Category/Warning: Spoilers for the christmas ep.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. If I did, Rachel would have never cheated.
Author's Note: My first time writing something involving Finchel so bare with me okay? As always, a huge thank you to my beta Michelle. You are the best!
Please review! :)
He loves her.
No matter what people think about him, about them, he knows what he feels. He has been in love for a year now and he's not ashamed of it one bit.
He loves her. But that doesn't mean he will forgive her.
Scratch that. He will forgive her at some point. He just can't do it yet.
He never thought this could happen. Not with Rachel, the girl that knew how hurt he was last year. Not with Rachel, the girl that knew how sensitive he was (just like her). Not with Rachel, the girl that kept telling him that he was the only one that mattered to her.
He was so scared when Santana threatened him about telling Rachel. So scared to see Rachel sad and hurt and… He was just so scared to lose her. He didn't think he was going to be able to handle it.
And now here he is. Without her. And even though he does want to be with her, he just can't. He can't trust her or look at her without remembering what she did.
And it hurts. More than he ever thought it would.
So he closes his eyes and tries to sleep to stop thinking about everything that happened. But three minutes later, his phone rings. He stretches his arm to pick it up from the nightstand. It's a text from Rachel.
"I'm so sorry Finn. I never wanted this to happen. I never wanted to hurt you. I'll… give you space if that's what you need. Please don't forget that I love you. Rachel. x"
He stares at the screen until it turns black. And then throws his phone to the other end of the bedroom.
He remembers her face when he pushed her away when she tried to kiss him and his heart aches. Even though it was her that caused everything (because it was, even though he should have told her about Santana), he hates to see her suffer because he remembers the day he promised he would never do it.
He wants to forgive her. (So much.) But, right now, he just can't.
So, meanwhile, he just wishes for things to be okay. He wishes to stop hurting. He wishes to regain his trust in her. He wishes for Rachel to give him the time he needs. (He wishes that he doesn't end up losing her.)
He wishes for them to get back to how they were: happy and in love.
Because, right now, they're not happy or in love.
And it hurts.