Based off a prompt from castlefanficprompts on tumblr: A "The Good, The Bad and The Baby" fic where Kate finds out she's pregnant either right before they get Cosmo or while he's with them and doesn't tell Castle until they give him back.
Hospitals and doctors offices are two things that she's never grown to love. Hospitals now send a cold chill across her spine, memories of weeks where she was bound to a bed, shot up with painkillers that didn't manage to completely stop the throbbing of her beaten body. Doctor's offices are just a reminder of those months, the long recover that followed her shooting and, in some roundabout way, of weakness.
She's only human. Kate knows that. She knows that human bodies get sick, have off days, that things go wrong and you have to get them put to rights.
But she doesn't like being sick. Doesn't like feeling weak or incapable. But what seemed to be a stomach bug she couldn't shake has stretched into nearly a month of on-again, off-again misery. She's been sick, has avoided eating anything beyond crackers for the past two days, sleep has been a fair weather friend either lulling her into it at the most inappropriate times (like a steak out) or abandoning her altogether.
She had suspected it long before making the appointment, far to scared to buy a home test and face the music alone. If she wasn't, Kate didn't know that she wanted to open the discussion with Castle about children or see his disappointment at a negative result.
If she was….she didn't know. Babies weren't her thing. She'd never been around them, had almost no experience with children below the age of five.
It was terrifying to think she might soon have one. That in nine months she could be responsible for a human life. Sometimes she thought it was a feat of miraculous heights that she managed to take care of herself.
"Ms. Beckett?" she's jerked to attention by the soft voice of the man she just met thirty minutes before. Doctor Garrett is new to the practice, a man who doesn't look that much older than Castle, kind brown eyes and dark brown hair. She wonders how he ended up here and she considers asking him, something to delay the inevitable.
She's either pregnant or not, and the moment of truth is here.
She isn't prepared. She can't do this.
Seven hours with Cosmo (because what else are they going to call him?) and she's exhausted. The part of her that wants to be optimistic, who longs to sit Castle down and explain that the reason she was so willing to babysit the tiniest witness she's had in ten years with the NYPD is because they are soon going to have their own.
But babies are exhausting. Crying to be fed, crying to be changed, crying because he wants to be held or is being held too tight. There are a million things you have to remember, and she doesn't know which way is up or down.
Kate can feel the tears welling up, and when she passes Cosmo back to Castle, she's sure her fiance is just full of questions. Frustration is nothing new, but crying about it? Definitely new. Definitely part of whatever insane, hormonal imbalance their approximately eight week old baby is doing to her body.
They're going to be parents and their latest case is likely the universe laughing at just how ill prepared she is. 'Let's give Kate a baby to care for the day she finds out she's having one, that'll show her'
It's so funny that she's bypassed laughing and goes straight towards crying, muffling the sound of her sniffs with running water to brush her teeth. Somehow she feels better afterward, that stone veneer she's been hiding behind since she left the doctor cracking ever so marginally.
"Hey, Castle we need to…." her words lodge in her throat at the quiet of the loft. There's no crying baby making the walls rattle, no reassuring whispers from Rick. It's just quiet, blessedly serene as she catches the two of them curled on the couch. Cosmo is curled like a cat on his chest, mouth slack with sleep.
The sight of them together brings tears for an entirely different reason because now she can picture it. The scene in front of her is what her life is going to be, her baby and her husband taking naps on the couch and waiting for Mommy to get home from work. It knocks the breath right out of her, two large tears breaking rank from the moisture that wells behind her eye to streak down her cheeks.
Unprepared as she is, Castle has done this before. He'll do it again, and they'll be great parents.
She can feel that certainty take root with her quiet approach to the couch, fingers stretching tentatively to brush against the soft hairs that tickle his forehead. Just being here, watching them sleep, it tempers out some of the fear, leaves a clarity that Kate has needed through a day of emotional shocks and a night of uncertainty.
They'll be fine. All three of them.
"I love you," she whispers, words directed as much to the sleeping man in front of her as the tiny baby he doesn't even know exists yet.
It surprises her how reluctant she is to return Cosmo - no, Benny - back to his family. In a day, she's gotten attached to the tiny baby who managed to turn the loft into little more than a pile of dirty diapers and colorful toys.
Toys which now have to be picked up, put away before her father, Alexis and Pi come over for dinner.
