I got into dragon age, I adore origins and the party members. Plus the banters are so fucking hilarious, I would sometimes go to the same spot over and over again just to hear how the party members would interact with each other. So enjoy this little collection of drabbles/one-shots, I don't own anything.
Adventures in facial hair
Alistair furrowed his brow in frustration at the sight before him, or what wasn't before him. His memory could recall this has been the exact location of where he had left what was leftover of his cheese wheel. During the course of his travels with the newly recruited grey warden and the other various party members he splurged and paid for an entire wheel of the finest cheese in Ferelden. He had a fairly good chuck or two left of the rich substance, he doubted he eaten the rest, he didn't screw around when it came to rationing his cheese for himself (and to his other party members when cooking duties fell upon him). He stared at the empty space on the dull green linen, hoping it was just his eyes playing tricks on him. He blinked a few times, but still no sight of the cheese. Just strips of dried meat, some berries, nuts, herbs Wynne and Leliana had gathered, and lastly a few bread rolls that were getting rather stale. No sight of the remains of his beloved cheese.
He shifted his annoyed gaze from the sheet to the dog. A muddy brown mabari war hound whom the warden named Buck.
"Buck..." he muttered crossing his arms as he eyed down the dog. Buck titled his head in confusion, his tail wagged, thumping against the grassy ground of the camp. "Don't pay games with me." detecting the cross tone his voice carried Buck lowered his head and gave a sad whimper. Thinking the situation over this was very out of character for Buck. Did he occasionally beg for table scrapes? Yes, and he did have a habit of stealing clothing articles such as pants, shoes, and even dirty undergarments... But stealing perfectly good food for himself? That wasn't like him, if Buck did steal food it was normally food that was nearing the last of it editable days and gave it to the warden.
"Sorry boy, shouldn't have jump to conclusions." he apologized, causing Buck's head to pop up and give Alistair a happy bark, as if to say he was forgiven. He made a mental note to save a bone for the war hound if they ever gotten a chance to feast upon a roast.
Well he could cross the dog off his list of suspects, as well as Shale seeing the how the golem couldn't eat, Leilana wouldn't have without asking, Morrigan was a likely suspect but even he knew she would be above stealing his precious cheese, Wynne retired to her tent hours ago, Oghren was recovering from yet another night of drinking, he highly doubted Sten would, and the warden had a rather sensitive stomach when it came to cheese and milk products.
That only left... Zevran.
And sure enough there the assassin was, sprawled out on a beige sheet by the fire. Upon a closer look Zevran appeared to be idly eating something. It was when he caught sight of small yellow chucks he pointed his finger accusingly at the elf.
"It was you!" he yelled at Zevran as he popped one final piece of cheese into his mouth. "You're the one who ate my cheese!"
Zevran open his mouth to speak but was interrupted by the sounds of tent flaps opening.
"Think you can keep it down?" a obviously tired Wynne pleaded, thick bags hung under her eyes. "It has been quite a long day for me, and one can only stay so perky after dealing with a Broodmother." she stated.
Alistair shuffled awkwardly in his spot. "Ah, yes... sorry about that Wynne."
Wynne spared him a ghostly smile. "No worries dear." She then shot Zevran a quick glare. "The same goes for you too Zevran. You're little... diversions with the warden keep us up at night."
After swallowing the food in his mouth Zevran let out a small chuckle.
"My darling Wynne, If it makes you feel any better the warden doesn't let me get much sleep either. Quite the saucy little minx she is." his signature cocky grin soon spread on his lips. "We're try to keep it down, but no promises... But I think you joining along would certainly help the situation."
Wynne could only shake her head in disapproval.
"Maker's breath..."she muttered before returning to the comfort and safety of her tent.
Alistair cleared his throat, now to deal with the task of the stolen cheese "That was MY cheese you know."
"Of course, it was very nice cheese. Creamy, rich and the perfect balance of herbs and spices. I tell you my friend, they do not make cheese like that in Antiva." he rested his chin in his palm and thought about this. "Perhaps it is meadows the cows and goats graze upon... Or the livestock in general?"
"Yes is was good cheese, and it was MY cheese!" he yelled at Zevran. "What I want to know is why you thought you had the right to eat my cheese?"
"It was there and I was feeling rather peckish, this saving the world business certainly works up one's appetite." he replied cooly, gaze focus on the fire which was becoming rather dim.
