Title: Thankful
Author: GreysAddictJ
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Rating: NC-17/M
Summary: What happens when Callie receives an unexpected guest at Thanksgiving dinner?
A/N: I wrote this about a month ago for a holiday fanfic challenge on a message board I belong to. Now that I no longer need to keep my identity a secret for voting, I'm posting it. For the challenge, I was asked to write a Thanksgiving fic using the prompt "an unexpected visitor." This takes place after 7x07. Any subsequent events have not been taken into consideration.
She should be counting her lucky stars. She should be beyond thankful. After all, somehow, after almost uprooting her life to move to Africa, upon her return, Callie had come back to find that her job was still open and that her rather awesome apartment had not yet been rented. At least part of her life remained the same. However, it wasn't the part that really mattered. It was hard to be thankful when considering the large gaping hole in her chest where her heart had formerly resided. A hole that had seemingly grown larger each day after Arizona had left her standing in that airport. Yes, it was hard to be thankful.
She really hated Lexie Grey right now. She really did. Somehow, that pesky little resident had managed to not only convince several of the surgeons to have Thanksgiving dinner together, but she had also convinced Callie that it would be a good idea to host and cook said dinner. Cursing over the stove, she tried to remember why she had agreed to this. She no longer got the same joy out of cooking that she used to. But then again, she didn't really get joy out of much of anything. Even her bone-breaking, rock star surgeries didn't provide the same thrill.
As Callie looked out across her apartment at her friends gathered in the living room, it was hard not to be resentful. Sure, they all had their share of problems, but they seemed to be able to put those aside, to enjoy the evening, talking and laughing with each other. They could relax. They could joke. They could enjoy each other's company. It took every ounce of her remaining strength to put on a brave face, to pretend that her life wasn't in absolute tatters.
After putting the finishing touches on the meal, Callie called everyone to dinner. Just as people began to arrange themselves around the table, the doorbell rang. Perplexed, Callie went to answer the door. She wasn't expecting any additional guests, but perhaps someone had gotten out of work early. As she opened the door and revealed the visitor, Callie nearly collapsed in surprise.
"Hello Calliope," the unexpected guest said.
Standing in her doorway was a face she never expected to see again. Arizona Robbins.
Arizona, glancing past Callie to see the gathering of her former co-workers and friends, hesitated.
"Oh, you have company. That's right. It's Thanksgiving. I had lost track of the days with the amount I've been traveling this week. I should go." Arizona said as she turned to leave.
Callie stopped her. "You can stay. This is your family too." she said with a slightly harsh tone. "But just don't expect that waltzing back in here a month after abandoning me is going to magically fix this."
With that, Callie turned and made her way back to the kitchen to grab another place setting. Arizona came up behind her. She placed a hand on Callie's shoulder and said softly, "I'm so sorry." Callie shrugged away Arizona's hand and, ignoring her, rejoined her friends at the table. Arizona joined them, smiling at them awkwardly, unsure of what reception awaited her.
To say that the dinner was awkward would be an understatement. Certain of the surgeons took the diplomatic approach, welcoming Arizona home, asking her about Africa, and so forth. Others quickly drew a line in the sand, making sure Arizona knew that they sided with Callie and that it would take some time for her to earn her way back into their good graces.
Callie was doing her best to act as if nothing had happened. As if the reason for some of the happiest moments as well as some of the saddest moments of her life was not sitting at her dinner table. She tried not to show her emotions, to remain passive, to act as if the food on her plate was the most interesting thing in the world. But nobody was fooled. And Callie knew it.
Attempting to cut through some of the tension, Lexie suggested that everyone go around the table and announce something they were thankful for. Her suggestion was met with much resistance from many corners, but she finally convinced everyone to participate. They took turns, giving thanks for everything from family to good health to awesome surgeries. When it was Callie's turn, she finally raised her eyes from her dinner plate, and, gazing directly into Arizona's for the first time all evening, said, "I'm thankful for my friends, who are like my family, who stick by me through thick and thin and who trust me, who believe in me no matter what. I am thankful for these people, who will be by my side no matter what and who will never abandon me."
