The Code

by frostyfreezyfreeze54

When Wade gets RK in trouble at school and breaks the "code" that Testicular Sound Express created, he decides to make up for it by hacking into the school's system and changing RK's grades. Meanwhile, Jaylynn tries to get Anja hooked on swearing.

1. The Code Script

Thank You, Heavenly

Theme Song: "Let It Roll" by Divide the Day

SEASON 4

EPISODE 12

"The Code"

Airdate: April 10, 2016

Special Guest Stars: Kira Kosarin as Lynne

SCENE 1

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

RK and Wade are laughing up a storm as they head towards class.

RK: I'm telling you, they were real.

WADE: No way were they actually real.

RK: Word is bond, man, they were real. You want to know what else is real?

WADE: What?

RK: This thing.

RK pulls out a purple vibrator from his backpack.

WADE: Dude. What...the hell...is that?

RK: I think it's a robot or something. I don't know, I picked it up on the street this morning. Can you believe the stuff kids are throwing out these days?

WADE: RK, whatever you do, put that away.

RK: I don't know what the big deal is. We've all seen robots before, nothing to get all uppity about.

WADE: This isn't a robot, you jackass, it's a sex toy!

RK: A sex toy? Ohhhhhhh yeah, it's one of those vibrator things that grown-ups use. You know what this needs? A test run. Let's take it to the bathroom.

WADE: I'm not using that shit! I don't even know how to use it.

RK: Relax, it's pretty simple. I just...you know, rub it around down there, then you can do it and we'll just see where it takes us.

WADE: You don't know how to use that thing, do you?

RK: I am quite inexperienced, yeah.

WADE: That's what I thought, now, give it to me, it's going in the trash.

RK: No way. A kid can't learn about something if you take it away from him. Stereotypical American, aren't you?

WADE: HAND IT OVER!

RK: NO WAY!

RK and Wade briefly wrestle for the vibrator until it slips out of RK's hand and slides down the hallway, landing at Principal MacGregor's feet. He sees RK and Wade with looks of fear and suspicion and walks towards them.

WADE: This is just beautiful.

RK: If anyone asks, just say I was in the john. And if that doesn't work, just say that my evil twin locked me in my basement and planned this whole thing.

Wade gives RK a look of bewilderment and they are approached by the principal.

PRINCIPAL MACGREGOR: Do you boys know anything about this?

WADE: Um...

RK: What's that, Ashley? You need me to rub some lotion on your back? This is a bad time!

*arriving from the other side of the hallway, as if on cue* ASHLEY: RK, what are you talking about, I don't need lotion.

RK: Really?

PRINCIPAL MACGREGOR: Boys, I'm waiting on an answer.

RK: It was ours and we paid for it with both of our cash. We did everything we could to get it. Shoveling snow, babysitting, cleaning up after dogs in the park...

WADE: IT WAS HIS! RK, SHORT FOR RYAN KENNEDY JENNINGS! HE ORCHESTRATED THIS WHOLE SITUATION!

RK: Why, you little...

PRINCIPAL MACGREGOR: Ryan, I want a word with you in my office. And just to make sure we're on the same page, this little baby is going in the evidence locker.

WADE: I have the feeling that...

PRINCIPAL MACGREGOR: Yes, we all know what it's for.

SCENE 2

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Lunchroom

Seattle, Washington

Sparky, Buster, Wade, and Jaylynn are all having lunch together.

BUSTER: Hey, Sparky, do you ever just wake up and have a desire to be an Italian?

SPARKY: What?

RK walks in with a look of rage and heads towards the guys.

SPARKY: What's up, RK? Why are you late for lunch?

RK: Ask Joey the Rat over here.

WADE: Don't you think you're blowing this way out of proportion?

RK: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

JAYLYNN: Can someone please fill me in? I love these stories.

RK: Snitchy McSnitchison over here got me busted for having a vibrator with me.

BUSTER: Why did you have a vibrator?

RK: Because I thought it was a robot and I like finding interesting things off the street, stop interrupting me. Anyway, Wade completely sold me out and now I have detention all week.

JAYLYNN: Wow, Wade. You broke the code?

WADE: Code? What code?

RK: The code. The world-famous code we've talked about for years?

WADE: I don't have the slightest idea of what code you guys are referring to.

BUSTER: Oh my God, Wade never learned the code?!

SPARKY: How did this happen?!

RK: This is a travesty. No wonder the boy did what he did, he didn't know any better.

WADE: I didn't want to get in trouble, that's it. You don't have to patronize me, you know.

SPARKY: Wade, it's okay. You don't have to explain why you did it.

BUSTER: Yes. It's our responsibility as your friends to tell you about these things.

WADE: Okay, what's this ancient mystical code?

JAYLYNN: Nobody says it like that.

SPARKY: Well, Wade, when I was in the same third grade class with RK and Buster, we wrote up this code that governs the way we operate. It's the only thing that separates us from the animals.

WADE: Aren't there several things that separate us from the animals, like our opposable thumbs and advanced mindsets that allow us to build civilization?

The gang rolls their eyes and groan at Wade's comment.

RK: Wade, baby, will you cut it out with the smart stuff? We're trying to teach you something here.

WADE: Alright, alright.

SPARKY: Now, look, when you dropped the dime on RK, you broke the code. One of the most important commandments is "thou shalt not snitch."

WADE: I didn't drop a dime. Something happened, I saw what happened, I told somebody what happened, and now RK's upset about it because I got him in trouble. That's...that's dropping a dime, isn't it?

BUSTER: Yeah.

JAYLYNN: You should've known that.

WADE: So how can I reverse what I did and make it okay?

RK: YOU CAN'T, IT'S IMPOSSIBLE!

