DISCLAIMER I do not own Merlin. It is the property of the BBC and whoever else holds its rights!

SUMMARY Taking place after season 2 Merlin and Morgana deal with their new relationship, while the kingdom faces more dangers.

THEN

Merlin can do nothing but hold her as she coughs up her last breaths. This isn't how it was supposed to be! He was supposed to protect Arthur and Camelot from dangerous enemies, not friends. A hot single tear slides slowly down his face as stares straight ahead. He can't, won't look into her accusing eyes, the ones he can feel boring into him. What right does she have to feel hurt? She lied to and betrayed them all first. The people she cared about are suffering far more than she is: After all her suffering will end soon and his only is beginning. He feels his throat tighten and a sob gets stuck in it. The once beautiful and lively Lady Morgana lays silent and still in his lap. He fights the urge to throw up and gag the same way she has moments ago. He closes his eyes and waits for the kingdom to awake.

The door crashes open and Morgause enters. Merlin stares at her with hatred far greater than any he had known. This woman is the reason this all happened, the reason he had to murder his friend. He gathers his will to fight her but stops when he notices her full attention is on Morgana rather than him. He is to numb to offer resistance when she takes the Lady into her own arms.

"What has he done to you?" Merlin hears her say with fright.

"I had to." He gasps, saying it to himself as much as the sorceress.

"You poisoned her!" Morgause accuses, eyes glittering. Merlin glares back, angered with the accusation. As if Morgana and left him a choice. As if Morgause hadn't manipulated Morgana into betraying them all. How could this woman stand before him trying to guilt him? "You…" he shakily starts rising, "You left me no choice."

"Tell me what you used and I can save her!" Morgause begs, looking down at the beautiful prone figure in her arms.

"First stop the attack." Merlin demands. He's already lost one thing he won't lose his destiny as well.

"You're nothing by a simple servant, you don't tell me what to do." Morgause challenges.

"If you want to know what poison it is, you will undo the magic that drives the knights." Merlin fires back, he has no patience left in him. He is sickened by everything and calling him a servant was the last straw.

"Tell me the poison or you'll die!"

"And she'll die with me." Merlin states calmly. Later, when he has time to think, he'll wonder how he didn't just break down and let Morgause save Morgana. He'll wonder how he was able to poison the woman who rode off with him to save his village. He'll wonder why he doesn't feel worse than he believes he should. But now is not later and until then he has to fight. His resolve begins to break as Morgause cradles Morgana, touching her forhead against the others. Merlin takes a gulp and softly says,"I don't want this anymore than you. But you give me no choice. Stop the knights and you can save her." He watches as Morgause thinks it over and lets out a breath of relief as she begins to chant. He also ignores the ache in his body as he realizes the vile woman in front of him does something he was not able to. She picks and saves Morgana over taking a kingdom. For the first time but perhaps not the last, Merlin curses his destiny. The rest of the night comes and goes in a blur; The king awakening, Arthur rushing in, Morgause disappearing with Morgana, talking with Gaius and releasing the Great Dragon.

NOW

Merlin lay in his bed willing himself to sleep. It had been a month since the worst week of his young life. It had been a month since he murdered his friend, a month since misery reigned over the land by his releasing of the Great Dragon, and a month since he met his father and later watched him die.

The kingdom was still rebuilding itself but Arthur had been in charge of reconstruction and had put everything into refortifying the land and making it safe for the people. Although there was still much to do, in a short time under Arthur's leadership a lot had been done as well. Merlin himself had spend hours with his lord, serving him until they were both bone tired. Merlin knew part of Arthur's vigor was because he still blamed himself for Morgana's capture. He hadn't fully realized and appreciated how much, the woman who was his adoptive sister for years', presence had brightened up the castle; both the people in it and the stone walled building itself. Merlin couldn't blame his lord and he wasn't much better as he found himself unable to sleep, with "the event" replaying over and over in his dreams. Merlin hated the Lady for what she had made him do, and he hated himself for being able to do it. No matter how much Gaius reassured him, Merlin felt horrible and sickened, and it didn't help Merlin that his friends were still struggling with Morgana's loss.

