Looking for Alaska

Disclaimer: none of the characters in this story are mine. They all belong to John Green.

Miles P.O.V

I awake to the sun blinding my eyes and a sandy feeling beneath me. My father had warned me about the pranks the kids do here. Still half-asleep I get up to realize I'm soaking wet.

"They threw me into the lake the bastards" I muttered to myself.

I had just arrived at the Campus of Culver Creek and I've been pranked already. Woo-hoo.

"I know they did, they do it to all the new kids," I heard a voice.

I jump up to find a girl facing her back to me.

"You should get some clothes on; you'll freeze to death out here chicken legs."

Just then I realize I was in my underwear, shivering too.

"Welcome to Culver Creek" she yells as I run back to my room humiliated. Back to my warm bed.

I open the door to three boys drinking milk. I could faintly smell vodka and smoke.

"That's not milk, get it out of here."

"It's called ambrosia chicken legs" Chips says. "I think you could do with some"

The smell of his breath was horrifying. Then I realise the other two boys he is drinking 'ambrosia' with are the boys that urinated in my shoes on my first day.

"What are they doing in here Chips?" I ask annoyed.

"The names Colonel chicken legs" he laughed, and at that point I knew he was drunk.

"What is that stuff?" I ask.

"I said Ambrosia! Milk and Vodka" he replied. "It's hell great"

"I've got a name, Chips. Get the hell out, I need sleep. I've dealt with enough of you people today!" I yelled and stormed into the bathroom.

"Stop being such a girl" I hear one say.

I've had enough. I arrived yesterday and I'm so close to leaving.

Colonels POV

"MORE AMBROSIA" I yell as I stumble over the coffee table.

"Little chicken legs needs another nickname" I whisper to James

"Pudge" he replied "skinny as hell, it suits him"

Pudge it was. He didn't realise that all of this was just another old school prank. This is what happens when you come to Culver Creek.

I take one last sip of the ambrosia then fall into a long and relaxing sleep.

Miles POV

"GET UP! GET UP PUDGE!" someone yells in my ear and I can't quite make out who it is.

I open my eyes to find Colonel with a jug of water that looks cold.

Just then a shiver ran up my spine. Freezing cold water soaks me. And my clothes. And my bed.

I jump up breathless at the coldness of the water I'm soaked in.

"Hurry up Pudge it's time to find girlfriends!"

"no." I grunt walking into the bathroom.

This school is great.

"I'm leaving Pudge. You're missing out bud!" I hear the door shut.

Thank god he's gone. I've had enough of him already and it's only my second week. I jump into the shower and for once I had a warm shower. The coldness of the water would give me hypothermia. Jesus. The summer sun of Florida was the type to give cancer. I didn't care. I've lost so many people to cancer; the thought of getting it was numb to me.

I jump out of the shower and get ready to meet all the 'pranksters' at Culver Creek. How exciting.

Walking down to the field I find Colonel with a group of people, the "pranksters" I assume.

"Um, hey." I say quietly.

"Who's the boy talking to us?" I hear a voice.

I look up to find an Asian boy, quite muscular and tough looking, laughing at me.

"He's my roommate, Pudge say hi" the Colonel replies

"I just did" I give him the - I don't want to know these people - look.

"This is Takumi" the Colonel says smiling.

"He's the boy that Kevin and his mates threw in the lake" I hear a girl snort.

"How is that fun-" I was cut off just as I realise the girl who just spoke, was the girl that was sitting near the lake the night I was thrown in.

"-funny" I finish off. "Why were you there anyway? Who are you?" I couldn't help but notice her flawless skin, her bright green eyes and her medium length brown hair. She was... beautiful.

"I was having a ciggy Pudge" she retorted.

"Ciggy?"

"A smoke? A cigarette? Whatever you would like to call it"

"Oh-" I was about to finish when Takumi cut me off.

"He looks rich Colonel."

"He aiight. We have to get those weekday warriors back. They almost killed my friend." the Colonel announced.

Flattered at Colonels words all I could say was "yea man". Maybe Dad was right, maybe I can make friends here.

Not long after the very welcoming greeting, the girl said "I'm Alaska by the way"

"Oh okay, my real names Miles."

