Crack!
Harry stumbled a little on the grass. How strange to think that after everything that happened he still couldn't apparate without stumbling on his own feet. He looked around. The green hills gently filled his view, a light breeze flew through the top of the trees making them move slowly. But Harry's eyes were focusing elsewhere. In the distance, a little shadow in the low orange light cast by the setting sun made his heart skip a bit.
"I'm home". Home. It felt so strange. Hogwarts has always been the closest thing that he allowed himself to call home. It felt distant now. How could someone call home the castle now? After the battle? Hogwarts wasn't his home anymore. It was a graveyard. So many died there. Fred, Tonks, and Lupin died there. It was no home. Not anymore.
A little yellow spot appeared suddenly upon the dark silhouette of the Burrow. Harry smiled, despite the gloom. Maybe Ron was going to the bathroom, or maybe it was Mr. Weasley. Harry could imagine the scene: the thin man trying to not make any sound walking slowly down the stairs headed to the barn, where he hid some muggle artefact like an hairdryer or a microwave oven.
A gentle gust of wind made Harry shiver. Home. The Burrow had in fact been his home for seven years. He still remembered the first time he saw it, how much he loved it because it was a house filled with love and family dinners, with the twins trying new magic tricks and running from their mother, and lunches and breakfasts. The corners of his mouth bent upwards against his will, and his mind took off wandering into the realm of memories. Ron, Fred and George playing Exploding Snap on the carpet in the living room, Hermione jumping up and down waiting for the school owls to deliver the lists of new books they'd have to buy, Ginny sitting with her legs crossed on the chair beside the fireplace playing with Crookshanks. Ginny. His heart sunk. The brave, pretty Ginny. He saw her, with her face buried in his brother George's chest crying next to the cold body that once was Fred. He remembered how he wanted to hug her and kiss her in the entrance hall of the school, while he was going into the forest to meet his own end. How he forced himself not to touch her. The pride in her eyes when she fought among the other survivors in the Great Hall. The stolen kisses in the school grounds. The flowery smell of her hair. She was beautiful. Maybe she lit the light on before, maybe it was her. Harry looked again. The light was gone, the Burrow being just a darker spot in the dark night.
He could still remember himself talking to her, in the Gryffindor Common Room with Ron and Hermione.
"What?" said Ron "But why Harry? You've already destroyed the Elder Wand! Don't do other stupid things please, not now."
The fire was burning slowly, the day after the battle of Hogwarts. The dead had been moved, and everyone was doing their best to rebuild the castle, not without trying to erase the memories of what happened there.
"I need to go, Ron. I need to go back."
Harry didn't completely understand his friends. It was so hard to understand that he couldn't stay in the castle a minute longer? He looked out the window, trying to catch some detail of the Forbidden Forest but he could only see the reflection of the fire on the glass.
"Yes but why now?" asked Hermione. Her bushy hair cast a trembling shadow on the stone wall while she gets on her feet
"I'll come back as soon as I can Hermione, I promise." Leaving them killed him, after all, they've been through he knew this wasn't the right thing to do, but it had to be done.
"We need each other Harry" continued Hermione "We need you! After all, that happened you can't po-"
"I think you should go, Harry" It was Ginny. She was sitting on a pillow on the floor, her eyes still red, tears still running slowly down her cheeks. She wasn't looking at Harry, her eyes were focused on the dancing flames in the fireplace. "If you need to, you must go. We-" she sniffed "W-we'll be fine. Go where you need to go, just make sure you come back."
He looked at her. She was so pretty, even then. Even with her face torn by pain.
"Ginny, I…" he didn't know what to say.
"Just go," she said, still without looking at him "Go, and do what you have to do. Just make sure to come back."
Harry expected her to insist, to beg him to stay, not that he wanted her to but she sounded cold. Colder than Hermione when she asked him if this felt the right thing to do to him, colder than the look Ron gave him when he couldn't find the words.
How hard had it been? Leaving the three persons he loved the most for the second time. He remembered Ron shouting to Ginny, and Hermione trying to calm him down. He remembered the Portrait Hole closing. He remembered not looking back.
He ran through the corridors, down the stairs under his cloak.
He saw professor McGonagall and some other students lifting debris from the floor with their wands
"Like this, professor?" asked one of the students
"Yes, yes" answered McGonagall "Like that…"
A girl screamed "There's a body! No! No!"