SPARKY: RK, RK, he's not being unreasonable yet.

RK: Oh, okay.

SPARKY: Well, the code dictates that as long as you don't snitch on RK anymore, he won't snitch on you. That's why the code works so well. Everybody looks out for everybody.

WADE: That appears to be plausible. Alright, RK, I'm very sorry for getting you detention all week.

RK: Mm-hmmm. I'm hungry.

RK walks over to the lunch line, leaving Wade disappointed.

WADE: Great. Now my best friend hates me.

SPARKY: He doesn't hate you, he's probably just upset about the detention. You guys will work it out before you know it.

WADE: I hope so. I just can't believe I broke the code.

JAYLYNN: Hey, every single one of us has broken the code.

WADE: Really? What did you guys do?

BUSTER: I didn't warn the guys that I blew up the toilet when they came to visit.

SPARKY: I wore a collared shirt under a hoodie.

JAYLYNN: I ate blue cheese dressing on Sunday.

WADE: What kind of code is this?

BUSTER: We wrote it when we didn't know nothing, get off our cookies.

SCENE 3

The Saleh Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

Jaylynn and Anja look bored while watching TV.

JAYLYNN: Anja?

ANJA: Yeah?

JAYLYNN: I'm bored.

ANJA: Me too. I can't believe there's nothing to do.

JAYLYNN: Yes. When we're bored, we have nothing to do which makes us bored.

ANJA: Why are you talking like that?

JAYLYNN: Honestly, I don't know. I wish we could do something like jump a bunch of sharks or rescue elephants from poachers or some dumb shit.

ANJA: We could always play chess.

There is an awkward pause for a few seconds.

JAYLYNN: Chess? Who do you think I am?

ANJA: I have a chess set in my closet, we can play right now.

JAYLYNN: No. I don't know anything about chess. I'm not about to lower myself by playing that game so you can have something to do. That's sick, Anja. Sick.

ANJA: Oh, I get it. You're a wuss and you're scared of getting stomped on.

JAYLYNN: No, I'm just being realistic. You always hate teaching me things. Don't you remember the blender incident?

CUTAWAY GAG

Jaylynn and Anja are shown in Anja's kitchen testing out her blender. Anja looks annoyed beyond belief.

ANJA: Jaylynn, I've told you this nine times. Just press the ninth button from the left, above the ninth button on the bottom from the second row.

JAYLYNN: There are more than twenty buttons here, I hardly know what button you're talking about.

ANJA: I just said it! Just press it!

JAYLYNN: You know what, screw that, forget using the lid. You want this smoothie without the lid? Is that how you like it?!

ANJA: Jaylynn, don't...

Jaylynn presses the big red button in the middle to blend everything together, but without the lid, all the smoothie ingredients become a big sloppy mess and spill all over the kitchen, eventually covering Jaylynn and Anja. Anja does not look pleased.

ANJA: I'm going to kill you.

END OF CUTAWAY

ANJA: You could have just done it like I told you.

JAYLYNN: And you didn't have to explain it like an anal-retentive weirdo.

ANJA: One day, I'm going to smack you in the fudging face.

JAYLYNN: THEN DO IT! WHAT ARE YOU...wait. Fudging?

ANJA: I don't curse like that, it's the best I could do.

JAYLYNN: What are you, nine?

ANJA: Ten years old, actually.

JAYLYNN: I don't get it. Why can't you just say f***?

ANJA: I just said I don't curse like that, I just told you that.

JAYLYNN: That's not what I asked you, bitch, you better tell me why you can't say f***.

ANJA: I don't know. I've never really been into swearing. I like being nice to people.

JAYLYNN: Even nice people swear sometimes, Anja. It's part of what makes life so fun.

ANJA: Well, I'm just not a fan.

JAYLYNN: You could become a fan starting now.

ANJA: What are you talking about?

JAYLYNN: Anja, this is a serious problem. And as your friend, I have to help you find a way to start cursing like me. Pretty soon, you're going to be swearing like a sailor at the bar.

ANJA: I don't think I want to do this.

JAYLYNN: Come on, it's great to curse. How else are you gonna talk to that little bitch on the road who was driving 35 in a 45-mile zone even though she heard me honking my horn? She knows she heard me, THE BITCH KNOWS SHE HEARD ME!

Anja gives Jaylynn a bored expression for two seconds.

ANJA: Are you high?

SCENE 4

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

RK is putting things in his locker when Wade sees him from across the hall. He then walks up to him.

WADE: What's up, RK? Pretty superlative Tuesday morning, huh?

RK: Yeah, I guess so.

WADE: You know, there are some things that I cherish in this world. An upcoming science test, Adriana's laughter, and the bond that two friends share. Don't you think so?

RK: I mean, if you want to treat it like that, then I guess I can't stop you. Hey, do you know where Buster keeps his ointment? I'm starting to chafe again.

WADE: RK, when are you going to stop freezing me out? I already told you that I apologize for my actions.

RK: I'm not freezing you out. I'm talking to you right now about my chafing problem. That doesn't sound like me ignoring you, Wade. That sounds like a pretty damn good conversation to me.

WADE: I don't want to hear about this.

RK: Then I guess I have to get to class. Learn some stuff, get my education on so I don't end up going to Everest or something.

RK is stopped before he leaves by Wade.

WADE: RK, stop. I know you're upset because I broke the code, but I can't take it back. I just want us to resume our friendship. Even last night, I thought something was up with you.

CUTAWAY GAG

Wade is calling RK from his house.

WADE: RK, are you sure you're busy?

RK: Dude, I told you already, I'm taking a shower.

WADE: I don't even hear the water running over there.

