He tried.
He did.
And all it brought was devastation.
They came.
They disappeared.
And for his friends he resigned.
Victory never tasted so bitter.
Surrender never so irredeemable.
And all that remained was unforgivable guilt.
One after another, they made their choice.
Each day, one left. Each day, he lost one more friend.
And at the end of the week, six rings laid on his pale palm.
Abandoned.
… he knew the feeling. It was the very reason his whole world had in the laughable time of barely a week lost all colour, letting him drown in a depressing sea of white, grey and black shades, a concert of disjointed emotions rattling tauntingly in his mind with overwhelming force. With each colour lost, another part of him crumbled into nothingness, until what remained behind was a lifeless empty sky, void of its weathers, its guardians, its friends. A broken home once filled with warmth and laughter left to become a haunted house, the whispered greeting welcoming those nearest to its heart uselessly lost in the howling icy winds. And still, trembling with cold in the face of his grief, he could not blame them.
Not for wanting normalcy. Happiness. Life. A damn chance of something more than the blood, death and sin that seemed to await them.
Had they stayed, that is.
Each ring they returned weighted like lead on his slowly battered soul. Each ring they returned was nauseatingly sullied with the ugly remnants of easily renounced bounds, shattered promises and unspoken accusations.
Their eyes were steeped in blame. Their tightened lips swallowing bitter allegations.
He took it all.
He took it knowing how useless the gesture was.
He took it aware of what he had to do to repay them for the years of loyal friendship and familiar love. Aware of what was necessary to make this failure of his right again.
And as afraid of it as he was, it would be the last act of friendship he could give them, the last prove that despite his inability to hold them, his promises were meant to be true. Somehow, if what would be gained was compared to what needed to be lost, the gain always seemed to outstrip the loss by far.
For his friends would finally be able to live normal lives.
And his mother would once more be safe from the sins of her husband and son.
… and most importantly, his family would be … happy.
Returning the rings was futile. Renouncing their ties meaningless. As long as he was the heir, the future Decimo, the guardians, the friends he had so willingly harmonized with in his teenager years, his little breaking family, would always be bound to the Mafia, and always be haunted by their rules and demands. Mafia … a hell that couldn't be left, because leaving in that world meant dying.
There was only one way to give them their happy end.
And he was finally ready to pay the cost.
The night sky was beautiful.
No cloud to obstruct the shining moon, no rain to chill him to the bone, no storm or lightning playing violently to distract from the beautiful display shown so quietly before him. No mist to obstruct the truth and hide the simple elegance of the night just as the harsh glare of the sun had thankfully been exchanged for the soft shimmer of the moon.
He reach slowly up, the moon and stars so near. Just for a moment it looked as if he could touch them, could feel them in the palm of his hand. A gentle light shining on his lonely heart.
A brittle smile lit up his drawn face, caramel-coloured orbs shadowed in the sparse moonlight. This was his penance.
He was paying his due.
And it felt right.
Finally, everything felt alright again.
As if he never had been there.
And in the silver glow of the moon, dark red painted pale slim arms. Rivulets of bloody tears flowed down quiescent limbs, as if the grief of his heart tried to escape through the violent gashes gracing his skin.
It was such a tragic colour.
Sawada Tsunayoshi did not care. He cared neither for the darkening colour dyeing his clothes and skin, nor for the pain numbing his body. All he still cared for would now be free. They would find happiness. They would find family. Love. Success. And for him, surrendering thus for their sake was enough. Was more than he ever thought he could actually accomplish.
Even as the blood cooled, the tremble ceased and sightless eyes stared glazed into the lonely sky …
… he smiled.
Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
It was a saying Sawada Tsunayoshi could empathise so well.
So seeing as damnation was all that awaited him, Tsuna felt nothing but relief in the knowledge that at least his family would now have a chance at redemption.
It was a thought that, as his heart slowed and his breathing grew unsteady, gave him something invaluable in the face of the immediate suffering he would certainly face in hell for all the mistakes he had made in his short life.
For the final time it gave him …
… Peace.
~ The End. Companion to 'Redemption'.