A/N: Well folks, I've played Mass Effect 3 to the conclusion, and I must say…I've been left wanting, like a great number of fans. I didn't feel fulfilled, I didn't feel completed by it, and I hate to say that I feel the last five minutes of the game ruined the trilogy for me. But such as it is, I can't hate the universe, I can't despise the journey that I relished for the destination that I arrived at and found disappointing. I refuse to allow the end to change my feelings for the Mass Effect Universe. A lot of you who read this story will be familiar with my AH Mass Effect Series dealing with a few social changes in the Alliance, and Technological issues I felt were warranted.
The fire I have for writing and finishing that story has been rekindled, but before I continue with it, I feel I should…
…no, I believe that I must give my Shepard, my Mass Effect Character Shepard the closure that he deserves after everything that he fought through. This story isn't so much for others, as it is for myself and my character. Perhaps it's a ludicrous thought, but my Shep deserved better than he got. It does NOT reflect the decisions that are presented in the ending, just my interpretation of them, and we'll be ad-libbing a lot of the conversation at the end. (Plus shooting some of the ending material in the f'ing head and tossing the body in a dumpster behind the local Hooters) Also this story isn't Canonical with my New Past, and New History stories, but it's canonical for my Shepard and my Mass Effect Trilogy.
Oh, and of course, SPOILER WARNING for Mass Effect 3 endings, kind of.
So, on with Mass Effect: Requiescat.
Requiescat: A prayer asking that the soul of a dead person might be at rest.
Chapter 1: The Martyr's final battle.
London, 2186
"NO! We stay with you!" The cry cut over the sounds of battle that filled the ruins of what had been one of the oldest cities in Europe. Despite the devastation, the deaths the lives that were being snuffed out with as little consideration as a man might give a fly…even despite the two kilometer tall monstrosity looming high above the ruins…none of that held his attention more than that lone voice crying out through the mayhem, the pleading in it, the defiance of it was more heart wrenching than any other moment in his life. There were a thousand other things that should feel more pressing, a million more thoughts that should have been in his mind, but that voice drowned them out, cleared his mind of everything but one thought. His head turned and his gray eyes gazed at the faceplate that was inches away from him. Tali's eyes blazed from behind the visor, the soft glow from them embodied the passion that she felt.
"I won't let you die in that." Shepard said firmly, ducking his head slightly as Harbinger's beam annihilated another group of soldiers trying to reach the beam that glowed in the distance. He looked back as he felt Tali's hands grab hold of his arm, clutching at the armor plates. To most people, a Quarian's face wasn't readable behind the mask…but most people hadn't spent years fighting along side one…most didn't fall in love with one. If there was anything left in his chest, that look in her eyes burned his soul as surely as a flamethrower might have incinerated his body, and it hurt far worse than any physical pain could.
"We fought Saren and Sovereign together! We fought the Collectors together! We're damn well fighting this together! We were with you Shepard, every step of the way, we're not letting you run into that alone!" Garrus screamed, his rifle in one hand as he pointed to the crater streaked kill zone around the transport beam. His friend's eyes were just as pleading as Tali's, even if bravado and a Turian's pride wouldn't let his voice beg to not be left behind. But every word that left his mouth hurt him just as much as Tali's pleading. They had stood beside him, every step of the way, through every battle. Never questioned, never doubted, never hesitated to follow him and put their lives on the line. For a long moment Shepard thought about it, thought long and hard about the run across that death zone, and he felt the fear too. The fear that made him want to face the unknown with his friends beside him, face it with the people he loved beside him…but if they faced that fear with him, they'd die.
"No." He said, and he stood up, standing on the lip of the crater that they had sheltered in. Laser fire scythed across the ground and all around, Humans, Turians, Asari, Salarians, and even Krogan died together, vaporized by the merciless fire from Harbinger. Shepard felt his heart thud faster within his chest, and the ache there drowned out by the rhythmic hammering fed by his fear. He was looking at death, certain, inescapable death. Time seemed to slow as he stood there, the crimson of Harbinger's laser gleaming bright before him, and he couldn't help but know that truly might be his own death. Slowly, he looked back down and saw Tali and Garrus rising to follow him, scrambling up after him before he could stop them. The defiance and willingness made that ache in his chest surge back to life stronger than before. They were willing to die with him.
"Garrus! Keep her here!" He shouted down at them, the aura of command that came so easily to him flaring into life…and without question, Garrus reached around Tali's waist and hauled her back down into cover.
