Something to hold on to
If anyone ever asked him, he would deny it. If his brothers ever dared speak a word of it, he would kill them. If his mother ever accidentally slipped a word of it to some reporter or fan or anyone else really, he would... well, all right, there was no way he could do anything mean to his mother, but he wouldn't be happy about it, and there would be a lot of pouting for a long period of time.
He was, after all, the rational, practical, intelligent, and adult one of the three band members living under one roof. Sometimes, he was convinced that he was the only adult male in the house, especially when his father would break out into a dance celebration over something as ridiculous as his favourite television program being aired twice in the same day.
And so, Nick Lucas would never, ever, ever, ever admit that he had a stuffed animal with which he slept every night. Never.
After all, it's not like he needed the stuffed animal with him. He just happened to sleep with the same teddy bear all the time. He wasn't addicted to it or anything. He didn't have nightmares or wasn't unable to sleep when the bear wasn't around. Not that he'd ever tried, but he was sure he could overcome a separation if ever there was a need for one.
At least, that's what he had told himself when he hadn't packed C-note—yes, even at the age of two Nick had had only had one thing on his mind—in his overnight bag. Hiding a teddy bear in his suitcase when they were touring was one thing; trying to hide one during a camping trip with friends was entirely different.
***
"I still can't believe your mother agreed to this," Stella said as she checked her lipstick in her hand-held mirror one more time. "Especially since you guys didn't bring Big Man along."
"We didn't bring Big Man that anyone here knows of," Joe said with a look around the camp. "That doesn't mean he isn't around. He's always around."
"And I can attest to that," Macy added with a giggle.
"Still, you can't tell me that you weren't surprised."
"About mom letting us come? No," Nick told Stella. "About dad letting us come? Yes. Then again, that extra backpack Kevin is holding is an emergency kit including everything and the kitchen sink, plus a list of everything that we are absolutely not to do on this trip."
"Hmm," Joe said as he grabbed the bag from Kevin. Before Nick could even realise what was happening, the bag had been tossed into the lake.
"Joe!"
"What? We're here to have fun. Not to read a list of do's and don'ts."
"That doesn't mean that we couldn't use the band-aids and sun lotion and bug spray that are in there." Already, Nick was swatting at the bugs flying around him. "Do not do that with the second emergency bag."
"Why do we need two emergency bags?"
"In case one of us—Joseph—is irresponsible enough to let something happen to the first," Kevin explained. He clapped his hands together once at the satisfaction of Joe's gaping mouth. "All right, let's get our nature on."
"Great. So, who knows how to set up a tent?"
"Hmm."
***
Despite the doubts he'd been feeling about the trip, Nick had to admit that he was enjoying himself. Thanks to Macy, his had been the second of their tents up—after hers of course—and though she had tried to show his brothers the same generosity she had shown him, Nick had dragged her away from the campsite before all the tents were assembled. They had bet that whoever finished last would have to make dinner, and he wasn't going to hang around to let Joe, who would no doubt be last, talk his way out of it.
He'd let Macy lead him along once he'd convinced her that his brothers would be fine. She walked through the groups of students who had all shown up for the long weekend's unofficial school activity, talking to everyone and helping where she could. Nick watched her in amazement. Everyone at school seemed to know his name, which had never surprised him, but he hadn't realised how many people knew Macy as well.
"Wow, Macy. Do you know absolutely everyone who goes to our school?"
"Well, we can't all be thoughtful and brooding, now can we?" she asked, bumping her hip against his.
Nick smiled but didn't dare let himself speak the comment about her doing that without hurting him that had popped into his head. Macy was doing so well around them and there would soon be fire and sharp sticks; he didn't want to say anything that might cause her to backtrack and have one of them need to be rushed to the hospital.
"So, do you camp a lot, Macy?"
"Oh, yeah. When I was a kid my dad and I would go camping all the time. And now, well obviously when I... Um, now I do sometimes as well."
"What were you going to say?"
"What?"
"You were going to say something, and then you stopped yourself. What were you going to say?"
Macy blushed and looked away. "Shouldn't we be going back now? You know how much Joe is going to whine if we don't get there on time for whatever he's cooking up for dinner."
"He can wait another minute," Nick said. He grabbed her arm and pulled her back gently so she couldn't move away from him. "Come on. What were you going to say?"