Arizona, knowing exactly what Callie's message was meant to be in, looked down, and tried to swallow the lump in her throat. After a moment of awkward silence, Teddy chimed in with what she was thankful for, thus starting up the process again. Arizona silently thanked her friend for this. When it came to Arizona's turn, she smiled weakly and softly said, "I'm thankful for second chances." She added, "and with that, I think I've already overstayed my welcome. I should go, especially since I have to work in the morning. The chief was gracious enough to give me my job back. I will see you all at the hospital."
As she rose to go, Mark called after her. "What about Africa? You got your job back here?"
"Yes," she answered. Locking eyes with Callie, she added, "I here to stay and I'm not going anywhere. Ever again." With that, she grabbed her coat and exited the apartment.
Callie ignored the sympathetic looks and comforting gestures that her friends sent her way for the rest of the evening. After the last of her guests had left, Callie sank down with a sigh onto the couch. Arizona was back. She had waltzed back into her life just like she had waltzed out just a month before. What did it mean? Why was she back? Did Callie even want her back? She didn't know. She was hurt. She was angry. She was sad. She was elated. She was everything in between. How was she supposed to react? Her first instinct was to lash out, to try and make Arizona feel as much pain as she'd felt over the past month. That instinct was quickly followed by one that told her to run directly back into the blonde woman's arms, to pretend that Africa and that damn grant had never happened. Giving up, Callie dragged herself to bed, where, tossing and turning, she continued her internal debate for much of the night.
Arizona wasn't faring much better. She had known, about 15 minutes into her flight to Malawi that she'd made a terrible mistake. She'd convinced herself that she was doing the right thing by leaving Callie behind. However, she knew that any joy she'd have gotten from helping children in Africa would be tempered by the overwhelming ache in her heart. Once she landed, she'd immediately put the wheels in motion to hire a replacement, determined that she could run the program from Seattle, with trips here and there to check up on progress. This process had taken nearly a month. Once her replacement was settled in, Arizona had jumped on the first plane available, connecting in several different cities, intent on only one thing – getting back to the love of her life. She'd convinced herself that their reunion would be joyous. That Callie would be just as happy to see her as she was to be coming home. She'd suppressed any doubts she'd had that she had irretrievably broken their relationship. Those doubts came crashing back the minute she'd seen Callie's reaction upon opening her apartment door. The look on Callie's face wasn't one of happiness. It was one of hurt and anger. It stung. She had her work cut out for her. But she was willing to work as long and as hard as was needed to convince Callie that she was in it for the long haul.
Arizona's attempts to win Callie back were not going well. Each and every time she attempted to speak to her, Callie would push her aside and walk away. Clearly, she wasn't willing to forgive and forget. However, Callie's anger gave Arizona hope. If she'd reacted with indifference, Arizona would have been worried. Anger showed that Callie still cared. As the old adage goes, "there's thin line between love and hate." Arizona just had to push Callie back over that line. And she would use whatever means possible to do so.
After a long day, replete with awkward interactions and stormy silences with Callie, Arizona collapsed on her hotel bed. She had to do something. Obviously, Callie was not ready to talk. After thinking for a moment, she came up with a possible solution. An old-fashioned letter. Of course, there was no guaranteeing that Callie would read it, but somehow, Arizona knew that Callie's curiosity would get the better of her. Sitting down at the hotel desk, Arizona grabbed some paper and began to pour her heart out onto the page. The words she wrote stirred up so many emotions, many of which she'd never admitted outside of her own mind before. Finally, after some extensive writing and a good crying jag, Arizona declared her letter done. Collapsing on her bed, she spent the rest of the night tossing and turning, trying to ignore the wreck that her life currently was.
Halfway through the following day, Callie entered the attendings' lounge. Much to her chagrin, Arizona was already inside the room. Arizona's constant attempts to talk had worn Callie's emotions thin. It took her last ounces of energy and self-control to rebuff Arizona's attempts at conversation. She just wasn't ready to go there yet. She couldn't yet trust herself to act appropriately – partly because she wasn't sure what the right course of action should be.
Much to Callie's relief, however, Arizona simply gave her a small, meek smile and exited the room. Callie breathed a quick sigh of relief. Once she reached her locker, she noticed a small envelope, addressed to her in all-too-familiar handwriting. Callie grabbed the envelope and threw it in the trash, and then hurried from the room. Almost instantaneously, she burst back through the door and retrieved the item from the trash can. Callie gingerly removed the letter from its envelope and sat down to read.