"Didn't ask" she replied "I'm good with Pudge."

Blinking I could feel sweat dripping off my eyelashes. ew. I'm lying on a bed, soaked with sweat.

"Finally woke up" I turn to see the Colonel. Its six o'clock, what is he doing!?

"Well yeah, do you expect me to not wake up or something?" I give him a flat look.

"pew pew" oh no, he's playing video games.

I shut my eyes, hoping to fall asleep again. But no.

"Get up; you're wasting a beautiful day Pudge."

"Says the boy playing video games." I retort. "And it's only six o'clock! You can barely see the sun mate"

"I know it's going to be a nice day douche," he says defending himself.

"GO AWAY! IM TRYING TO SLEEP. FOR CRYING OUT LOUD." I yell at him annoyed.

"Okay, I'll go chill with Alaska." oh no, not Alaska.

"No wait! I'm getting up, wait for me." I longed to see that girl.

"No go to sleep"

"WAIT! I'm going to have a shower"

I jump in the shower, do the usual, and jump out.

"You're such a girl Pudge," "you shower every morning as if you'll get diseases if you don't"

"You will though! You're so filth-" I'm cut off once again

"Hey what's the plan for today boys?" Alaska busts into the room.

"Next time you want to barge in like that, shoot yourself first," just as I finish my sentence I realise I'm talking to the master of all pranks. Annoy this girl and you're dead.

"How about I just shoot you." Alaska protested.

"Shut the hell up, I can't play my game with you two yelling across the room" Colonel yells

"Oh- um sorry. I didnt mean to" I murmur

I grab some clothes and head back into the bathroom,

'Why on earth did you say that!?' I whisper to myself. 'you're dead now miles'

Once I have my clothes on, I storm out of the bathroom still quite annoyed at Alaska barging in like she did. Like did this woman have any respect for others?

It's Friday. I'm supposed to call mum and dad every Sunday but they'll be happy to hear I'm coming come for the weekend. So I did call them.

"Mum? Hey mum"

"Hello dear, is everything alright?!" she asks anxiously.

"Um, yea why? I was just calling to say I'm coming home this weekend. I've had nought of this school" I laugh.

"I'm so happy you're coming home dear, I've got a few things to say to you as well. But I would like you to know in person." she says. I could just see a smile on her face.

It's about 8pm and I'm driving home. I'm so happy.

When I get home, I run into the house not even bothering to lock the car.

"Mum I'm home!" I yell running towards the fridge. I'm so hungry.

"Ooh miles, you're home already!?" I hear her say.

"So what did you want to tell me?" I ask.

"We can leave it for tomorrow" she insisted.

"Okay sure, but where's dad?"

"Um, don't worry about him."

Last year my father had been diagnosed with Gastric cancer and nobody knew where it came from. It just did. I could see tears threatening my mum's eyes and now and I was worried. Worried of all the possibilities.

'Did he die?' I thought

"MUM! TELL ME!" I yell at her! Now my eyes were beginning to water.

"Well lets go, I'll tell you on the way there" she says. I can tell she's trying to keep calm, but its making me worry even more. A list of all the possibilities scrolls in my mind.

"Honey just get in the car, and don't worry. He's in a better place now." when those words came out of her mouth my heart ripped to shreds. We drive to the old cemetery down the road and my mum looks at me trying to hold in her tears.

"He's resting in peace sweetie"

I run out of the car frantically searching the gravestones for his name. Peter Halter. I see. I break down crying. Why did this have to happen to me? I thought. Why did it have to be my dad? Why not someone else's? Why did I have to go to college? My head was hurting with all these thoughts flying in and out.

"Miles sweetie, we should get going it's late" I hear.

"No" I'm so angry and sad. I just want to see my dad.

"No last words?" I ask

"He said you would like this one, I can sum up everything I've learnt in life: it goes on"

"Oh mum! Why didn't you call me?! How did it happen?" I ask angrily.

"I didn't want to worry you; he passed slowly in his sleep."

"I'm going back to school tomorrow"

"Sweetie you just got here?"

"Yea well I don't want to be here anymore okay!"

I wake up the next morning ready to go, I hadn't even unpacked.

Driving back to school I think of all the good times me and my dad had. Fishing, swimming in the lake, road trips down south.

