"I love you."
Rory will never know the courage it took Jess Mariano to say those three words. He was never sure enough to say them when they were younger and together (but then, he hadn't been sure of many things back then), but after all these months of missing her, he knows that it's true. But he can see the disbelief in her face, and it hurts too much to stay there, waiting for her to say something. What he wants her to say, Jess has no idea. But he isn't sure about what he wants, most of the time.
Rory hasn't been the only one imagining their meeting thousands upon thousands and thousands of times over, each with a different ending. Jess is nothing if not imaginative. Of course, he never meant to say those three words aloud, but they'd come on their own. Seeing Rory's face, hearing her speak . . . it caused all those old emotions to rise out of him like hot water on cold.
But he walked away from her and the realm of possible answers she may or may not have had. And his heart breaks a little with every step he takes.
-
When he sees her again, he had plans of rationality. Of telling her calmly of what he wanted to do, of coming up with an argument she'd listen to. But all that logical thinking flies out of the window when he sees her with Dean.
It was always Dean who dragged out the worst in Jess, just as Rory always brought out the best in him. He can't stand the sight of him with her, and instead of a calm plan all that comes out is a desperate plea. His words grow louder and shriller and more pathetic, and all he can do is cringe with self-pity and embarrassment inside. Because Rory's answer is already written on her face.
Even knowing what she'll say doesn't take the pain of his shattered heart away when she refuses.
-
It's months before he sees her again, and by that time he's changed. Rory's rejection and the writing of his book has calmed him; there's no more desperation when he sees her face, only a serene kind of love. He feels confident now, collected, and completely unlike his desperate teenaged self who begged the girl he loved to just come away with him.
Of course, that all blows away when he arrives.
Pretty, blond, and arrogant; Jess dislikes him immediately, and by the angry look in the guy's eyes, Logan doesn't think much of him either. Jess doesn't care; Rory can do better. Instead she's with this frat party jerk who lives on his daddy's money instead of his own.
Jess is surprised by the changes in Rory. She's living with her grandparents, instead of with her mom, whom she always seemed so close to. She's joined a posh group like the DAR. She dropped out of Yale for Christ's sake. And now she's dating a loser like Logan?
When the blond jerk begins bad-mouthing him, he leaves. He loves Rory, not this strange person she's become. He loves the girl who liked Indian food even though it stunk up the house, who watched girly chick flick movies and forced him to also, who discussed difficult books like they were easy as pie. He loves her. But this Rory has turned into the empty air-head that he's always despised, even before he went to Stars Hollow. He would've stayed for the old Rory; for this strange person inhabiting her body, he would do nothing.
But when she calls out to him, he can't help but stop. And suddenly he's angry. With her, with himself, with her pretty boyfriend that hasn't even tried to make her put her life back together. He yells at her, throwing her faults into her face, maybe for revenge, but mostly because he can't stand to see her this way, so far from the wonderful and quirky person she used to be.
The words come through a haze of fury and desperation – two emotions he'd promised himself never to feel in Rory's presence again. It's because he's so furious that he doesn't see her lean closer and closer to him until they're standing eye to eye, breathing the same air.
When she kisses him, the long broken pieces of his heart come back together, leaving him whole once more.
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Author's Note: The sequel to For You I Will. After this, there's really nothing. But Jess is an interesting character study - I enjoyed writing this. Please leave a review.