Dearest Calliope,
I hope you are actually reading this letter. I'd understand if you didn't – after the way we left things, I wouldn't blame you. There's so much I want to, need, to say to you and I'm not sure where to start. So please forgive me if this ends up being a bit of a rambling mess.
I'd like to start out by saying how sorry I am for this whole mess and that I love you with all of my heart. I won't and can't take the entirety of the blame for the situation we find ourselves in, but I know that I definitely own a fair share of that blame. I apologize for the way I handled things. I was so excited about the grant that I didn't want to think about the ramifications it would have on our relationship. Even though you wouldn't come right out and tell me, I knew you weren't happy about coming to Africa. Hell, you gave me plenty of rather obvious hints. But I chose to ignore those until the last possible moment, because I was too afraid to burst the happy little bubble we were in. I realize now that we've got a serious communication problem sometimes. Why are we so afraid to talk about the difficult things? Why couldn't you tell me how unhappy you were? Why couldn't I ask you how you really felt?
As much as it destroyed me (and is still destroying me), as much as I assume it hurt you, I stick by the decision I made. I could have handled it better, but I had to make you stay here in Seattle. And I had to go to Africa. I always say that I protect the things I love. I love you and had to protect you, whether you wanted me to or not. I had to protect you from yourself. I had to protect you from my own selfishness. You are such a giver. You always are giving away pieces of yourself. You have such a big heart and I love that about you. But you were about to give up too much of yourself for me. And I couldn't let you do that. So I had to make you stay. I've always thought of myself as a selfless person. I devote my life to saving the most vulnerable people. I was willing to uproot my life to go devote my talents to those in need in Malawi. But am I really? You were the one who was willing to give up everything you know for me – to let me go live a dream. Even though it made you miserable, you were going to try. I never gave you the same chance and I apologize.
It took all of my strength not to turn around and come running right back to you. But I'm not a quitter and I had to see my project through. I forced myself onto that plane and onward to Africa because I'm not someone who gives up. But I realize now that I gave up on us, on you. And it's the biggest mistake of my life. Some would say that leaving behind the Carter-Madison grant would qualify as a bigger blunder. But I know that's not true. The shining moment in my life is not the moment I won that grant. It's the moment I let you into my life. And if you'll let me, I'd like to spend the rest of our lives showing you just how thankful I am to have you in my life. I know you're angry and you have every right to be. But I'll be patient. I can wait. Because I'm not a quitter. And I'm never going to give up on you again.
All my love,
Arizona
As she finished reading the letter, tears fell from Callie's face onto the paper – adding newer blotches to the ink – matching the marks made earlier by her former lover's tears. Callie didn't know what to think. The constant warring emotions left her drained. On the one hand, she was over the moon that Arizona was back – that she had seemingly come back for her. On the other hand, she was furious. Arizona had walked out on her just like every other significant other she'd ever had. She had broken her. And yet she had waltzed back in expecting Callie to forgive her.
Suppressing these emotions, Callie once again put on the brave face that'd had become her mask of choice and exited the lounge. What she hadn't bargained for, however, was to immediately see the subject of her dilemma rolling down the hall. Her heart stopped, fixated on the object of her love and hate, as she smiled and greeted a nurse before entering a nearby supply closet.
Without knowing what she was doing, Callie found herself following Arizona into the closet. Taking Arizona by surprise, Callie grabbed the blonde by the shoulders, shoving her perhaps a little too forcefully against the nearest wall. Callie crashed her lips against Arizona's, moaning slightly as she felt the blonde respond to the kiss. Callie snaked her tongue into Arizona's dueling with the blonde for control. After a few moments, Arizona pulled away and attempted to speak. "Callie," she began.
"Don't. Just don't." Callie cut her off, once again attacking the blonde with a searing, soul-blinding kiss. Callie shoved her leg between Arizona's thighs, grinding it against her heated core. Enjoying the stream of soft moans coming from her ex, Callie continued her assault while kissing her way down Arizona's neck. Arizona let out a sound of frustration as Callie removed her leg from her center. However, the disappointment was soon replaced with sounds of pleasure as Callie shoved her hand down the front of the blonde's scrub pants, quickly inserting two fingers into Arizona's soaked core.
