Title: I Keep Getting Stuck (But I'm Never Giving Up)

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: James/Carlos

Warning: Big Time Rush, show and band, do not belong to me, this is a work of fiction and I'm gaining no profit out of this.

Summary: I drag Carlos away as I hum Stuck under my breath and marvel at how I can feel Carlos's laugh from the way we're pressed close together.

AN: Alright, I'm not too sure about this one, to be honest. I didn't really want to post this at first but I thought I might as well. I hope I'm wrong about it, and that you enjoy it.

I'll do it. This time for sure, no more dicking around, James. Today is the day.

I walk with determination, purpose echoing with my steps. My goal: a boy sitting on a lawn chair by the Palmwood's transparent and reeking of chlorine pool, getting closer and closer. The sweet-faced boy who holds me captive with his every breath was reading a magazine, the sun shining on him as if that was its sole purpose.

Wow, that was some pretty poetic shit. I guess incredible, sense-overwhelming lust does that to people. Or at least to me.

I puff out my sculpted chest, flip my luscious hair and make my way over to Carlos Garcia.

This is it. Today is the day I tell Carlos I feel an intense, sexual desire for his body.

Or, you know, that I like like him.

"Ahem, Carlos."

I make my voice deep, putting as much sexual appeal into the name of the boy I would love to get into my bed as I can manage.

"Hey, James! Hang on a sec."

I can't help the comical widening of my eyes or the way my jaw drops slightly, all I need is smoke to come out of my ears to finish the look. Because in what my lust-struck eyes see as slow motion, Carlos takes hold of the hem of his black tank top, lifts his arms and little by little more skin is revealed as he takes it off. It is the sexiest impromptu strip tease I have ever seen, and I've seen quite a few of those in my time.

I quickly snap out of it, wipe the drool form my mouth and smile as if I don't have a vicious urge to kiss Carlos until his lips looked red and raw and-

Right, snapping out of it. Plenty of time to fantasize during my alone time in the shower.

Still, I can't stop the way my breath stutters when Carlos looked up at me, big brown eyes staring with the kind of mischievous innocence that has always belonged to him.

Also, his perky nipples are daring me to do something. Like lick them. Or bite them.

"James?"

"Uh… you should put on some sunblock. Wouldn't want something as petty as skin cancer putting the band on a hiatus."

Nice, James. Nice.

This always happens. It's always the same, time after time. I wake up with a mess in my shorts and bravely decide that I will finally tell Carlos about this. But then Carlos does something, like smile at me, or eat a corndog, or buy me pie and the words escape me, and I say something stupid and then I leave and wallow in my sexually frustrated misery.

Carlos just laughs and shakes his head, amusement coloring his tan face.

"You're right. Hey, mind putting some on my back?"

Oh, sweet baby Jesus, don't do this to me.

"Yeah, no problem."

Great, now I'm screwed.

As my shaking hands take the sunblock from Carlos, and as I sit down behind him, I contemplate the consequences of sexually molesting Carlos in front of all these people. Of course, Carlos would just take it as a joke or a friendly pat on the back. Let me tell you something, there wouldn't be anything friendly about it. No sir.

And as my still shaking hands gather creamy lotion and start to spread it over Carlos's tanned, muscled back, I start thinking of plans to cover up my very obvious erection from half of the Palmswood.

I hum under my breath as I admire myself in the bathroom mirror. I am one handsome beast.

"Dude, hurry the fuck up, I need to pee."

I turn and see Kendall leaning against the doorway.

"Well, you're gonna need to hold it in. I'm busy."

Very busy, actually. It is crucial that I looked my absolute best. I need to be freaking irresistible.

A goal not hard to reach, if I do say so myself.

"What the hell are you even doing? And staring at yourself doesn't count as busy. Go find another shiny surface, douche bag."

Someone is going to need to wash his mouth out with soap. But I don't move, despite the little dance Kendall is doing. I guess he really does need to use the bathroom. Too bad.

"I am too busy. I'm getting ready to go out, and I need to look my best."

"Out? With who?"

"Carlos."

Oh-uh. The dancing stopped.

Kendall Knight got serious. This is going to be such a drag.

"James, are you sure that's a good idea?"

"What are you talking about? We're just going to see a movie. No big deal."