RK is then shown sitting on his living room couch watching TV. His eyes widen when he realizes that Wade is about to catch him in a lie and he starts tugging at his shirt.

RK: Well, you see, KG hasn't paid this month's water bill yet and I'm waiting on him. *chuckling nervously* Why, I oughta...

WADE: I know for a fact that you're lying.

RK: I have to go, I just got shot in the war!

RK hangs up, leaving Wade disappointed.

END OF CUTAWAY

RK: Fine, Wade, if you must know, I actually am upset that you sold me out. We had such a good thing going with the vibrator story and then you just drop a bomb on me like that. I felt like the Gap Band that one time they made a song about...shit, I forgot what that was called.

WADE: Well, that was Wade before the code. Wade after the code is a lot more understanding of things like that. Which is why if I have to, I'll step out of my comfort zone and do something bold in order to protect our friendship.

RK: So, in other words, you're going to do something for me?

WADE: I guess so.

RK: Okay. I don't have anything that I want right now, but when the time comes, I'll let you know. My mind is constantly working, always on the move hoping to gain some new information and seek out long-lost destinies that the average person will never be able to understand.

WADE: What are you talking about?

RK: I have no idea, the detention's made me go crazy. But still, I'll let you know what you owe me. And also, could you figure out that Gap Band song? It's on the tip of my tongue.

WADE: It's called "You Dropped a Bomb on Me," RK.

RK: Seriously? You could have just told me that when I first asked about it, now I feel like a dumbass. I, um...I don't know how much I trust you these days, man.

SCENE 5

The Hernandez Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

Jaylynn walks downstairs with a piece of paper while Anja has her feet up on the coffee table while watching TV.

JAYLYNN: Alright, Anj, I have this list of swear words that might help you in your training and...what are you doing?

ANJA: Watching TV.

JAYLYNN: You're not watching TV like that. Bitch, were you raised in a barn?

ANJA: Please stop calling me a bitch, I hate that word. And what are you so uppity about anyway?

JAYLYNN: You're in training. TV has never done anything for anybody.

ANJA: You and the guys watch TV all the time!

JAYLYNN: Deflection, Anja? Really? That's your go-to move? Pretty weak sauce, girl.

ANJA: Fine, what's this "training" you want me to do?

JAYLYNN: Well, I want to teach you all about the basics of swearing so I got this paper I wrote a long time ago. You ever heard of the comedian George Carlin?

ANJA: No, who was he?

JAYLYNN: He was a comedian, Anja, I just said that like, six seconds ago.

ANJA: I was testing you.

JAYLYNN: Were you really?

ANJA: Maybe.

JAYLYNN: Look, a long time ago, George Carlin did this bit talking about the seven words you can't say on television. I'm going to read all of these words to you and you just tell me which one you feel the most comfortable practicing.

Anja nods in approval.

JAYLYNN: Okay, let's do this.

SEVEN WORDS LATER...

Anja has a blank, almost traumatized look on her face.

JAYLYNN: Hey. Anja? Buddy? Earth to Anja?

ANJA: Huh. Jaylynn, were you talking about RK?

JAYLYNN: I just said the seven words you can't say on television.

ANJA: Sounded like the seven words that will get you a beating.

JAYLYNN: Well, George Carlin was about that life. So which word do you want to practice first?

ANJA: The one that's not a swear word.

JAYLYNN: Come on, Anj, work with me here. I want to help you, but I feel like you're not opening up to me.

ANJA: I just noticed you started calling me Anj, why?

JAYLYNN: I think it sounds cute, but bro, come on. Swearing is one of the very few things in life that make me proud to be an American. I want to share that part of my life with you.

ANJA: Jay, just because I don't swear, doesn't make me any different than you. I guess I'm just not that kind of girl.

JAYLYNN: You're calling me Jay now?

ANJA: Yeah, it doesn't feel so good on the other side, does it?!

SCENE 6

The Saltalamacchia Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

Wade is watching TV with a confused expression. The instrumental to "Steal My Girl" by One Direction can be heard.

WALLY AMOS: Hi, I'm Wally Amos and welcome to Learn to Write. Today's show is going to shine a light on celebrities who have trouble writing. In Toronto, we have special guest star Drake.

Drake is shown at a local library in Toronto, Ontario, Canada sitting down with a blank piece of paper and an elderly female librarian approaching him. He keeps scratching his head and has a dumbfounded look on his face.

DRAKE: Is this food? Do I eat this?

LIBRARIAN: Alright, Aubrey, today we're going to teach you how to hold a pencil like we practiced last week.

DRAKE: BUT IT'S TOO HARD!

At that point, RK opens the door and slams it shut.

WADE: RK, what's happening?

RK: My whole life is slowly coming to an end. Wade, say goodbye to the man formerly known as RK Jennings.

WADE: What happened?

RK: My progress report happened. Read it and weep.

WADE: Oh yeah, our progress reports. Wade gasps when he sees RK's grades. Geez, RK, what do you think this is?

RK: I don't know, I'm a mediocre piece of shit!

WADE: Well, your math grade looks impressive. 91, not bad.

RK: That's the only class I care about. You know, Wade, I never thought about it before, but I really don't do all that well in school.

WADE: No way, I had no idea, my mind has been blown to unfathomable levels right now.

RK: I got your sarcasm, man. What am I supposed to do? I'm a slacker, not a failure. Besides, the marking period ends in two weeks. Maybe if I study for all of my classes and actually do my homework instead of telling my teachers I don't want to. Wade, get that "Push It to the Limit" song from the 1980s, time for a montage!

WADE: No need, mi amigo. I think I might be able to help you with your little problem.

