A/N: This story will be set in Season 8, just after Kate's sister visits NCIS. It will deal with Tony's reaction to her presence, bringing back old feeling from when Kate died, as well as issues with people from later (Jeanne, Paula, etc). Definitly lots of Angst H/C and Papa Gibbs. I have the first few chapter outlined and written, and the whole story planned out. I plan to update every other day or so.
I would love lots of constructive criticism. I know we don't see a lot of comforting Gibbs in the show, but I plan to keep their voices as real as possible, and to stick to canon.
****Prologue/Flashback****
Everyone thought he had been scared, laying under those blue lights, the plague and the resulting pneumonia trying to destroy his lungs. And they were right, he had been scared. Terrified even. But not for the reasons they all assumed. He wasn't afraid of death. Never had been. At least not since his mom died, anyway. No, what scared him was that when he was at his weakest, when he was sure there was no way he could survive the next coughing fit, the only emotion he felt was relief.
Relief. Relief that he was finally getting what he deserved. Relief that he was finally done fighting. Relief that no one would have to deal with his useless ass anymore – he couldn't even open a an envelope without risking the lives of his team.
That thought scared him more than anything. He knew he was supposed to want to live, supposed to want to fight. He was supposed to want to make a difference, help others, that is, after all why he had become a cop, why he had joined NCIS. That is why he was so relieved (real, positive relief) when Gibbs marched into his blue prison and ordered him to live, forcing him to make the choice he knew he was supposed to make, even if he didn't particularly want to.
He had won that fight. He pushed the fearful feeling of relief back into the darkest recess of his mind and returned to work a week early. Then Kate. Poor, sweet, Kate. Why couldn't it have been him? He was the one that had been HAPPY when he was sure he was gonna die. He didn't care if he lived for died...but he was sure Kate did. Kate would want to live. He should have protected her. Just like he should have followed procedure for opening the damn envelope.