Callie quickly set up a rhythm, thrusting in and out of Arizona's center. Arizona's stream of moans became quicker as Callie used the force of her hips to slam into the blonde with even greater force. Knowing Arizona was close, Callie thrust into her as deeply as possible, intermittently dragging her thumb over her lover's bundle of nerves. After one last thrust, Callie felt the blonde quiver and clamp down onto her fingers, tumbling over the edge into ecstasy. Arizona cried out Callie's name and collapsed against her.
Once she was sure that Arizona could stand on her own, Callie removed her hand from the blonde's pants and quickly turned and left the room, slamming the door.
Arizona leaned against the wall, trying to catch her breath, both literally and figuratively. "What the hell just happened?" She wondered aloud. Clearly Callie was still angry. But still, the must be a good sign, right?
After a few more silent, rough and tumble encounters in various on call rooms and closets, Arizona had to consider another option. Was Callie simply going to use her as a fuck buddy, much like Mark Sloan? That was not an option she had considered. Could she be happy having only a part of Callie? Was just sex better than nothing at all? Arizona wasn't so sure and decided it was time to put a stop to it.
The next time Callie cornered her in an on call room, Arizona resisted her advances. Pulling away from Callie's embrace, she said "No. No, we're not going to do this. This was always our problem. We are always too quick to jump into bed and to avoid talking about the real issues. No more Calliope."
"Don't call me that," Callie interjected. "You haven't earned back the right to call me that."
"Well, good, at least you're talking to me. That's a start." Arizona replied. "That's the most you've said to me in the two weeks I've been back."
Arizona studied Callie's face, hesitant to go on, scared to say too much too soon. Pushing away her fears, she continued. "We need to talk, really talk. And I realize that you may not be ready. I'll wait until you are. But we can't go on like this. I don't want to just be the girl you meet in the on call room for a quick bang. We're better than that. I miss what we had. I realize what we had has been broken, that it will take a lot of repair work, that it might never be fixed. But I'm willing to try. And I'm willing to wait. But I'm not willing to continue on the way things are. The sex is great, and I missed that. But I miss more than that. I miss sharing stories about my day with you. I miss dancing like goofballs in the living room together. I miss seeing you smile when you tell me about one of your kick ass surgeries. I miss everything. So I'm willing to wait. And I'm willing to do anything it takes to fix this."
With that, Arizona turned to leave. Callie's words stopped her in her tracks.
"Anything?" Callie asked. "You told me to stay here and be happy. What if I'm happier without you? What if I asked you to just leave me alone? Would you do that?"
Arizona turned, and looking straight into Callie's eyes, said "I do anything for you, even if it meant letting this, letting us go. But I think both you and I know that's not what you really want. So tell me what you do want. And I'll do it."
"How can I trust you after you trampled all over my heart and left me?" Callie shouted angrily. "You left me. Just like George and Erica and everyone else has. That destroyed me. That was something I never thought I'd have to worry about with you. But I was wrong. How can I ever be sure it won't happen again? I survived this time. Barely. I don't think I could handle it again."
"I don't know what to tell you other than to apologize for the hundredth time. And to let you know that I'll do anything you want or need to earn your trust back." Arizona replied defeatedly.
"Fine. You want to prove to me that you're in this?" Callied asked. "You're going to do exactly what I say, when I say it, with no complaints, until I tell you otherwise. You've always been a bit of a control freak. So I need you to let go of that, to let your guard down, to show you trust me, and maybe in time, I'll learn to trust you again."
"Your wish is my command." Arizona replied with a weak smile, reluctant to give herself over completely to Callie's control.
"Alright," Callie said, thinking for a moment. "Your first punishment is no heelie sneakers. You have to walk everywhere. Oh, and also, no using the word awesome. And don't even think about cheating. I have spies everywhere."
"What does that even have to do with anything?" Arizona complained. "How does that help to fix our relationship?"
"It doesn't." said Callie. "But I'm still angry and it makes me feel better. Ready to give up so soon?"
"Absolutely not," replied Arizona. Taking off her heelies, and turning to leave, she added "this is going to be. . .super. You won't regret this." Giving Callie a weak smile, she left the room.
Mark watched as a shoeless Arizona left the on call room, followed a few moments later by Callie. Stopping her, he asked, "what's up with her shoes?"
"Oh, I told her that if she wanted to earn my trust back, she had to do whatever I said. So I told her she couldn't wear her roller shoes," Callie replied.