Harry ran faster, followed by the echoes of Professor McGonagall voice "Boot take her away! Right now before…"
He couldn't bear it. He couldn't. All these people, they died because of him no matter what Ron, Hermione, Mrs. Weasley or anybody else could say. It was his fault. He ran through the grounds, he passed Hagrid's Hut. He saw the kind half-giant rolling some kind of band around one of the dog's legs. He stopped for a second. What he saw was not Hagrid's hut. It was Grawp, fast asleep in front of the house. Harry stared at the small giant belly going up and down like he was hypnotized. How much, how much had they lost? So many deaths. Sirius, Dumbledore, Lupin, Tonks, Fred. Harry hated himself, he should have run back to his friends and mourned with them. But he could not. He ran until his lungs collapsed, then slowly walked along the margin of the Forbidden Forest.
He reached the border of the school grounds, jumped to avoid the debris of the collapsed wall and disapparated.
It had been two weeks. Two weeks ago he left all that he had and went to Godric's Hollow. It was time to come back. But first, he needed to say goodbye. He gave another glance in the dark in the direction of the Burrow
"I'll come back soon. If you still want me"
Harry thought of Ginny before turning around and vanish into the night.
Probably the muggles in Godric's Hollow were used to the constant muffled cracks that they heard on a daily basis. But then again, the muggles of Godric's Hollow usually tend to forget all the strange things that happen in their village.
Harry appeared just outside the door of a little house, one of many others that looked almost the same, entered and gave his jacket to Kreacher.
"Master is back late. Perhaps master Harry would like some tea or a butterbeer?" asked the elf while folding the jacket and putting it on a chair
"No thanks, Kreacher. I'll go to sleep. Tomorrow we're going back to the Burrow" said Harry before crashing on the sofa. Tomorrow? Who said tomorrow? Certainly not him, even though it was his voice.
"So Master has decided to go back? Kreacher can take care of Harry Potter, Harry Potter does not need to go anywhere" asked the little elf.
"Yes Kreacher" Harry replied. He made his decision. A decision that he made when he thought of his best friend and his family a few minutes earlier. He understood Hermione, now, her voice ringing in his ears "We need each other"
"I don't think we should stay here any longer. Two weeks can easily become a month. And months become years before your eyes. We'll go back."
The elf bowed "Can Kreacher do anything to help Master Harry leave?"
"Yes," Harry heard the elf's voice from far away, lost in his thoughts "Yes, Kreacher, do what you want."
The house elf bowed, hiding the smile on his face and closed the door.
The windows reflected some of the streetlights outside. Harry stared at the game of lights for a long time, waiting for the sleep to come.
He had to do only one more thing.
The morning came faster than ever and the bright sunlight woke up Harry rather early. He got up and went into the kitchen where Kreacher made breakfast. It felt strange. Harry never ate more than a toast but the house elf always cooked for five people.
Harry put on a jumper and went outside. The sun was warm but the air chilly. A few cars were going up and down the road. He put his hands in his pockets and walked towards the church.
The kissing gate was the same. It was weird. One would expect that every corner of the world would be torn apart by the war. But the house of his parents was still there, covered in ivy; Bathilda's house was the same too.
He walked among the tombstones until he reached his parent's.
Harry never felt so alone. Hermione was not there, and he closed his hand hoping to feel her warm touch, but only the air meet his skin. The flowers she conjured were still there, some of the petals were brown.
Harry sat down, in front of his parents. Everything he wanted to say seemed stupid.
He opened his mouth when a hand touched his shoulder
"You shouldn't come here alone mate"
Ron's voice was like a tonic. Harry looked up, but his two best friends were already sitting on the grass on his sides.
"Ron's right, Harry," said Hermione, "I told you, we must be together."
Harry was astonished "How...?"
"Kreacher," said Ron simply, "He said you needed help"
"Kreacher" repeated Harry "How nice of him"
"So this are your parents" continued Ron, looking at the tombstones "The last enemy that shall be destroyed is death' well" he looked to Harry and Hermione "We didn't defeat Death, but we got close"
They both laughed. And then they sit in silence.
Only after ten long minutes, Harry spoke: "How are things, I mean, at home?"
Ron sighed "We all miss Fred, but mum took it quite bad and…"
"…and everybody wants to see you Harry" finished Hermione, putting a hand on Ron's knee
"You know" said Harry "I was coming back today, last night I was on the hill near the Burrow, but I couldn't…I wanted to…but…"
"I thought I heard something," said Ron, "I thought I heard someone apparate in the distance"
"You turned the light on then?" asked Harry
"No. It must have been mum. She barely sleeps. Dad is worried, very worried. George stays in the store since the battle and he didn't send even a letter."
Harry nodded. He understood George. He understood Ron and his mother and everyone. But that only made him sad.
"How's Ginny?" asked quietly Harry
"You know perfectly well how she is," said Ron, trying to hide his anger without success
"I know. I have so many things to explain to her."
