When I saw the new twilight movie, I just felt like writing this. I hope you like it. Post BD, will be written from different positions.
Jacob´s POV.
It´s only me and her today. Those moments have become rare and I treasure them. The vampires have all gone hunting except for Esme, who has taken Renesmee to her new school to introduce her as her older´s adoptive son´s sister, that has just decided to come live with our family.
It´s the first time Renesmeé can go to school. She stopped aging three years ago, but it took us some time to settle down again. Things have become more complicated ever since I joined the Cullen family( and by that, I don´t just mean getting used to the smell).
First we had to keep moving so no one would notice the inhumanly beautiful child that was maturing too fast and also seemed way to old to be his parent´s kid. Then we had to pay attention to not live anywhere where many vampires passed, as they would never accept me. and it got incredible hard to come up with good excuses why all family members were dating each other. in the end, we decided to additionally get other places to cover up that we were all living together. This time, everyone but Renesmee is going to college.
I frown as I remember the discussion we had about that. I wanted Renesmee to go to high school on her own for the first time. She can never have a normal live, but i at least want her to have a normal high school time and the only one of us that looks young enough to sign in for sophomore year is Edward. High school shouldn´t be the place to hang out with your parents. In the end, I won.
I feel my heart ache as I think of Renesmee, because she´s not around and I feel the urge to check she´s okay, but I feel an even bigger pang of guilt because, as I look at Bella, beautiful, cold Bella,that is twirling a strand of her chestnut hair around her finger, one of the human traits she kept, that I can´t bring myself to wish she was.
Bella catches my stare and sends me a questioning glance. As observing, but obvious at the same time as she is, I expected her to look but not suspect what this triggered. She will never notice what inner conflict I´m fighting whenever she´s around. She will never understand the turmoil of emotions that I desperately try to keep at bay, whenever I think of her. No, Bella wo´t know and it´s better that way. She closed that drawer of her life the moment I imprinted on her daughter. At least that´s what I try to convince myself as I avoid eye contact.
" Jake, what´s up? ", she askes, her voice gentle. She still cares for me, but that hurts the most because I know she wil never care enough.
" Aw, it´s so cute you care!" , I say, trying to distract myself by mocking her. Trying to ban those disturbing thoughts of an elapsed time from my mind.
"Who says I does?",Bella asks cheekily, but she smiles. When she was still human, she would have blushed, but now her face stays pale, reminding me always that she is his and his alone.
Her eyes are onyx today, and with some imagination I can picture them the milky chocolate brown they were. I close my eyes and allow myself to think of her as she was, soft and warm and human.
" Jake,now, honestly, please tell me what´s going on. You´ve been behaving weird lately." Her voice interrupts my stream of thoughts, bringing me back to reality.
" Can´t", I mutter and it´s true. If she ever was to know, my entire world would crumble, falling down and leaving nothing but pieces no one would be able to pick up. It´s hard enough to keep it from Edward, and it was impossible to keep it from Jasper. He actually was the one that confronted me because of it and he was the one that helped me figure it out.
I notice that Bella is still waiting for a response I can´t give her. As she looks at me with disappointed eyes because I won´t trust her ,I know I can´t lie to her either.
" Do you know how it feels to want...something...so badly it hurts, but you know you won´t be able to stand giving up the rest for that one..thing...?" , I ask her.
" I did feel that way before", she replies. Then she wraps her arms around me. Despite our differences, she still feels perfect in my arms.
" Jake?", she reluctantly mumbles. " Yeah?" " Whatever it is, it will get weaker. It will be okay, trust me."
" If I asked you if it will ever truly pass, what would you say?" I whisper, unable to keep the sadness from leaking trough my words.
´Bella lets go of me for an instant, locking eyes with me. " I´d lie".
I hope you liked it. Plz review and tell me what you think and if I should continue this story.