"If you wanted some you could had just asked!" Alistair explained, getting rather frustrated with Zevran and his tomfoolery.
"Better to ask for forgiveness then for permission as the old saying goes."
Alistair's forehead soon met with palm of his hand. Great, now had no decent food and he still have to put up with Zevran's cocky attitude... How did the warden put up with him let alone have such a intimate relationship with him was unknown to Alistair. As if the situation couldn't get anymore displeasing for Alistair Morrgian made her way to the two, her plump lips pouting and an annoyed look in her eyes. He could only sigh imagining what she could want.
"Excuse me, but I would greatly appreciated if a certain SOMEONE didn't use my staff as a backscratcher." Morrigan hissed, glaring daggers at Zevran.
"Mind you, I may be bendy and believe me, my dear warden knows that. But it is not my fault there are areas on my back that I cannot reach. " he replied calmly.
"And you just had to use my staff?"
"I had an itch, it was there at such a convenient time. The materials in Ferelden aren't good for my sensitive Antivan skin, causes the occasional itch." he informed.
"Irritating skin will be the last of your concern if you dare to lay your greasy hands on my staff again." Morrigan hissed.
"I beg to differ, my hands are quite soft, and well equipped with nimble fingers." he replied with his usual suave manner. "Just ask our dear w-"
"We know." both him and Morrigan and Alistair interrupted.
"Well whats done is done. Let us enjoy this pleasant night before we go back to battling darkspawn, yes?" Zevran stated.
The hours passed, eventually everyone expect for Alistair, Zevran, Morrigan, and Shale (Seeing as a golem had no need to sleep) retired to their tents to slumber until morning. In Alistair's grip was a medium sized wooden log, deciding to stay up just a little longer he planned to keep the fire going for him and the others... Maybe Zevran would repay him by not eating his cheese again. He let the log drop onto the flame, a cluster of orange sparks flew upwards, dazzling in hot little fire sparks before fading and falling to the ground, no longer the pretty bright spark.
Alistair's eyes were focus on the fire before him, it's comforting crackle it gave every now and then was rather soothing. He took a moment to glance at Zevran, who was sound asleep, sprawled out on the linen under him.
"You know, elves can't grow facial hair."
He nearly jumped out of his skin, surprise from the unwelcoming fact from Morrigan, Who has been rather quiet during the night.
"Maker's breath, you nearly made me soil my armour!" he hissed.
"I'll keep that in mind." she replied, an amused sly smile on her lips. He let out an annoyed groan, first his cheese now this, why did life hate him so?
"What do you want?"
"You did hear what I said, right? Or perhaps the empty space where a brain should be gives you a hard time hearing?" Morrigan scoffed.
"Why should I care about elves not able to grow facial hair?" he grumbled poking at the logs as they burned in hot flames with stick, reminding himself to get around to washing the ashes off his armour to avoid Wynne pestering him about it. "Last time I checked our warden prefers her partners hairless."
"What I am trying to say is our dear friend Zevran can't grow facial hair due to him being an elf." Morrigan stated, crossing her arms.
"Where are you getting at?" he arched an eye brow at her, tossing the stick in the fire to burn.
Her slender finger pointed to the ashes that dusted his armour. "What I am getting at is that that 'tis unfortunate to our little assassin friend... I was thinking we should... assist him in his situation."
"Are you suggesting we... Why are you asking me to do this with you?"
"It occurs to me I hate you a little less as of this moment, and the quietness required for this task isn't Shale expertise."
"That was almost a compliment you know, it touches my dear itty bitty heart." he wiped an imaginary tear from his eye. "I love you too Morrigan."
"Don't make me vomit." she grumbled.
"Trust me, the very thought makes me nausea as well." Alistair scoffed.
"Now, are you interested into assisting me or not? I will not ask again."
"When he wakes up all angry at us are you going to blame me?"
"Naturally."
"Let me guess... even if I don't agree to help?"
"Correct, Alistair."
"Couldn't we do something a bit more... evil? Turn him into a frog maybe?"
"No, I'm saving that for you... or Oghren, which ever one of you annoy me the more when I feel like the world needs one less pest to deal with." she scoffed.
"Okay then, soot facial hair it is for Zevran."
