I'm sure every Jedi gets stuck in the same position as I at least once. Maybe they don't think it through as much as me, though. Maybe they just can't picture a life outside the Jedi Order.
I could. And I kind of like the looks of it. I'm sure it's different for every deserter, but... I'm attracted to the idea of leaving to release me of my pressures. And maybe I spend too much time yearning for selfish things-money, freedom, and attachment.
Money in necessary in order to get by. A surplus means you're rich-or at least very well off. Anyone with a decent job could live comfortably enough.
Freedom is going where you please and doing the things you want to do. It's having a say and being free of inequality or discrimination. Freedom can be limited by debt or promise. But in the simplest matters- the color of the clothes you wear or the food you eat- you have a choice. You're free. It's
the simple liberty I want.
Attachment- as in a lover and a family. Maybe I like the thought of marriage more than the average Jedi. I guess you could say I get a little jealous when I see couples or families walking down the street.
The downsides are... everything else. If you've trained, grown, and flourished with the Jedi for so long, how do you simply say goodbye? The loss of a life of service will be bitter, as will be turning in your lightsaber. And to lose that connection with the force... the pain wouldn't go away.
I put the life of a Jedi next to the life of a civilian, weigh the choices, and come out stumped. What to do?
I figure in a very un-Jedi like way that if I am this uncertain about continuing my life of service, I might as well go. I can't do it with half my heart set on something else, anyway.
And I know civilian life won't be the way I picture it; it'll be far from it.
In short, let's do this. Get it over with, and let me start fresh. I'll be losing so much, but I can't appreciate it anymore. I have selfish desires, so maybe I'll trade more for less.
…It's really freaking short. Review?