RK: You can't waste your time trying to tutor me. By the time I graduate, it will be cool to go back on MySpace.

WADE: Of course not. But what if I said I could change your grades myself?

RK: What, you...what are you getting across here?

WADE: What if I told you there's a little firewall that our school has, and if someone wanted to, and I mean really wanted to break through it, your 57 could become an 87?

RK: You're speaking in tongues now, I don't know what you're driving at.

WADE: I can hack into the grading system at our school and change your grades!

RK: Dude, you might want to dumb it down a bit, I'm slow.

WADE: RK!

RK: I got it the third time, I got it. If you can hack into the grades, I would love that, but I don't want to get you in trouble. It's not worth it.

WADE: Hey, you're in a bind and you need my help. It's only fair after I broke the code.

RK: Well, thank you for the help. Now I can rest easy tonight. So what can I expect on my report card? A 95 that way, a little 90 over here, eh? Eh?

WADE: You get nothing above an 85 and maybe one 68 to keep it consistent.

RK: I can live with that. Wait, what the hell are you watching?

WADE: Learn to Write. It's like Learn to Read, but a little hipper to appeal to kids.

RK: That sounds horrible. Why is Drake having a nervous breakdown?

SCENE 7

The MacDougal Household

Exterior Backyard

Seattle, Washington

Sparky, Buster, and Wade are all playing cards in Sparky's tree house.

WADE: So I'm just going to hack into the system and change RK's grades like that.

SPARKY: Are you insane?! You're going to get caught, and when you get caught, Principal MacGregor's going to give you detention for six years.

BUSTER: Yeah, you're going to grow a beard and start mumbling about how the system's keeping you down.

Sparky and Wade give Buster blank looks.

BUSTER: It could happen. If Sparky can fantasize, so can I!

WADE: Look, guys, you're having too much of a knee-jerk reaction to this. RK's my best friend and I violated his trust when I broke the code. I'm not having that on my conscience so I'm going to do whatever it takes to make us even.

SPARKY: Do you even know how to hack into the grading system?

WADE: Of course I do. iCarly Elementary's computers are so easy to break into, the firewall has a hole the size of the ozone layer. It's all about careful precision timing.

The scene shifts to a fantasy sequence where Wade is shown creeping towards the school on the tips of his toes. He has on a ski mask, a black sweater and baggy camouflage pants. He walks into the school and is later seen in the library with his computer.

WADE: I could use the admin's computer but it's way too dangerous. It's so simple just logging on with my own computer. Once I get through the firewall, I'll be connected to the school system containing all of its information, including the grades of each and every student which I can adjust to my liking. I just look up RK's name, type in higher digits for his classes, and save it just like that. I have to make sure there's no hard evidence so nobody can trace it back to my IP address.

The sequence ends there when it is revealed that Wade has explained all of this on a whiteboard.

WADE: When the marking period ends and report card day arrives, no one will be the wiser.

BUSTER: Wow, that sounds like a great plan.

SPARKY: Yeah. I can't believe I doubted you, you seem to have everything figured out.

WADE: Affirmative. Which is why I need you two to help me every step along the way.

SPARKY: Say what now?

SCENE 8

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Library

Seattle, Washington

Sparky, Buster, and Wade are shown standing near the school's in-house library, looking around for anybody that might get suspicious.

SPARKY: You know, I don't think we should do this. Jaylynn's a big supporter of the honor code here at school, and I'm pretty sure hacking and the honor code don't mix with her.

WADE: Since when has Jaylynn cared about being an honor student?

SPARKY: I don't know, I'm just trying to get out of it!

WADE: Look, guys, I need all hands on deck for this plan to work. I have to make sure there's a lookout outside the library and someone who can make sure the cables are connected inside the library.

BUSTER: You know, you could always use one of the computers in here. There are tons of them that no one's using.

WADE: Buster, that's the whole point of the plan. Unless I'm using my own computer, I'm screwed.

BUSTER: Well, I guess Operation Get Rid of Jaylynn So RK Can Become Leader is a go!

WADE: What?

SPARKY: Buster, that...that already happened.

BUSTER: What? You sure?

WADE: Yeah, Jaylynn and Sparky switching places, RK getting pissed off, the fight at the restaurant, that was weeks ago.

BUSTER: Oh. Because they told me...you know what? This one's on me. This one's on me. Sparky, Wade, my bad?

SPARKY: We don't have a whole bunch of time left to do this.

WADE: You're right, study hall ends in twenty minutes. Alright, Buster, you be the lookout, and Sparky, you follow me. Keep your eye out for anybody that will compromise the plan.

BUSTER: Sure thing, captain. Nothing's getting past me.

WADE: Great. Let's go, Sparks.

Sparky and Wade go inside the library while Buster stands outside whistling. He then sees Ashley trying to walk inside.

ASHLEY: Hey Buster.

BUSTER: Hey Ash...ley! Ashley, you can't go in there!

ASHLEY: Why?

BUSTER: Because I...have to talk to you about what's going on in the world today.

ASHLEY: Okay.

BUSTER: Okay, well, there's a lot going on in the world today and I feel like I should share it with you.

ASHLEY: You had my attention the first time, what's up with the world today?

BUSTER: Oh, cool. Well, you see, um...fruit punch...may not be as healthy as doctors advertise. You see, Ashley...

Meanwhile, inside the library...

WADE: Back there near the mystery books, there's an unused librarian port that will help me connect to the administration. Just plug in this cord and give me the juice.

SPARKY: Give you the juice?

WADE: Yeah, it's techno slang for get me started.

SPARKY: Okay, but I'm still not one hundred percent about this. Did you know that I'm now an accessory before and during the fact?