The two walked closer to the fire, and throughly coated their finger tips in ash, careful not to burn themselves upon the hot flames. Trying to contain his chuckles him and Morrigan made their up to Zevran, who was still sound asleep with no plans of waking from his deep slumber. Inching his finger closer to Zevran's currently clean face, Alistair pressed his finger lightly above Zevran's lip. He stay sound asleep, which made the task certainly easier. He dragged his finger towards his cheek and ended the ashy streak with a very large swirl, and did the same to the other side.
"Certainly an improvement." Morrigan whispered, using her ashy fingertips to handle Zevran's chin.
"I'm sure he'll thank us in the morning, if he doesn't try to assassinate us in our sleep after this..."
The two soon retired to their tents, leaving Zevran to slumber outside. Morning quickly came and eventually everyone awaken one by one and left the comfort of their tents to face the day ahead of them. Zevran like the others awoken, completely oblivious to the dirty streaks that were scribbled on his face.
The light snore that Zevran had when he slept was instantly gone as his eyes slowly cracked open.
"You could had woken me up, sleeping on the ground makes my back stiff." he said through a sleepy yawn. "Brings back memoirs of my days with the Crows, bad ones but still memories none the less." he rubbed his eyes, both Morrigan and Alistair exchanged pleased glances.
Sten was the first to notice the little job Alistair and Morrigan had pulled off. He only stared deeply at Zevran, not amused as usual, he simply shook his head and started to boil water to prepare breakfast. Shale couldn't had cared less, all that concerned the golem's mind was where that blasted chirping was coming from. Leliana covered her mouth, a desperate attempt to keep her chuckling to a minimum. Wynne frowned and rolled her eyes, shaking her head and muttering something about having such tomfoolery at such a serious time. Oghren was still recovering from his hangover from the night before in his tent, eventually the Warden appeared, an elven women with light olive skin and short dark brown hair. Upon seeing Zevran with the soot covered face she broke down laughing so hard tears streamed down from her grey eyes.
"Warden? Am I missing something here? Please say I didn't miss a good orgy, I do fancy a good orgy."
The warden say nothing, her laughter not allowing to utter a single word of sense. This only left Zevran more puzzled as to what he was missing out on.
"What is it? Did it rain nugs? Did Sten perform an erotic dance? I would wish to know."
"I would never involve myself in such foolishness." Sten scoffed, placing s lid on the pot. "Having it rain those things you call nugs would be a more likely chance of happening."
"Then I will keep an eye out for falling bunny pigs... but really, I would be very pleased to know what humours everyone."
Zevran's question was answered when Oghren finally left his tent. Oghren being... well Oghren he was no very quiet about the ordeal.
"Well I guess I can't say shave my back and call me an elf anymore!" he hollered in amusement.
"And just when I thought this was going to be a lovely morning." Zevran replied.
"Certainly an improvement if ya ask me!" he chuckled slapping his thigh in delight.
"What do you mean?"
"Ya never looked better a day in your life! Could use a little more on the chin, but still best I saw that mug of an Antivan face of yours."
"Er... thank you... Oghren, are you drunk already?"
"Nope, and the the first time in a long time I'm glad I'm not!"
Confused by Oghren states he rested his chin in his palms, thinking this over. It wasn't until he removed his hands from his ash covered face and seen the black and grey soot rub off and his hands that he finally got an idea of what had happened. Rushing over to the pot of water Sten was currently boiling he removed the lid, finally getting the whole picture of what had taken place.
Once again Morrigan and Alistair exchanged pleased and sneaky glances as Zevran cursed angrily, sipping the ashes off his face. If there was one thing about a blight, it was that it brought people together... especially if you and a certain person hated the same person.
And that is it for the first one-shot, more should soon fallow. I'm thinking of doing a Sten related one, got love Sten.
And just so I don't have to keep calling my Warden, well... Warden, Her name is Maria Tabris, a city elf. She's mixed race, white a Latina (I know the picture I have makes her look white, but it's the shitty camera on my 3ds, plus the lighting in the game make her look lighter). I know O went to heavy on the eye shadow and lipstick, might upload a better picture soon...
I won't make Maria the main of any one-shots, I got the feeling the fandom is fed up with reading about other people's wardens. So I'll keep her lines to a minimum to avoid annoying anyone. All you need to know is her name, race, skin colour, and that she's romancing Zevran and is pansexual.
Hope you all liked this so far, more to come soon!
Till then later taters!