The Specters were getting harder to see as the sky darkened behind them.
Zsantin's warrior swords flashed in the waning light as the last Specter
attacked. In back of him, Jaylea stood apart from the other casters. A
strange electric thrill rushed through her as she watched Zsantin fighting.
He fought as if performing a lovely and dangerous dance. Never had she
seen such an accomplished Warrior, Iskar or other. All of Zsantin's rage
and strength were carefully and very deliberately channeled to the tips of
his whirling, fatal blades. It showed his great skill, greater discipline
and much training. Many a warrior died when they allowed their let their
anger pain or passion rule them.
The Specter lashed out suddenly catching Zsantin's shoulder. A bright momentary flash of pain slashed through Jaylea as the Specter's Scythe blade cut through Zsantin's Armour and the flesh at Zsantin's shoulder. Zsantin seemed not to notice his wound and fought on without so much as a wince of pain. Without thought, Jaylea gathered the threads of the life force or Mana that ran through her and let it fly from her fingertips, sending it through Zsantin in a healing cascade of blue energy.
Zsantin was watching the dead specter fall to the ground in a black puddle of cloth just as Jaylea's heal hit him. The healing moved through him, taking him with a tingling massaging warmth that felt like.like.he couldn't find the words but it felt so good. He turned to look at Jaylea, wondering if her heals felt that way to everybody. If they did, it would explain why she was so sought after. He had seen her abilities grow more powerful in the 2 years they had been fighting together. 2 years, and he had loved her from day one. They had become a perfect battle pair, a healer and her meat shield. Ah, but he wanted more.He smiled to himself but his smile faded away as he saw how tired and drawn Jaylea looked. It was getting late for Jaylea, but Zsantin knew she wouldn't stop, not if he and the rest of the group chose to fight on.
"Pull another" Jimlee suggested "Mana?" Kosa inquired
"Its getting late." Zsantin told the group "I think I will call it a night."
"Come on Jaylea," he thought to himself "Come on sweets.tell them you need to rest" as if the sheer power of his thoughts could will her to follow him.
" I too must make camp. " Jaylea spoke up suddenly. "tis late my friends."
She turned to Zsantin and their eyes met. They smiled at each other, but as usual Jaylea's smile never quite seemed to reach her eyes. That troubled Zsantin greatly. He hated to see the shadows lurking in those lovely eyes. He swore to himself that soon he would make war on those shadows and banish them forever. But first, he knew, he had to learn what caused them.
"I took an empty tent on the outskirts of East Freeport, Zsan. We can camp there." Jaylea smiled again and this time, as she looked at him, it seemed the shadows left her eyes, if only for a moment. Zsantin fell in step beside her and they chatted about the day as they walked across the dunes towards the city. The bright desert starts glittered coldly above them
When they reached the tent that Jaylea had selected, the exhaustion Jaylea had been holding at bay overcame her. With aching weariness she struggled to shrug off her backpack, but Zsantin was already behind her lifting it gently from her back.
"Thanks" Jaylea sighed in relief and rolled her shoulders as the weight of the bag was lifted from her then Jaylea added coyly. "Seems I chose the right champion after all." She turned to him smiling, but he frowned. He was watching her closely and she couldn't help but see the worry in his eyes. She knew it was worry for her. Zsantin's tail was slashing back and forth, surely a sign of his agitation. "Zsan?" Jaylea studied his eyes lost in them for the moment. "What is it? What's wrong?
Then an old and irrational fear ripped through her leaving her shaken. "Are you angry?" Maybe he was changing his mind.and was leaving her, like everyone way or another, everyone else had done. she turned away and busied herself at the fireplace building a small cooking fire. She needed some tea.
"Jaylea?" Zsantin crouched down beside her. Her heart was in her throat as she waited, afraid to hear the words she dreaded, that he was going. "Jaylea?" she would not look up at him and that irritated him, in fact it ticked him off.
"yes?" she answered her voice barely about a whisper, still not daring to meet his eyes. Zsan had no idea why.
He reached out and took her by the arm. He pulled her to her feet and then held her close. "Don't do that to me my love." he murmured into her hair. "don't ever shut me out like that, Jaylea. I am your champion, as you asked me to be. He cupped her chin with his hand, gently turning her face towards his. He wanted to kiss her and to take her right then. Holding her as he was, he could feel her trembling, but he knew better then to hope she was trembling with passion.it was the shadows instead. "What is it you fear so?' he wondered.but he did not dare ask just yet. Then Zsan let go of her and Jaylea took a step back, away from him and that really stung him. He wanted to shake the sense into her, to make her see his love was real, and constant and safe. It hurt him to see her pull away when all he wanted was.her. He could see her exhaustion in every move she made and that only made him feel worse and perhaps a tad guilty at his own hungry need for her. Dammit, she worked too hard, never cut herself any slack.
"You asked me if I am angry, Jaylea? Damn right I am!" He growled. His eyes were blazing now, burning hot. "Why Jaylea, Can you tell me why, day after day, you give so much of yourself away? I can't stand it, seeing you suffering like that. I watch you die, again and again, day after day, as you cast your heal on the others and don't bother to heal yourself. Surely Clerical duty doesn't demand that much self-sacrifice Jaylea?"