I open the door to rom 43 and there they are. My only friends, probably the only friends I will ever make here.

"Where were you last night eh?" Alaska winks

"Um. I went to see my mum"

"Didn't even tell us you left"

"I didn't need to." I give her a flat look.

"Why you back so early?"

"Um don't know" I answer

I didn't want to tell them what happened. The last thing I needed right now was their false pity and sympathy. I hated death. I hated the so-called God my mother believes in for doing this to me. I hated my mum for not calling me. I hated Alaska for bringing up last night. I just hated everyone. I wasn't in a state to talk to any of them either, so I walked down to the lake where I took out the cigarettes I found in my mums draws and lit one up. I had never done this before, so I was pretty nervous.

"Don't you ever smoke son" I could just gear my dad's voice echoing in my head.

"He's resting in peace" the words stab my heart continuously.

'No' I say to myself. 'Don't miles, don't do it'

But for some reason my brain wasn't sending the message to the rest of my body.

I took my first puff and god did it feel good. I was so relaxed now. I lay back on the grass and stared at the starry night sky. It was beautiful.

'If the myth of the stars being our loved one is true, dad must be up there somewhere.'

"Dad?" I whisper "dad?! Where are you?"

No reply. I wasn't expecting for one, but I surely hoped for one.

"I don't even care if you can't hear me or see me, but here it goes. I'm really sorry for everything, I know you didn't deserve what happened, and I know you shouldn't have passed yet. But sometimes we have to accept that things happen and sometimes a reason is not needed. I miss you so much and yea, I don't know what to do now. Love you always"

I begin to sob, when I see Alaska and Takumi walking towards me.

"Is that Pudge?" I hear.

'Oh no' I wipe my tears away frantically.

"Pudge?! Have you been smoking?" Alaska asks as she sits down beside me.

"And crying?" Takumi says

"No! Can anyone get some privacy here?" no, I will not accept this. I deserve some privacy, they don't have any idea of how I feel right now. "Go away" I finish" and walk away.

"What on earth is wrong with that boy?" I hear a voice. We, can they just leave me alone for a while? Is it so wrong to feel the way I feel? Is it so wrong to want to be alone? I don't get it.

Alaska's P.O.V

"You're not the only one with problems!" I yell at him. What the hell is wrong with Pudge? Me and Takumi try to help him, but all he wants is his alone time. He'll get his alone time alright.

"Alaska? Takumi?" I see a shadow in the light. Sounds like the Eagle.

"Run Takumi, run!" I whisper as we begin to run.

"Stop! Please, it's just me" I turn around to see Colonel.

"Are you crying too?! Jesus children."

"No, I'm looking for Pudge"

"He ran off and said he needed some alone time so we're giving him some" I see Takumi smirk.

"What are you looking at?" I stare at him sternly.

"soz"

"And what on earth does that mean?"

"It means sorry."

Miles P.O.V

"Where is the spot?!" I say to myself searching the ground. Earlier on in the week, Alaska had shown me her spot. The spot where she buried all her alcohol. It was so genius, the Eagle could never find them, Colonel or Takumi would never know, and it was the perfect escape. Right now, I needed an escape. An escape from all this sadness. An escape from this world.

"Yes!" I whisper. Here it is. I knew Alaska would be furious if she found out, but I need this more than she can imagine. I begin digging when suddenly I feel it. I feel the glass bottle that will wash away all my sadness... for a few hours that is. Then it will all be back, all the fear and sadness, all the wonder and curiosity. But I would do anything to stop feeling this way. Even if it was for a little while, I wanted this bad.

I pull out a bottle that seems to be half full. Not half empty, half full. Jim Bean, my favourite.

I take a sip at first, then another and another, and after every sip I slowly feel my problems wash away. It felt so good to be happy again. I was so depressed and I needed saving, but nobody was there.

"I miss you dad!" I yelled into the starry sky.

Colonels P.O.V

Pudge didn't even come back last night and everyone is like dead worried. Little rich kid can't even handle a problem without snobbing.

"Chip, can I talk to you in my office?" The Eagle! 'The eagle wants to talk to me in private, am I in trouble?' I thought.

