AN: All characters with the exception of Lady Alyssa of Eden Grove and Sir Augustus of Hills Crest belong to the wonderful Tamora Pierce. The "poem" used belongs to the very funny Benny Hill, as I used his song Garden on Love as Neal's poem. As soon as I saw this skit by Mr. Hill a couple nights ago, I could not help be see Neal reciting this to Kel for one of his many flings. Enjoy!

"The sun and the rain fell from up above

And landed on the earth below

In my garden of love"

Kel cringed. Neal had found yet another girl to moon over in court. Her name was Lady Alyssa of Eden Grove, a very small and new fief that was well known for their wonderful gardens. Now, Kel had to sit back and listen to yet another horrible poem that he had written for this new lady, whom he had just found out was betrothed to Sir Augustus of Hills Crest.

"Now there's a rose for the way my spirits rose when we met

A forget-me-not to remind me to remember not to forget

A pine tree for the way I pined over you

And an ash for the day I ashed you to be true

And the sun…."

Kel tuned Neal out as he repeated himself, she knew better than to interrupt and inform Neal that he had never actually talked to Lady Alyssa, so how could he even "ash" her to be true?

"Now there's a palm tree that we planted when we had our first date

A turnip for the way you always used to turnip late

Your mother and your cousin, Chris, they often used to come

So, in their honour, I have raised a nice chris-an'-the-mum"

Kel cringed yet gain as he started on those blasted first lines yet again. How badly she wished to tell him to stop this foolishness, they had never been on a date, and she was sure Lady Alyssa had never "turnip" late to Neal's rooms. Kel became horrified, unless he was referring to his dreams! She blushed; she really didn't want to think of that, seeing as she still had a crush on Neal. Instead she focused on his horrible poetry.

"Now there's a beetroot for the day you said that you'd beetroot to me

A sweet pea for the sweet way you always smiled at me

But you had friends who needed you

There was Ferdy, there was Liza

So, just for them, I put down a load of ferdy-liza"

Kel just had to snort at this, it was so ridiculous, "ferdy-liza," how she wished to turn this piece of paper into some of his beloved "ferdy-liza." She quickly turned it into a sneeze as Neal glared at her as he yet again recited what Kel had decided to be the chorus of his "poem" which was starting to sound more like a bad love song.

"But Gus the gardener's left now and you went with him, too

The fungus there reminds me of the fun Gus is having with you

Now the rockery's a mockery, with weeds it's overgrown

The fuchsia's gone, I couldn't face the fuchsia all alone"

Kel really wished this would end so she could have a "fuchsia" with Neal, otherwise she'd kill him right now. Although she did have to admit it was clever of him to shorten Sir Augustus'' name to work it into his "poem."

"And my tears fell like raindrops from the sky above

And poisoned all the flowers in my garden of love"

Neal finished with a bow and looked hopefully at Kel. "Well, what do you think? Should I stop this foolish dream to become a knight of Tortall and become a famous bard instead?

Kel's response was to throw a pillow at Neal's head before storming out of his room.