Jaylea's face was deathly pale as she faced her accuser and an uncontrolled rage she didn't know she had within her, welled up from deep inside, shaking her to her core. What right did he have to complain? Or to tell how her how or when she should heal others? In a quiet and dead calm voice she answered him. "I am a healer, Zsantin. I cannot and will not stand to know of suffering or pain and do nothing. I despise and defy death." She hissed. "I will not allow it to happen. Not to you.not to anyone...understand, Champion? Do .you .understand.? Jaylea demanded. Her gray eyes were blazing with a blue light as if lit from within.
Just that suddenly, Zsantin did understand and he saw beyond one of the shadows in her eyes. He knew as sure as if she had spoken it aloud, the reason that Jaylea had become a cleric. She has told him that she had seen her family butchered like so many scavenging gnoll pups. Just a little girl, she had been helpless to stop it. Now the life that she lead was her way of paying for having survived. Great Cabilis, how he loved her all the more. She was so beautiful when she was hot with anger. He wanted her, tonight.
"Jaylea." he pulled her back into his arms despite her angry resistance. He buried his face in her hair smelling the warm human scent of her. "My sweet healer, it was not your fault, You were only a young child, what could you have done to prevent it? Jaylea stiffened in shock at his words, trying to push away from him and the memories that came rushing through her, but Zsantin held firm. "Your father, your mother, your older brothers, they all wanted you hidden on that awful day, so that you would remain alive. Jaylea, they would not want you to suffer the way you, dying again, again, and again, as you seem to chose to do. Gods Jaylea, You have paid enough dues. Now you must begin to live. Healers are supposed to stay alive. Let the warriors die, Jaylea. As you champion, I can demand it. I am asking you now Jaylea, to stop punishing yourself for being alive."
The truth of his words burned into Jaylea like a brand and she knew he was right, She relaxed into the comforting circle of his arms, sobbing. She loved him so much.and was so terrified of her need for him. Zsantin was always was so open, so honest, so trusting of her. She knew that she needed to open up, to tell him some things, to explain the truth of herself. She owed him the truth.
"Come on baby, come on". Zsantin coaxed silently "speak to me, tell me.." He kissed her brow gently his tongue tasting her sweet salty skin..
How she wished she could be more like him. Jaylea met his eyes with her own tear filled ones. She forced herself to speak to tell him how she felt. Her voice was shaking as she spoke. "Zsantin I love you so, I know I have not told you this enough. But I love you dearly and it is why I asked you to be my champion.
"I know Jaylea," his arms tightened around her.
But.I also asked you to consider before you accepted because.I will only choose a champion once, " her voice wavered "only once in my lifetime.so you must be certain, you must consider everything." She knew it was already too late, she loved him that much.she would never choose another even if he said no. Her eyes held such an intoxicating mix of sorrow, love, hope and heat that Zsantin felt himself burning.
"Oh yes" Zsantin thought to himself, he would have her tonight. "There is nothing to consider Jaylea" He smiled broadly. "I can't refuse you anything, my love. Name it and it is yours"
Jaylea smiled and wiped away the now drying tears. How she loved to see the openness, the warmth and joy in his eyes, it was what had drawn her to Zsantin in the first place, his love of life. She knew she needed to explain it to him, what it was like to be a cleric, at least for her.
She pushed free from the circle of his arms and turned away. "Come Zsan, sit. Let us and relax. I shall make some tea and supper" She bent over and reached for a cooking pot.
Zsantin watched her every movement hungrily.and Jaylea had no idea the thoughts that danced through his head. What he wanted to do to her, Iskar style.He sat down near the small fire, trying to keep his own fires under control. "I will explain to you some things ." Jaylea said as she busied herself making the simple supper and tea. "there are actually many sorts of clerics you know.each with their own unique talents and styles. Few humans become clerics tho'." Zsantin nodded as he listened intently, eager to learn everything, anything more about this lovely human female that he loved.
"Well" Jaylea continued...Clerics can choose or be gifted to specialize in healing or in defense or buffs for instance. Usually each cleric has 1 or 2 specific area of strengths. I shall stick with discussing mostly the healers' skills tho'. "she paused as she poured the heated water for the tea.
"Have you ever thought about how a cleric knows or decides which member of her party to target for a heal, Zsan? During the heat of battle I mean?"
Zsantin shook his head "nope, never really gave it any thought" he admitted.
She smiled warmly and handed him a gourd filled with steaming herb tea. then Jaylea handed Zsantin a plate of seasoned rabbit meat with some fresh greens on the side "Rabbit, fresh and raw, the way you like it Zsan".
"oh yeah, that's the way I like it alright." Zsantin growled looking down at his plate and then up at her. Then he grinned showing his long white teeth. Jaylea's heart fluttered. She wasn't quite sure he was referring to the food.