WADE: I'm aware of the technical terms, Sparky. And I'm also aware of the fact that you and Buster have never incriminated each other. I just need your help this one time.

SPARKY: Alright, fine, just pass me the main ingredient.

WADE: The main ingredient?

SPARKY: Yeah, if you can come up with slang, I can too.

Wade passes Sparky the extension cord as he looks around for anybody that might suspect something. Sparky looks around for the librarian port and finds it, then plugs in the cord.

SPARKY: All systems are a go, Wade!

WADE: Great. Now all I have to do is log on, find the firewall. What's that? A firewall? Your days of putting students in felonious traps have just ended courtesy of the hacking wizard, Wade Rakim Saltalamacchia! HAHA!

SPARKY: Geez, all he needs are the Sea Gals and he'll be set.

Meanwhile, outside the library...

BUSTER: So when you have a rash, I think the most important thing is choosing ointment that best suits your needs. I mean, in general, the more you go for a specific brand after a couple bad experiences, the better chance you have of solving the problem.

ASHLEY: Amazing. Look, Buster, I would love to sit here and talk some more, but I came here for some homework so if you'll excuse me...

BUSTER: Of course that's what Sanna thought.

ASHLEY: What are you talking about?

BUSTER: I mean, you know, Sanna's just been going around talking to people about things. Sometimes, you have a tendency to be short with people. Don't like to talk much and I guess Sanna made sure I knew about that.

ASHLEY: Sanna's just being Sanna, I love talking to people.

BUSTER: Hey, look, not everybody's cut out for this kind of thing. You're the school bookworm. That's a nice little spot for you, nobody's judging you.

ASHLEY: Well, if you must know, Sanna's always been a gossip queen. Ever since first grade.

BUSTER: Cool, a flashback!

Wade is now changing RK's science grade from a 68 to an 86.

WADE: Easy as pie, but easy on the eyes. These are the grades that won't make your parents cry.

Wade looks up and sees Sparky giving him a look of disapproval.

WADE: What? I feel like I'm on another level when I'm behind a computer. You knew this when we first started having discourse, Sparky, this was inevitable.

SPARKY: I can handle the self-congratulating Wade for a while, but have you ever thought about what would happen if you got caught?

WADE: Relax, this is a foolproof plan. I've prepared for every single contingency.

SPARKY: Like Jaylynn walking in right now?!

WADE: Oh yeah, that might be a small issue. Nothing to worry about, it's just Jaylynn.

SPARKY: But then Jaylynn's gonna know about this and she'll be dragged down in it.

WADE: So let's not drag her down in it. Simple.

JAYLYNN: Hey guys. Do you know why Ashley is getting a little pissed off talking about Sanna and doing flashbacks?

SPARKY: I...wouldn't know. You know, those two and their crazy schemes. So how's getting Anja to curse working out for you?

JAYLYNN: Terrible. That girl is such a square when it comes to swearing. I mean, I love Anja, but there's always been this need for her to be so squeaky clean. It's pointless, we all have our flaws.

SPARKY: I know. Like some people doing irrational things for the sake of helping their friends.

WADE: Well, this irrational thing is over. Unplug the cord, please.

JAYLYNN: Wade, what are you doing?

WADE: Don't worry, it will all make sense on report card day.

SCENE 9

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

REPORT CARD DAY

All the kids at school are checking out their report cards, including the guys.

JAYLYNN: Cool, I improved by five points in history this time!

BUSTER: My gym teacher said I have excellence in participation! That's like the nicest thing a teacher can say before they start telling you how much you suck!

SPARKY: Nice work, buddy.

BUSTER: You too. Same old Sparky average.

SPARKY: Thanks, but once again, there has to be someone above me. Hacker boy over here does it one more time.

WADE: Well, you know what they say about success. It's not given, it's taken.

SPARKY: Oh, just put a damn sock in it already.

RK: Guys, these grades are so sexy, they should be on the next cover of Sports Illustrated. Wade, you totally earned back my respect after breaking the code. Thank you for using the power of technology to help me cheat my way through school.

WADE: Any time, old chum. I guess things wrapped up pretty nicely.

SPARKY: How? You haven't learned anything about what you did yet.

WADE: Well, maybe, this week, we can take a break from our goofy shenanigans and just enjoy the finer things in life like helping out our friends.

*over the loudspeakers* PRINCIPAL MACGREGOR: Will every student here in school today please report to the Sam Puckett Auditorium immediately?

The kids are all confused by MacGregor's announcement.

WADE: Well, I should have known the worst was yet to come.

SCENE 10

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Sam Puckett Auditorium

Seattle, Washington

All of the students are in attendance for MacGregor's impromptu assembly. Testicular Sound Express is just a few rows away from the front in the center of the auditorium.

WADE: Do you think this has anything to do with the hacking?

BUSTER: I hope not. I was just the lookout. If they try booking me now, that's how I know America is screwed up.

PRINCIPAL MACGREGOR: Good morning, boys and girls of iCarly Elementary. It has come to my attention recently that there was a blatant trespassing of the administration's account not that long ago, which allowed the user to cut through a hole in our firewall and change the grades of another student.

WADE: You have to be kidding me.

SPARKY: Great, now we're accessories after the fact.

BUSTER: I can't believe Obama would just let this happen.

PRINCIPAL MACGREGOR: Now at this point, the identity is untraceable, but we know that the person who broke the firewall attends this school. You can run, but you can't hide, whoever you are. So if the culprit may reveal themselves right now, we can get going with our lives and I can issue detention slips like a madman. Come on, don't be shy, this is your chance to be a hero.

There is an awkward silence for a few seconds as Principal MacGregor realizes he was supposed to say something else.