"I'm all for seeing blondie squirm, but don't you think that's a little mean?" he asked. "She looks like someone just killed her puppy."
"No, I don't. She deserves to squirm a little." Callie responded. "I trusted her unconditionally and she ripped my heart out. She deserves a little punishment. I was willing to give up my whole life for her. The least she can do is give up her shoes."
"Not that it's any of my business, but don't you think you should focus on the bigger picture?," Mark asked. "You know, like fixing your relationship, talking about the issues and problems that got you in this mess in the first place? And you're my friend first, but I gotta tell you, this isn't all on Robbins. You weren't exactly a bundle of joy in the weeks leading up to the move."
"Shut it, Mark. If I wanted your opinion, I'd ask for it," she responded. "And don't worry, I plan on talking to her and figuring out if we can fix this. I love her. But I also kind of hate her right now. So first, I get to be a little petty and juvenile. Then I'll be all mature and talk things out like a grown-up. So don't worry about it."
After a few more days of tormenting Arizona with demeaning tasks like serving as Mark's intern and making her dance like an idiot atop the bar at Joe's, Callie decided it was time to move on. Seeing Arizona leaning against the nurses' station, she came up beside her and said, "Meet me at our bench in the park after your shift. Your punishment is over, but you've got a test to pass."
Later that day, Arizona approached the bench with trepidation, wondering what Callie had meant by a "test." Seeing that the dark-haired woman had beaten her there, Arizona walked over to join her.
"So, I've always been awesome at tests. Hit me with your best shot." she joked nervously.
Callie gave her a small smile and said "So, it's not exactly a test. As you pointed out, we're not always the best at communicating. And at trust. I feel like you never fully trusted me. Like you could never fully let me in. I trusted you, but you couldn't seem to do the same. I'd find out little snippets of your life in passing, but you never really opened yourself up to me. I found out about your brother only because we had that fight about George enlisting. I found out that you didn't want kids only because I mistakenly assumed that you would. If I'm ever going to trust you again, you're going to have to show that you trust me. So we're going to play 20 questions. I'm going to ask you the questions and you're going to answer them, whether or not you want to."
Arizona let out a resigned sigh, scared to fully let down her guard, but knowing that it was something she needed and wanted to do. "Okay," she replied.
Callie smiled and grabbed Arizona's hand, realizing how vulnerable the blonde seemed. "Okay, we'll start with a few easy ones. First, what's your favorite book and why?"
"That's easy," Arizona replied. "Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen. I read it in high school and just loved the wit, the strong heroine, and the happy ending, of course. The only thing that would have made it better would have been if Mr. Darcy had been a Miss Darcy. But somehow I don't think the book would have become the classic it is today if Lizzy Bennet had been a lesbian. Just a hunch."
Callie smiled at Arizona's response. "Question number two. Who were you in high school? Were you the band geek? The jock? The homecoming queen? Let me guess, you were a cheerleader?"
"Nope," Arizona responded. "I was actually kind of a freak in high school. Went through kind of a dark period – dyed my hair black, had a few too many piercings, kept to myself. I was always good at school, but didn't really fit in. I was kind of a loner. Figuring out that I was gay didn't make things any easier. I'm thankful now for my formative years, but teenaged Arizona might have begged to differ."
"Wow," Callie replied. "I would not have guessed that. I guess I'll use question number three to ask you how you went from that to the perky, outgoing person you are today."
Arizona thought for a moment and then said "I kind of used college as a chance to reinvent myself. I realized that it was the perfect chance to start over. I just made an effort to put myself out there, to meet new people, and was shocked to discover that not everyone was the judgmental, self-centered jerks I'd known in high school. It's amazing what effect having a positive attitude can have over your life if you just let it."
"What made you want to become a surgeon?" Callie asked.
"It was a combination of things. First, I'd always been good at science, so majoring in biology was a natural course of action for me. Also, as part of my new outlook on life, I decided that I wanted to do something where I could truly make a difference in the world. I'm one of those corny do-gooders who went into medicine with that in mind. But most of all, I wanted to make my family, especially my father proud. Knowing who I was, I couldn't follow him into the military, not with 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell.' I wasn't willing to live a lie. So I had to do something that I knew he'd be proud of. And medicine was a way to be of service to the common citizen much like what he did in the Marines. Devoting my life to making a difference to others, just in another way."