"Ummm well now, where was I" she continued as she sat down with her own meal and tea. "Oh yes, healers.There are differing levels of skills and ability.Styles even, of healing." Jaylea took a deep sip of the hot tea and sighed. "The most common and least skilled clerics use visual cues to target those who need heals. You know, they see a wound occur and they cast a heal. But in the heat of battle when the cleric is getting attacked too and cannot see all the members of the group, when blood is flying everywhere, then people die, all because the cleric cannot see everyone in the group or cannot judge their wounds fast enough."
"Wow, never thought of that before" Zsantin said " but now that you mention it, I have been in groups where the cleric sucked, maybe that's why. Would explain a lot. "He chuckled "but that's certainly not you Jaylea.You can juggle heals like a Cabilis court acrobat juggles balls."
Jaylea nodded. "No, that is not me.but wait I will get to that, Zsan.
"There are also clerics who have the skill to 'see' the life force that surrounds each and every living thing. When a party member gets hurt, their life force gets diminished.and glows less brightly.and the cleric sees that and knows to heal them. But there too, in the heat of battle, if a cleric can't have a direct line of sight to all the members of the party, well.someone's going to die"
Zsantin nodded still listening intently as he chewed on a raw rabbit leg.
Jaylea continue on "The more gifted of these "sighted" clerics tho' can develop the 'sight' skill further, to the point where they can visualize in their minds, the entire group and 'see' all the members, at the same. They can 'see' the health of all the members all at once, regardless of the member's location. These clerics don't have to be using their eyes to see. Following me? These are the finest clerics and it takes years of practice to get there. As long as "sighted" clerics can keep their focus and are able to maintain their visualization of the whole group within their minds, their group stays alive , well until the healer runs out of mana that is!"
"That's you! That's YOU Jaylea! Zsantin said excitedly.
Jaylea shook her head "Well no,. not exactly"
Zsantin looked crestfallen. "No?" he repeated, clearly puzzled.
Again Jaylea shook her head 'no' "My skill is a rarer kind still.tho' not a 'better kind' I fear. I have never met another cleric with the style of heals like mine. The Priests, my teachers said it was because I am only a human. They said that unlike the Elvin Folk, most humans do not have the natural mental capacity, the wisdom and intellect, to become a really fine "sighted" cleric. It so happens that I have been able to develop the skill of sight, in spite of what my teachers have said. I can see group health too, but Zsan, I heal mostly by 'feeling'. I use my body.to channel my heals and my mana. I am what my teachers called an Empath.
Jaylea hesitated, trying to find the right words to explain her unusual skill. "What I do is to physically tune into the actual life force of each member of my group. I can physically 'feel' each person's health and vitality. I can 'feel' the strong healthy life force and I can feel a person's life force lessen each time they are injured. Its hard to explain." She sighed " I actually feel each persons 'physical being' as if it was part of me and I feel along with them, what they are feeling at the same time they are feeling it. Not their emotions, mind you, their physical sensations, as if they were my own."
Zsantin put down his plate and stared at Jaylea as she continued her explanation. He wasn't sure he liked where this was headed. "You feel 'their physical sensations'? Feel it how? To what extent? He demanded and Jaylea could see his tail lashing in back of him reflecting his increased agitation.
"Jaylea ." he leaned closer to her looking deeply into her eyes, knowing that somehow this was connected to more of those damned shadows in her eyes. "Just what do you mean, Jaylea, when you say you feel the sensations as if they were your own, do you mean you feel everyone's pain??? Every hit taken?" The thought horrified him. How much pain had he, himself, caused her.?
"First of all Zsan, Jaylea replied calmly "you need to understand that I can control my gift. I can turn the gift on and off at will. I need to concentrate and to focus to do my sort of healing, just like any sort other cleric would."
She called it a Gift? Zsantin thought to himself, Shit, it seemed more like a curse.
"and I do not 'feel' it all that deeply with most people. Its not painful like you suggest, its more like .like I feel the echoes of pain, or any other physical sensations a person may be feeling at the time. Cold, for instance. too." Jaylea smiled, trying to lighten Zsantin's suddenly dark mood "or pleasure."
Jaylea was a good deal crushed to see how much this appeared to revolt Zsantin but she continued on bravely. "Zsan, when I focus, I am able to feel those echoes of a person's physical sensations, both the good and the bad. If a person gets hurt, then I know where and how badly by how intense the sensations echo though to me, and thus I heal them." If their arm gets hurt, it echoes in my arm.I do not need to see to heal, I feel to heal."
Jaylea took a deep breath and blew it out, this was so hard to explain " When I am in the midst of the healing state.casting my heals is not um.a conscious or mental effort at all, but more like my body reacting, to channel and cast the heals. She paused again trying to frame her thoughts. You compared me to a juggler? Yes, that's just it, Its like a juggler catching and tossing many balls. A juggler doesn't stand there thinking 'Arm, catch that ball, Arm Toss that ball, Their body is trained just to do it, to react."
Zsantin sat there stunned, overwhelmed. He was still a bit horrified by all of this, the though of his Jaylea having any discomfort at all. How casually she spoke of it all as 'echoes of pain'. Well, no doubt about it, he had caused her a good many of those echoes. "Jaylea," He said slowly, struggling to maintain his composure, "My love, let me understand this. You feel these echoes the whole time you are healing? He couldn't keep the worry out of his voice "What about when people die from their injuries, Jaylea? Do you 'echo' die a little bit too? Are you even telling me the truth, that there is little discomfort to you from these 'echoes'?"