Except it is a big deal. I had asked Carlos to the movies, meaning it to be a date, but, like the sexy coward that I am, I bailed at the last minute. Now Carlos thinks we're going to watch a movie, just two friends hanging out.

I grip my lucky comb so hard that it almost snaps in two. Before I do anymore damage I gently place it on the sink. I don't look up, I don't need to see the pity on Kendall's eyes and I don't acknowledge the tense silence.

Kendall sighs and claps his hands together, looking at me with determination and vague amusement.

"Well, I've decided we're going to have to talk about this James."

"Fuck off Kendall."

"Logan and I have strategically planned a confrontation with you, so be prepared."

Oh, now he's roped poor Logan into this, too. I try not break Kendall's nose as I push past him and make my way out of the suddenly too small bathroom. Funny how Kendall always does this, makes me feel like this. I don't think it's healthy.

"Go take the piss you so desperately need and stay out of my fucking business, Kendall."

I can't just leave without saying anything. Words don't work well with Kendall, but I fear actions will just result in my knuckles bruised.

"Have a nice time, James. I hope your thoughts aren't plagued with my smug face during your date with Carlos."

That makes me stop.

"… It's not a date."

It's not a date.

I don't think it'll ever be a date.

"And I most certainly won't think of your ugly face."

Stupid Kendall.

"James, please?"

"But, Carlos…"

I try to look down at those big brown eyes, but I can feel the hesitance drain out of me. Why am I arguing anyways? I'll end up saying yes to Carlos, it's impossible for me not to.

We're waiting at the line to buy the movie tickets, shuffling a few steps forwards every little while. This is fun. Is it weird that even waiting in line is fun with Carlos? What am I saying? Of course it is.

"Pretty please? With a James on top? Ha ha, see what I did there? With James instead of cherry? Anyways, come on! It'll be fun."

Fuck, I love him.

I love Carlos.

Well, no big surprise there. I've been in love with him for a long time now, all the way from Minnesota, I've just been trying to convince myself it's only lust. Pretty stupid of me, but I thought that way it would lessen the pain of the inevitable heartbreak.

I can't deny it, though. I don't even want to anymore, it's like I'm too tired to remember all the reasons I had to deny deny deny. I love everything about Carlos. I feel good when I'm around him, I feel happy and light and I can't think of anything else but him. Not even myself.

I hope this isn't going to be a problem. It probably will be. Shit.

"Fine, but only because I want to know what happened to the princess she became a regular pony."

"Yes!"

Carlos jumps and throws his arms in the air, striking a pose. Carlos looks at me, all serious and intense, and I try to stop the butterflies but I can't. I just hope it doesn't show on my face.

"You're paying right?"

"Carlos!"

I try look offended as we walk towards the cashier, but I probably fail at hiding the goofy smile.

Funny how I keep trying but I can't help anything, not with Carlos. He makes me weak.

"What? You know I spent all my money on those corndogs. Really, you should've stopped me."

"You are unbelievable. Um, two tickets to 'Unicorn Princess: The Return' please."

The girl behind the cashier smiles and types something into a computer.

"Of course, that'll be eight dollars please."

I pull out my wallet and give her the money as I stick my tongue out at Carlos, who just returns the gesture.

"There you go. Your change is of two dollars. Have a nice date."

The automatic 'thank you' dies at the tip of my tongue.

Date?

"Thanks! Come one, James, buy me some popcorn."

I only stare in shock at the nothing in front of me. What is happening? Why is everything looking like it's moving too fast?

Date?

"Mmm. I want the Jumbo Combo, please. Oh! And a big Icee."

And Carlos didn't say anything. He didn't deny it, or correct it. Didn't even look surprised!

Why?

Wait.

Does Carlos think this is a date? Is it? Did I ask him out on a date and didn't even notice?

But that can't be right. No, it can't be.

"James? Come on, pay for the food, I'm starving!"

This can't be a date, I'm not ready for this to be a date. I- I mean, this isn't right for a date. I'm not dressed for it, and I'm not acting like it is, and neither is Carlos.

Next thing I know, Carlos is sitting next to me at the dark movie theater, we got good seats, too. I've got a huge box of popcorn on my lap, and a huge cherry Icee on the cup holder next to me. I love cherry Icee.