Guinevere was a mess. She had regarded Morgana as a sister and had loved her lady deeply. Arthur had secured her a new position in the castle as a laundress which kept her busy, but whenever she had free time she would find Merlin she would break down all over again over stories of her and Morgana's adventures. These times were the worst as Merlin heard all about how caring and fun loving Morgana had been, and they made him ache deeper than anything. 'I had no choice.' he thought once again for the millionth time.

Merlin lay in his bed with all these thoughts pounding in his head. He alternated between sadness, anger and helplessness. It would have been so much easier if they just forgot all about Morgana and moved on with their lives. 'If only the king would give up.' Morgana's loss weighed equally heavily on Uther who felt it was his fault. There were times when Merlin wished he could blame Uther. If he wasn't so bigoted against magic, Morgana would never have felt the need to join the druids and fight against him. Merlin knew it wasn't fair though to blame the King and Uther wasn't the one who had put poison in her water and handed it to her with her full trust. 'That was all me.' He knew he could end the search by revealing the truth of the night, but no matter what had occurred he couldn't bring himself to turn in Morgana. Part of it was guilt, part of it was still disbelief she actually betrayed the kingdom, and part of it was his certainty she would never return. Merlin sighed rubbing his eyes and stretching into a more comfortable position. 'Why Morgana? Why?' He closed his eyes willing sleep.

An hour later Merlin awoke to bells clanging and men shouting excitedly outside his door. Sitting up he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, just in time to see Arthur barge into his room. "Quick, get ready and bring Gaius! We've found her!" Arthur exclaimed with delighted urgency.

'Found her? Who?' Merlin thought, still sleepy and once again deprived of a good night's rest, 'And this night looked so promising too.' Out loud he asked, "Found who?"

Arthur gave him his 'Merlin, are you really this daft?' look and responded, "Mor-gah-na!' drawling out each syllable. At that Merlin sat up instantly. Morgana was back? How? Why? He had assumed she would never come back if she survived and if she didn't…well he tried not to think of that, but obviously she couldn't come back then.

Merlin swallowed a gulp and asked, "Are you sure?"

"Am I sure? Of course I'm sure. I know what my sister looks like Merlin." Merlin looked away at the hopeful glint in Arthur's eyes' and at the address he used for Morgana. He had never called her his sister out loud before.

"I just meant it could be a trick…err…sorcery." Merlin said, "We should be cautious around this woman."

Arthur rolled his eyes, "This woman? It's Morgana. Trust me! Sheesh Merlin, you would think you weren't happy to have her back." Merlin let out a breath. She was back then. Different emotions flittered through him fighting for dominance. Anger was starting to win when Arthur announced, "Would you hurry up and get ready? We need Gaius, she's not well!"

"What?" Merlin sputtered. Not knowing why, but hearing she wasn't well squashed down the anger and replaced it with urgency for her well fare.

"Right. I'll get Gaius up and ready." He managed to say. Arthur finally nodded at his servant in agreement.

"We'll be at the castle in her old chambers when you're ready." He left Merlin to prepare himself.

Merlin roused himself awake and went to the snoring Gaius to tell him the news. It sometimes amazed him what the old man could sleep through. "Gaius, wake up! We're needed at the castle."

"What for?" Gaius mumbled sleepily.

Merlin inhaled once and replied, "Morgana's back." Gaius shot up and was ready in moments.

"Come on boy. Who knows what she's been telling everyone." Merlin nodded and followed his mentor out. He tried his best to steady his apprehension and joy? 'Joy? Why joy? I know. Because it means I'm not a murderer. 'Merlin rationalized.

They raced to the castle and soon Merlin found himself outside the doors of the Lady Morgana's chambers. He inhaled softly, the room still smelled like her. He remembers the first time he smelled her room and walked in on the gorgeous woman changing. Shaking away his thoughts and the warmth they brought, he looked inside and found Uther by her bed. Gaius rushed past him, with his medicines ready. He fought against his eyes to look at the bed, but eventually his eyes won. He held his breath as she filled his vision. There she was, the exquisite Morgana with her dark hair and pale skin. She was still with her eyes closed and he shuddered remembering the last time he had seen her so unmoving and deathly. His heart pounded as his insides fought to flee from the castle and to remain where he was at the same time.