Tho' Jaylea was hurt, she was not surprised by Zsantin's still evident disgust. It was a very inelegant manner of healing. The priests, her teachers had been repulsed too.But when she replied her voice was calm "My love, what small discomfort there is, I have grown used to. 'Tis a small tradeoff for the life gift I can offer."
Jaylea had never, not ever, told anyone else about this, not even her first love, Druwaynder. And now watching Zsantin, she saw she had been right all along to keep it her secret. Even Zsan couldn't stomach it. And then the thought struck her, if the others ever found out, her career would be over "Please Zsantin" Jaylea pleaded and her eyes grew dark with the shadows, "Please tell no one of this, no one."
Deep in thought, Zsantin barely heard her as he digested this new and important part of his Jaylea. All the pieces fit. It explained why after some particularly rigorous battles she seemed so wasted. Sure, all clerics needed to meditate to regain their used mana, but sometimes it seemed to take more time for Jaylea to recover then say a high elf cleric, one whom he supposed, would be a sighted cleric. Perhaps her body needed to recover as well as her mind.On the other hand, no other clerics' heals felt like hers, so good, so warm, somehow more deep and complete.
It dawned on Zsantin just then, striking him in the gut like a Giant Craig's War Hammer, That here, right in front of him sat a small, sweet, soft skin woman who took on the pain not only of her own injuries but of many and. she kept on fighting though the pain. She was what the warriors' guild considered a spiritual warrior and just possibly one of the best he had ever met. All Iskar warriors trained hard, learning as part of the path of the warrior, the discipline to control the pain, so it didn't control them, He too had learned to ignore discomfort and fight on through his wounds without hesitation, until he could fight no more. Yes, Zsantin thought to himself, "She was entitled to these particular shadows then, these were shadows she had earned, these were the ones he would live with."
"Jaylea" Zsantin reached for her and his voice was tight with emotion. "You and your gift are safe with me, I promise. Never question me again. I am your champion. He held out his two wrists offering them to her with a warm smile. "Bind me or bind to me whichever you must do." He grabbed her and kissed her deeply and to his delight Jaylea's tongue met his with equal hunger. I want you now, Jaylea. Tonight."
Her head spinning from the kiss, Jaylea thought "I still need to tell him about that.what the binding means, how I will be able to 'feel' him constantly now, and where ever he goes" even to other planes. His every sensation would echo through her always.even when someday he left her behind.
Zsantin's voice brought her back from her musings. "Jaylea, my love, is there any reason? Any reason at all, for me not to have you tonight? I will marry you human style if that is what you want." Zsantin hesitated awaiting her reply. Jaylea's only answer was to wrap her arms around him and to return his kiss again, holding him close. "To hell with the future" she whispered fiercely, as the desert night winds rattled the tent.
Jaylea's kiss was all the answer he needed, his Iskar blood was boiling now and it took the greatest effort for him to hold himself back, to keep it slow. Great Cabilis, he loved her! He wanted to shout it to the stars! "Let me pleasure you tonight, my love, in Iskar tradition, for the woman's first time."
Jaylea nodded at him, her eyes wide, the shadows still dancing in there.
Some hours later Jaylea awoke. It was the dark part of the morning. Zsantin lay there beside her still holding her tight even in sleep. She had never dreamed it could be like this, that she would ever be loved like this, or would feel love like this.
Jaylea slipped out of Zsantin's arms, careful not to wake him. Grabbing her shirt to ward off the desert night chill she sat at the entrance to the tent, looking out at the stars. Only once before had she dreamed of this kind of love and the memories flooded back. Her first love (or so she had believed at the time) had been the druid, Druwaynder. He was already a loner, a wanderer, when she had met him. He had told her that he loved her, proposed to her, they had set a date to be Wed.and then he was gone. For weeks no one saw Druwaynder, the day of the wedding came and went, and still he was not seen. When he finally returned, he was different, he had changed. She knew he had seen a vision, completed some quest. He had become more wolf then man now and completely cold to her. Druwaynder had offered her no apology, nor explanation. Unwelcome tears welled up in Jaylea and she glanced in back of her at the dark form of Zsantin sleeping there. She loved Zsantin so much. She couldn't bear to lose him. Well, she would take what joy she could, while she could, until he too left her behind, like her family, like Druwaynder, had done.
Zsantin awoke to feel cold air on his belly. He reached for Jaylea to pull her closer for warmth. But she was not there. He looked around the darkened tent and then he saw her sitting there so alone at the tent door, the silhouette of her shoulders shaking and he knew she was crying. " Jaylea, my love, come back to bed" He called softly. Somehow he knew that it was the last of her shadows causing her this sorrow.
Hurriedly, Jaylea wiped away her tears to prevent Zsantin from knowing she had been crying "ok hun." She replied and she got up and quickly slipped back into the warmth of the blankets. He buried his face in her hair breathing deeply the scent of her. He murmured sleepily" sleep love, its late. You need your sleep." He kissed the back of her neck whispering "I am not Druwaynder".
