my house, hearing me scream.
"They've gone home." Jake sighed, taking me in his arms, he had this knack of just knowing what I was thinking, "Figured you'd be safe enough with me around."
I chortled into his bare chest, but then found myself teary eyed. He felt it upon his skin and pushed me back, examining me carefully, turning the lamp on to see me better, or for my benefit, I wasn't too sure.
"Hey, hey Bells. What's wrong?" He asked, though I had the feeling he knew already, like he always seemed to.
'I just, worry. I'm sorry." I gasped, "I just hate that you're all out there losing sleep, getting hurt, risking your lives over me. I can't help but feel guilty all the time."
"Well yeah the sleep thing sucks." He nodded, "But you aren't putting us out. We'd be doing this anyway. Besides you're part of our family, you get just the same amount of care as the rest of us. It just so happens you're in a little more danger due to your, history."
I sniffled a laugh at him; he was so good with me. He knew never to mention... Edward. As well as make me smile at the same time. In fact he had hardly been here five minutes and I had completely forgotten about my awful dream.
"Besides, we heal so quick it's like we don't get hurt." He shrugged suddenly rising to his feet and walking around to the other side of the bed.
"That's not the point." I grumbled, "You shouldn't be getting hurt at all. Not for me. I'm not worth it."
At this Jake was silent; pulling the covers back off me he laid on the bed next to me, staring at the ceiling. I sat and watched his chest rise and fall slowly, only noticing his hands were shaking as he rose them to rest behind his head.
"What is it?" I asked, crossing my arms defensively.
"I can't say." He muttered glancing at me for a moment, "Just forget it. Try getting back to sleep. I'll hang out here until dawn."
"Tell me." I whined, pulling my knees up to my chest.
I was a little cold now that the covers had been pulled back, but Jacob didn't need them. Almost as a reaction to my thoughts his hands came up to my legs and he pulled them over his stomach, warm instantly.
"Please." I whispered, moving hair from his face.
"It's just, it might upset you." He responded ever so quietly.
"I'm sure it won't."
"It's about him."
I'd take cold over talking about him. And so I pulled my legs off and shimmied over, as far as I could away from him without falling off the bed.
"No, see that's why I don't wanna say." Jacob whined pulling me back to him as quickly as I had moved away.
"Just say what you want to say Jake." I growled at him, and his eyes fell on me, the most apologetic I had ever seen them.
"It's just, I hate him" He replied, "Like tear his head off despise him for what he did to you."
"He didn't do anything to me!" I protested my chest roaring as I clutched at it, angry tears forming.
Jacob would always blame Edward. And it wasn't fair.
"But he did!" He protested, "Not leaving you, that's not what I meant."
I couldn't look at him while he spoke; every word was driving into my chest like a knife. If it were anyone else speaking I would have already ended the conversation. But with Jacob he would talk even if I didn't want to listen. It was who he was. He was confident enough to press on. Unlike me, I just wanted to shut down and hide away.
"I'm talking about this." He gestured towards me, gently in a way but his tone said something different.
"What?" My tone was defensive, but weak as he took my hand and kissed my knuckles, trying to comfort me.
"Your self-image." He sighed, "It's like he took that comfortable, fine with herself Bella I knew from being little and smashed her up into little pieces. Getting rid of everything that made you happy, and keeping only the parts he could change. Until he was all that did make you happy. It's like those abusive relationships, without the physical violence."
"He didn't abuse me, in any manner!" I almost screamed at his presumption.
"Then explain how you went from laughing, five minutes ago, to this self blaming little girl before me, just at the mention of him."
I couldn't answer; nothing I could say would make him see different. And somewhere I was almost convinced myself that Edward had destroyed me, for his own benefit. I was not who I was last year, and only through Jacob's eyes could I ever see that I was fine then. Only with Jacob was I even a shadow of that happy girl. Yes, I loved Edward and without him, I was not complete, but Jacob was here to fill any part of the hole I would allow him. He always would be there just to make me smile, and be the girl I wanted to be at the time. He accepted every version of me. What he couldn't accept was how I had allowed someone to take what I was away.
"It's hard." I whispered.
I knew he had watched every thought, and his silence was a blessing.