Callie smiled, appreciating Arizona's thoughtful answer. "Somehow I knew you weren't the type who went into medicine just for the big bucks. Question 5. Tell me about your brother."
Arizona hesitated, momentarily resisting the sensitive subject. "Danny was my best friend. He and I were only two years apart. Growing up, we did everything together. I was a tom boy, so I grew up playing sports and cops and robbers and getting into scrapes right along with him. When we got older, we became even closer. He was the first person I told when I realized that I liked women. It was him who convinced me to come out to my parents – reassuring me that it would be okay, that they would be okay. We shared everything. We'd talk about girls, life, our hopes, our dreams. I was so proud of him when he followed in my dad's footsteps and joined the military. Even though the job was dangerous, I somehow never thought that we'd lose him. Losing him is something I'll have to live with for the rest of my life. There's a hole inside of me that I think won't ever be filled. I miss him every day. When something good happens, when something bad happens, one of my first instincts is still to go and tell him. But he's not here to listen. I miss him so much…" Arizona cut off, fighting back tears.
Callie pulled her into an embrace, attempting to comfort the blonde. Placing a gentle kiss against Arizona's temple, she said "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to open up old wounds."
Arizona shook her head. "No, no, you were right to ask. I need to share everything with you. Not just the easy stuff. Not just the happy stuff. . . Everything."
"Thank you," Callie replied. After throwing Arizona several more softball questions, Callie switched back to more difficult topics. "Do you really want to have kids, or was that just something you said in the heat of the moment after the shooting? Because as I think we both learned from this Africa thing, it will break us if we compromise too much just to make the other person happy."
"That's a no brainer," Arizona quickly responded. "I meant what I said. Our breakup and Africa just reaffirmed that for me. I want you. I want a family with you. I can't imagine anything more perfect than sharing our home and our love with a few munchkins. My resistance to having children was another protective barrier I'd put up. After seeing so many kids and their parents suffer, after seeing Danny die, I was afraid to create a tiny human of my own, only to see and go through than same kind of suffering myself. I was afraid that it I opened myself up to that kind of unconditional love, I'd be opening myself up to the possibility of that kind of terrible pain if something bad happened. But I've learned, mostly through my relationship with you is that you have to be willing to take the risk. Yes, there may be pain occasionally, but the love can be even greater. So yes, I still can't live without you and our 10 kids."
"Well, 10 may be stretching it, but it's nice to know the offer still stands." Callie replied with a smile, pulling Arizona in for a quick kiss. "Question 18. Why can't you trust me?" Callie asked. "Especially around Mark. I feel like I'll never be good enough for you. Like no matter what I do, you still expect me to suddenly change my mind and go back to men. Isn't the fact that I was devoted and faithful to you for all that time a signal that I wasn't going anywhere?"
Arizona exhaled deeply, formulating her answer. "It's not you . . .it's me. You've done nothing to earn my mistrust and I apologize for that. It's just, about 2 years before we met, I was in a relationship with another 'newborn.' Her name was Kate. I threw myself wholeheartedly into the relationship. Gave myself completely. I fell and I fell hard. I thought she was the one. Looking back in hindsight, I'm sure she wasn't. But we met shortly after Danny's death and I think I needed to fill the void that his loss had left me. So I entered that relationship with all my barriers down, ready to commit, ready to find someone who would love me and support me like Danny had. We'd been dating about a year when I came home early one night to find her in bed with a man. She informed me that while our 'fling' had been fun, she just wasn't fulfilled by being with a woman. So she left me for him. And when I saw your friendship with Mark, especially given that I know you have a history with him, it made me nervous. What if like Kate, you too decided that I couldn't give you what a man could? My fear grew larger as my feelings for you did. The more I let my guard down, the more I could get hurt if you left me. I realize now that this wall I put up has done its own fair share of damage to our relationship. For that I'm sorry. And I'll do my best to let you in from now on."
"No one's perfect, Ari," Callie said as she laid her palm gently against the blonde's cheek, attempting to convey her thanks for the Arizona's willingness to be vulnerable and to let Callie in.
"How many questions is that now?" Arizona asked. "It's got to be close to 20."