A shock of surprise ran though Jaylea. Had she spoken that name aloud? She was certain she had not. "Sleep my love, sleep.." His hot breath on her neck, she snuggled back down into the comfort of Zsantin's arms and let the sleep come and cover her over like a veil.
The Specter lashed out suddenly catching Zsantin's shoulder. A bright momentary flash of pain slashed through Jaylea as the Specter's Scythe blade cut through Zsantin's Armour and the flesh at Zsantin's shoulder. Zsantin seemed not to notice his wound and fought on without so much as a wince of pain. Without thought, Jaylea gathered the threads of the life force or Mana that ran through her and let it fly from her fingertips, sending it through Zsantin in a healing cascade of blue energy.
Zsantin was watching the dead specter fall to the ground in a black puddle of cloth just as Jaylea's heal hit him. The healing moved through him, taking him with a tingling massaging warmth that felt like.like.he couldn't find the words but it felt so good. He turned to look at Jaylea, wondering if her heals felt that way to everybody. If they did, it would explain why she was so sought after. He had seen her abilities grow more powerful in the 2 years they had been fighting together. 2 years, and he had loved her from day one. They had become a perfect battle pair, a healer and her meat shield. Ah, but he wanted more.He smiled to himself but his smile faded away as he saw how tired and drawn Jaylea looked. It was getting late for Jaylea, but Zsantin knew she wouldn't stop, not if he and the rest of the group chose to fight on.
"Pull another" Jimlee suggested "Mana?" Kosa inquired
"Its getting late." Zsantin told the group "I think I will call it a night."
"Come on Jaylea," he thought to himself "Come on sweets.tell them you need to rest" as if the sheer power of his thoughts could will her to follow him.
" I too must make camp. " Jaylea spoke up suddenly. "tis late my friends."
She turned to Zsantin and their eyes met. They smiled at each other, but as usual Jaylea's smile never quite seemed to reach her eyes. That troubled Zsantin greatly. He hated to see the shadows lurking in those lovely eyes. He swore to himself that soon he would make war on those shadows and banish them forever. But first, he knew, he had to learn what caused them.
"I took an empty tent on the outskirts of East Freeport, Zsan. We can camp there." Jaylea smiled again and this time, as she looked at him, it seemed the shadows left her eyes, if only for a moment. Zsantin fell in step beside her and they chatted about the day as they walked across the dunes towards the city. The bright desert starts glittered coldly above them
When they reached the tent that Jaylea had selected, the exhaustion Jaylea had been holding at bay overcame her. With aching weariness she struggled to shrug off her backpack, but Zsantin was already behind her lifting it gently from her back.
"Thanks" Jaylea sighed in relief and rolled her shoulders as the weight of the bag was lifted from her then Jaylea added coyly. "Seems I chose the right champion after all." She turned to him smiling, but he frowned. He was watching her closely and she couldn't help but see the worry in his eyes. She knew it was worry for her. Zsantin's tail was slashing back and forth, surely a sign of his agitation. "Zsan?" Jaylea studied his eyes lost in them for the moment. "What is it? What's wrong?
Then an old and irrational fear ripped through her leaving her shaken. "Are you angry?" Maybe he was changing his mind.and was leaving her, like everyone way or another, everyone else had done. she turned away and busied herself at the fireplace building a small cooking fire. She needed some tea.
"Jaylea?" Zsantin crouched down beside her. Her heart was in her throat as she waited, afraid to hear the words she dreaded, that he was going. "Jaylea?" she would not look up at him and that irritated him, in fact it ticked him off.
"yes?" she answered her voice barely about a whisper, still not daring to meet his eyes. Zsan had no idea why.
He reached out and took her by the arm. He pulled her to her feet and then held her close. "Don't do that to me my love." he murmured into her hair. "don't ever shut me out like that, Jaylea. I am your champion, as you asked me to be. He cupped her chin with his hand, gently turning her face towards his. He wanted to kiss her and to take her right then. Holding her as he was, he could feel her trembling, but he knew better then to hope she was trembling with passion.it was the shadows instead. "What is it you fear so?' he wondered.but he did not dare ask just yet. Then Zsan let go of her and Jaylea took a step back, away from him and that really stung him. He wanted to shake the sense into her, to make her see his love was real, and constant and safe. It hurt him to see her pull away when all he wanted was.her. He could see her exhaustion in every move she made and that only made him feel worse and perhaps a tad guilty at his own hungry need for her. Dammit, she worked too hard, never cut herself any slack.
"You asked me if I am angry, Jaylea? Damn right I am!" He growled. His eyes were blazing now, burning hot. "Why Jaylea, Can you tell me why, day after day, you give so much of yourself away? I can't stand it, seeing you suffering like that. I watch you die, again and again, day after day, as you cast your heal on the others and don't bother to heal yourself. Surely Clerical duty doesn't demand that much self-sacrifice Jaylea?"