Macy sighed. "I also obviously camp out when Jonas tickets or CDs first go on sale. Happy?"
"I should have guessed you were one of those fans," Nick said with a laugh. "You see that, our parents would never let us do."
"Well, that, you guys would never have to do."
"So how does it compare to camp with—"
"Owww!"
Both Nick and Macy sighed as they looked at each other.
"Joe," they chimed together.
***
At least there had been no permanent damage other than to Joe's ego. He had felt challenged by Stella and tried to lift someone's backpack when Kevin had been a few yards away only to have the thing fall on him and be unable to escape from under it. All that he could have lived with. Van Dyke Tosh being the person who eventually rescued him was a little harder to accept.
Nick had to admit, however, that it was the only sour point in the evening. Macy had recruited him to help her with supper when Joe had claimed he was too injured to go through with the stakes of their earlier bet. Together, they managed to make a meal that was better than anything either of his brothers could have whipped up had they had an entire kitchen at their disposal.
She'd made a rule that since they had cooked, they didn't need to clean up after the meal, and when little Macy Misa fisted her hands and squared her shoulders, there was no one in the group who dared contradict her. Besides, it only took Kevin a few moments to have Joe and Stella practically glued to one another washing dishes over a pot of water while he was free to dry and walk around. Sometimes, Nick was sure there was more going on with his eldest brother than he would ever be able to figure out.
Macy had led Nick away for a hike that made him realise how out of shape he was when he didn't have to run around a stage every night giving his all. They talked about school and sports and Joe and Stella eventually getting together.
"I like you like this Nick."
"Like what?" he asked.
"When you forget that you're Nick of Jonas and don't act all serious."
Nick opened his mouth to protest, but realised she was right. Nick of Jonas did act all serious. As the youngest brother, he still felt the need to make others take him seriously by being the most serious of the bunch.
"Well, I like you like this too, Macy."
"How?"
"When I'm just Nick and not Nick of Jonas."
She smiled, but didn't say anything more as they neared the camp.
He almost grieved the end of their walk.
He would have been lying if he hadn't admitted that he'd been seeing something different in Macy lately. Now that she wasn't a walking disaster around them or simply Stella's sidekick, Nick couldn't help but notice her. He couldn't help but notice how tiny she was, or how funny she was, or how they shared two same passions in life: music and sports. And while he had her beat without a doubt in music, he knew that she would give him more than just a run for his money in the sports domain.
"Nick? Are you listening?"
No, just staring, he thought to himself as he realised that Macy was trying to get his attention.
"Sorry, I kind of went off there. What can I do for you, Macy?"
She shook her head at him, then grabbed his hand and led him to the campfire. He didn't mind that at all either.
***
He would have expected the night to just get better and better. They sat around the campfire as different groups of students joined them, either having finished cleaning what they could scrounge up for their supper, or returning from car rides to town where they'd gorged on junk food and pretended that was part of the true camping experience.
Nick and Kevin had been handed guitars, and they led the group through an array of songs that didn't include anything they had ever recorded. Every now and then one of them would hand one of their guitars over to Joe, but mostly he was happy quietly making a fool of himself where only Stella was paying any attention to him.
There were smores and laughter and music and Macy's tiny form pressing closer and closer to him as the night grew colder.
He should have been having the time of his life, but Nick wasn't. He knew that it would eventually be time to turn in, and that when he did, he would be doing so without C-note.
***
He gave up on trying to sleep after an hour of tossing and turning. Already his brothers were snoring loudly in their respective tents, and he was pretty sure he could also hear Joe singing in his sleep. The sound of their peaceful rest was enough to drive him insane, and despite the fears of what might be hanging around outside his tent, he dared leave its comfort for a while.
He nodded at Big Rob who was sitting by the fire with another bodyguard he'd brought along more for the company than for the need to protect the boys. The men didn't say anything to him for which Nick was grateful, sure that Big Rob understood why it was he couldn't sleep.
Nick had only taken a few steps before he was distracted by a small shape tugging on a cord.
"Macy?"
"Yeah?" she asked without turning around.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm hanging this garbage from this tree branch. Someone just left it laying on the ground and if any animals smell it, we'll have a hell of a surprise tomorrow morning when we wake up."
