Intro
Its been five years since Stan has seen Cartman and Kenny. The three and Kenny all moved out to Las Vegas for college. But the tragic death of their friend Kenny hit Kyle and Cartman harder than Stan. Kyle and Cartman dropped out of school and their lives have spiraled downward ever since. Stan was able to pull through and graduated with an MBA. Kyle and Stan work at Walgreens. What will happen when Stan becomes the manager at the CVS across the street?
--
Prologue
"Kyle you dumb Jew! Get your crap out of my side of the room!"
Unfortunately, mortal enemies Kyle and Cartman had been roomed together in the dorms.
"Why asshole? Apparently you like things that belong to me!"
In the second semester of senior year, Cartman had stolen Kyle's girlfriend since sophmore year: Rebecca Cotswald.
"Don't be mad Kyle. I rid you of that herpes infected whore. You should be thanking me."
"More like you gave her an STD asswipe!"
--
It was the first day of class. Stan entered his Into to Environmental Science class. Only it wasn't like high school. His class had 200 students! He scanned the room for his girlfriend Wendy. He saw his angel sitting in the very front of the classroom, as usual.
"Hey babe. Lets go sit in the back and make out."
Wendy giggled. Stan took her hand and led her up the auditorium steps. The instructor entered and everyone got quiet. He started droning on and on about the class's policies and procedures.
"How's life so far in Cape Hall?" she whispered.
"Shit, Kyle and Cartman can't stop arguing. They kept me up until two in the morning last night with their incessant bickering. Then this morning Cartman heard me come in the bathroom and got out of the shower naked and swung his dick and said 'woo woo Stan bet Wendy would want some of this.' He's always been a major asshole but he seems to be getting worse!"
"Thats terrible honey. What about your roommate? Did he turn freak yet"
"Nah he's the shit. Knows everyone and everything about everything. He's got the hook up with a fake ID. I'm telling you that shit looks real."
"Stan, we're here to learn. Not party 24/7."
"I know babe but we gotta have a good time too."
--
"WOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! PARTY TIME!" yelled Cartman.
Stan's roommate was throwing yet another one of his legendary parties. Finals had just ended and everyone was in a jubilant mood. Everyone was already fall on your face drunk. Stan and Wendy were making out on the couch. Bebe Stevens was dancing on the table halfway naked and all the way wasted.
"Take it off ho!" screamed Cartman. "LET ME SEE IT!"
Kyle came out of the bathroom. "Hey thats my girlfriend ass-shit." he said to Cartman. "Come on Bebe, you're wasted. Let me put you in bed."
"Excuse me stupid Jew. Your whorefriend here wanted to give me a show. Let her take it off."
"I'm a star Kyle. Don't stop me! Hehe!"
Just as she was about to unhook her bra Kyle grabbed her off the table. She tried to resist but she was so drunk she could only flail weakly. Kyle noticed Kenny looking pretty sick so he decided he would make sure Bebe was safe and then help Kenny leave the party. He brought Bebe down the hall, tucked her in bed, and kissed her goodnight.
He returned to the party to find Cartman and the partygoers able to stay standing gathered around Kenny. "DRINK! DRINK! DRINK!DRINK!DRINK!" they shouted.
"What the hell is going on here Cartman? He's already way too drunk!"
ts bee
"I'm just giving poor ass Kenny something he can never afford. A whole bottle of vodka."
Kyle clenched his fists. "All semester long you've been the biggest ass Cartman."
"Oh yeah what are you gonna do about it you douche?"
Kyle punched Cartman with all his might right in the face. Cartman fell to the ground and rose with a bloody nose.
"Oh, you wanna get violent, do you Jew?"
Cartman pulled out a knife and lifted his hand up as if he were about to stab Kyle, when someone yelled out "Hey look at Kenny. He's not breathing!"
Kyle rushed over to his friend. "Oh my god Cartman. He must have alcohol poisoning. You killed Kenny! Quick! Someone call the police!"
Everyone started leaving the party in a hurry.
"Fine you pussies! I'll call myself!"
--
Kyle knelt down by Kenny's grave and wept silently. It had been two months since the night of the party, the night of Kenny's tragic death. "Man Kenny you were the best friend. Its been hard without you. Its not the same without you next to me in class. Even dumb shit like shopping at the grocery store was better with you."
Suddenly he heard footsteps. It was pretty late. No one should be visiting this close to nightfall. He turned around and saw Cartman with a bottle in a brown bag. His first impulse was to scream at Cartman, but he was mindful of Kenny and all the other souls in their enternal slumber.
"What are you doing here Cartman?"
"I-I-I've...I've been coming here. I feel responsible for. I am responsible for Kenny's death," he stammered. "I need his forgiveness."
"This is so unlike you Cartman."
"I need your forgiveness too, Kyle."
He thought about it for a while. They sat together in silence.
"Cartman. I can't forgive you for what you did. But maybe I can look at you without the urge to ram a rusty blade up your ass through your heart. Kenny would want peace."
"I understand man. Here have some of my drink."
Kyle chugged half the bottle.
--
Eventually spring break arrived. Stan and Kyle went back to South Park for break, while Cartman flew to Aruba for some fun in the sun.
"KYLE BROFLOVSKI! WHATS THIS? I GOT A LETTER FROM THE DEAN SAYING YOU WERE KICKED OUT OF SCHOOL! EXPLAIN!"
"Well mom. You see. Kenny's d-."
"DON'T WELL MOM ME. NO FAILURE SON OF MINE IS WELCOME IN THIS HOUSE. GET OUT NOOOOOOOOOOW!"
Kyle knew it was no use arguing. He got his bags and loaded up the car, headed back to Vegas. He reached in the backseat for a beer to take the edge off the drive.
Meanwhile in Aruba...
Cartman was having the time of his life. He was inebriated all the time and thoroughly enjoyed all the wet t-shirt contests. In the five days he had been there he had hooked up with seven different girls. However, his flight was supposed to leave the next morning. He spent the night partying it up and hooking up with yet another girl. Two hours before his 6 AM flight he caught the airport shuttle and left the drunken lump asleep in the bed. He got his boarding pass and proceeded to security. But as he was being screened there was a problem...