Jaylea's face was deathly pale as she faced her accuser and an uncontrolled rage she didn't know she had within her, welled up from deep inside, shaking her to her core. What right did he have to complain? Or to tell how her how or when she should heal others? In a quiet and dead calm voice she answered him. "I am a healer, Zsantin. I cannot and will not stand to know of suffering or pain and do nothing. I despise and defy death." She hissed. "I will not allow it to happen. Not to you.not to anyone...understand, Champion? Do .you .understand.? Jaylea demanded. Her gray eyes were blazing with a blue light as if lit from within.
Just that suddenly, Zsantin did understand and he saw beyond one of the shadows in her eyes. He knew as sure as if she had spoken it aloud, the reason that Jaylea had become a cleric. She has told him that she had seen her family butchered like so many scavenging gnoll pups. Just a little girl, she had been helpless to stop it. Now the life that she lead was her way of paying for having survived. Great Cabilis, how he loved her all the more. She was so beautiful when she was hot with anger. He wanted her, tonight.
"Jaylea." he pulled her back into his arms despite her angry resistance. He buried his face in her hair smelling the warm human scent of her. "My sweet healer, it was not your fault, You were only a young child, what could you have done to prevent it? Jaylea stiffened in shock at his words, trying to push away from him and the memories that came rushing through her, but Zsantin held firm. "Your father, your mother, your older brothers, they all wanted you hidden on that awful day, so that you would remain alive. Jaylea, they would not want you to suffer the way you, dying again, again, and again, as you seem to chose to do. Gods Jaylea, You have paid enough dues. Now you must begin to live. Healers are supposed to stay alive. Let the warriors die, Jaylea. As you champion, I can demand it. I am asking you now Jaylea, to stop punishing yourself for being alive."
The truth of his words burned into Jaylea like a brand and she knew he was right, She relaxed into the comforting circle of his arms, sobbing. She loved him so much.and was so terrified of her need for him. Zsantin was always was so open, so honest, so trusting of her. She knew that she needed to open up, to tell him some things, to explain the truth of herself. She owed him the truth.
"Come on baby, come on". Zsantin coaxed silently "speak to me, tell me.." He kissed her brow gently his tongue tasting her sweet salty skin..
How she wished she could be more like him. Jaylea met his eyes with her own tear filled ones. She forced herself to speak to tell him how she felt. Her voice was shaking as she spoke. "Zsantin I love you so, I know I have not told you this enough. But I love you dearly and it is why I asked you to be my champion.
"I know Jaylea," his arms tightened around her.
But.I also asked you to consider before you accepted because.I will only choose a champion once, " her voice wavered "only once in my lifetime.so you must be certain, you must consider everything." She knew it was already too late, she loved him that much.she would never choose another even if he said no. Her eyes held such an intoxicating mix of sorrow, love, hope and heat that Zsantin felt himself burning.
"Oh yes" Zsantin thought to himself, he would have her tonight. "There is nothing to consider Jaylea" He smiled broadly. "I can't refuse you anything, my love. Name it and it is yours"
Jaylea smiled and wiped away the now drying tears. How she loved to see the openness, the warmth and joy in his eyes, it was what had drawn her to Zsantin in the first place, his love of life. She knew she needed to explain it to him, what it was like to be a cleric, at least for her.
She pushed free from the circle of his arms and turned away. "Come Zsan, sit. Let us and relax. I shall make some tea and supper" She bent over and reached for a cooking pot.
Zsantin watched her every movement hungrily.and Jaylea had no idea the thoughts that danced through his head. What he wanted to do to her, Iskar style.He sat down near the small fire, trying to keep his own fires under control. "I will explain to you some things ." Jaylea said as she busied herself making the simple supper and tea. "there are actually many sorts of clerics you know.each with their own unique talents and styles. Few humans become clerics tho'." Zsantin nodded as he listened intently, eager to learn everything, anything more about this lovely human female that he loved.
"Well" Jaylea continued...Clerics can choose or be gifted to specialize in healing or in defense or buffs for instance. Usually each cleric has 1 or 2 specific area of strengths. I shall stick with discussing mostly the healers' skills tho'. "she paused as she poured the heated water for the tea.
"Have you ever thought about how a cleric knows or decides which member of her party to target for a heal, Zsan? During the heat of battle I mean?"
Zsantin shook his head "nope, never really gave it any thought" he admitted.
She smiled warmly and handed him a gourd filled with steaming herb tea. then Jaylea handed Zsantin a plate of seasoned rabbit meat with some fresh greens on the side "Rabbit, fresh and raw, the way you like it Zsan".
"oh yeah, that's the way I like it alright." Zsantin growled looking down at his plate and then up at her. Then he grinned showing his long white teeth. Jaylea's heart fluttered. She wasn't quite sure he was referring to the food.
"Ummm well now, where was I" she continued as she sat down with her own meal and tea. "Oh yes, healers.There are differing levels of skills and ability.Styles even, of healing." Jaylea took a deep sip of the hot tea and sighed. "The most common and least skilled clerics use visual cues to target those who need heals. You know, they see a wound occur and they cast a heal. But in the heat of battle when the cleric is getting attacked too and cannot see all the members of the group, when blood is flying everywhere, then people die, all because the cleric cannot see everyone in the group or cannot judge their wounds fast enough."
