I have no idea where this came from.
Thanks be to MrsSpaceCowboy for pre-reading.
Title inspiration: youtu . be / V0ZB4PJKUJ4
There wasn't anything particularly special about him. His story was one I'd heard many times before. Telling him his wife had died in the emergency room was just another part of my job. I'd done it many times before, and I'd have to do it many times after. It's the worst part of my job. But I've been trained to remain composed, to deliver the news both professionally and sympathetically.
But delivering the news to this man… I don't know. It really hit me. His reaction wasn't any different from the other spouses I've had to inform. Those reactions have ranged from despair to anger to denial. If family was around, there would be crying, hugging, consoling. I would stand around, waiting for someone to address me with questions. I'd offer information about support groups. I'd ask one of our dedicated nurses to stay with them until a grief counselor arrived. And then I'd move on to my next case. Because there's always a next case.
But watching this man's reaction to the death of his wife stayed with me for the remainder of my shift. I fixed, healed, and counseled. I saved several lives that same day. I even lost another sometime a little after 4am after the bars had closed and people with no regard for their lives or the lives of others decided to get behind the wheel of their cars while intoxicated.
But the nagging sensation my brain had been experiencing since having to tell Mr. McCarty that his wife, Rosalie, had died stayed with me. I'd put it out of my mind during procedures, but it would always slip back in during a quick cup of coffee or while walking to Radiology or running out to the ambulance bay with a gurney. It overtook every part of me during my drive home at 7am. I felt it in my exhausted limbs, in my pounding heart.
It was one of the most troubling 30-minute drives home I'd experienced in a long time, and I still had no idea why.
As I walked into my home, the expected chaos of a Thursday morning was a welcome sight.
"Mom! I can't find my cheerleading shoes!" was yelled from upstairs.
"They're in the living room next to the TV, Alice. They're always next to the TV in the living room," Bella responded from somewhere.
I could practically hear the rolling of her eyes as she said it.
"And tell your brother to get out of the shower already. You guys'll be late for school!"
Bella walked out of the laundry room at the back of the house with a sweater on her arm as she adjusted one of her earrings. The moment she saw me, her face lit up.
"Hey, hubby. Did you just get home?" she asked as she walked up and kissed me. "I woke up before my alarm, so I made pancakes."
She jutted her chin toward the table, and I then realized the stack of pancakes, bottle of maple syrup – the real stuff, because my wife wouldn't have it any other way – and the large pitcher of orange juice on the kitchen table.
"You can tell him to get out of the bathroom yourself, mom. I have no comment on what he does in that shower for thirty minutes when we all know it takes him less than five to get completely ready," Alice stated, coming down the stairs.
She walked over to Bella, gave her a kiss on the cheek, and wished her a good day at work.
"Hi, daddy. Bye, daddy," she said as she kissed my cheek and walked toward the door.
"But I made pancakes," Bella whined.
I turned in time to see Alice grab a couple with her hand, giggle, and run out.
"I swear that girl could eat a moose and never gain a pound. I wonder where she gets it from, because she doesn't get that from me," Bella muttered as she smoothed down her work clothes, her hands lingering for the slightest second on her waist.
I watched as she removed Alice's empty plate and placed it on the counter. She drank her usual morning coffee while she cleaned and reminded me that the football game started at seven and Alice would be upset if we missed her cheering on the sidelines for even a minute.
Eric came down a second later, his glasses almost falling off his nose. Without missing a beat, Bella gently pushed them back up and asked him how he was feeling about his chemistry test later that day. She quizzed him on a couple of questions before running upstairs and coming back down with her work jacket.
The entire morning exchange had taken no longer than ten minutes, but I hadn't moved an inch. I watched it all with fascination, as if I had never seen it before. But the moment Bella descended the last step of the staircase, I quickly moved forward. Because I had to hold her, to actually feel her.
I took her beautiful face between my two hands and looked her in the eyes.
"I love you," I whispered.
Her face went from startled to concerned.
"Edward, what's wrong?"
"I love you. I'll never be able to tell you how much I love you, because there are no words. You and our kids mean everything to me. I can't imagine my life without any of you."
"Edward, you're scaring me. What's wrong?" she asked again, her hands covering mine.
"Nothing's wrong. I promise. I just... I just want you to know that I love you, that you make me want to be a better person and father and husband. I thank God every day for sending you to me, for giving me everything I ever wanted in you."
"Dad?"
Eric's voice broke through my thoughts, and I looked over to see the look of confusion and fear on his face.
"Nothing's wrong, kiddo. Come here."
I put my arm around him and hugged him close while I looked into his mother's eyes.
"I don't want any of you to ever wonder how much I love you, okay?"
Mental note: Make sure to tell Alice the moment you see her no matter how embarrassed she becomes.
"Okay," she whispered, obviously still confused.
Eric's arm gave me the slightest squeeze around my waist before he announced he had to go or he would miss his bus to school.
"You sure everything's fine, dad?"
"Positive."
I reached into my wallet and gave him some extra cash just because.
"Have a good day at school. And good luck on that test. Let me know how it goes. We'll go over whatever you think you might've gotten wrong when we get home from the game."
"Yes, sir. Doctor's orders," he smiled, pushing up his glasses and quickly walking out the door.
Once he was gone, I directed my attention back to my wife, my arm still around her waist.
"Are you sure—"
"I'm fine," I smiled. "Really. I just needed to get that off my chest. I promise that everything's okay."
"Okay," she smiled, her eyes full of emotion. "I have to run. I'm late, and I still have to set up that presentation before the client comes in."
I picked up her briefcase and walked her to the front door.
"I'll see you tonight, right?"
"Right."
And then she smiled her beautiful smile at me, prompting me to kiss her in a way I had vowed to always kiss her but hadn't in some time.
"I love you," I reminded her.
"I love you, too."