"You know, I might have gone overboard," Castle admits it shyly, like a little kid who expects to be reprimanded for eating too many cookies before dinner.
"What do you mean?" she's got her hands on a pile of little onesies, navy and grey, another a soft green that she thinks would look beautiful on a little boy with Castle's clear blue eyes.
"All of this stuff. I bought it wanting Co - Benny - to be comfortable, but now it's here and we don't need it. I'll have to find a charity to donate it to, unless Kevin and Jenny want some of it. You think they would?" he asks the question while placing neat piles of diapers back into a box, securing a line of tape over the lid to ensure that they don't spill out when he picks it up.
Kate is happy he's distracted because she can feel the stupid, besotted grin that's on her face. If he were looking at her right now, she's sure he would figure it out, that she wouldn't have to say a word because that inexplicable silent communication they do would solve all her problems.
"They would, but don't give all of it away, okay?" she keeps her voice innocent and casual, fingers unconsciously digging into the soft fabric of that green onesie. Boy or girl, she wants to keep this one. Wants their baby to wear it, not Cosmo, Benny, or baby Ryan.
"Why not?" that tinge of frustration makes her chuckle, as does the line of confusion that creases the smooth skin between Castle's eyebrows, "Someone else we know having a baby?" It's said with absolute certainty that she's messing with him because the only other people that fit the mold are Lanie and Alexis. Whatever she's selling, he's definitely not buying.
And her smile only grows.
"Yeah, Rick," Kate says it softly, waiting until his head snaps to attention and his blue eyes are locked on hers. "Me. I'm having your kid."
The next sound in the room is the box of diapers thumping to the floor, fingers gone slack with shock from the news. But he's smiling, a large and glorious grin painted across his face when he crosses to gather her up in his arms, gently lifting Kate's feet from the floor, "Really? You are….?" Up close she can see the tears in his eyes, and it makes her heart skip a beat, completely filled with how much she loves him and, in turn, how much he loves her.
This kid is lucky. So very lucky.
"I am," she confirms, thumbs gently grazing against the soft skin under his eyes, catching the tears as they spill over onto his cheeks. "You're gonna be a daddy, Castle."
The tears come in earnest then, coating her fingers in the salty moisture as he lowers his mouth to hers for a slow, celebratory kiss that ends when the laugh bubbles out of his mouth. Suddenly, he's nothing but a pillar of joy, cradling her slim frame against his broader one, lips pressing against every section of her skin that he can easily reach. "How…Kate…when did you find this out?"
"Right before the case with Benny and his family. I thought I might have been, but I didn't want to be wrong, to tell you and it be negative so I just went to the doctor and….surprise?" she shrugs at him, smile shy and a little embarrassed. Her fears don't seem important, not right now, so Kate leaves them unspoken, chooses instead to bask in the moment of excitement and wonder of sharing the news with Castle.
"And we've been busy….oh, no wonder you were crying last night…" she sees when the pieces of the puzzle fit together, nods in confirmation when Castle releases her from his hold.
But he drops to his knees instead, forehead stopping to rest against the still flat plane of her stomach. She draws in a breath when his hands push at her shirt, mouth reverently kissing the space where she knows their baby is just biding his or her time, "Hello, baby, I'm your daddy," Castle whispers, "And I love you so much that I've already bought you toys to play with. We even have light sabers."
"Castle, you bought light sabers for a three month old?" Kate asks, laughing even as she rolls her eyes. Of course he did.
"Nothing wrong with that," he says, eyes twinkling at her, "Besides you and I could use them until this one gets here. I'll even let you win."
"Let me…you're on, buddy. I might be pregnant, but I can still kick your ass," she replies, using her foot to nudge Castle away from her stomach.
"Beckett, language! What are you teaching our child with words like that?" But he's already on his feet, pushing the box of diapers and the play mat out of the way to retrieve the light sabers from where he had dropped them.
A moment later he's back, passing the blue one to her and giving a dramatic bow that she supposes is meant to signal the beginning of their battle. "Loser makes dinner," she says, tongue poking between her teeth as she grins.
"Baby Castle's first light saber battle. This is my proudest moment as their father," he sighs, dramatically wiping at fake tears with his free hand.
Then battle is then on, carrying the two of them through the living room and towards the stairs, Castle already petitioning for Han or Obi Wan for his prospective heir as she rolls her eyes.