Laying down, not breathing, not moving. Thinking of her was painful, but at the same time eased the pain.
And this world I've left for meWhenever her name happened to fly across my mind, which was often, I missed her with an excruciating burn. I missed my reason for existing, for being on this world.
Stoic
faces when I think of you
And how I once believed
So now you call me, but you know I won't let you through
I've myself to deceive
The yearning to return to my Bella, to wrap her in my arms was nearly overpowering. I had left to protect her, to let her live a normal life without me.
So leave the memories alone
I don't want
to see
The way it is, as to how it used to be
Her face was always in my mind, changing constantly. Happy, teasing, playful. Those were expressions that I fought to keep. Recently, though, the memory of the last time I had seen her seemingly had rooted itself in my mind, leaving me to face a crying Bella for all time.
Leave the memories alone, don't change a
thing
And I'll hold you here in my memory
The scent of her, the warmth of her touch was forever ingrained in my perfect memory. I may never see her again, hold her again, but I would always be able to see what she had looked like at 18.
So I find me in your garden now
A sad
smile for the scene
Her smiling face framed by soft, chestnut hair
slowly grew further and further away, allowing me to see that she was
standing in our meadow. A small, bitter smile graced my lips for a
moment before morphing back into apathy.
And all the flowers that we planted now
Taken
by the weeds
Every memory of her was tainted by the final one, the one where she stood, tears glistening in her deep eyes. She hadn't been aware of it, but her arms had been crossed across herself protectively, her body leaning in as if to protect her fragile heart.
But in my minds eye, you know they still
bloom for me
They stand tall there, in that summer breeze
It was difficult to remember the reason I'd left her in the first place with the memories that would never fade, of her lying beside me in the tall grasses, shaking slightly in fear as I drove slowly, were slowly blocked out by more sobering scenes.
Leave the memories alone
I don't want to
see
The way it is, as to how it used to be
Sitting up felt foreign as I had spent the last few months, lying in this motel in Rio. The pain I was feeling as the last time he saw her slowly became the only thing I was able to see, overpowered my reason for leaving, and though I hated himself with a passion, I found that I was already running fast towards my Bella.
Leave the memories alone, don't change a
thing
And I'll just hold you here in my memory
I could feel Bella's spirit drawing nearer to me, and it brought back the beautiful memories once again. The phone rang, and I quickly flipped it open, pressing it to my ear as I ran. Listening in horror to what my sister, Rosalie was telling me, I stopped my path abruptly.
In my memory, yeah
So leave the
memories alone
I don't want to see
The way it is, as to
how it used to be
Leave the memories alone, don't change a
thing
And I'll hold you in my memory
Hanging up the phone without saying 'goodbye,' I deposited it quickly in a nearby trashcan, knowing that Alice would see my plan and try to talk me out of it. A new vision filled my mind, created solely by my imagination—Bella, my beautiful love throwing her fragile body from atop a high cliff. Tears were streaming from her miserable eyes. My body shook violently as I saw her body hit the waves below, and never resurface.
You'll never change
You'll never
change
You'll never change
In my mind at least, she would always look as she had during happier times. Even when I was gone, I was sure that was how everyone else would remember her. Closing my eyes while I ran, I gently whispered my love to her beautiful spirit.
You will never change