"I know that." He nodded with a smile, "I just want you to know I would never do that to you. I would never change you; you're perfect as you are. And you are definitely worth it."
I blushed as a tear trickled onto my bed sheets. Jacob rose and was about to get up when I clutched his arm.
"Where are you going?" I asked, hurt in my voice that he was leaving me alone.
"I figured you'd be mad at me, was gonna go home so you could think." He replied with an understanding smile.
Yes he knew what I was thinking most of the time, but sometimes he got it wrong.
"I'm not mad Jake." I pulled him back onto the bed, and he curled up to face me, his hand in mine as his other twisted under the pillow, raising his head a little.
"Sure?" He asked gently.
"I'll sleep better with you here." I provided, though in honesty I just didn't want him to leave me, not now or ever.
I couldn't lose Jacob, and with how I felt now; going home would make me so sad I'd have followed him there. Which, would not have pleased Charlie, to return to an empty house. My eyes fluttered shut as I curled my legs closer to him for warmth.
"Bella?" He whispered as I felt myself drifting to sleep.
I managed a low hum in response.
"You know I love you, right?" His question came, and my eyes shot open, "You don't have to feel the same way. I just wanted you to know. I'll be here for you forever, for as long as you need me. I'll never leave."
What was left of my heart melted as he closed his eyes to fall asleep, he did not expect any kind of answer. His fingers squeezing mine, I smiled at them entwined on the bed, contrasting perfectly.
Without any real thought as to the response my actions would receive my spare hand traced up his arm to his shoulder, and I pulled myself a little closer to him. In honesty I wanted to give him something that showed how thankful I was. I didn't know what it would lead to, or that I would finally see what Jacob truly was to me. My lips pressed to his forehead I smiled then fell back onto the bed; quite sure I would fall asleep now with him beside me. Then I felt him shift, he was so close his skin was like a tingle against my own, his breathe fell on my face much too calmly for when he was usually within my physical vicinity. In fact it was disconcerting how smoothly his breath fell on my cheek as he tightened his grip on my fingers. That's when his lips pressed against mine and I dared to look at him. He waited, not far from my eyes, for me to pull away, to do anything I usually did to avoid this sort of thing with him. But I couldn't, I couldn't move, I couldn't think about anything but how warm my lips were now, and how his untaken hand was tracing my jaw. But I didn't want him there looking at me. I wanted him closer, closer than I ever wanted anyone before. To my own surprise I closed the gap between us and took his lips in my own again. I don't think he would have needed any other sign than that to continue. And continue he did. His lips against mine were like fire and his breathe on my skin was like warm water. His hand left mine only to find my waist and pull me to him forcefully. My body rang as his pressed against me and my brain could only focus on that. There were no thoughts, no denials or arguments forming, all my mind could grasp was the way his fingers felt against my ribs as he pulled up my vest and his tongue slid over my lips. My own tongue found his and as his ran underneath; I gave a shudder and let out a moan I wasn't expecting in the slightest. I wasn't used to these kinds of kisses. They were not gentle, or hesitant, they were sure and strong, because Jacob didn't have to be careful. I didn't have to be careful either, and suddenly I realised that with Jacob I was equal. Equal in a way I never was with Edward.
Jacob slid himself over me, his muscles visibly tensing as I automatically opened my legs for him to fall between them. And as he breathed in he froze and our eyes met. And I felt it, hard between my legs and I gulped as he breathed in again and grinned at me. Grinding against my centre I had to squirm at the sensation. And his whole body shook, as he pulled my legs further up against him.
"Holy crow," He growled against my cheek as he pushed against my sweatpants, "that smells so good."
And he took another huge sniff tilting his head down and I quickly understood what he was speaking of and my cheeks flushed darker than I think I had ever felt them. He squirmed against me and my embarrassment fell away as my body jerked against him automatically. He kissed me in almost a violent manner, his breath harder and deeper as he revelled in whatever joy he got from my smell. His fingers traced down to my waistband as I clutched at his hair, I was a little lost at what actions I could take because every time he moved my body jolted against him. His other hand pulled my vest up over my head and then vanished off the side of the bed, that was when I realised this was truly flesh against flesh. The mere thought gave me goose bumps as his chest pressed against mine. His skin so warm and rough it made my pores tingle as he sucked at my bottom lip. Then I almost yelped as his finger found a spot between my legs that made my entire body arch up into him. I had been so fixated on his chest pressed against mine I hadn't noticed his hand finding its way into my pants. His growled into my mouth because I jolted forward against him in an unacceptable manner.