"NO! NO! LET ME GO!" She screamed, her arms and fists beating against Garrus's armor, catching him in the side of the face, she clawed at him, flailing, fighting, struggling with everything she hand to break free. Though all of it was in vain, Garrus held strong no matter how much he hated it, he was a loyal friend and a good soldier…something that the Turian hated for the first time in his life.
"You keep her here!" Shepard shouted the order to his friend and saw the resignation in his eyes. With his free arm, Garrus raised his hand to his brow in final salute to his friend.
"I'll meet you at the bar." He said, and them wrapped the arm around Tali to keep her from breaking free. She was young, but she was strong, and she was fighting with everything she had.
"I'll always love you." Shepard said simply and turned, his strides carrying him out of the crater and towards the transport beam. Behind him, Tali let out a long scream, her hands grabbing at the dirt and shattered masonry, trying to claw her way out, trying to follow him for a long moment before Harbinger's beam tore through the ground between them and Garrus hauled her back behind cover. The screaming rage collapsed into loud wracking sobs. The fight to restrain her turned into something far different, a friend holding a woman whose love had run to certain death and left her behind. The sobs continued as the sounds of war raged around them, the grief of two friends who had been left behind with the largest burden of all, living on.
Inside the helmet was silence, no radio calls, no cries, he'd shut it all off, shut it all out. The only thing that affected him, the only thing that focused his mind was staring into the glow of the transport beam, looking at that bright unearthly glow was the only thing that occupied his thoughts, it was the key, it was the end, it was the final hurdle to all of it. He didn't care about the devastation that rained down around him, energy beams tearing apart troops and vehicles, it didn't matter, none of it mattered…the beam, that was what mattered. For a moment, Shepard's eyes swung skyward, looking at the monstrous creature towering over him, regarding him as little more than a pest it whished to swat. Vermin to be destroyed, nothing more, not a true threat to it, not really. But he was, he was and all the others, all those little pests were a threat. Gritting his teeth, he ran on, feeling the ground shudder around him and tremble with the might of an energy beam annihilating another squad nearby. There were so few now, no more vehicles, nothing left around him.
He had to run, he had to force his way to the beam, if he couldn't do that, then no-one would survive, it would all end. His gray eyes looked back up at Harbinger and he saw the glow of the craft's weapon charging, and he winced as he saw it sweep across the ground behind him, he didn't turn or look back to see just what had been destroyed, who had died, all he knew was that it wasn't him. He drew closer, fifty feet from it, another blast, more lives snuffed out, all of it behind him…he was at the head, if he could make it closer, just a little closer, he would make it, he would get there, it would be over. Twenty feet away…and he chanced another glance at Harbinger…and he knew he was going to die. The glow from Harbinger's weapon flared bright and Shepard's stride faltered, his eyes looking up at his demise and unwilling to shy away from it, unwilling to back away and hide. If this was his last moment, he would face it, full on, staring it down to the very end.
The explosion as the beam connected with the ground cast him through the air, and all Shepard knew was oblivion.
"Where is he? Do you see him? Garrus, tell me what you see…please…" Tali said, her voice mournful and soft. Garrus kept his grip on her, knowing if she had half a chance, she'd still charge after Shepard, racing to her own doom. The Turian couldn't blame her, he wanted to run after her as well, but he couldn't ignore Shepard's last order, even as the remnants of Taskforce Hammer tried to reach the Transport beam around them, even as Shepard charged through the Reaper's fire he couldn't. He wanted to help his friend, but he wanted to uphold his friend's last wish, and protect the reason that Commander Shepard was willing to go so willingly to his death.
"He's still running Tali, he's still alive. Damn he can move. I've never seen him run from a battle, but he sure can run into it. I don't think I'd be so willing to charge a Reaper." Garrus said, his eyes still watching Shepard's back, fixated on the form as it raced across the open ground. Every stumble, every slight break from a runners stride elicited a wince from him, step taking an eternity as he watched, and in the back of his mind, Garrus was cheering him on. He watched as Shepard stumbled and then froze, so close to the end of his mad race to the transport beam. The Turian stiffened and his mouth dropped open. Before he could do anything, before he could charge out of the crater and to hell with Shepard's orders…he was gone. He knelt there, hand outstretched, a futile gesture to nothingness. Shepard was gone, annihilated by Harbinger.
"Garrus? Talk to me…" Tali said and all he could do was mouth the words, no voice would come to him, no sound could come out. After everything, he was gone. In a flash of light.