"Oh." Nick tried to remember if he had generated any garbage that he'd left on the ground, but couldn't think of anything that could make him guilty.
"What are you doing up?"
"Couldn't sleep," he shrugged.
"Really? I would have thought that you would be used to different places and new beds. Didn't you once fall asleep standing or something?"
Nick chuckled. There was no fooling Macy when it came to a Jonas fact.
"There are some comforts that are always with us when we travel. They're not here. I'm just a little bit out of my element."
"I know what you mean," Macy nodded. "I know I can sleep without—" She stopped suddenly and gave him a shy smile.
"Yes?"
"Without... socks."
He raised an eyebrow at her.
"My Jonas pillow." She sighed. "It smells like home. It's more for the smell than the faces on it. I swear."
"Maybe I should have brought something that smells of home," Nick said, swatting at a fly that buzzed by his head.
"Here, come on before you get eaten alive." Macy grabbed his hand and dragged him into her tent behind her. She kicked her Jonas pillow into the corner before he had time to make any comment about the accessory.
"How come your tent is warmer than mine?" Nick asked with a yawn, suddenly tired and realising just how late it was.
"It's smaller. My body heat was able to warm it up before I could remember seeing garbage left on the ground."
"Oh," Nick said before lying back and looking up through the transparent top of Macy's tent. "Wow."
"Yeah. I get to stay warm and bug free and watch the stars."
"Aren't you afraid that someone is going to pop up there in the middle of the night and scare you?"
"I wasn't before!"
"Sorry," Nick said with a laugh.
"Thanks a lot, Lucas."
"I said I was sorry."
"Nope. It deserves more than a sorry."
"You're not going to ask me to sing you to sleep, are you?"
Macy's eyes widened at the proposition. "That does sound good, but I had something else in mind."
"What?"
"Tell me why you really can't sleep."
"I really think—"
"Tell me why before I make something up and post it on my blog."
"You wouldn't."
Macy raised her eyebrows though lying on her back next to Nick, she knew he couldn't see her. She sighed.
"Fine. I wouldn't. But that in itself deserves that you tell me what's going on."
"I have a... thing... that I carry with me when we travel, and I don't have it here. I guess I'm more used to holding on to it when I sleep than I realised."
"It's like a blanket?" Macy asked, confused.
"Sure."
"Or... Nick, do you have a stuffed animal that you sleep with?"
"You have a Jonas pillow," he answered in a loud voice.
Macy giggled. "Don't worry. I'm sure you're right. It's not even about the stuffed animal. You're just used to having something to hold on to at night, and now that you don't, your body notices that it's not around."
"So you think it's just something to hold on to that's missing?"
"Sure." Macy shrugged.
"Hmm."
Nick shifted so that he was on his side, facing Macy. Slowly, he moved toward her.
"What are you doing?"
"Don't move."
He wrapped his arm around her waist, and let his forehead rest against the side of her head.
"What are you doing?"
"Shh. I'm just testing your theory."
Macy tried her hardest to be quiet.
"Now what?"
"Now, we see if I can fall asleep."
They were both out before Macy had time to wonder how she was going to find rest without her Jonas pillow to snuggle against.
***
"But where were you?" Joe whined for the twentieth time that morning as the guys were packing up the gear.
"I was out."
"But you're never the first one up. How could your tent have been empty when Kevin went to wake you?"
Kevin shrugged when Nick shot him a look that clearly said he should simply have kept his big mouth shut.
"But what am I supposed to say when Mom asks why you weren't in your tent?"
"She won't ask because she doesn't know I wasn't there." Nick rolled his eyes and waved Stella through the open car door.
"Leave him alone, Joe," Kevin said. "We all went camping and we all had a good time. Nick is even smiling. Why can't you let Nick smile for once?"
Joe pouted and grumbled as he got into the car, knowing that there was no way he would win if his two brothers were on the same side.
"Got it Macy-note?" Kevin asked as Macy ducked to get in the backseat next to Stella.
"What?" she asked at the same time that Nick shot his brother a deadly glare.
"I asked if you had it, Macy." From where they were all sitting, only Nick who had yet to get into the vehicle could see the cocky grin on Kevin's face. Sometimes, he really did think that there was more going on up there than any of them knew.
Still, there was no wiping the smile off Nick's face.