"Good, Gaius you're here."

"Yes my Lord. What can I do for her."

Merlin watches his mentor feel Morgana for temperature and hidden hurts. He felt someone staring at him and looked up to find Gwen holding her hands tightly. He smiled at her and she smiled back with hope. Tears have dried on her face and he looked away ashamed.

"Isn't this great?" He turned surprised at Arthur's voice.

"Incredibly." He mumbled back.

"I hope she's okay, she wouldn't talk to us when we found her, and then she passed out." Arthur continued. Merlin looked at him in question. "Where did you find her?" he asked.

Arthur blushed slightly embarrassed, "Well actually she found us. One of the night guards saw a figure outside the gates and notified me. When we went out to confront the figure…well…" he gestured to the prone figure on the bed.

"And she didn't say anything?" Merlin asked remembering what Arthur had said about her silence.

"No, not a word." He answered, fingers fidgeting.

'Well what were you expecting her to say to them? Hello everyone, I'm the reason you all fell asleep and were attacked by mystical knights! Good to see you all again.' Merlin thought sarcastically until his attention was brought back by Gwen's squealing. He followed the sound to see Gwen staring at Morgana, now awake. It looked like Gaius awoke her with his prodding. She pushed him away lightly and he went quickly. Merlin blinks sadly as he knows that although Gaius still loves her, he no longer trusts her.

"Morgana!" The king exclaims happily, "Child, how are you? Say something?"

Morgana smiled at the King and shook her head no.

"No?" Uther questioned, "Why not."

Morgana mimed writing and Gwen understanding her mistress more than anyone, ran to get her a piece of parchment and quill. Morgana hugged her when she returned with the writing instruments and for a moment, watching how genuinely happy the two were to see each other, Merlin felt Morgana back may not be a bad thing. He watched the beauty write something on the parchment and hand it to Uther.

"What!" He bellowed as he read it, Morgana winced at the noise and Merlin's heart sank. The King held Morgana's face gently in his hands and spoke to her gently, "They will pay for this Morgana, don't worry!" Morgana's eyes widened and Merlin felt a pang of annoyance. 'She's probably thinking about Alvarr.'

He heard Arthur scoff beside him, "She better not be worried about that Druid thief." He remarked. Merlin couldn't help but smile. Not only had Arthur noticed her expression but he felt the same way about it as Merlin did.

The king however, continued, unaware of her look, "Gaius." He called. Gaius strolled over and read the not himself. He looked up at Merlin with an arched eyebrow.

"I will see what I can do to help." He responded to Gaius and walked out.

Arthur was sick of being left out of the loop and he strode over to the bed as well, sitting down on it next to Morgana. He looked at her and she simply stared back with her head tilted to the left. Up until looking back at Arthur, Morgana had yet to look anywhere but to the King. "What's wrong father?" he demanded to know, when he received nothing from Morgana.

Uther sighed and finally announced, "Tonight is a happy night as we have been given back our Lady Morgana. However the druids have not left her unmarred." Uther voice grew darker and Merlin felt his chest tighten, nervous to hear what was said next. "The druids poisoned our Lady and because of that she has lost the ability to speak. She believes it is only temporary and we must all hope for a full recovery. Until then we will leave her to her rest and in the care of Gaius and her maid."

Merlin couldn't believe the news. His stomach clenched at the poisoned part, but beyond that she was well. Better than well because she couldn't spread her lies now either. He was almost happy when a force hit him and he looked up, right into the eyes of the Lady Morgana. He was pushed back by the force of the gaze and had not realized until now, he had been standing and thinking alone for a few moments. The tension was thick, but still they held each other's gaze; Merlin not knowing what to say and Morgana unable to say a word. He looked at her as if she were a stranger and his best friend all at once. He looked at her with anger, distrust, and sorrow and…'longing?' She however looked at him without expression, then finally a bitter smile quirked at the corners. Without breaking eye contact he heard a voice in his head…her voice.

::I can't speak to the others-but I can certainly speak to you…EMRYS!::

Before Merlin could be shocked he was pushed out, further into the hallway by glowing eyes with the doors slammed shut in front of him. 'There's no way this can be good for me.'