The NYAHAHA of Haruhi Suzumiya

Author's Note: Ok, I'm starting to get into this whole oneshot thing, so here's one that isn't based around someone else's work. (Except the original anime, you smartasses.)

Kyon awoke to a particularly disturbing set of circumstances. Now, mind you, his dreams had been just as disturbing, despite not being able to remember them, the general concept of fear and bad things happening to him left a general psychological impression upon him that he was growing quite familiar with. That alone was enough to set him on edge.

He had awoken in the clubroom, which was not entirely unusual, he was prone to taking small naps when there was nothing better to do, and he really didn't want to go home just yet. But something was off. Greatly. For starters, his perception seemed greatly skewed. His line of sight seemed narrower than he was used to, and his center of gravity seemed off. He tried sitting up, but soon lost balance, and fell onto his back. He rolled onto his stomach and drew himself up to his hands and knees, his equilibrium lost for the moment.

Then he realized he was still on the table. He tried to crane his head up to see past the edge of the desk, but his perspective only seemed to change by a fraction of an inch.

What's going on here? He thought to himself. Why do I feel so… different. It's like I can't move all of my body. Am I paralyzed or something? As an experiment, he tried crawling on his hands and knees across the table, only to discover that this task was taking much longer than one would think to accomplish. He then became aware of a weight around his neck, and reached a hand up to investigate-

-it was his tie. But it felt much heavier than normal, by many standards. It seemed to fit him just fine, but the ratio of it to him seemed… skewed somehow.

There wasn't a doubt in his mind that whatever had happened to him, Haruhi was responsible. Ok, calm down. He looked around the clubroom, only to discover that it was greatly empty. Where is everyone? What time is it? He tried to crane his neck to see the clock behind him, only to discover that he had to turn his body entirely, which caused him to fall backwards, landing himself on his rear. He stared up at the clock. Oh, crap, class is on now! I must have fallen asleep before school!

He returned to his all-fours position, the only one he seemed capable of walking in, and sprint-crawled across the table-

-only to reach the edge, and discover that the drop down seemed much more intimidating than it should be. What the hell? Why am I so high up? What the hell has she done to me, now?

It was then that he heard the door click open. A wave of relief nearly brought him to his knees, had he not already been on them. He looked up to see Itsuki entering the room. Kyon attempted to cry out for help, but his voice came out as strangled, and high pitched. "Óh, what's the matter? Who left you here?" Itsuki asked, using a sugary sweet voice that greatly disturbed Kyon.

Itsuki, you freak! You know damn well who this is! And who did this! Now help me! Dammit, why can't I talk?

Itsuki simply took down a book from the shelf, his interest in Kyon now completely dispelled, and began reading. At that point, someone else entered the room. Oh, thank god, it's Yuki! She can help me! Yuki, Yuki! Kyon screamed in his mind, attempting to yell. All that escaped was more strangled cries. Dammit! He cursed as Yuki gave him a blank stare, and then took her seat in the corner.

All at once, the room became filled with noise, as Kyon turned in horror to see Haruhi bursting into the room, dragging Mikuru with her. "Yaho! Thanks for coming, guys! This Saturday meeting of the S.O.S. Brigade can now begin!" Saturday? Oh, thank god. Now, someone help me!

"Um, Suzumiya-san! I can't be here today! I have to help my family-"

"We're here today for a special event! I got this great idea from a movie to hunt for water goblins! Itsuki, do you have a cucumber?" Kyon practically exploded in his own mind. Don't drag people around just because you had a thought! And sea cucumbers don't work for water goblins, we watched that movie together! Oh, no, what if she makes it work? Those water goblins killed people! His mental rants were accompanied by more strangled noise, and Haruhi and Mikuru both turned their attention to him.

"Oh, my god, it's a kitty!" Haruhi squealed. "Who brought a kitty to school?"

Mikuru had become equally as distracted. "Oh, it's so cute!" Wait… a cat? Wouldn't I have seen a cat by now? But they're looking at me, so… Oh my god, Haruhi. YOU TURNED ME INTO A CAT!

Haruhi became instantly distracted. "Ok, new plans! We now have a pet for the S.O.S. Brigade! I'm going to go track down Kyon, so he can buy stuff for it!" She ran out of the room, ranting to herself about all of the things she wanted to do with her newfound pet.

Mikuru took another look at the kitty-Kyon. "Aw, how cute! It's so adorable! It even has a little tie!" she cooed, and picked up Kyon. His senses were greatly assaulted by the sudden shift in altitude, and the rush of air as he was handled. Suddenly, he was being held tightly against her chest, and for a moment, Kyon begged with the universe to stay a cat forever. "I wonder what his name is?"