Rising quickly he grabbed the ends of my sweats and pulled, in one quick motion they were gone. Falling back down over me, leaning slightly to the side, he shook his head before taking my lips. He shuddered as he breathed in and his hands fell back to my pants. He pulled them down a little and slid his hand inside as I gripped the pillow and watched him slightly lost in the predicament. I was very aware of his other hand drifting up to grip my arm, well I was until his finger found that spot again and I whined and jolted towards his fingers. He gave a little giggle as he breathed in deep, his eyes fluttering; I figured he really must have liked the smell. Then I gave a little scream as his fingers worked their way inside me, he twisted his hand somehow and suddenly his thumb caught that spot, I jolted. With a mean grin he began rubbing it gently whilst working his fingers in and out, and all I could do was ache and press onto his fingers. I think my legs were shaking because after a while he took one with his other hand and pulled it around his waist. I don't know how long he was making me squirm but soon I could feel this wave mounting within me and I had to grip at him, in fact I dug my nails so deeply into his shoulders I drew blood. My head rolled and I couldn't breathe as he pushed his forehead against mine, breathing so harshly I wanted to laugh.
"Bella." He whispered, all I could do was moan at him, "Bella look at me. I want to watch."
I blushed profusely and tried to turn my face away but his nose pushed my head back and opening my eyes I met his, and was locked there, heaving against his hand. Then it came and I couldn't control my head as it rolled back and I groaned in an unbefitting fashion. My whole body quaked, and the sensation is so impossible to describe. Like a million waves of every single pleasure all at once. It was better than chocolate!
As my body relaxed again Jacob retrieved his fingers, pulling away. I automatically took his arm to keep him close and he just smiled, retrieving the sheet of my bedding and pulling it up over us. As he fell I grabbed at the waist of his jeans and he smiled at me tentatively, suddenly seeming nervous. All I could do was kissing him and wind my fingers up into his hair. He unbuckled his jeans with one hand as the other pulled down my underwear. He didn't have to pull his jeans down far to reveal how aroused he was, it looked almost painful in honesty, and I could only imagine how much I would enjoy that smell if I had the senses for it. Smiling at the thought I caught his mouth with mine and pulled him down onto me. He gently spread my legs with his knee and pulled me up a little. Suddenly it was ever so gentle, it was painfully sweet. It just played on how nervous this part made him. It just made me kiss him stronger, my whole body swelling with how much I adored him at this moment. He pulled my legs up around his waist and he pressed into me so slowly I could feel every vein and pulse of his heart. As he reached the part his fingers hadn't my legs tightened around him almost painfully and he looked into my eyes as he went the rest of the way in. I've never been one to scream in pain, I would normally find some way to avert the need. So as he broke my virginity I bit hard into his bottom lip, drawing blood and a rumbling growl from his chest. We both squirmed together, adjusting to this entirely new and bizarre sensation. His fingers dug into my thighs as I squirmed against him, trying to make it stop aching as much. That was until he gripped my hips, and began to pull out and push back in gently. Making me shudder and tighten my legs around him. He pulled my hips closer as he carried on. For some time he tried to maintain a gentle pace, but both of us knew it wasn't enough and soon he was working faster, and harder. Every time I would ache and pull him closer to me, bucking onto him. He was soon close to his own climax when he leant me up and began running his thumb over that spot once again making me shudder. And just as I felt my body shudder out with the tension I had the wave of pleasure he'd been waiting for before I felt him explode into me, egged on by my contracting muscles. And both of us could only yell into each other's mouths until we both relaxed. He kissed my forehead gently, causing me to giggle as he rolled onto his side, keeping me sheathed as he did so. And in each other's arms we fell asleep, close to dawn. He fell asleep inside me, and I wouldn't pull myself off. The feeling was too comforting, too completing. With him within me I felt whole. And I knew as I slid into the unconscious, I would never sleep without him again, and I would never have another nightmare.