PRINCIPAL MACGREGOR: Oh, yeah, right, I was supposed to include the stipulation. Well, you see, if the perpetrator does not come forward by the end of next week, I will make sure we cancel you guys' spring break.

There is a huge negative reaction from the kids at the announcement.

MRS. SMITH: Um, Principal MacGregor, we're not legally able to do that.

PRINCIPAL MACGREGOR: I've just been informed that I'm not legally allowed to do that. But as I look through this calendar, I see that every grade is having a picnic at the end of the year. If nobody comes forward about the hacking, there will be no picnic for ANYBODY.

The negative reaction continues as Sparky, Buster, and Wade slump back in their chairs while "Big Time Theme Song" plays in the background.

SCENE 11

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

The kids all murmur amongst themselves in frustration as they leave the auditorium. The boys look especially devastated.

RK: That whole picnic is going to go to waste.

BUSTER: WHY?! WHY DID THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN TO US?!

WADE: Buster, will you please calm down?

BUSTER: I REFUSE TO! SPARKY, IT'S OVER! IT'S A DROP, IT'S A DROP, THIS SHIT IS OVER! We spent our entire lives trying to be good boys, and NOW IT'S ALL GOING TO COME CRASHING DOWN!

SPARKY: Oh my God. Buster's right. It's a conspiracy, WE'RE ALL SCREWED!

RK: Sparky, don't you think...

SPARKY: SHUT UP, PORKY, THEY'RE GOING TO CATCH US!

JAYLYNN: Awwww, you guys. Look, as long as you tell Principal MacGregor what you did, we can still have the picnic and you can keep on being good boys.

SPARKY: Wait a minute. Jaylynn makes sense, guys. Buster, Wade, all we have to do is come forward.

BUSTER: Oh yeah. The principal man did say that as long as someone admits the truth, he won't cancel the picnic.

SPARKY: Yeah. I mean, he might drop the wrath of God on us but we're not bad kids so he might have some mercy. Great, now my conscience is clear.

WADE: Eh, I think Principal MacGregor's full of hot air. This probably won't amount to anything, we should keep things clandestine for now.

SPARKY: What?! Are you on bath salts, Wade, we have a way out! You heard what he said!

WADE: I know what he said and if we tell him what we did, we're going to be incriminating RK also. I broke the code once, I'm not breaking it again.

BUSTER: F*** THE CODE, THIS IS SERIOUS!

Everybody is frightened by Buster's reaction.

BUSTER: I'm sorry, I just don't want that picnic cancelled.

JAYLYNN: What do you think, RK?

RK: I think Wade has the right idea. Sticking to his guns, I like that in a man.

SPARKY: Oh, please. You're only backing him up because you might get in trouble for this.

RK: That's only half the reason, boy scout. Look, Wade's my best friend and whatever he decides, I'm supporting him. He had my back with changing my grades so if he wants to keep things quiet, that's his call.

SPARKY: But if nobody says anything, the PICNIC GETS CANCELLED.

RK: Screw that, we can go on our own time. Better to get away with something and take the L when necessary. Let's go, Wade, away from these code-breaking heathens.

WADE: Gladly.

RK and Wade walk hand-in-hand away from Sparky, Buster, and Jaylynn.

BUSTER: You know, I would expect this from RK any day of the week, but for Wade, it just makes me want to spit.

SPARKY: I know. He usually just goes with his instinct, why does he care about the code so much anyway?

JAYLYNN: Because you guys forced him to. Don't you realize that if you never told him about the code, he probably would have never hacked into the school and you guys would be doing something else this week?

BUSTER: Make that two-for-two on the day for Jaylynn.

SPARKY: Oh no, she's right again. He knows he owed RK one and now that he knows about the code, he's not breaking it if you paid him. Buster, that only leaves us two options: We either have to let Wade know that there's a clause in the code that allows him to break it in cases like these, or break it ourselves.

BUSTER: So, to save the picnic, we're going to break the code against someone who doesn't want to break it himself?

SPARKY: Yeah, this whole thing does sound a little confusing out loud.

SCENE 12

The Saleh Household

Exterior Entrance

Seattle, Washington

Jaylynn and Lynne walk towards Anja's house at the same time and pause as they see each other.

JAYLYNN: Eww. Look what the cat dragged in.

LYNNE: I think the cat just got rid of you in the litter box.

JAYLYNN: I don't get it. Anja is the most beautiful girl in the world, and you're related to her. How did your shit genetics get lumped in with hers?

LYNNE: We have the same genes, dumbass. And we'll be sisters forever. Meanwhile, she'll get bored with you in the next two or three years.

JAYLYNN: Yeah, but she chose me. You were probably just an unholy accident.

LYNNE: Look, I don't have time to deal with you and your petty insults, I came here to hang out with Anja.

JAYLYNN: Well, maybe I came here to pick up where I left off with Anja. I'm teaching her how to curse.

LYNNE: Good luck with that. Anja's mouth is cleaner than the Mayo Clinic, you have no chance.

JAYLYNN: Well, I think Anja restrains herself too much and if there's anybody that's had a positive influence on her, it's me.

LYNNE: I guess you have some ancient, magical definition of positive.

JAYLYNN: Do you want us to go one more time? I'll kick your monkey ass the same way I did last summer.

LYNNE: In your dreams, bitch, that's not happening again.

JAYLYNN: Wait a minute. You just called me a bitch.

LYNNE: Yeah. We hate each other, are you new to this or what?

JAYLYNN: It's just that Anja can't even put up the middle finger and you swear like a 90s Chris Rock routine.

LYNNE: Well, Anja's always been less Americanized than me. She's been about our values for a long time and I am too but I just love swearing. It's like a cleanser.