"Kyon," Yuki said simply. Oh, please let her have figured it out.

"Kyon? So, we want to name him after Kyon-kun?" Mikuru asked sweetly. Kyon felt a surge of affection as Mikuru used his nickname.

"Where is he, anyway?" Itsuki asked. Kyon turned his head to Yuki, in time to see her point at him.

The ensuing silence was deafening. Finally, Mikuru spoke. "You-you mean, this is… Kyon?"

"Yes."

Kyon's world became a rush of colors, as he was reoriented, and found himself staring into Asahina's eyes, which were slowly filling with tears. "Ky-kyon-kun?"

The kitty nodded.

And Mikuru began to cry, clutching Kyon to her chest. Best. Sympathy hug. Ever. "Can we reverse this?" Itsuki asked solemnly. Kyon turned his head to see The other boy's face wrought with concern. Another surge of appreciation, of a different sort, surged through him.

"Yes." Yuki said simply.

Kyon's head shook as Mikuru moved suddenly. "How, how?"

"It appears as though Suzumiya had the thought that she would much rather prefer Kyon as an obedient pet than their current relationship. It would require altering Haruhi's perspective to desiring the original Kyon returned," Yuki explained.

The group took a few seconds to think of how to do that. Then Itsuki had an idea. "We could convince her that Kyon has disappeared, and is untraceable. This would not be difficult, as she has no way of knowing he is right here. It's possible that her remorse in his absence would reverse the effects. We would simply have to hide him away so that she doesn't witness the change."

After a small bit of consideration, the group agreed, and waited patiently for Haruhi's return. Kyon was set into the storage locker in the corner, on the bottom shelf. The left the door cracked so Kyon could see. It only took about half an hour for their fearless leader to return. "Hey, you guys, I can't find Kyon anywhere. Has he shown up yet?"

Kyon could see most all of the classroom, and was able to see Mikuru sniff, and Itsuki give their leader a solemn look. "Suzumiya-san, we received a call while you were away. The authorities have reported Kyon missing. Noone has seen him since last night." Itsuki explained to her.

The reaction was nothing like Kyon would have expected. Almost instantly, Haruhi dropped to her knees, tears forming in the corners of her eyes. "Wh-what?" she asked quietly.

"I'm sorry," Itsuki added, wrapping an arm around her. Tears slowly filled her eyes, and dripped methodically down her face.

"Kyon-kun's… gone?" her voice was hollow and saddening, and Kyon felt a great urge to console this girl who on all other occasions had driven him to the brink. The only other time he had seen her like this was when he had returned to consciousness at the base of a cliff.

Then, suddenly, Kyon felt a surge of energy well up within what was now his very small body. He felt himself pulse, as if his entire body were a heartbeat, then, suddenly, it stopped. And he noticed his perspective had reoriented to a much higher thought for a second about jumping out of the closet now, but two things stopped him. One, Yuki had waved at him to stay put, a gesture from under the table, and two, he wasn't sure if he was wearing clothes.

After checking to ensure that he had been returned in at least something to wear, and realized he was in his uniform, he ran thoughts through his head as to how to reveal himself. Then an idea struck him.

Haruhi glanced up as the silence in the room was suddenly disrupted by a small sound. But as quickly as it had occurred, it disappeared. Then, there it was again. The noise occurred and silenced, rose and fell, until Haruhi decided to rise to her feet and track it down. Her search led her to the closet, where she recognized the pattern: it was snoring. She threw the doors open, and discovered a sleeping Kyon in the closet.

"You idiot!" she screeched, kicking him in the side. He snapped awake with a violent grunt, and stood straight up, hitting his head on the top of the closet.

"Oi! Do I kick you when you're sleeping?" he shouted. Then he noticed she was still crying.

"Where do you get off scaring us like that? You had me worried! I thought you… you…" she trailed off, and Kyon couldn't help feel sympathy for her. It was a feeling he wasn't used to , which is probably why he acted in a way that was strange to him.

He kissed her.

A small one, at first, catching her off guard, then, when he saw she wasn't going to hit him, he kissed her again, longer. Deeper. Until she started kissing back.

"I'm sorry. I won't disappear again." Kyon agreed. Haruhi gripped him tight, crying into his shirt. He looked up to see the rest of the group smiling at him. Well, mostly. Nagato had gone back to reading. "Hey," he added, having a thought. Haruhi looked up. "You want to get a cat?"

A/N: Yes, yes, fluff. I like fluff.