This is a one-shot based on a game of M.A.S.H. between a friend of mine in my math class. It's her result on one of our DGM themed ones, and we were joking about the result if it were real and inspired this little crack-fic.

Prologue

The wedding precession was going smoothly as the young woman waddled up the isle towards a Japanese man with long dark-blue hair. She smiled at him as she came to a stop in front of the minister and next to her soon-to-be husband.

Just after the kiss that 'seals' the marriage, she froze at a splashing noise and looked down to see her wedding dress ruined. She looked back up at her husband, worry written all over her face.

"Kanda…" She whispered, gaining his attention immediately. "It's time."

The hardened warrior's eyes opened wide before he began shouting out orders to travel to the infirmary the floor bellow. His child was coming into this world and he wanted only three people to see it, Himself, the nurse, and his wife.

- - -

It had been a few years since the marriage had began, and they had conceived twenty children. Three sets of twins, two sets of triplets, and eight singles. And their marriage was falling apart. Kanda hated Taylor's car, which happened to be Jerry's frying pan. He wished she would get rid of the 'atrocity' as Kanda phrased it.

There were other problems as well, such as Kanda always being off on missions and not helping Taylor take care of their multiple toddlers. Taylor felt unloved and decided on divorce to settle the insane battles they would have whenever he was home.

In the court ruling, the Judge gave them both full custody of their children. And stated that the only way for that to be carried out was to move the Grecian (Taylor's Maiden name) Mansion and pool to the inside of Kanda's butt.

- - -

Kanda growled as he slashed at the golden giant in front of him. He was fighting the Noah Skinn Boric.

"Kanda! What the hell do you think you are doing?! Our children are trying to go to sleep! Stop jumping around like a cricket on speed!" Kanda froze as his ex-wife's voice stopped the battle. "And you need to go to the store so I can get some groceries you damn homo!"

"Not right now Taylor, I'm trying to save the world", he growled, hoping the Noah wouldn't hear him.

Skinn was chuckling under his breath when Kanda shivered as his ex pooped partially out of his ass.

"You want your kids to starve? I will sue your ass if our kids aren't fed because you claim to be saving the goddamned world!" She glared at him before noticing the Noah. "Oh, hello, could you wait just a moment? Thanks. And your kids will want something to eat because you are jumping around like you're on fire!"

"I really think we should talk about this later stupid-woman." Kanda glowered at Taylor as she crossed her arms and glared at him.

"And I think we should talk about it now! It's always 'Not now, I'm busy saving the world', never 'Yes, I would love to provide for the family I fail to care about'. Dumb-ass, if you never wanted kids you should have kept it in your pants."

Kanda growled and let go of Mugen so he could use both hands to push Taylor back into his butt.

Skinn just sat there and stared at Kanda with a look of confusion on his face as Kanda seemed stiffer.

And Kanda was, he was clenching his anus so his ex couldn't come out again.

"Che, let's continue", Kanda ground out, acting like nothing out of the usual had happened.