AN. I decided to write this story when I started reading Megsly's Horizons. While I'm writing this, this very second, at 12:09 am on January 1, 2009, I'm on Chapter 2 of Horizons, and I'm crying so hard, and yet I love it. I love it so much. I love the crying, the heartache, the pain of it all. And it's the perfect inspiration for a story. Now all I need is an idea. But I can try.
Wow, completely unrelated, but when I was looking for a name for this story, I learned that my name is latin, and it means from England. Isn't that weird?
Can you tell that I'm stalling? I really don't want to write this story, and yet I want to write it so bad... I doubt I can make anyone cry with my story though, I'm not that good of writer.
By the way, the song for this story is Almost Lover by A Fine Frenzy. It's for every chapter, and if I don't feel the chapter is long enough, I'll add the lyrics at the very bottom. Wow, that made me sad... "I can not go to the ocean," that one line fits so simply, and can break a heart...
Goodbye, I Love You
I had heard her scream. I was still at the boundary line, and I could hear her scream. My mind was racing, and yet all I could seem to think was that it was not a scream of fear. I couldn't protect her from herself. I could, however, try. I had to. I couldn't give up on Bella. She was my love, and I would do anything to save her.
With these thoughts on my mind, I pulled over the line, speeding to First Beach, where I knew I would have access to the ocean. I also knew that the cliffs were visible from this point. I just prayed that I would be fast enough to save my beloved.
I parked my car on the road, and ran for the ocean. Once in the water, I dived.
The water was swirled, bubbles, and the rip-tide, threatening to block me. I swam closer to the cliffs, and desperately hoped that no rocks protruded from the water, ending Bella's life. Then as I moved closer to an area, almost in the exact center of the rip-tide, I saw a streak of beautiful chocolate brown. I wrapped my arms around her, and held her, taking her back to the shore. She was unconscious, and I had to do something.
As soon as we were on the beach again, I knew that I was too late. Her body was cold, her skin abnormally pale, and there was no heartbeat. I refused to believe it. How?!? Why was I stupid enough to leave, and force her to such extremes? I had left her, and she jumped off a cliff. I sobbed tearless sobs, and held her.
Her head was in my lap, and I hugged her to me, trying in my despair to hold on to the largest part of my life, but it was already over. It was already done. The heavens opened, and the rain poured down on the broken lives on the beach. It seemed to taunt me, and I screamed my sorrows to the sky.
I deserved a pain of this magnitude, for all the things I had done, but Bella... whatever it was, weather it was Karma, or God's Will, or Three-fold, whatever it was, was wrong. Surely she was the best way to punish me, but you can't take the life of an angel, to destroy a monster.
I heard footsteps not far away, and I looked up, with very little energy, to learn of the identity of the intruder. It was Jacob Black. A low growl formed in my throat, raising in volume as he stepped closer, with wide, grief-stricken eyes. I knew my behavior was irrational, but I no longer cared.
He backed away, though refused to leave, sitting on a log at the edge of the forest. I didn't need an audience for this. I didn't enjoy having him watch me in this one moment of weakness, but all thoughts of his presence were pushed to the back of my mind as I mourned for my one and only love.
It seemed like an eternity, though I knew only minutes had passed, before I heard a car pull up, and rushed, incredibly light footsteps. My mind was numb, and I looked up for clarification. It was Alice. She ran to me, sobbing, and pulled me to my feet, keeping Bella in my arms.
"We need to get out of here. We... we should take her somewhere." Alice's voice was choked. I knew exactly where I would take her. The meadow. The first place where we had declared our love to each other, would be her final resting place, and hopefully mine.
Alice drove to the end of the path, and I got out of the car. I was shaking hard, and Alice wrapped her arms around my shoulders.
"I'm sorry Edward, it's all my fault. If I hadn't been so stupid, then she wouldn't be..." Alice cried.
"Don't you dare! Don't finish that sentence, Alice, I swear..." I interrupted. I couldn't hear the last word. Hearing it would just make it all the more final.
She nodded, understanding. She knew what Bella meant to me, and yet I couldn't seem to understand it myself. She couldn't be gone. She just couldn't. If it wasn't impossible, then I would think that I was stuck in a horrible nightmare.
Alice went ahead of me, and I walked at a human pace through the woods. When I finally arrived at the meadow, Alice had everything ready. A beautiful tree that would bloom beautifully in summer and spring was planted at the head, almost like a gravestone.
I laid Bella in the silky white casket, and kissed her gently. I couldn't do this. I closed my eyes, and looked down. Alice understood.
"Do you want me to.. um... and you can go get some flowers, or..." I nodded. I had never heard Alice sound so uncertain before.
I ran in the opposite direction, stopping to get Alice's car, and drove to a flower shop in town. I needed something special, something beautiful, and classic. Then I saw them, and I knew, exactly. I got a bouquet of red roses, with interspersed freesias from me, and at Alice's request, a bouquet of pink tiger lilies.
When I got back to the meadow, everything was done, and I felt a small sense of happiness that everything I had put Bella through was over, and she could be completely and utterly happy... wherever she was. I gave Alice the lilies, and dropped to my knees in front of the grave.
"I'm so sorry Bella, for everything I put you through. It was the cruelest lie when I told you that I didn't want you. The only thing I ever wanted was for you to be happy and safe. Bella, I love you. I always have, and I always will. I couldn't live without you, Bella." I couldn't continue. I couldn't stop.
"I'm sorry Bella. If I had only known, the true extent, of what you were going through, then you and Edward could be happy together. It's all my fault because I underestimated the lengths that you would go to. I'm sorry, for everything." Alice sobbed. I didn't have the heart to contradict her. It wasn't her fault, it was mine.
We laid the flowers on the grave, and stood. I couldn't stay here, and yet I couldn't bear to leave. I couldn't yet make the decision that I knew would come, for fear that Alice would see, and stop me. I focused on duller, less important choices. I had to get my car, we had to let Charlie know, we had to let the others know...
We walked slowly back across the meadow, and I looked back, the three words on the card attached to the roses, catching my eye. "Goodbye, I love you." So simply, and yet the words shattered my heart.
The words were full of so much meaning, and I couldn't help but wish that Bella had known that I loved her. She died thinking that I didn't love her. I sobbed, and the thought alone killed me. I wish that I could have told her, that she hadn't believed my lie. Maybe I could have been fast enough to save her.
The words repeated in my head like a broken record.
"Goodbye, I love you."
"Goodbye, I love you."
"Goodbye, I love you..."
An. Yea, I was right. This didn't make me cry. I didn't think it was very emotional or sad, but I can only think of two reasons why that would be. 1.) Because I have never lived through the death of a loved one. I don't think two cats and a dog count.
2.) Because I know what is going to happen, and it isn't something sad, or extremely emotional, more... spiritual.
Okay, the hint in this is something extremely small. I don't know if most people will catch it, so I'll tell you, and if you want you can look it up. The word 'Three-fold' It's extremely vague. If you ask what the clue is in a review, then I'll tell you, or you can wait, and look at chapter 5, where I will give you the clues for each chapter before that. I'll do it every five chapters if I get that far.
YourSimpleSavior