"He…" Garrus choked out slightly, then simply shook his head at Tali's upturned visor. That was all it took. Something seemed to break in her, deflating her from within some completely that she could only hang her head and let her helmet rest against Garrus's chest plate.
He was gone…and it was all over, yet the weight of losing the war with the Reapers seemed to be nothing beside losing him.
It wasn't death, not quite. He'd died before and this didn't come close to it. He felt pain, he felt searing, indescribable pain that filled his body and set every nerve ending alight with agony as he lay there, but he knew he was laying there, he wasn't simply hanging suspended in nothingness, he wasn't divorced from all things, he was alive, he was real and tangible, he could feel. And if you could feel the pain, you sure as hell weren't dead. With supreme force of will, Shepard opened one eye, and gazed up into the heavens, looking at the cloud filled skies about London and breathing in the rank air that hung over the ruins. Slowly, he sat, feeling his body surge with more suffering, but clinging to a thought he traced back to Basic Training, if you could feel, you were alive. The pain was beyond rationalization, but that meant he was still alive.
Part of him wanted to lay back on the ground and submit to the pain, to simply lie there and die, but he couldn't do that. As he looked around he knew that there was no-one left, there was no one charging the beam and he was mere feet from it. Falling to the ground, Shepard's hands grab at the dirt and slowly, he began to drag himself forward, the feel of the concrete and rubble against his flayed and charred skin making him retch as every sensation amplified and exploded once more to an untold level. Shepard had been told that eventually your body stops feeling pain, it doesn't matter anymore and your mind and body just block it out…but whoever decided that was 'normal' hadn't drug themselves across fucking concrete after being almost vaporized by an energy beam.
Blood ran in torrents down his face, stinging his eyes and smearing on the ground behind him as he clawed his way forward, slowly covering the last bit of ground as all around him the world seemed to be ending. The pain that Shepard's body had stopped feeling was the armor that had almost fused to his flesh from the force and heat of the blast, he didn't realize that the arm plates and gauntlets of his armor had been blasted off along with his helmet as he reflexively shielded himself from the energy blast. He couldn't feel the fact that the fact that his left leg from the calf down was almost entirely flayed of skin and the only reason he wasn't bleeding to death was because it had been cauterized completely. To anyone who saw him, he should have been a corpse, he should have been dead and buried, but he refused to die. The last ten feet were the longest of his life, every inch was paid for in blood, every single finger hold a triumph, and the last inch, Shepard reached out and felt the nauseating yank as he was transported to the Citadel.
The pain felt more pure, more simple, more omnipresent now. It didn't feel like it was in reaction to anything, it simply felt like it existed, that pain was all there was. Shepard rolled slightly and vomited onto the floor, vertigo gripping him, the hideous fetid air close to him that was infused with more and closer death than London had managed…and the pain…all of it rolling together to force his body to try anything to make itself hurt less. Coughing and gagging, Shepard sat up and looked around the darkened chamber. The first thing that he could make out were the bodies, so many bodies simply piled on top of each-other…just like in the Collector ship. Whether from strength of will or lunatic determination, first one hand on the deck, then the other…Shepard rose to his feet, staggering slightly, but standing. His eyes peered through the gloom and tried to pick out anything, but all that lay before him was a corridor, no other paths. Slowly, the brutalized soldier moved forward, one foot in front of the other, driving forward.
"Can anyone hear me? Is anyone else here?" The small com in Shepard's ear chirped, deafening in the grisly silence of the corridor.
"Anderson? Shepard here, I made -barely- it but I didn't see anyone else." Shepard replied, looking around, but still struggling down the corridor.
"Damn it. You're the only one that I reached, I made it through the Transport beam but I don't know where you are. I came out in some kind of tunnel, felt like the Collector Base you described." Anderson said in response.
"I think I came in behind you…I'm moving forward, don't try to get to far ahead of me." Shepard croaked as he saw a soft light filling the tunnel through the haze. Picking up his pace slightly, he began to limp faster.
"Understood, I'm headed up an incline…this isn't like any part of the Citadel I've ever seen before."
"Me neither, less bodies than the Foyer at Chora's Den…" Shepard wheezed in a painful attempt at humor. He received a light chuckle from Anderson at that.
"Well, I have to agree with you there." Anderson said as Shepard staggered onto a walkway across a chasm, and then began to stager up an incline.
