She stood in the train station for thirty-nine seconds after he left. Her feet were glued to the ground and she just stood in bewildered slice, replaying his words in her head. For thirty-nine seconds she felt numb with shock, unable to move or speak. But on the fortieth second, she began to run, yelling his name repeatedly as everyone stared at the fallen socialite. Her suitcase remained in the middle of the station, forgotten. It would surely be stolen in under a minute, but Lily could care less. All she wanted to do was to get him to listen, for him to hear her side of the story because she couldn't bear for him to hate her. So she moved on foot in front of the other, sprinting out of the open double doors in a practically hopeless effort to catch up to Rufus Humphrey.
'Rufus!' she screamed, running through the busy streets of Manhattan. She didn't even notice the cold wind whipping at her hair, freezing her pale skin. She suddenly stopped, her Balenciaga flats skidding to a halt when she saw that grey turtleneck walking down the street. 'Rufus!' she shrieked, gliding down the street in an effort to catch up to the love of her life. 'Rufus, please stop.' And he did, and she would never understand why. 'I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry.' She sobbed when she finally caught up to him, finally noticing the tears that were streaming down her cheeks. 'I should have told you as soon as I found out, but my mother said that I shouldn't – that a child was the last thing you needed. She told me that all you wanted was a music career, and a child would have made that impossible. And I believed her.'
'That wasn't your choice to make!' he was still remarkably angry, and betrayed.
'I know. And I am so sorry. There will never be a moment of my life where I'm not sorry. There are so many things I would have done differently.' She held his gaze, silently pleading for him to stay and talk to her. But he ignored her wish and carried on walking. 'I love you!' she shouted, desperately trying to get him to stop. 'I'm in love with you. I never stopped and I never will. And we –we're supposed to be on a train right now, holding hands and kissing like the teenagers we once were. And we're supposed to spend Christmas together, lounging around in bed and exchanging hastily bought presents.' He carried on walking, pretending to not hear what she was saying, but she followed him, finally screaming the answer to his question.
'It was a girl!' He stopped dead in his tracks and she kept walking until she stood next to him. 'It was – It is a girl. They let me name her, I don't know why but they did. I named her – I know it's stupid, but I named her Lily. I just wanted her to always have a part of me with her, and if all I could give her was my name, then … Um, I actually named her Lily Rose, after your mother. She was always so sweet to me, and I wanted her to have a part of you too. I spent two days with her before they took her away. I never slept; I just held her in my arms and stared at her constantly. She was so beautiful. She had this thin blanket of blonde hair on the crown of her head. But she had your eyes, and I felt horrendously guilty every time she looked at me. It was a closed adoption, I knew if I ever saw her again I would kidnap her from her bedroom.' Lily paused to take a breath, and when she raised her eyes to meet his, he looked completely captivated, but so hurt.
'Why did you give her up? Were you worried about what people might think?' he hit her where it hurt and she winced, tears blurring her vision once again.
'Yes, Rufus, that exactly why I gave our daughter up. Not because I was nineteen and alone and scared or because my mother practically forced me to put Lily up for adoption. I did it because I was so fucking terrified of what people would say. How could you say that to me, after everything we've been through.'
'After everything that we've been through, how could you keep my child from me?'
'I don't know!' she screamed, tears pouring down her face. 'I am so sorry Rufus. I wanted us to start over because I love you, and I should have told you twenty years ago. I made a mistake, and I have had to live with that for twenty years. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.' She repeated over and over again, sobbing uncontrollably. And he eventually began to break down a little, because despite everything that had happened, he would always be deeply in love with her.
'It's ok Lil. It'll be ok. I just needed some time.' She nodded repeatedly, still crying hysterically.
'When you're ready to speak to me again, I want to find her. I want to meet her Rufus, and I want you to be by my side when I do.
'I will be.' He promised before turning around and walking off, leaving her all alone on the busy street.