JAYLYNN: That's it! Lynne, for some twisted reason, you might be the missing ingredient in my plan!

LYNNE: You want us to team up so we can get Anja to swear?

JAYLYNN: How did you pick up on that so fast?

LYNNE: I'm not stupid, what else do you think we've been talking about? But I don't think so. You disgust me.

JAYLYNN: You do too, but the enemy of my friend is my friend's...enemy, I don't know. And come on, don't you want to hear Anja curse?

LYNNE: I've heard her say shit many times before, but she's just not the kind of person to swear like that. It's not going to work out.

JAYLYNN: Bitch, pay attention, that's not what I asked you.

LYNNE: *sighs* Yes, I would love to hear Anja say the f-word or something like that. If we can get her to say that, that will be a great moment.

JAYLYNN: Alright, for one time only, Jaylynn and Lynne are a team.

LYNNE: I do want something in return. What are you gonna do for me?

JAYLYNN: I don't know. Get Five Seconds of Summer to play at your birthday party?

LYNNE: You're kidding, shut up, no freaking way.

JAYLYNN: Dude, at this point, I've met people like Public Enemy, Rage Against the Machine, DMC, WWE commentators, and Paramore. I can make it happen.

SCENE 13

The Jennings Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

RK and Wade are watching TV with bored looks.

VOICEOVER: Next time on Girl Meets World...Riley and Maya cry...a lot.

RK: Damn, I gotta record that.

Sparky and Buster walk in at that moment with disingenuous smiles.

SPARKY: Hey Wade, buddy, how are you doing?

BUSTER: Your skin is so moist and delightfully caramel today.

WADE: I'm not breaking the code just so we can have the picnic, nice try.

SPARKY: We weren't here for that. We just wanted to tell you about the code clause.

WADE: Code clause?

BUSTER: Yeah. You see, we think it would be ridiculous for someone to uphold the code at all times, so we created a clause that allows people to break it in case of emergencies.

WADE: What particular emergencies?

SPARKY: Well, like, if you saw somebody get killed. You can't just forget about what you saw. You have to tell somebody.

BUSTER: That's right. In that case, telling the police in very specific detail what you saw...is okay.

RK: It's not okay, there's no clause.

WADE: What?

RK: They're lying about it, they just want you to be a snitch.

BUSTER: Well, if I wanted Wade to be a snitch, I would have just said, "Wade, you, Sparky, and I have to tell Principal MacGregor that you hacked into the grades and we helped you." But I didn't say that, so you have nothing on me.

RK: But you just said it.

BUSTER: I WAS PROVING A POINT, YOU BEANHEAD.

WADE: Guys, I appreciate your concern, but I just don't think we should tell on ourselves. It's about the principle of the thing.

SPARKY: Forget the principle, Wade, this isn't a game anymore. If we don't confess to what we did, we're going to be screwing over the whole school. And is that really what you want?

WADE: Oh. So I guess now the almighty, all-encompassing power of the code can no longer save you?

SPARKY: What are you even talking about?!

WADE: I just find it hilarious how when I first told the principal what happened, you guys chastised me for not keeping my mouth shut. Now that I've decided to reform and keep my word, you guys want me to sing at the drop of a dime?

SPARKY: This isn't about you, this is about going too far. There are real consequences now and we have to come clean.

BUSTER: And even if we don't come clean, MacGregor will probably find out it was us and the whole school's going to hate us even more than they already do.

WADE: Wait, the school hates us?

BUSTER: I don't know, I just assumed we were like John Cena or something.

SPARKY: Look, Wade, what we're saying is, this needs to end. Either you tell Principal MacGregor what happened, or we will.

Sparky and Buster leave the house at that moment, with RK and Wade looking regretful.

RK: You know, they do make some great points, Wade. I mean, the code's important, but everybody loves the picnic. It's the only thing we have for ourselves after that pedophile shot up the carnival.

WADE: But it's the code. I'm not going to be a rat just so you guys can pull the rug out from under me and get on my case again. It's not happening.

RK groans and looks at Wade with concern.

SCENE 14

The Saleh Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

Anja and Lynne are playing chess while Jaylynn watches in boredom.

JAYLYNN: I can't believe everything in my entire life has led to this moment.

ANJA: Haha, checkmate! That makes it three games to two, one more and I win the series.

LYNNE: Ah, f***, man! You know, sometimes, I say the word f*** out of anger or disappointment or confusion, you know? It just feels good to get it out of your system. Like, sometimes, you have to vomit, you know? Your body just builds up all this unnecessary garbage and you just have to get rid of it. You know what I mean, Anja?

ANJA: You want me to call the doctor again? I thought we had you checked out last week.

LYNNE: Eh. Yeah, that's what I meant. Let's just play.

JAYLYNN: Well, actually, Anja, my sweet, beautiful Anja, I wrote this word down on this here paper. But I can't pronounce it like I want to, I need the right emphasis. You think you can help me?

ANJA: Um, okay?

Jaylynn hands Anja the paper. It has the f-word blurred out in large caps and it is written in pencil.

ANJA: You need help pronouncing the f-word?

JAYLYNN: Well, it's never too late to start learning.

ANJA: Okay, what the heck is going on here? Am I being set up? Where's the cameras, where's Ashton?

LYNNE: Wow, you really need to update your references.

JAYLYNN: Look, Anja, Lynne and I just wanted to hear you swear. You never do it, and I didn't motivate you enough as your teacher so this was the only way.

ANJA: And you guys teamed up too?! Okay, this has been a really weird day.

LYNNE: It doesn't have to be, just say f***.

JAYLYNN: Yeah, dude, just spit it out.

ANJA: Bye guys.

