He heard Reyna sigh.
"Jason."
He turned to look at her and waited for her to continue.
"I'm sorry."
It was curious, how much pain those two words could hold. Two scant, meager words. Two words that broke his heart, even though he didn't know what she was talking about. Endless moments passed before Jason swallowed the knot in his throat and asked, "What?"
This time, Reyna answered right away, no hesitation in her voice. "I'm sorry that Hera exchanged you and Percy."
The power of those words hit him right in the chest.
She was not accusing him.
She had only needed a few words. A few words to tell him that she missed him, that she wanted everything to go back the way things used to be, that she hated that situation, but she was also telling him that she wasn't blaming him for everything that had happened in the past two years. That it had been Juno. It was not his fault. He had only made the most of the circumstances he'd found himself into: with no memory and a beautiful girl who loved him already because of fake memories.
After the shock came the happiness: Reyna did not feel any resentment for him. Maybe she would be his best friend and companion once again. His confidant, his colleague, the only person he trusted enough to watch his back in battle. Then Jason blushed, because of course not, things would not go back to the way they were before. He was not going home. Camp Jupiter was not his home. It had not been since that windy December morning when he'd crossed the magical borders of Camp Half-Blood. And he'd done it, unconsciously, once and forever. He couldn't go back now, he knew it. He didn't want to go back. Because ever since he'd set foot on Camp Half-Blood, every time he thought of going home, he thought of ways to make Camp Jupiter more Greek. And when he'd finally gone back to Camp Jupiter, he hadn't felt any sense of familiarity. Only homesickness for something he knew he'd lost.
He didn't miss the boring Senate meetings, or his apartment on Via Praetoria, or his purple toga. The legion was just a memory, like the view on New Rome and the Field of Mars and Reyna's favorite hot chocolate.
During the quest on the Argo and the final weeks of the Giants War, it was Camp Half-Blood that he dreamt of. His sister Thalia's face and the strawberry fields, the taste of fruit and the smell of green grass. Chiron's eternal eyes and the inside of his cabin and the council meetings around a ping pong table.
And there was Piper.
Piper, – he could say it with absolute certainty now – the love of his life. Aphrodite's most modest daughter ever, stubborn and jealous as few others. They had chosen each other mutually, between godly interventions, lost and fictitious memories.
Jason looked at Reyna. Yes, he was sorry that Juno and exchanged Percy and him, irreparably subverting his life. But, knowing all the consequences of Hera's unscrupulous action, Jason thought that he'd be more sorry if she hadn't done it.
Only, he couldn't tell Reyna this.
"Yeah," he answered, lowering his head. He couldn't bear to look at her, couldn't bear to see the painful expression in her eyes, black as obsidian. Reyna was good at pretending, at concealing her emotions, but Jason had always been able to read her, one of the few really able to understand her true feelings. He didn't want to read her heart now, didn't want to see all the pain she was hiding. She had forgiven him, Jason told himself again, but his absolved guilt couldn't fully comfort her for his actual leaving. And he didn't regret leaving.
"Jason?" she called again.
"Yes?"
He raised his gaze now, for the despair in her voice was too clear to be ignored. He wondered what she was about to ask him, whether he should find an excuse and walk away, before it was too late, before it became too much, before he could make irreparable damage on the both of them.
"Have you gotten all your memories back?" she asked at last, lowering her head.
She was asking him if he remembered all the moments spent with her; she was asking if he remembered them. She wanted to know if he had make a conscious choice.
Jason could have lied, but to what end? He'd always been a rotten liar and she always knew it when he wasn't telling the truth. She knew him too well to fall for it. She knew him too well not to know the answer already.
"Yes," he said after endless seconds of silence. "I got them back."
Reyna nodded quietly. She'd been prepared for that answer, she'd been warned, but she'd wanted to hear Jason say it.
He remembered it all, and yet he'd gone over to the Greeks. He remembered it all, and he had chosen Piper anyway.
A/N: hey everyone! Thanks for reading.
I got really emotional while writing this, so… I hope you liked it. And review, please? Reviews are cookies.
Love,
F