I turn to look at Carlos in the dimmed lights. He is stuffing his mouth with nachos, the melted cheese dripping down his fingers, and oh god, I hope he doesn't lick it off.

Feeling my stare, Carlos looks at me and smiles, pieces of chewed nachos showing, and it is so adorable. I clear my throat twice before I make sure that I know what I'm going to say.

"Hey. Why didn't you say anything to the cashier?"

I'm aiming for casually interested, but I get nervous instead.

"What do you mean?"

I look directly at the theatre screen that's showing a trailer for some kiddie movie. I can feel Carlos's eyes on me, though, and it's the first time that I wish they were looking anywhere else but at me.

"You know, about the whole 'have a nice date' thing."

The whole 'have a nice date' thing, god, why am I such a mess?

"Oh, that. Well, I don't know. It just seemed like a waste of time to explain. Plus, it doesn't really matter."

Relief flushes heavy and quick through me, leaving me short of breath and giving me the urge to laugh. The nerves that had been eating away at me disappear just as quickly as they came.

So maybe I still haven't told Carlos about my crush, and maybe I'm a total coward when it comes to him, but I know that whatever happens, Carlos will still be Carlos.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. You want some M&M's?"

"Dude. Do you even have to ask?"

As soon as we walk into the apartment, still munching on the popcorn that we didn't finish at the movies, Kendall is waiting for us at the kitchen.

I tense and push down the fight or flee reaction. This will probably get nasty.

"Carlos, James." Kendall nods at us.

Carlos skips over to Kendall, actually skips.

How adorable.

"Hey, Kendall! The movie was awesome, you should've been there, or well, no, because then Logan would've come too and then you two wouldn't have stopped talking and whispering and giggling and then the movie wouldn't have be so awesome anymore…"

A faint pink of a blush appears on Kendall's cheeks and he coughs and looks away. I laugh. Only Carlos can embarrass the fearless Kendall without even trying.

"Yeah, well… Carlos, I heard that the Jennifers were looking for you, something about shoe shopping?"

I can see how Carlos's whole body tenses up, like a winded spring. I can also feel my anger and jealousy slowly ruin my good mood from my time with Carlos.

"Really? Oh man, this is great!"

Stupid Jennifers and their stupid attractiveness, and Carlos's stupid straightness.

Carlos shoots me a grin and a thumbs up before slapping on his helmet and running out of 2J. Off to go shoe shopping with three extremely hot girls.

I turn to Kendall, unreasonably angry at him. It's not my fault, really, he just makes it easy. But Kendall stands up and walks over from the kitchen until he was standing in front of me, arms crossed and chin tilted up.

"Logan!"

The door leading into Logan and Kendall's room opens and Logan walks out, shuffling his feet and looking down. It's not until Kendall turns to him and motions for him to hurry up that Logan takes his place next to Kendall and mirrors his stance.

What the actual fuck?

"Really? You're actually doing this?"

Logan clears his throat and refuses to meet my angry eyes. Kendall does, though. With a smug smirk and raised eyebrow. What an asshole.

"I said we were going to have a confrontation, James. I told you this right before your man date with Carlos."

"Shut up, it wasn't a date. And this is none of your business."

It isn't, it's just Kendall being nosy and sticking himself in the middle of messes that have nothing to do with him. I've always hated when he does that, even though I grudgingly admit that in most cases, he ends up fixing said messes.

"Oh but, you see, that's where you're wrong, because it is my business. And it's Logan's, too."

I tense up, fury manipulating my body and anticipating a fight.

"How the fuck do you figure, Kendall?"

"Because Carlos is our best friend, and so are you, and if this whole thing ends badly, then we have to live with the consequences as well. This isn't all about you."

I laugh humorlessly, unbelieving of Kendall's logic. I throw my arms out in exasperation and look at him with a scoff and a burst of words that weren't supposed to be said out loud.

"Oh, I get it! I'm sorry, Kendall, if I thought that me being in love with Carlos has nothing to do with me. Because that makes fucking sense. God."

A suffocating silence that's slowly becoming awkward settles around all three of us. Fuck, I wasn't supposed to say that.

"You're in love with him?"

