Disclaimers:
I own nothing but the voices in my head…
This is a one shot tag to the end of Crossroads Blues. It's been almost twenty-four hours and I just couldn't find closure with that final scene so I decided to help myself out. I crave reviews so please be kind and supply me with my fix.
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Sam sat quietly for a moment, a barrage of emotions assaulting him. No. Not this time. You don't get to shut me out. He reached over and turned off the blaring music. The sudden silence was deafening.
"What the hell?" Dean asked, stretching a hand towards the stereo. He looked up in surprise as Sam's hand clamped down on his wrist.
"No," Sam said through clenched teeth. His eyes flashed with emotion and Dean drew back his hand.
"Jesus, Sammy, do I have to listen to more of your psycho-babble bullshit? I don't exactly feel like a therapy session right now," Dean said flippantly, keeping his eyes straight ahead.
Sam heard the undercurrent of pain beneath the glib comments and noticed Dean's jaw muscle tense even as he attempted a smile. "Yah, Dean, you do have to listen. For once, just shut the hell up and hear me out." He paused expecting Dean to interrupt but heard only the sound of the Impala rushing over the asphalt.
"Maybe you're right. Maybe I don't know how it feels to have someone I love sacrifice himself so I can live…maybe I don't know how it feels to carry that weight. But goddamnit, Dean, I do know how it feels to lose Dad!" Sam voice was hoarse, his eyes glittering. "Dad saw this as the only way, don't you get that? He didn't stop and think about how you'd feel if you found out, he just did what he had to do to save you." He kept his eyes on Dean, wishing he could break through those walls his brother was so expert at building but at the same time dreading what might happen if those walls finally cracked.
Dean remained silent, his body so still it seemed as if it had shut down. "So what, Dean, no comment? No nothing? You don't have to be strong all the time, man! I'm your brother, Dean, and I miss him, too, but you didn't make the choice. He did, right or wrong."
Dean's brow creased and his hands gripped the steering wheel so hard his knuckles grew white. He drew a shallow breath and blinked rapidly. When he finally spoke Sam had to strain to hear. "Dad… Dad should be here with you. He spent his life hunting this son-of-a-bitch and to have it all end like this… It's just not right, Sammy." He paused and Sam saw his throat working as if he could choke down the pain. He gave a slow shake of his head and smiled bitterly. "How could he leave us, Sam? How could he just throw it all away? When I think of him…" He broke off and pounded a fist on the dashboard. "When I think of him suffering… It's worse than knowing he died for me, Sammy. I can't breathe when I think about what might be happening to him. I close my eyes and all I see is him… "
Sam wiped at his eyes with the back of his sleeve and when he was able he spoke again. "Dad's gone, Dean, but I'm still here. I loved Dad but I need you...I need you."
After what seemed like an eternity Dean looked over at Sam and the agony etched on his face caught Sam like a punch to the gut. "I'm still here, Sammy. It hurts so goddamn bad, but I'm here…and I'm not going anywhere." He swiveled his eyes back to the road ahead and paused with his hand on the stereo dial. After a few beats he added softly, "Thanks, Sammy."
Sam tried unsuccessfully to hide his surprise. "For what?"
Dean smiled and slid his eyes back towards his brother. "For being such a giant pain in my ass."
Sam grinned in spite of himself. "Love you too, man."
Dean exhaled in what could almost have passed for a laugh and cranked the volume back up. Dad may be gone but you've still got me, Sammy. You've still got me.