"Yeah you have. You hurt her as if she wasn't suffering already enough"
"I missed her," said Harry, his voice lower than he wanted it to be
"You don't have to tell me" replied Ron "I'll let you two talk about your…" he swallowed "…your relationship but don't expect me to stay out of the way if you fight or she starts to cry or something mate"
Harry looked at Ron, and he saw his best friend, the brother of Ginny and how hard he was trying to accept that Harry and Ginny might be…well, something, if anything at all.
"Thanks, Ron"
Hermione was looking at the two of them smiling
"What's so funny?" asked Ron, frowning
"Oh, nothing" replied Hermione "Just that I don't think you'd have to hit Harry if he's fighting with Ginny. "
"She's right Ron," said Harry "Ginny would hit me. Hard."
"You bet," said Ron
"We missed you too, by the way," said Hermione putting an arm around Harry's shoulder
"Yeah mate," said Ron. He seemed distant, even though he was clearly trying to hide it
"Then I think we should go," Harry said, suddenly.
"Good, " said Hermione "Let's go then"
They stood up, walked away from the Potter's tombstones and headed home.
"What…?" Harry turned around quickly. He noticed something with the corner of his eye, like a reflection in mid-air, a twinkle.
"Harry what's up?" asked Hermione, a few steps ahead.
"Nothing, nothing I'm coming" Harry said, and he hurried towards his friends.
"I told you, Sirius. Stand. Still."
"Come on, it's Harry!"
"He must not see us"
The pale, transparent red hair of Lily Evans was just a reflection of the beautiful dark red that they were, still in the wind.
"He's grown up," said James Potter , holding his wife's hand
Lily looked at the spot where the three disapparated "We've missed so much James, our son's a man and we'll never be there for him" Tears filled her eyes as James held her closer "We'll never see him again"
"He's alright now, Lily," said Sirius "He's a great wizard and even a greater person. His friends will help him heal"
"Don't worry" said James "He knows we love him, and he'll be ok. I believe that. Besides" he added subtle smile "This Ginny Weasley, she looks like a nice girl"
Lily laughed despite the tears "Easy there Potter"
"Yeah right that's my sister you're talking about!"
"Yes Fred," said Lily "But she and Harry share something special. They just need to understand it"
"Sirius Harry had almost seen you" added Fred ginning "Nice one, but maybe if we go to the Burrow we can make a few things fly around and scare someone…even George"
Sirius looked at James excited before Lily interrupted them
"We can't, Fred," she said sweetly "We shouldn't even be there"
And the now formless shapes faded away in the wind, slowy like those long forgotten memories that have the bad habit to come back to mind when least expected.
The coffee maker was hissing on the fire, Harry was looking at the thin stream of steam flowing into the air through the tiny opening on the top of it. After he, Ron and Hermione went back to the Burrow they just stood in in the kitchen for what could have been days.
Everything was like the last time. The untidy kitchen filled with pots and dishes, the table was covered with fresh laundry and an iron was trying to flatten a shirt in mid-air.
"Mom is with dad, he took her to Diagon Alley. Ginny should be here, though"
"She needs you, Harry. Oh, Ron" snapped Hermione, at the sight of Ron's face "Stop it! Ginny is old enough to make her own decisions . And you said you'd let them talk"
"Well I know but I also said I would have gotten in the way, Hermione! And I will!" started Ron
"I know," said Harry. All the time he spent to think about what he should say, and now his mind was empty.
"I know" he repeated "I must work things out with her. But the situation is-"
"Don't blame it on the situation!" Harry jumped. Ron was angry "Don't you dare blame it on 'the situation'! You could've to stay with her! With us!"
"I told him he could go Ron"
Ginny entered the kitchen, still in her pyjamas.
"Hi," said harry, raising his hand. She didn't say anything.
"Stay out of this, Ron" kept saying Hermione "Please…" gripping her hands around Ron's arm
"I never meant to hurt you, Ginny," said Harry, leaning on the stove. It was like he needed to be held up. He looked at her, something wasn't right.
"I never meant to hurt anyone, but I needed to go to Godric's Hollow. I needed to spend some time where I was born. I needed to stay with my family. I needed closure. I felt the urge to feel something"
"Like we don't make you feel anything." Ginny was almost screaming but her voice was colder than ever "Your feelings, your needs. Only you Harry! You're not the only one who lost someone!"
She runs upstairs. Ron was red "I swear this is the last time-"
"Please let me try to talk to her," said Harry "You can punch me if you want, but please let me try to talk to her first"
Ron nodded, and Hermione loosened the grip on his arm.
"Thanks," said Harry, and he walked out of the kitchen, up the stairs to Ginny's room.
He knocked "Can I come in?"