Anja walks upstairs and leaves Jaylynn and Lynne beside themselves in the living room.

LYNNE: You know what? I learned something today.

JAYLYNN: What?

LYNNE: Never team up with you.

Jaylynn gives Lynne an annoyed expression.

SCENE 15

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Principal MacGregor's Office

Seattle, Washington

RK is in the principal's office with a look of sadness.

PRINCIPAL MACGREGOR: Thank you for bringing this to my attention, Ryan.

RK: Uh-huh. Hey, listen, you think you could call me RK? Ryan's so formal.

PRINCIPAL MACGREGOR: No.

RK: I didn't think so.

The rest of TSE walks into the office at this point.

SPARKY: RK?

RK: Howdy.

WADE: You're the one who dropped the dime? How could you? What happened to the code?

RK: The code died.

WADE: What?

RK: Look, Wade, I feel like this whole thing is my fault. If I didn't give you such a hard time about snitching, you would have never become so militant about the code. Sometimes, keeping things to yourself just isn't worth it.

SPARKY: It's kinda our fault too. We shouldn't have made you think that we really took the code that seriously.

BUSTER: And we shouldn't have even gone along with your stupid plan in the first place. You were just going to drag us down in your web of lies. You know what? We didn't even do anything, throw the book at Wade until he cries.

SPARKY: Buster, we're still in trouble.

BUSTER: Oh, I thought we were going to swerve Wade and turn on him. You know what, this one's on me. This one's on me...again. Wade...my bad?

WADE: You know what? I'm sorry too. I was such a jerk about not breaking the code, I almost ruined things for everybody. I should have just went with my gut like I always do. I'm sorry I almost got us all in trouble.

SPARKY: It's okay, Wade. At least you learned your lesson.

BUSTER: Too bad we still have to go to jail for conspiracy.

RK: Nobody's going to jail. Principal MacGregor, if you punish these boys, you're going to have to punish me too.

JAYLYNN: And punish me too! I deserve to learn my lesson.

SPARKY: Jaylynn, you had nothing to do with this.

JAYLYNN: I know. I just wanted to show solidarity.

PRINCIPAL MACGREGOR: Well, with this show of support, I wouldn't feel right punishing all of you, or any of you. You're good kids. Tell you what. The picnic's back on, and none of you guys get in trouble as long as you promise me you will never do anything like this again.

TSE: We promise.

PRINCIPAL MACGREGOR: Ah, the famous code. It always comes back to bite you some day. No wonder so many people were shot for snitching back in the day.

The kids all look at each other with confusion.

SCENE 16

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

The kids have all gathered around Sparky's fireplace as Sparky holds up a couple of papers.

RK: I feel like I only see this fireplace half the time.

SPARKY: A long time ago, us guys wrote up this code that was meant to govern the way we operate. But as we've seen over the past couple of weeks, keeping it alive has only led to fear, stress, and panic. So today, we burn this big fat contradiction of a code down in the fiery pits of HELL! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

BUSTER: Sparky, calm down.

SPARKY: Can't you just let me have this one?

Sparky crumbles up the papers into a ball and tosses it into the fireplace as the quintet watches it burn slowly.

JAYLYNN: Wait, so could you guys make this clear for me?

SPARKY: Sure.

JAYLYNN: So if we got rid of the code, does that mean we're promoting snitching? Because that's still a pretty corny thing to do.

WADE: Of course not. We're just going to do what we think is right.

JAYLYNN: So that includes snitching?

RK: Jaylynn, you're over-thinking this. You know in your heart what's right and what's wrong, so it's up to you to make the right decision.

JAYLYNN: I can rock with that.

SPARKY: So what do we do now?

BUSTER: Well, we could always...

At that point, Anja walks through the front door and sighs.

ANJA: You know what, Jaylynn? You just had to push me, didn't you?

JAYLYNN: What are you talking about?

ANJA: I don't know what it is, but I just have this urge to swear now. I just feel it coming on like a really bad rash.

BUSTER: I can relate.

JAYLYNN: Well, Anja, I didn't do anything to trigger that.

ANJA: I know you did this. I don't know what Jaylynn voodoo you pulled on me, but now it feels like I'm going to curse any second.

RK: Then do it.

ANJA: I can't, it's just going to come out. OH NO, WHAT THE...

Fade to black.

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

RK comes from the kitchen of his house and sits down next to Wade as they both face the camera.

RK: Hi, I'm Ryan Kennedy Jennings.

WADE: And I'm Wade Saltalamacchia.

RK: You know, on tonight's Thank You, Heavenly, we had a lot of laughs. But I'll tell you what's not funny: Keeping your mouth shut. Did you know that 86% of disputes among kids are due to not snitching?

WADE: And every day in schools across America, kids are forced to let the egos of their friends get in the way of getting them in trouble.

RK: How many of you know somebody that won't snitch? If you see something, say something. Report it to everybody you know and don't stop until somebody gets in trouble.

WADE: Yeah, tell your friends, teachers, school counselors, trusted police officers if that still exists. We have to let the world know that there's nothing wrong with being a tattletale.

RK: And if you don't feel comfortable telling people what you saw in person, call this official hotline: The National Hotline for Squealing. Just dial 1-800-SQUE if you feel the urge to tell on somebody.

WADE: Or tell us what you did. It doesn't matter anyway, we're just cartoon characters. And thanks to rappers and athletes, snitching is more important now than ever before.

RK: Don't keep it to yourself. It's not worth it.

WADE: Good night, everybody.

RK and Wade wave the audience goodbye with big smiles. Fade to black.

("You Dropped a Bomb on Me" by the Gap Band plays in the end credits)

©2016 ANDERSON PRODUCTIONS