"Wow, never thought of that before" Zsantin said " but now that you mention it, I have been in groups where the cleric sucked, maybe that's why. Would explain a lot. "He chuckled "but that's certainly not you Jaylea.You can juggle heals like a Cabilis court acrobat juggles balls."
Jaylea nodded. "No, that is not me.but wait I will get to that, Zsan.
"There are also clerics who have the skill to 'see' the life force that surrounds each and every living thing. When a party member gets hurt, their life force gets diminished.and glows less brightly.and the cleric sees that and knows to heal them. But there too, in the heat of battle, if a cleric can't have a direct line of sight to all the members of the party, well.someone's going to die"
Zsantin nodded still listening intently as he chewed on a raw rabbit leg.
Jaylea continue on "The more gifted of these "sighted" clerics tho' can develop the 'sight' skill further, to the point where they can visualize in their minds, the entire group and 'see' all the members, at the same. They can 'see' the health of all the members all at once, regardless of the member's location. These clerics don't have to be using their eyes to see. Following me? These are the finest clerics and it takes years of practice to get there. As long as "sighted" clerics can keep their focus and are able to maintain their visualization of the whole group within their minds, their group stays alive , well until the healer runs out of mana that is!"
"That's you! That's YOU Jaylea! Zsantin said excitedly.
Jaylea shook her head "Well no,. not exactly"
Zsantin looked crestfallen. "No?" he repeated, clearly puzzled.
Again Jaylea shook her head 'no' "My skill is a rarer kind still.tho' not a 'better kind' I fear. I have never met another cleric with the style of heals like mine. The Priests, my teachers said it was because I am only a human. They said that unlike the Elvin Folk, most humans do not have the natural mental capacity, the wisdom and intellect, to become a really fine "sighted" cleric. It so happens that I have been able to develop the skill of sight, in spite of what my teachers have said. I can see group health too, but Zsan, I heal mostly by 'feeling'. I use my body.to channel my heals and my mana. I am what my teachers called an Empath.
Jaylea hesitated, trying to find the right words to explain her unusual skill. "What I do is to physically tune into the actual life force of each member of my group. I can physically 'feel' each person's health and vitality. I can 'feel' the strong healthy life force and I can feel a person's life force lessen each time they are injured. Its hard to explain." She sighed " I actually feel each persons 'physical being' as if it was part of me and I feel along with them, what they are feeling at the same time they are feeling it. Not their emotions, mind you, their physical sensations, as if they were my own."
Zsantin put down his plate and stared at Jaylea as she continued her explanation. He wasn't sure he liked where this was headed. "You feel 'their physical sensations'? Feel it how? To what extent? He demanded and Jaylea could see his tail lashing in back of him reflecting his increased agitation.
"Jaylea ." he leaned closer to her looking deeply into her eyes, knowing that somehow this was connected to more of those damned shadows in her eyes. "Just what do you mean, Jaylea, when you say you feel the sensations as if they were your own, do you mean you feel everyone's pain??? Every hit taken?" The thought horrified him. How much pain had he, himself, caused her.?
"First of all Zsan, Jaylea replied calmly "you need to understand that I can control my gift. I can turn the gift on and off at will. I need to concentrate and to focus to do my sort of healing, just like any sort other cleric would."
She called it a Gift? Zsantin thought to himself, Shit, it seemed more like a curse.
"and I do not 'feel' it all that deeply with most people. Its not painful like you suggest, its more like .like I feel the echoes of pain, or any other physical sensations a person may be feeling at the time. Cold, for instance. too." Jaylea smiled, trying to lighten Zsantin's suddenly dark mood "or pleasure."
Jaylea was a good deal crushed to see how much this appeared to revolt Zsantin but she continued on bravely. "Zsan, when I focus, I am able to feel those echoes of a person's physical sensations, both the good and the bad. If a person gets hurt, then I know where and how badly by how intense the sensations echo though to me, and thus I heal them." If their arm gets hurt, it echoes in my arm.I do not need to see to heal, I feel to heal."
Jaylea took a deep breath and blew it out, this was so hard to explain " When I am in the midst of the healing state.casting my heals is not um.a conscious or mental effort at all, but more like my body reacting, to channel and cast the heals. She paused again trying to frame her thoughts. You compared me to a juggler? Yes, that's just it, Its like a juggler catching and tossing many balls. A juggler doesn't stand there thinking 'Arm, catch that ball, Arm Toss that ball, Their body is trained just to do it, to react."
Zsantin sat there stunned, overwhelmed. He was still a bit horrified by all of this, the though of his Jaylea having any discomfort at all. How casually she spoke of it all as 'echoes of pain'. Well, no doubt about it, he had caused her a good many of those echoes. "Jaylea," He said slowly, struggling to maintain his composure, "My love, let me understand this. You feel these echoes the whole time you are healing? He couldn't keep the worry out of his voice "What about when people die from their injuries, Jaylea? Do you 'echo' die a little bit too? Are you even telling me the truth, that there is little discomfort to you from these 'echoes'?"
