Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Wha.
'Thinking'
"Talking"
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'O.K, this is fine. Everything's O.K.'
A male with beautiful blond hair stared at his reflection in the small lake not too far into the forest. Not to be conceited, but because he found something very peculiar about his image. He awoke after only Hidan's god knows how long, just to see his reflection and chant a wonderful mantra over, and over in his head.
It goes something along the lines of 'OHMYGOD!OHMYGOD!OHMYGOD!'
Lovely.
This blue eyed, blond artist wasn't having even the slightest of good days anymore.
Flash back of doom!
A bright sunny day, birds chirping away, green grass mildly tamed and scratch.
The hell is this? Like the world doesn't have enough happy crappy clichés rotting the hearts of small children everywhere.
Orochimaru: Small children! Where?
Authoress: Go away.
Orochimaru: What? I don't even show up in this fic.
Authoress: There's a reason for that.
Orochimaru: What?
Authoress: I don't like you.
Orochimaru: Story Nazi.
Authoress: Not cool.
-Sounds of stomps and grumbles of bitches who have a problem with men. -SQUACK!- Oops, my vase broke over his head., Ah well.-
O.K, he's gone. Back to the story.
Anyway, it was the ideal cliché day, like in all the little fairy tail stories of a duck or whatever, and our favorite artist decided to go out and possibly get wasted and hit on random bar guys.
Deidara went through the morning rituals of putting his hair up and his eyeliner 'It's natural, I swear', eating, make at least two attempts on Tobi's life, and finding what to wear. Can't walk around town with a black cloud covered coat now can he? How is he suppose to get someone to buy him drinks? And the whole secret evil organization, elite ninja out to collect their heads nonsense. While he was in front of his closet looking at everything it held, Sasori -Yes he's alive- was fiddling with Hiruko in his corner of the room. Interesting little thing to note, for missing ninja they live a relatively normal life, if you ignore some little things like a giant carnivorous plant man who argues with himself, the Akatsuki's bitch Tobi- Not really, I love Tobi-, a man who won't come to terms with reality and follows a religion he probably pulled from a flyer on a telephone pole, a fish, iunno, money hungry necromancer, a weasel-aw-, a puppet who would probably expand in water-hm, I wonder-, someone who's alittle too happy watching things go boom- and uses those extra mouths for only the lucky ones to know-, and they all take orders from a shadow in the corner of the room. Ya, relatively normal.
Some get their own room. Actually everyone gets their own room except Deidara and Sasori who share one. One of the walls were destroyed to create it, but it wasn't COMPLETELY Deidara's fault.
While picking the perfect 'can get me a few free drinks' outfit, he was interrupted to take care of some business. -Lock Tobi in a supply closet, tied to a chair with a gag (kinky) and tell Itachi he got into his room and found the magazines under his bed. Does he have something there? Who knows. But the speed he went running makes you wonder.
Finally finding the perfect outfit that doesn't label him as man slut, or confuses him for a girl. (Although that may get him some attention. Hehe). Black tight pants, black shirt with no sleeves, and fingerless biking gloves.-drool-. Don't forget the accessories. Metal studded belt, hair clips, and a wallet chain. -More drool- . (Wow, MINE!)
"This should get me some action, un."
"Deidara, why are you such a slut?" Sosari, who unfortunately (in his opinion) couldn't ignore Deidara's last remark, asked not even looking up from his puppet.
'I think he's still mad about that wall explosion thing, hmm.'
"Sasori-danna, don't be so mean, un. Maybe I'm just lonely. That ever cross your wooden mind." Said Deidara, muttering 'heartless bastard' under his breath as he pouted. That pout just can't have it's full effect after hearing him speak. For such a pretty and feminine guy, hearing his deep voice would send you into a double take.
"Who needs companionship? You're a shinobi, work is your only friend." Sasori said in his monotone voice.
Deidara just stood there with the blankest looks ever, and like he never heard him he started brushing his fingers through his hair…
Let's take a look in Sasori's mind.
'I'm being punished for something, aren't I? Maybe I shouldn't have killed my grandmother, or sold my soul for eternal youth. The hell did I do to disserve this?'
And now a look into Dei's head?
'-Whoosh-'
"Wha?"
Sasori would have done an anime sweat drop if he wasn't just smacked in the face with a T-shirt from Deidara's wardrobe. He's apparently looking for something or other for shoes. Which was slightly impressive considering Sasori's bed is farthest from the door and the closet. -Map of the whole house will be in profile-.
'He so meant to do that.'