"You've got a few more left yet" Callie replied. "Here's number 19. . ." Callie hesitated for a moment, feeling insecure about her next question and whether or not she wanted to hear the answer. "Why did you leave me? Everyone leaves me, but I didn't expect that of you. It hurt. A lot. And what took you so long to come back?"
Arizona gave her a weak smile and gently caressed Callie's cheek. "Calliope. . . is it okay if I call you that?" Callied nodded. "Leaving you was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. When I applied for that grant, I was in a totally different place in my life. I was single, unattached, new in town. At that point, my career was pretty much the only focus in my life. I couldn't have anticipated how much my life would change in just two short years. How one person could become the center of my universe. I also really had no real belief that I'd win such an honor. When I found out that I'd won, I was in shock. I was elated – it was something that very few people can put on their resume – a real crowning achievement in my career. And I'm someone who follows through on my commitments . . . or at least I thought I was. I guess I didn't follow through on my commitment to you. I've always been very good about living in denial. Letting myself ignore the bad and focus on the good. Even before I discovered her cheating, I knew Kate wasn't in it for the long haul – but I ignored the signals, wanting to believe everything was perfect. When I realized what the grant would do to our relationship, I went right back into that protective bubble. I focused on being happy, pretended that I didn't see how upset you were to be moving to Africa. But in the end, I couldn't pretend anymore. You meant . . .you mean too much too me. I couldn't let you be unhappy. And I thought leaving you behind in Seattle was the lesser of two evils. If you'd come along, we would have been together, but you would have ended up resenting me. And I'd probably have ended up resenting you for resenting me. At least if you stayed behind, you'd have a career you loved and friends to support you. And a small part of me hoped you'd still be here waiting for me in three years, even if that was selfish of me. I realized very quickly, however, that it was my turn to sacrifice. You had been willing to give up your life, your career, for me. I hadn't been willing to do the same. The problem was, my dream, the dream of helping children in Africa, was no longer palatable to me. After spending about half of the flight crying my eyes out, I pulled myself together and got planning. I immediately called the chief and begged him to hold my job for me. Then I had to convince the grant committee that I could hire competent surgeons and run the program from overseas, just making visits here and there. Not quite the dream the way I had planned it, but I had. . . have a new dream. And that dream is being right here with you."
Arizona looked down at their joined hands, scared to look at Callie and to gauge her reaction.
"Last question," Callie said, gently lifting Arizona's chin so that their eyes met. "Would you like to move back in? I know we've still got a lot more talking to do, many more things to work out, but I have no doubt we'll get there. I love you and I can't stand the thought of you spending Christmas in that hotel room by yourself."
"If you're sure . . . " Arizona replied timidly.
"I'm sure." Callie said, kissing Arizona briefly before grabbing hold of the blonde's hand and leading them towards home.
The couple spent the next few weeks talking things through, repairing the breaks in their relationship. On Christmas morning, Arizona was awakened by gentle kisses from her girlfriend.
"Wake up, sleepyhead. Santa left you a present." Callie said.
Looking at the clock, Arizona groaned. "Since when are you a morning person, Calliope? It's 6am."
"I know, but I couldn't wait any longer. So wake up and open your present." With that, Callie placed a small, neatly wrapped package in Arizona's hand.
Arizona, allowing Callie's Christmas spirit to invade her, sat up with a smile and unwrapped the package. Her breath caught in her throat as the wrapping paper fell away to reveal a small, velvet box. "Calliope. . ." she began.
Callie took the box from her and opened it, revealing a beautiful diamond ring. "I know we've been through a lot. And maybe this is too soon. But I love you so much and despite everything, I trust you with my life, but more importantly, I trust you with my heart. I want to wake up like this with you every Christmas morning, in fact every morning, for the rest of our lives. Arizona Robbins, will you marry me?"
"Yes, yes! Calliope! Of course I'll marry you." Arizona responded, pulling Callie in for a deep kiss. "But Calliope, you ruined my Christmas present for you! How am I supposed to top this?" With that, Arizona pulled a ring box from underneath her pillow and said simply "Calliope Torres, will you do me the honor of being my wife? Will you let me be crazy and neurotic and vulnerable with you for the rest of our lives?"
Callie smiled and responded, "Of course!" After exchanging rings, Callie pulled Arizona into her arms and added "About a month ago, I was asked what I was thankful for. I'd like to revise my answer. Of all things in this world, I am thankful for you, Arizona Robbins."