It's the first time Logan's talked since this whole 'confrontation' started. When things like this happen, Logan's always the one who talks the least, but the one that says the words that strike deep. This time it's no different.

"Yeah."

"I guess that changes everything."

Logan shakes out of his stance and walks over to the kitchen nonchalantly, serving himself a cup of orange juice.

What the hell?

"What?"

Logan looks up at me with wide eyes, flicks his gaze at Kendall, who is still standing with his arms crossed but his eyes no longer meet mine, then looks back at me.

He takes a sip of his juice and sets it down before talking. I clench my fists and try not to punch anything.

"Kendall and I thought this was all about some random boner you had for Carlos. We thought you, you know, just wanted a fling. We didn't know you loved him."

"Well, I do. So take that."

Kendall finally stops being a coward and goes back to being an asshole.

"You should do something about it."

"Yeah, I'm working on that."

It's a difficult process, a slow one. It takes time, dedication, severe mood swings and a lot of whining.

"You should hurry."

"You should shut up."

"I'm just saying."

"Which happens to be the opposite of shutting up."

Kendall grins at me and I return an easy smile. The tension that's been surrounding us from the first time Kendall gave me a knowing look disappears and the familiar ease returns.

I can hear Logan mumble something about us being 'idiots' but he's chuckling under his breath and I decide not to throw a pillow at his face.

"I'm leaving now." I announce, already turning towards the door.

"Say hi to Camille for me."

"Sure Logan."

Camille opens her door to find me standing on the other side, clutching The Notebook and the first Harry Potter movie on one hand, and a bag of French fries on the other.

"Hi, Camille."

I smile but I guess I don't do a good job because Camille wastes no time in pulling me inside.

She sits me in front of her TV and grabs two plastic cups, a huge bottle of Coke and ketchup before putting in one of the movies in the DVD player and sitting next to me.

"Thanks."

She smiles at me and I instantly feel a little better. She grabs the French fries and stuffs her mouth with a handful, automatically selecting the English subtitles.

She chose Harry Potter.

Camille pauses the movie just as it starts and turns to look at me.

"So…"

I take the ketchup in my hands and pass it over to Camille.

"Would you like some expensively imported ketchup with those equally expensively imported fries?"

I cut my acting short and laugh as I look up, expecting to see Camille laughing with me. But, instead of a smile I get a disapproving gaze.

"James."

I clear my throat and look away.

"Some soda?"

"James Diamond."

I cringe and look up at her with hesitance. Camille can be scary sometimes.

"Yes?"

"You came to me to talk. So talk. What's the problem, James?"

I sigh and sit next her. I guess I did come here to talk, but I had hoped we could just watch the movies and eat and not talk and make me forget for a while. That isn't going to happen now.

"I love Carlos."

"I know." Camille replied without missing a beat. I snort and feel the need to laugh and cry at the same time.

Of course she knew.

"Well, obviously. But I didn't! And now I do. And, for some reason, this changes everything, and I don't know what to do. I want to tell him, I really do. But I just can't."

"Why not?"

Camille deadpanned. I scoff and throw my hands up in frustration.

"Because… because what if he doesn't like me back? What if he loves someone else? He's straight! And I rather hear nothing than a no."

I think. I mean, not knowing seems a lot better than heartbreak to me.

"James, do you really prefer to keep pinning after him, just watching from afar and wallowing in the misery that is an assumed unrequited love?"

"Well, when you put it that way it sounds horrible."

"What other way is there?"

"How about, Carlos and I stay best friends."

"You'll stay best friends no matter what," Camille takes my hand in her small ones, and smiles with sad eyes, "and you have to stop thinking about the worst case scenarios."

I grip her hands back, desperate for something I'm not sure I want to hear.

"What other scenarios are there?"

"How about the one where Carlos returns your feelings?"

I slump back into the couch, my whole body deflating. I let go of her hands and cover my face with mine.

"Camille, don't say that to me."

"Why not?"

I snap. I jump off the couch and start pacing and stomping and talking quick and loud.

"Because you'll get my hopes up, and then I'll make myself believe that maybe Carlos does feel something for me and then I'll blurt out my feelings to him and then he'll apologize and say that he doesn't like me back and then I'll have to break up the band and start from scratch all over again because I can't be in a booth with Carlos singing about love and girls and I'll live miserable and die alone!"

