Disclaimer: Most characters are creation of Eoin Colfer, not myself. Written after book five, so there are spoilers.

Butler scowled against the sun. Large cities, especially American cities, made his job all but impossible. People bustled about without the slightest regard as to who they were walking into or stepping on. Artemis, while getting taller, was still a bit thin and was easily cast aside by rude and careless pedestrians. And Butler knew better than to start a fight with someone right in the middle of the street. It would have been nice, though, if only to give himself and his principle some space. For some reason that annoyed him slightly, no one thought much about how massive Butler was or how dangerous his eyes seemed to be. Granted, no one nodded a hello at him as they passed, but on one made sure to stand clear of him, either. It was strange and almost amusing.

Artemis did not care that Butler wasn't threatening people with his presence. Artemis cared that the street was crowded, the people were noisy and rude and he couldn't seem to find the rest of his party anywhere. "Where is mother?" he murmured to himself, his eyes scanning the crowd. "She couldn't have gone too far, not in this place."

"I don't hear the twins screaming," Butler answered, also on the lookout. "So they must not be close by."

Artemis shook his head. "This is an intended family vacation, meaning the entire family," he said, his tone both harried and displeased. "Yet I am nowhere to be found."

"Have you called them?" Butler queried, knowing he had.

Artemis gave him a look. "Certainly," he said at once. "No answer." His brow furrowed. "They had lost me once for three years, one might think they would keep a closer eye on me."

Butler, who did not like this memory being brought up (because he still believed, and always would believe, it was entirely his fault), cleared his throat. "You were the one who needed to look into the museum for three hours."

"Hardly the point," his employer shot back, just a bit testily. "If they weren't going to stay with me they should at least keep in contact."

"There she is again," Butler interrupted, scowling again. He nodded toward a young woman, early twenties at best, standing beside a lamppost waiting to cross the street. She wore faded blue jeans, an oversized green sweatshirt with a screen-printed robot on the front and thick, chunky black shoes. The way she carried herself reminded Butler fondly of Juliet. Knowing what his little sister was capable of, that made him both endeared to and wary of this person who kept appearing wherever they went.

Artemis studied the girl. "She hasn't looked at us once," he concluded before setting his mind back on more pressing matters- his family. "Should we go back to the hotel, do you think?"

"Make sense," Butler agreed, still watching the twenty-something with interest. Artemis did not understand how sometimes the smallest coincidence was not a coincidence at all. "They might already be there waiting for us."

"True," Artemis agreed. "Shall we walk, or call for a taxi?" He smiled a bit, knowing the answer already.

"Walk," Butler said, as predicted. "I don't like driving unless I know who it is behind the wheel."

They were in New York City, wandering through the streets and taking in the sights. The Jade Princess (or Juliet, to those who don't know) was premiering at a wrestling show in the city. Angeline Fowl had insisted they make a family trip out of it as a way for all of them to bond after the horrible happening with Artemis only seven months prior. While Angeline, the twins and even Artemis senior seemed to be having a good time, their teenaged boy was only half interested in the sights of the big city. He had many more pressing matters to be settled at home in Fowl Manor… but try telling your mother you'd rather stay home and play on your computer than spend time with her. Artemis couldn't do it, nor did he even want to try.

Butler was being rather quiet. Artemis, after having been bumped into for what must have been the eighth time, started to wonder if his bodyguard was even paying attention- sacrilege. "Butler, would you-" He stopped when seeing the expression on the man's face. "What is it?" he asked, his voice hushed.

Butler nodded faintly toward a huge glass building in front of them. "Her again," he muttered. "And she has been looking at us."

And indeed, the girl in the green sweatshirt was leaning against a building. But she was ahead of them now. How had she done that? But more importantly, why? "What do you think?" Artemis asked as they continued walking. The girl was less than a hundred feet from them now.

"No training," Butler told his employer. "That's obvious. She's certainly not professional. Threat level seems low." He pursed his lips, but then a thought occurred to him and he smiled. This confused Artemis greatly. "Maybe this is like with Minerva," Butler said casually. It wasn't nice to poke fun at Artemis, and he knew that. Didn't mean he wouldn't do it, though.

Artemis, despite his best efforts, blushed a little. "Highly unlikely," he said, his voice clipped. "Somehow, I don't think this girl is a genius trying to outsmart me."

"What makes you think so? The robot on the shirt?"

"That, and I'm sure she would conceal herself better if she had any interest in doing me harm. And such an outfit is highly recognizable, there are too many witnesses. Too many people could recognize her. She may as well be that gentleman in the cowboy hat and briefs." That had been an unpleasant encounter six blocks back.

"She's approaching," Butler said tensely, preparing himself. She didn't look dangerous, but it was impossible to tell until something went terrible wrong just how bad a situation could be.

"Let me talk," Artemis said patiently, "and just be ready." He didn't need to tell Butler this, but Artemis liked to establish how things went before they went.

The girl stopped in front of them and smiled shyly. She had a white cord trailing from her left ear. An ipod, Butler thought, or an earpiece? "Hi," she said, addressing both Artemis and Butler. Butler said nothing, but nodded politely enough. Artemis took center stage.

"Hello," he said, trying to sound casual. "May I ask, why have you been trailing us?"

"Oh," the girl said, obviously embarrassed, "I'm sorry about that. I just didn't know what to say. That must seem pretty creepy, huh?"