"I'm right behind you, slow down, I think I'll need some help…" Shepard croaked, feeling like he was staggering through his N7 Training all over again, carrying hundred pound loads on forced marches after going without sleep for days. His entire body felt sluggish and weak, as though he were underwater and drowning. Shepard drew in a shuddering breath and kept walking, girding himself for the rest of the climb.
"I see a console, I'm going t-" Anderson said and his transmission ended in static. Shepard's head raised as quickly as he could raise it, looking up the platform. His left hand stopped gripping the side of his armor and instead dropped to his side, his hand gripping the M-77 Paladin sidearm that had miraculously survived the blast from Harbinger. Shepard looked at the heavy handgun, the gift from Tali that she'd been reluctant to explain how she'd come across it. Plus Garrus and James had spent a long time modifying for him. He spared a glance at the ammo pouches on his armor and realized that they'd been blown away in the blast…he only had the load in the handgun, and even modded it only held six shots. Taking a pair of deep breaths he flicked the selector switch to 'fire' and staggered up the last few feet, looking across the landing and trying to take in every direction at once, but only managing to see Anderson slouched over the console.
"Anderson!" Shepard called, his voice echoing slightly in the open platform as his limp turned into a full blown stagger.
"He's…here…" Anderson rasped as he turned from the console, his body awkwardly held, as if he was being held up by marionette strings.
"Anderson?" Shepard managed before the revelation hit him. His body tensed, and his mind wanted it to spin about, but something stopped him, something controlled his very muscles.
"Shepard, so good of you to join us. I must say, I admire your sacrifice and willingness to give up everything to reach me…but you're too late." The sinister voice reached his ears and Shepard couldn't move, couldn't turn to face it, couldn't get his body to respond to him. There was nothing he could do.
"You…haven't…won…" Anderson croaked, his body still held awkwardly.
"No Anderson, you're wrong, I have won, the Reapers are mine to control." The Illusive man said simply as he walked between the pair. The only way to describe him was inhuman, there had always been something disturbing about his eyes, but now, the black scale like features growing across his neck and face, the inhuman glow across his skin…it was the slow, visible progression of someone who was being converted into a Husk.
"You're being turned by…them." Shepard said, his eyes watching the Illusive man as the figure slowly walked around he and Anderson.
"You must be joking, I can feel the power, I can feel the strength within me. I can control lesser creatures, I hold the power and sway over every lesser being." The Illusive man said, no hint of mania or doubt in his voice, just the simple adamant truth of someone who believed entirely in himself and his vision.
"No…one…can." Anderson snarled.
"Hardly Anderson. I have achieved what the Protheans couldn't. I understand Indoctrination and with it, I can turn it against the Reapers. I've won." He said simply and Shepard could feel his body responding to some unknown command, something that didn't come entirely from his own mind. Slowly, his right arm raised his Paladin and pointed it straight at Anderson's stomach.
"How? How have you won? Earth is in ruins, millions, if not billions are dead. Countless worlds lie in rubble and you betrayed our greatest weapon against the Reapers to them. How have you won?" Shepard asked, still fighting his own body, refusing to become a prisoner within his own flesh.
"I sought to control the Reapers and elevate humanity to the next plane of evolution. I will accomplish that, I have control of them, and with that control, I can lead our Race to a new beginning." The Illusive man said, turning and looking out at the massive interior of the Citadel.
"Then why haven't you stopped it? Why are the Reapers still on Earth? Why haven't they left?" Shepard said, finding the strength to speak was slowly ebbing from him, and it felt like a shadow had slowly begun to descend upon him."
"Reapers…are using you." Anderson croaked.
"No! I…I'm in control. Don't you see that? I hold all the power here, they bow to me!" The Illusive man snarled and spun around, staring at Anderson, rage covering his face and Shepard felt the pressure on his mind, felt his finger twitch on the trigger and slowly begin to squeeze tighter.
"Then make them! End all this!" Shepard almost screamed, feeling his finger pressing harder against the trigger, every bit of force bringing it closer to breaking and sending a round into Anderson's stomach…killing him.
"I can if I so choose…" The Illusive man said airily.
"Then do it! For god's sake, DO IT! End it! End all of it!" Shepard said forcefully, his eyes looking at the pistol and then at Anderson, seeing his friend hanging in front of him about to die from a slug fired from his gun…fired by the trigger that had been pulled with his own finger. Shepard closed his eyes and steeled himself, forcing his body to answer, to respond to him if only for a moment.
"You…can't…can you? You've…" Anderson said…but the rapport of the Paladin cut him off, the round tearing through the air.