The silence that followed my outburst was bittersweet. I finally got all of that off my chest, but I was such an asshole about it to Camille. She only wanted to help me, I wanted her to help me.

I sigh in defeat and apology, and move to sit next to her on the couch. I rest my head in the crook of her neck and take a deep breath.

"Can't we just… watch the movie and get fat on fries?"

"Alright."

I fall asleep during one of the movies, I can't even remember which, but I wake up to find myself sprawled out in Camille's couch, wrapped up in the fuzziest blanket I've ever been wrapped up in, and a glass of water next to me.

I feel so warm and light that I decide to not move a finger.

I wake up a second time, this time because of the obscenely bright morning light that shines directly in my face. There's a note on the coffee table next to the glass, it informs me that Camille left early for an audition and that I can stay for as long as I want. It also had a red lipstick stain in the form of a kiss at the end.

I stretch, making sure that I hear something crack, and get up. I leave Camille a note, too, expressing my gratitude in misspelled words. I leave a red lipstick kiss-shaped stain at the end, too.

"Where have you been?"

I look up, startled, to see Carlos coming out at the end of the swirly slide. I close the apartment door behind me and walk over to the kitchen, planning on getting a glass of water.

"Hm? Oh, I stayed over at Camille's."

"Oh yeah? And what were you doing, James?" Carlos snickers, and I can't help the rolling of my eyes.

"Don't be a pervert, Carlos. Plus, Camille and Logan have that thing going on."

Not that that stopped us from kissing that one time. I flinch as I remember that day. Not a good one. I fill my glass with water and turn to Carlos.

"And I wouldn't be inclined to do anything anyways, seeing as I'm gay."

A small smash and pieces of glass are flying everywhere.

What the fuck did I just do? No, no. I didn't do anything, I didn't say anything and Carlos didn't hear anything.

I did not just come out to Carlos in the most random way possible.

"What?"

Fuck, but I did.

I crouch down and start picking up the biggest pieces of glass close to me.

"Shit, I'm sorry, I hadn't meant to say it like that, or at all."

I throw the glass in the trash can and mop up the spilled water with a bunch of napkins. I hear squeaking and shuffling and don't turn around when I feel a hand on my shoulder.

"No, no. You can tell me this stuff, you should tell me this stuff. We're best friends. It's just that it caught me off guard."

With narrowed eyes, I turn towards Carlos.

"Yeah, sorry… so you're fine with it?"

"Of course, man."

Of course Carlos wouldn't mind. He's Carlos.

Two strong arms pull me into a hug that I return. I do not smell Carlos. And I do not shiver at his warmth or the feel of his chest against mine. This is a serious, bonding moment, and I do not ruin it with my sexual frustration.

Carlos laughs and pushes himself off me. He's smiling and bouncing a little on his feet and, man, I really do love him.

"I can be your wingman at gay clubs if you want."

I pull an unattractive face and he laughs, again.

"No, you're right, I'd distract all the attention from you with my hot bod."

Carlos spins a little, and rocks his hips and runs his hands down his body while giving me bedroom eyes. I can't help the booming laugh that escapes me.

"I can't believe you just did that."

Carlos turns soft, and he takes my hand and leads me out of the apartment and down the hallway.

"Come on, help me with my human catapult."

"Yeah, okay."

I squeeze his hand and try not to melt into a puddle. Carlos stops abruptly and peers at me curiously.

"Hey, are you wearing red lipstick?"

"Do Kendall and Logan know?"

I look up from my magazine towards Carlos, who's sitting in front of me on our shared lawn chair. We decided to spend the day tanning, or well, I decided and dragged Carlos along. He doesn't mind though.

He also doesn't specify, but I know what he's asking about anyways.

It's been two days since I told Carlos I was gay, and every time we're alone he asks about it. It's not rude, or stupid or anything like that, it's just pure Carlos curiosity.

"Yes."

"Oh."

I put my magazine down and straighten up. I know that tone of voice. It's the same tone Carlos uses when Mrs. Knight doesn't let him eat that twelve corndog, or when Katie's too busy with online poker to help him with his newest crazy theory.

"It's not that I wanted to tell them first, they found out by accident."

Carlos smiles at me and lets out a hesitant laugh.