"Um, yea sure. Now?"

"Yes now." he gave me a stern look.

I follow him into his office, china dolls on the top cupboards, samurai swords sitting in a cabinet, Japanese calligraphy pinned against the wall,

"Big fan of Asia I see?"

"You are not here to admire my decorations son," and at that point I worried, I didn't want to be in trouble.

"okay." I said sitting quietly.

"You see Chip; have you any idea of Miles' whereabouts?"

"We looked for him all night, but we couldn't find him"

"I just got a call from his mother, and his father has recently passed. May the Lord bless him-"

"Yea he's in a better place now"

"Anyway, I was saying, I need you to look after him. He must be going through a lot." I was so surprised at his words. That's why he's been playing up lately.

"Oh, yea sure."

I tried to get out of his office as soon as possible and as soon as I heard the words

"You may leave" I pushed myself up and power-walked out of the room.

'Phew, I hated his office. But for once I was called for something else, something that wasn't me being caught smoking or drinking' I thought. The thought made me smile.

I ran down to lake to find Alaska and Takumi smoking,

"Hey have you guys seen Pudge?" I asked genuinely concerned

"I've already said, we're giving him space." Alaska says annoyed

"His dad just died okay, give it a break Alaska!"

"It's not like it's our fault or anything?"

"Do you remember when your mum passed? You needed us more than anything else." I said and walked away. I don't understand how they could be so rude. The poor boy just lost his father and they're sitting there smoking.

I ran down to the gym to see if he's sitting under the bleachers. This was our smoking spot, surprisingly the gym had no smoke alarms so it was the perfect place. I looked all over campus, but no Pudge.

I sat down on my bed thinking off all the possibilities, when Alaska barges in like she owns the damn place.

"Did ya find him?"

"no." I said

"Well I'm sorry he's lost his dad, but we've all lost someone dear to us mate" then she walked out.

I jumped into the shower, the warmth of the room burnt my skin like the Florida sun.

"Colonel I'm going out" I hear a voice faintly. I could barely hear over the small little water drops hitting the ground.

It's Miles!

"Wait! Miles! I know what happened! Please!" I hurry out of the shower into the room with just a towel. But when I come out, he's gone. So is the bottle of Vodka that used to sit in between the rugged cushions of the peppermint couch.

"Alaska! Takumi!" I yell running out through the hallway pushing past the weekday warriors.

"Watch it mate" I hear Kevin say.

'No time for you' I thought to myself.

"Where are they when you need them" I ask myself running out into the student car park.

My car's gone for god's sake!

"Alaska!" I yell once more. "Where on Earth is my car?!"

"Pudge took it" I hear a voice from behind me.

"Why did you let him?"

"If he's going to do something, let him be. He's 18 now, let him do what he wants."

"You're sick." I answer. "In the head." I finish off matter-of-factly.

"K" she says. I know Alaska doesn't care because when you get the 'k' from her, it's the sign to stop talking to her.

I run back up to our room to see if he has left his phone. Damn it! He has.

Night comes and Pudge wasn't even back. I go to sleep hoping he is alright.

Miles P.O.V

"damnit! The car's running out of fuel!" I say to myself. I search for Colonel's secret stash of money that he keeps in his car frantically hoping he hasn't used it.

I pull up at a gas station in hope to fill the car up.

"91 20" I say to the cashier.

"You from Culver Creek boy?" The cashier asks. I look at the three nametags on his shirt.

George. Michael. Tyler.

'Why so many?' I thought.

"Ye. So what's your real name?"

"Samuel now get outta here boy. Almost closing time." he says. Liar.

"Cheers" I say walking out.

Once I've filled the car, I begin to drive.

All the memories of my Dad swarm into my head again. I feel the tears pool in my eye once again. I take the bottle of Vodka that I once shared with Colonel and pour it down my throat. I feel death seep in through my skin as I push down on the accelerator.

I hear sirens, looking through my rear-view mirror and see blue and red lights flash.

The police.

I continue to push down on the accelerator, I'm sick of people judging me, treating me like nothing, people lying to me, and I'm sick of losing people close to me. I see another cop car speeding at me, I'm surrounded by them. I quickly swerve into a tree and that was it. The living that was once in me was gone.