Artemis studied her. She was ineloquent, most likely not a hired professional. Her mannerisms indicated nervousness, yet she could look him right in the eye. Was it an act? "Creepy, no," he assured her. "Just a bit unsettling. Perhaps you could enlighten me on why it is I see you wherever I go?"

She gave Artemis a funny look, one he was used to getting. It was a look that asked why he was doing all the talking and not the adult beside him. "Um, well," she continued, her accent flat and mildly amusing to the Irish boy, "I didn't quite know how to approach you. I didn't want to seem like one of the psycho stalker people who walk the streets every day, but…" Her eyes remained fixed on the ground. "I was wondering if I could persuade you to meet me somewhere tonight."

Naturally, Artemis' first reaction was 'Why?'. What could this girl possibly want from him, and how did she even know who he was? Granted, there was enough information about him on the internet to fill a good sized novel, but this woman did not seem the type to be interested in such endeavors. Then another thought came to him, one that was much more logical. She was interested in meeting him socially. It seemed such an odd request it took a moment for him to respond. "Oh," he said simply, not having had a prepared statement for such a thing. "Well, as flattering as it is, I don't think-" His words were cut off by laughter. The girl's laughter. She was laughing at him.

"Uh," she chuckled, "As tempting as pedophilia is, no. I wasn't talking about you."

"Then-" He stopped, looked back over his shoulder, and rounded back to the girl. "Him?" he asked, not even bothering to hide his surprise.

"Yeah." She blushed a little and tucked a strand of short, dark hair behind her ear.

Artemis, for once, was at a great loss for words. He looked back at Butler, who seemed even more confused than the teenager. Butler was a tall, dark, imposing personality. No one had ever just walked up to him on the street and asked him out. Most people avoided him at all costs. The girl was small, perhaps five foot three at most. She looked up at the towering manservant like a child would to their father. Her eyes were wide and expectant.

"Well?" Artemis asked his colleague, not hiding his amusement.

Butler paused for thought a moment. "No?" he said at last, posing it as more of a question.

The girl's face fell. "Oh," she said, "that's okay. I mean, I am just a stranger on the street after all. Who knows where I'm from, right?" She laughed half-heartedly. "I could have escaped from prison this morning for all you know."

"Wait a moment," Artemis implored her. "Just stay here a moment." He motioned for Butler to follow him a few feet off. "Why not?" he asked once they were a safe distance away.

Butler looked at the boy like he were crazy. Did he even have to ask? "I am not here on a social call," he informed his employer. "Besides, she's just a child. I'm far too old for her."

"Nonsense," Artemis said lightly. Truth be told, this was very interesting. As little as he knew about Butler's past, he knew even less about his romantic life and at the moment he was finding it very interesting. "When was the last time someone asked you out, socially?"

"Er… Socially not on business?"

"That would be the social I mean, yes."

"I don't know," he replied honestly. "But there is a reason for it. I can't exactly take a night off, can I?"

"I insist you go."

"I'm not going."

"You want to."

"No, I don't. Can we drop this now, Artemis?" He looked past the boy to the young woman waiting for them. She was pretty, he supposed. Too young for him, though. She didn't seem his type anyway.

Artemis sighed, but accepted the answer and returned to the girl. She bit her lip and smiled. She is attractive, he thought. A bit young, yes, but age doesn't matter all too much, does it? And would only be the one time. Still, Butler had said no and it was ultimately up to him. "Well, I apologize," he began, "but-"

"Yes," Butler interrupted, an action which seemed to surprise himself as well as the other two.

"Yes?" the girl asked, her enthusiasm renewed. "Really?"

"Yes."

"Okay, great! Wow." She smiled widely, showing two pretty rows of straight, shiny teeth. "I didn't expect you to say yes." She pulled a notebook from her pocket and wrote something down. "This is my number," she said brightly, handing the paper to Butler. He took it cautiously. "Call me tonight and we can make arrangement from there." She smiled, turned to go, then turned back. "Just to clarify things, he's coming too, I suppose?" She jerked a thumb in Artemis' direction. Butler nodded, still holding the paper as though it were a stick of dynamite. "Okay," the girl conceded. "I figured. Your son?"

"No," Artemis said immediately.

"Okay, then you must be his bodyguard."

Butler seemed to come out of his semi-daze. "What makes you think so?" he asked, almost accusingly. Maybe this was a set-up after all.

"Because of the way you were acting around him. You were looking around as though making sure nothing could come near him. I figured that was either total devotion or payroll." She thought it over a second. "Maybe both."

Wow, Butler thought idly, So much like Juliet.

"Yes," Artemis admitted, "he is my butler."

"Yeah, and because you do most of the talking, I figured you were in charge." She tossed her hair. "So, does your butler have a name?"

"Well… Actually, it's Butler."

The girl seemed relatively unfazed. "Does he have a first name?"

"None that I know of."

"Okay then, Butler it is. I'm Paige." She shook hands with Artemis and gave a small wave to the Eurasian. "Bye." She turned and walked quickly away, obviously giggling and talking to herself. Artemis watched her go a moment, then looked back at Butler, who seemed to be analyzing what in the hell had just happened.

"So," Artemis said, trying to sound nonchalant. "You have a date tonight?"

Butler started walking and his principle followed. "Not one word, Artemis," he said, knowing he'd get enough from Juliet when she found out (and she would, somehow, find out). "Not one word."

"Not a word," Artemis promised, smirking.