"That must've been awkward."

I laugh along with him, and ruffle his hair. He shakes out of my touch and play-punches me on the arm. Carlos falls silent and I know he wants to say something more. I wait and don't push.

"How did you know? That you were gay?"

The question isn't what takes me by surprise, it's the way Carlos says it. He almost sounds sad about it, and he's not looking at me anymore. I feel that whatever I say next is very important, like it will change everything. It's a scary feeling because I've never really been good with words.

"I guess I just noticed how I looked at guys longer than I looked at girls."

I pause. I look at Carlos, at how he's wringing his hands together and biting his lips and how he shines without needing the sunlight.

"Actually, no, I fell in love."

I don't know what spurred me into saying that, sometimes my mouth runs off alone. I get an awful feeling that what I said was possibly one of the worst answers because Carlos is deadly silent.

I want to desperately break the silence, I want to know what this is all about, I want to say the words that will make everything better and will make Carlos smile again. I clear my throat and decide to just go with whatever pops up first because my plans are always shit.

"Hey!"

Carlos and I jump a little, both surprised at the abruptness and loudness of my voice. I am such an idiot.

"Sorry. Um. Would you like to… go out? With me?"

And dear god I said it. I fucking said, I asked Carlos on a date. Of course that would be the first thing on my mind, it's all I ever think about.

Carlos just shrugs and flips open his cellphone.

"Sure, man. Want me to tell Logan and Kendall?"

If this was a movie and it was playing romantic background music now would be the perfect time for the comedic screeching stop. I try not to sound petulant but I'm pissed and trying not to cry and this is horrible.

"No. It's supposed to be just you and me."

"Oh, okay, sure, where do you wanna go?"

I let out a frustrated scoff. What else did I expect really?

"Do you even know what you're saying yes to? I'm asking you out, Carlos! On a date!"'

Carlos flinches back at the viciousness of my voice but shock quickly clouds his face.

"What?"

"When I say that I want to spend time with you, I mean it in a romantic way. I don't want to just 'hang out'! What I want is to go on dates, and hold your hand, and kiss you and all the other things couples do!"

I'm stalling, rambling and ranting and acting frustrated at Carlos's obliviousness, but all I'm trying to do is put off my heartbreak. At least until I'm alone and can cry pathetically all I want. Where I can regret and hurt alone, stitch myself up and smile to try and savor whatever friendship I can.

"But-"

No, not yet. I'll finish saying what I have to say.

"I'm saying that I like you, Carlos. Really, really like you, and I'd like for you to like me back."

There, done. Fuck I can't breathe. I can't speak or move.

"Do you really like me, James? This isn't a joke?"

I can only shake my head 'no' because Carlos looks beautiful like this. Looking up from his long eyelashes, big eyes shining with something I can't make out, plumb bottom lip red from being bitten.

He takes my hand and never takes his eyes off mine. I squeeze his hand and watch in wonder as a small smile brakes out.

Carlos slowly leans in and I know what happens next but nothing could've prepared me.

The kiss itself is chaste and small, simple. But Carlos squeezes my hand and smiles into the kiss and my heart feels heavy with emotion but light with relief and joy.

Carlos pulls off and laughs at the dumb face I'm making. I always make dumb faces when I'm around Carlos, all the smoothness that comes with being a Diamond disappears.

"What?"

Carlos pulls me in for one of his trademark bear hugs and I try not to be obvious about sinking deep into it, touching every piece of skin I can and burying my face in his shoulder and breathing in.

"Yes. I'd like to go on that date, and I'd like to hold hands and kiss and everything else couples do."

Carlos's goofy grin when he finally lets me go makes my heart flutter like a pre-teen girl. I mirror his smile and jump off the lawn chair, almost tripping like an idiot, and drag Carlos away as I hum Stuck under my breath and marvel at how I can feel Carlos's laugh from the way we're pressed close together.

(Alright, so I know that Camille being the one who helps and gives advice and all that is a bit of a stereotype in BTR fics, but I feel that James and Camille have a strong friendship (he did refuse that acting job so she didn't feel bad) and if James doesn't feel comfortable talking to his best friends about it then he'd resort to Camille.)

But yeah. I hope this was a good read and that you enjoyed it. Feedback is much appreciated.