Only Ever Be Me

A/N: contest entry for the rasa's first date contest over at RRV, wanted to try and turn some knobs on this, since everybody is doing rasa paired with somebody, note that this is a test to see how most minds work and react to a free thought task.

I was never one for the ladies, nor will I ever be.

Overall, I'm just not good with romance, yeah I can read novels and watch the cheesy movies where they ride off into the sunset, but if I was to try that, well, let's just say that I won't be attracting human females. I drink like a fish, I've got the constitution of an ox and I get as drunk as a skunk, I'm just a walking zoo when it comes to taming them, I don't even think 'taming' should be the word, do you see how most women act?

That's another thing I'm scared of, their grace period at that time of the month, don't worry about the end of the world when there will be women raging anyways, i also don't get the silly 'women belong in the kitchen' joke, they belong with men, and that is in the radius of space we like to call personal, all women deserve love and affection, some need people like us to help give it to them.

Anyways, I am drifting way off topic, the thing is, I get confused when it comes to women, I don't think I'll ever be able to figure out their next moves and I think that's why most women I tend to be afraid of, it's to do with the looks if anything: the fake eyebrows, harshly placed lipstick, blush as hot as the sun sticking your cheeks out in the rays of glitter scattered in various places around your face, cleavage hanging out of the short boob tube-no, not even that, band of elastic that is meant to be supporting you while you jump about on a dance floor…

It always comes into my mind that way, even worse, I am starting to see Lima in this way, have you ever seen her when she goes to a club? Even worse, when she comes over to my house completely drunk claiming that we're married and we live together, yes it is hard pushing her out of the door, but it's scary, the emotions are out of this world.

So I gave up romance all together, it isn't my thing, besides, it can get in the way of work and I am dead serious when it comes to work. Missing that is like missing a trillion dollars being thrown to your face.

It's weird I am having this thought whilst lying on my silk duvet on my leather headrest bed, the lights aren't turned on, my purple curtains drawn to shape out the silhouette of my computer and tower, not to forget my lovely luxury chair sitting in the corner staring at my bed with fabric eyes, lying here in the dark is the best way to clear my mind, especially since there is no glitch running around and re-arranging all of the info logs in the digital library and a Bodie crying to Emilia because A certain redhead sent a rude message over the DCI HQ Outlook message system. Yeah, this is the one place apart from me and Lima's office which is nice and silent.

And where I can get to doing personal things, as in checking up on my family and replying to the love struck girls with rejections, I get to doing other things, like going to the park and watching the scenery, watching a little comedy central, cooking, cleaning, reading, all of that stuff.

But there is one thing that I have never EVER done in my free time.

Angel now pops into my head as I lie flat on my back against the double bed, something about a conversation today with him also comes in too, I start to vaguely remember what it was about:

'So, have you ever tried it' I slap the silly agent again, not in anger, but in embarrassment; what employee asks their boss if they have ever masturbated or had sex!? Only angel…I'm telling you now, the subject of the week for him has been 'sex' (that's probably the subject for him every day) and today he decides to bug me on it, what is this now 'Bug-Rasa Wednesday' or something? Makes e want to pull out the strands of hair I have left!

I hear a growl in my voice as I reply 'what the fuck kind of question is that!?' the unforgettable and unforgivable 'f word' making a sharp entrance with emphasis, I can see the Latino's maroon eyes widen at this point and I try to calm down at the sight of him rubbing his red cheek, again I decide to speak 'No, what did you wa-'

'Never mind, I've forgotten'

For some reason, his last words left me with a dagger in my heart, I can't figure out why, it's gnawing at me like the answer is obvious but my brain is saying that there is more thought to be put into the simplicity of it, gah, what's going on!?

Maybe he wanted to talk about something personal and I just swiped him off the log, or maybe he just wanted to talk about recommending it for me? Doubt I would ever consider it but-

Hold on…something now feels weird in me, like my lower chest is twisting, looking down, I find my hand grabbing at my crotch…I feel like screaming, making it as if that's not my hand doing so, but I am pretty sure it is, that's probably why I want to scream, but why is it grabbing on? And why to my crotch! Oh…because of the subject I am on, of course, Rasa: the big and fearless special agent walks himself into another personal trap.

Well don't is all I have to mother fucking say…

Along with some uneven breaths coming out, now I am confused, my hand is starting to rub my genitals underneath the clothing I am wearing, it's starting to feel weird underneath, like a tingling pleasure, but something is moaning for more of it, and I feel that it's my body because all of a sudden, my hips jolt quickly and a moan escapes my mouth, using my free hand, I cover my plump lips from letting out anymore.

Why is this happening, what is this feeling? I am so confused right now, so I guess there is only one option: continue to do what I'm doing…

A twitch in my hips comes again and they jolt shakily, making an uneven moan escape my hand, the jolting comes again, and again, until it evens out into a hip rolling motion, back and forth, smoothly and slowly, by the time this has happened beads of sweat trailed my face and neck, sending more chilly sensations down my spine as the rolling gets intense, a moan leaps out, it was dark and grizzly, like a lion's growl of hunger, to be honest, I was hungry in a way, hungry for more of this pleasure I was experiencing.

Stopping briefly to even out my breaths, I undo my belt, blazer buttons, blouse buttons, tie and trouser zip, grabbing onto my 'bulge' and rubbing it with the hip rolling motion once again, this time it feels even better, because there is less fabric and only boxer wool I have a softer feel of my erection, the veins pulsing with lust filled blood from the core of my pleasured heart, my eyesight became hazy, so I set my head back and moaned some more.

This sensation, it made me think briefly; is this love? Is this real romance, when you can experience it yourself? The world is full of propaganda on sex and romance, but is this the real thing? Have I been in the cave for too long to notice that what I have been reading and watching is all just a lie?

Something sudden snapped me out of this, a loud scream of some sort made me stretch my limbs out across the large bed and gather my erect penis out of the grey wool boxers I wore, now pumping at it furiously my tanned skin was drenched in droplets of desire and fear, the fear that this might be too much and take me over, hips raised from the support of my strong legs, a liquid like feeling starts to explore my crotch I feel like I am going over the edge, pumping faster and faster, my moans getting higher in pitch and volume, my hips start to buck uncontrollably as my body slowly start to feel limp, it all happens to soon!

And I cum, the strips of semen shooting out of me at least a mere meter away from my body, the feeling doesn't stop, my screams of hunger responding to the squirts of love shooting out of my member, it took me nearly 3 minutes to recover, my eyes rolling to the back of my head and heavy breathing filling the hot misty air of my bedroom.

A smile graces my graces my face as I rest: because I think I have found a new definition of romance.

It doesn't have to come with another person, you are and can be your own lover, if there is nobody suit for you, then that person you turn to next is yourself, and there hasn't got to be any loneliness included, you can have fun this way!

Well, now with having a new theory, here's to a new year's resolution:

Try experimenting with my body more, I might find sensitive spots I never knew I had!

Ah, well, my eyes are shutting with the rest of my body for a long deserved sleep, but they shut with a smile.

I was never one for the ladies, nor will I ever be.

Because the one that is fit for myself, will only ever be me.

An hour spent on this, I wish I could have made it longer! But I am very tired, anyways, I hope this is ok for the contest, as stated, it's kind of a test on the viewers, so please comment with your reactions to this, I will deeply appreciate them!