Tho' Jaylea was hurt, she was not surprised by Zsantin's still evident disgust. It was a very inelegant manner of healing. The priests, her teachers had been repulsed too.But when she replied her voice was calm "My love, what small discomfort there is, I have grown used to. 'Tis a small tradeoff for the life gift I can offer."
Jaylea had never, not ever, told anyone else about this, not even her first love, Druwaynder. And now watching Zsantin, she saw she had been right all along to keep it her secret. Even Zsan couldn't stomach it. And then the thought struck her, if the others ever found out, her career would be over "Please Zsantin" Jaylea pleaded and her eyes grew dark with the shadows, "Please tell no one of this, no one."
Deep in thought, Zsantin barely heard her as he digested this new and important part of his Jaylea. All the pieces fit. It explained why after some particularly rigorous battles she seemed so wasted. Sure, all clerics needed to meditate to regain their used mana, but sometimes it seemed to take more time for Jaylea to recover then say a high elf cleric, one whom he supposed, would be a sighted cleric. Perhaps her body needed to recover as well as her mind.On the other hand, no other clerics' heals felt like hers, so good, so warm, somehow more deep and complete.
It dawned on Zsantin just then, striking him in the gut like a Giant Craig's War Hammer, That here, right in front of him sat a small, sweet, soft skin woman who took on the pain not only of her own injuries but of many and. she kept on fighting though the pain. She was what the warriors' guild considered a spiritual warrior and just possibly one of the best he had ever met. All Iskar warriors trained hard, learning as part of the path of the warrior, the discipline to control the pain, so it didn't control them, He too had learned to ignore discomfort and fight on through his wounds without hesitation, until he could fight no more. Yes, Zsantin thought to himself, "She was entitled to these particular shadows then, these were shadows she had earned, these were the ones he would live with."
"Jaylea" Zsantin reached for her and his voice was tight with emotion. "You and your gift are safe with me, I promise. Never question me again. I am your champion. He held out his two wrists offering them to her with a warm smile. "Bind me or bind to me whichever you must do." He grabbed her and kissed her deeply and to his delight Jaylea's tongue met his with equal hunger. I want you now, Jaylea. Tonight."
Her head spinning from the kiss, Jaylea thought "I still need to tell him about that.what the binding means, how I will be able to 'feel' him constantly now, and where ever he goes" even to other planes. His every sensation would echo through her always.even when someday he left her behind.
Zsantin's voice brought her back from her musings. "Jaylea, my love, is there any reason? Any reason at all, for me not to have you tonight? I will marry you human style if that is what you want." Zsantin hesitated awaiting her reply. Jaylea's only answer was to wrap her arms around him and to return his kiss again, holding him close. "To hell with the future" she whispered fiercely, as the desert night winds rattled the tent.
Jaylea's kiss was all the answer he needed, his Iskar blood was boiling now and it took the greatest effort for him to hold himself back, to keep it slow. Great Cabilis, he loved her! He wanted to shout it to the stars! "Let me pleasure you tonight, my love, in Iskar tradition, for the woman's first time."
Jaylea nodded at him, her eyes wide, the shadows still dancing in there.
Some hours later Jaylea awoke. It was the dark part of the morning. Zsantin lay there beside her still holding her tight even in sleep. She had never dreamed it could be like this, that she would ever be loved like this, or would feel love like this.
Jaylea slipped out of Zsantin's arms, careful not to wake him. Grabbing her shirt to ward off the desert night chill she sat at the entrance to the tent, looking out at the stars. Only once before had she dreamed of this kind of love and the memories flooded back. Her first love (or so she had believed at the time) had been the druid, Druwaynder. He was already a loner, a wanderer, when she had met him. He had told her that he loved her, proposed to her, they had set a date to be Wed.and then he was gone. For weeks no one saw Druwaynder, the day of the wedding came and went, and still he was not seen. When he finally returned, he was different, he had changed. She knew he had seen a vision, completed some quest. He had become more wolf then man now and completely cold to her. Druwaynder had offered her no apology, nor explanation. Unwelcome tears welled up in Jaylea and she glanced in back of her at the dark form of Zsantin sleeping there. She loved Zsantin so much. She couldn't bear to lose him. Well, she would take what joy she could, while she could, until he too left her behind, like her family, like Druwaynder, had done.
Zsantin awoke to feel cold air on his belly. He reached for Jaylea to pull her closer for warmth. But she was not there. He looked around the darkened tent and then he saw her sitting there so alone at the tent door, the silhouette of her shoulders shaking and he knew she was crying. " Jaylea, my love, come back to bed" He called softly. Somehow he knew that it was the last of her shadows causing her this sorrow.
Hurriedly, Jaylea wiped away her tears to prevent Zsantin from knowing she had been crying "ok hun." She replied and she got up and quickly slipped back into the warmth of the blankets. He buried his face in her hair breathing deeply the scent of her. He murmured sleepily" sleep love, its late. You need your sleep." He kissed the back of her neck whispering "I am not Druwaynder".
A shock of surprise ran though Jaylea. Had she spoken that name aloud? She was certain she had not. "Sleep my love, sleep.." His hot breath on her neck, she snuggled back down into the comfort of Zsantin's arms and let the sleep come and cover her over like a veil.