"I think that's quite enough Anderson." The Illusive man said dismissively, his back turned to the affair.
"No. You can't completely control me! How can you fully control a Reaper?" Shepard snarled, his hand slowly fighting the indoctrination, fighting against the tendrils of control that had infused his mind. He refused to let it control him, to dominate him…he refused to listen to the whispers that were calling to him. Anderson still hung limp, his eyes wide at the pain of the slug that had torn through his stomach
"How…"
"You failed. You can't stop this. You can't control them, you can't end this. Look at us, we're doing what they want! We're fighting each other, killing each-other. We can defeat them if we all fight them! There's still time to end this." Shepard growled as his pistol slowly, ever so slowly swept through the air towards the Illusive man.
"I…tried…I wanted to stop this." The Illusive man said, his hand held up before him as he looked at the glowing circuitry that had begun to infuse them.
"There's still time. Help me end it." Shepard said, and the Illusive man reached down to his side and slowly drew the pistol that rested there. He looked at it for a long second, then out into the Ward arms.
"End this Shepard. Do what I couldn't." The Illusive man said simply and raised the pistol to his head. With a single shot, the man who had been the source of untold misery and suffering was no more. Shepard staggered as the control faced from his mind, across from him, Anderson collapsed to the deck. Shepard looked to the control console and began struggling towards it, reaching out to the holographic display and touching it, hitting control runes as best he could. With a shudder, the ward arms began to open.
"Admiral Hackett, the Citadel is opening." Shepard called across the comm as the Ward arms opened and allowed communications through again. Slowly a smile blossomed on Shepard's face…it was done, it was really done.
"The Crucible is on the way. Good work Commander." Hackett replied, without answering, Shepard slowly struggled back and eased down onto the deck next to Anderson, his friend's hands clutching the wound.
"It's over. We did it." Anderson said finally as Shepard leaned back slightly, looking out through the ward arms at Earth beyond, and seeing the fires that still burned on the night side of the planet.
"Yeah, I guess we did." Shepard said simply, his eyes closing as the pain seemed to return to him as strong as it had ever been.
"You look like hell, son." Anderson said simply, groaning softly as he held his hands to the massive wound. Both of them knew it was mortal…but neither one was going to say anything, there wasn't much left to say, they were both dead men now, whatever the Crucible was going to do…there wasn't that much of a chance they were going to live.
"You don't look so peachy yourself Admiral." Shepard groaned, holding his side weakly, the pistol laying on the deck.
"Son, I want you to know…it's…been an honor to serve with you. You're the best soldier I've ever seen…and…I'm proud of you Shepard." Anderson said softly and his head dropped down.
"Anderson? Stay with me…" Shepard said, but he knew it was too late…the blood loss was extreme, there wasn't any medigel…he was gone. Shepard sighed softly, and lifted his right arm. Somehow, his gauntlet was still there, and with it…his Omni-tool. Flicking his wrist, he activated it and reached out with his bleeding and flayed fingers, touching the holographic interface for a few moments.
"This is for Tali'Zorah vas Normandy…from…Andrew Shepard…" Shepard said, speaking into his gauntlet softly, thinking of the only thing that mattered to him right now.
"Tali…I'm sorry. I'm sorry I can't be there for you. I'm sorry that I can't see you again, or feel your touch, or hold you close. I'm sorry I can't help you build that home on Rannoch. I'm sorry that I won't be there anymore. I wish I were, I wish I could have left this all behind, I wish that I could have ignored all this…I wish that someone else could have done this, and I could have spent the rest of my time on some beach on Rannoch with you." Shepard said, pulling the gauntlet away as he coughed, seeing blood spatter the deck in front of him as he hacked and wheezed. After a few moments he resumed the recorder.
"I'll miss it, I'll miss you, I'll miss everything about you…but I'll be here, looking down at you, doing whatever I can to keep you safe. I love you, and I always will, Keelah se'lai." Shepard finished and ended the recording, with two other touches, he set the Omni-tool to broadcast the message on the Normandy's frequency until the power cells went dead. With a sigh, he closed his eyes and leaned back, finding…if not peace, then something close to closure…as the station vibrated with the contact between the Crucible and the Citadel, Shepard smiled…it was over. They'd one.
Slowly, darkness began to creep up on him…but the oblivion of death was not to come.
"Commander! Nothings happening, something's wrong on your end!" Admiral Hackett's concerned words cut through the darkness that had slowly begun to wrap itself around him…calling him back from death once more.