Sasori's right eye twitch the slightest and he went back to work.
"Yee!"
Sasori's thoughts. 'Oh. Dear. God. He did not just squee.'
But yes, to his horror Deidara did in fact make a very high pitched fan girl noise.
He found the perfect boots that are about two inches away from being hooker boots. Yay.
So now that he's done getting everything ready for his night of fun- no you pervs, he want's to scam free drinks and dance- he head out passing Kisame and Hidan killing each other on some 'kick the shit out of the other' game on PS2. (Yes they do have one, cuz even psychotic criminals with a blood lust get bored.)
Just to piss them off, mostly Kisame, Deidara dropped his wallet in front of the T.V to bend over and block their view. They paused it to wait (but not without much grumbling on Kisame's part) and while he was down there he unplugged Kisame's control and left before he could notice anything. Why'd he do it? Cuz he can, and it was going to be damn fun in 3...
2...
1...
"HA! I win."
"Augh! DEIDARA!"
Outside the door Deidara started laughing as he ran off before he would become bloody fertilizer for the front lawn with the help of Samahada and an angry fishman who hates loosing.
Blah, blah, blah stuff happens. Don't care, use your imagination, what would you do on a walk? Just ad in blowing up a few trees, and discussing the true meaning of art to passerby's in the streets to waste time. After all, it was still light out and no one goes to drink in the light. I mean really.
Nine something or other at night Deidara arrived at a bar not too crowded and good for dancing. He got inside and started doing what he came here for. Moving to the music, and score free drinks. Ya I know, why does he want to get free drinks. Well 1) There free, and those suckers are expensive, and 2) he keeps tabs on how many he can get the nights he goes out. His current record is at twelve, I believe. What a lovely day that was. He started striping on top pf the bar and Sasori dragged him off just to carry him back to the 'house'. Oh yes many were disappointed of his absence.
'Lucky little red.' Jealousy is bitter sweet.
While he was dancing like a trollip, a very expensive and classy trollip I remind you, ninja under cover as a costumer-O.K he was there to get smashed- he recognized Deidara from the Iwagakure bingo book. He didn't feel like getting into a fight and being a little sadistic decide another more… creative way to handle things.
'I'm sure being an artist he'll appreciate my style of revenge.'
Revenge for what? Who knows, who cares. This guy isn't coming back into the story anyway.
While most of the bars occupants were focused on the one dancing -wow that's some hot turning… Anyway- unimportant figure guy went over to the booth Deidara claimed and dropped a scroll on the table. Standing there guarding it to make sure no others got curious enough to take a look and fled like his ass was on fire once the song stopped and Deidara decided to take a break.
He got three drinks and an offer for a night of fun. Ya, the drinks were enough. He sat down and noticed the scroll with no unique marks or writing. It was just a plain white scroll.
'Probably a survey or something.'
He was just gonna through it out or ignore it all together, but something caught his eye. A small note attached saying:
Here's something I thought a true ninja would need. Better then a drink.
P.S. You looked hot out there. O.o
Tilting his head in an oh so adorable way, he smiled at the note -yeah, cuz the note appreciates it- and took the scroll up.
Opening it he saw hand signs and directions inside. It was a scroll to a new jutsu but the name was smudged off and chipping from old age or some other whatnot.
Not wanting to do anything stupid - yeah right- in a room full of people, and thinking he can always come back later.
While heading out he wasn't aware of the pair of eyes watching his moves. -Mmm, my likey the view- He read it as he walked and understood it as some kind of spying jutsu. That could be useful, but was it really his style? But being the bored little blond that he is wanted to know what it did so it wouldn't plague his dreams.- It would mine.-
He went some distance into the forest and confident that Deidara was going to try it out unimportant figure guy left so he wouldn't be hit with the effects.
'Or if the idiot messes it up and kills himself.'
Finding a clearing the blond started the signs lasting 30 seconds when a 'pop' sound was heard and smoke rose from the ground. That's the last coherent thought he had before he blacked out.
Ending flashback of doom! Yay, you survived.
Leaving us were we are now. Early into the morning, with a panicked blond running in circles.
'OHMYGOD!OHMYGOD!OHMYGOD!'
After that little disaster the scroll burned and was a pile of icky, fluffy grey ash and that damned scroll had no warning label on it.
Our poor Dei-chan was left alone, stuck on all fours,-no you pervs-, blond fluffy hair, black outlined eyes, and a swishing tail behind him.
Yes. Deidara was…a cat.
"Meow?"