She didn't answer, he opened the door
Her room was tidy as it's always been. Pictures of Quidditch players flying on their broomsticks were hung on the wall. The curtains were drawn, but light filtered through some cracks in the fabric hitting Ginny's hair, making them shine.
"Ginny, I need to talk to you," Harry said as he entered the room.
She was sitting on her bed. She wasn't crying but looked at Harry with rage.
"Some things are better left unsaid, Harry," she said rather stiffly.
"I know. But I need you to know. I need you to know everything. You can judge me, but please, listen to me."
She nodded slowly as he sat on the bed next to her.
"I needed to go because I don't have what you have. I saw you before I went into the forest, surrounded by your family. I envied you so much, Ginny"
He looked deeply into her eyes "You could mourn together. I needed my parents, as you needed yours. "
"You could have stayed. I would have been there for you Harry. I know I told you to go but I wanted you to stay"
"I know," said Harry "I missed you, but I had my reasons to leave"
She got up "I missed you too Harry! I missed you so much it felt like breathing! And you ran away! Right, when we could've stayed together!"
Ginny was pacing up and down the room "I could've come with you. I would've come with you no matter what. I don't care about your mission. I was there and you went away."
"Ginny pleas-"
"No!"
She went out of the room and downstairs.
"What the hell!?" shouted Ron. Ginny was now crying into Hermione's arms. Harry was halfway down the stairs when Ron got between them
"WHAT DID YOU TELL HER?"
"Ron please cal-" said Hermione, almost begging him
"No! He left her! Hermione, where was him when we cried over Fred's body? Where was him when we helped to move all the bodies out of the school?"
Harry understood immediately what Hermione was going to say, tears streaming down her face too
"No Hermione it's fine, he's right there's no need t-"
"You left us too. You left me too, Ron"
Something inside Ron seemed to break. In a second, there was no rage in his eyes.
" It was…it was the locket…I would've never-"
"Harry," said fiercely Ginny, wiping her eyes "You needed to stay on your own. There was no dark magic involved in your decision" she took a deep breath "Tell me the truth. Am I not enough? You prefer to stay alone because you don't think that I'd be able to help you? Tell me now, I rather feel bad now than live with this doubt"
So it was this. Harry hated himself like he had never had before. How could he make her think something like that?
For the first time in days he knew what to say, and despite everything, he couldn't keep himself from smiling. Ron and Hermione looked at him like he was mad.
"Are. You. Mental." Asked Ron, but Hermione hit him with her elbow and hissed "Shut up!"
Ron looked like a buldger hit him hard on the head.
Harry got closer to Ginny and beamed at her. She was flabbergasted
"Ginny," he said in a low voice as he took her hands and wiped a tear from her cheek with his thumb
"You think you're not enough for me? You are everything."
Ron's jaw could've easily touched the floor, Hermione was smiling.
"That's what I wanted to tell you. I may be not enough for you, but…it's you"
Ginny gave him a watery smile.
"I wanted you to know that it has always been you. All the time I spent looking at the Marauder's map just to see your name. You were in my mind the second before Voldemort's curse hit me in the forest." He put his hand on his heart "You've always been here. Even during this two weeks, when they felt like two years."
"B-but" muttered Ginny, but Harry spoke
"This is not an excuse. I wasn't there when you needed me the most. But no matter what, do not think for even a second that you're not enough for me. I love you, Ginny. You'll forever be enough"
And he threw his arms around her holding her as close as he could. He wanted her to know that despite the miles between them he always held her in his heart. He held her as he wanted to hold her when he was going into the forest. After an instant of hesitation, she hugged him back, stronger than ever.
And they kissed. Harry had never felt so bad and so good at the same time. Good because, well, Ron still hadn't abruptly interrupted them . But he felt guilty for leaving. The salty taste of her tears made his heart ache like anything before, but the warmth of her body made him feel alive for the first time in a long time
"Harry" whispered Ginny "I'm sorry"
"Don't. I am, and I'll always be. But don't apologize, Ginny. You don't have to."
"Merlin's pants! " shouted Ron.
Harry and Ginny turned around to see Ron trying to pick up the hot coffee maker.
"Don't worry, I got it" said Hermione taking her wand out of her jean's pocket. The coffee pot flew on the stove with a quick movement of her hand.
"Come on, Ron," she said, "I think we should leave them alone. Harry and Ginny were looking at each other, their foreheads touching.
Hermione and Ron went outside the kitchen, but their words echoed in the room "I don't understand Ron. Be happy for them, really. They're in love. It's not just a crush. I don't understand, really. It's Harry, not some stranger…"
Their voices faded as they walked outside the Burrow, but the open window in the living room carried Ron's words
"I guess I am happy for them" he replied, " I think I just need time to get used to this"
Harry and Ginny chuckled before their lips met again.