A/N If there are any errors with spelling, grammar, etc, or with the characterization of the Doctor and the TARDIS, then I apologize. I'm new to the Whoniverse, and fanfiction in general.
The Doctor spun around the console, flicking levers and pressing buttons in a desperate effort to distract his ship. He didn't want to play this game.
"I know I said I was bored, but could we play something different? Come on, Old Girl, let's go visit the Kartella Star Cluster. Or I could clean your console, or maybe clean out the telepathic circuits! On the other hand, it might be best if I leave them alone. How about I fix the heating in the library?" The Doctor exclaimed, clasping his hands.
The TARDIS hummed impatiently. The Doctor winced as he realised that she wasn't going to give up.
"Okay, then. I'll play." He told her, sitting cross legged on the floor as he adjusted a lever on the console. "But you have to make sure we get to Halia Six tomorrow. In the right decade, too! I want to show Clara the Crystal Cascade, not its poisonous predecessor."
At the moment Clara was asleep, exhausted from a day of running and trying not to get killed. The Doctor had become bored around his version of midnight, and the TARDIS had snatched the opportunity to play her favourite game, Guess-the-Planet. In the game the Doctor had to think of a world he had visited, and the TARDIS had two chances to guess which planet it was. If she failed in her first guess he would give her a clue. She rarely needed it.
The TARDIS's other favourite game was Make-the Doctor-Lost. She would shift the corridors around so he couldn't find the console room, or in some cases the bathroom. He hated that game, especially since he despised admitting he was lost. The Doctor almost preferred it to Guess-the-Planet.
Except the TARDIS always seemed to know exactly what planet he had chosen.
He jumped onto the stairs, missing the comfortable seat that used to sit beside the console. He sat down with a thump, sprawling his long legs out. If he tried harder, maybe he could win. Or at least make her need the second guess.
"The planet consists of mostly desert, and the metal Telefon is mined there." He announced finally, checking to see that he had shielded his memories of the particular planet from the TARDIS so she couldn't cheat and pick the coordinates from his mind. There were about five hundred different possibilities.
The TARDIS hummed thoughtfully. The Doctor grinned, rubbing his hands gleefully. He was sure she would not be able to guess this one.
Sexy whirred and chose her destination after a few minutes, landing with her customary vworp. The Doctor crossed to the doors and flung them open, his jaw dropping as he stared at the desolate landscape. It was Darid, the exact planet the Doctor had been thinking of.
"Why do you always win?!" He yelled in frustration, slamming the doors shut. Out of the thousands of times they had played Guess-the-Planet, he had only won three times.
The TARDIS rumbled smugly.
The Doctor huffed and strode back to the console, yanking at one of the levers. It refused to budge.
"Come on!" He pressed a panel of buttons in rapid succession. Nothing worked. The TARDIS had decided to stay exactly when and where she was.
She wanted her prize.
It was the prize that irked the Doctor the most about the game, since he never won it. Jelly babies.
"Fine, but it's the last packet." The Doctor went under the main platform and searched through his trans-dimensional pockets. He unearthed his packet of jelly babies and looked at them sadly for a long moment, sighing.
"Alright, here's your prize. Hurry up before I eat them." He told her.
A panel slid open, revealing a small chute. The Doctor poured half of the jelly babies into his hand and held them hesitantly over the chute. She always won. Maybe he should just stop playing. But she tended to get temperamental if he refused her-the last time she had landed him in the middle of an Acadis swamp. He had stunk for weeks no matter how many showers he took, and a Prim swamp worm had somehow managed to wiggle itself under the console and half scare Amy to death.
Sexy loved Guess-the-Planet. He sighed, knowing she deserved to have her fun. She did travel with him, after all, often missing out on the excitement his companions experienced.
He tipped in the jelly babies forlornly, watching them rattle down the metal chute. He had stopped wondering long ago what his ship did with the confectioneries he gave her. They disappeared right after he gave them to her, and to his disappointment he never saw them again. He suspected she ate them in some way. How she ate them would be the important question.
The Doctor bit his lip, staring at the remaining jelly babies. He had loved jelly babies in his fourth regeneration, and he had recently discovered that he loved them in this regeneration too. Unfortunately they were always Sexy's preferred prize.
Surely she didn't need all of them, he reasoned. She had never specified how many jelly babies he had to give her when she won.
The TARDIS rumbled again. A wire sparked near his head and he yelped, throwing his hands up in defeat.
"Okay, okay! There's no need to get mad." The Doctor poured the rest of the jelly babies down the chute, realizing that this was confirmation that she wanted all of them. "I bet you cheat." He muttered sulkily, earning an indignant whir from his ship.
He made his way back up to the console, straightening his bow tie diligently. He then went looking for the kitchen, finding it after opening six wrong doors. He went straight to his 'fridge' and pulled his favourite snack out from its cavernous depths. The custard was quickly poured into a bowl. He prepared the fish fingers with practiced ease, licking the crumbs off his fingers when he had finished. Maybe Clara would like to try some fish fingers and custard when she woke up, he thought. Clara was cool. She didn't insist on playing a game that she already knew she was going to win.
"Fish don't have fingers," He muttered, shaking the fish finger at the ceiling. A bit of custard dropped off the end. "And you are certainly not getting any of this!"
The TARDIS hummed, giving the Doctor the distinct feeling that she was laughing at him. It didn't matter. He loved his ship more than jelly babies and fish custard in the end. Maybe even more than bow ties.