The last hour is a complete blur to her, only a few snippets of frantic phone calls and conversations come back to her. Only a few words stand out in her mind 'hospital', 'shot' and 'Gail' all in one sentence in a way she had hoped and wished never to hear. Her hopes had come crashing down around her this evening, and broken her heart.
Her feet carry her through the hospital just following those directing her, not hearing their words. The doctor points her to a room, she catches a few words 'surgery', 'blood loss' and 'we just have to wait' fracturing her heart even further.
She slowly makes her way into the room, a gasp escaping her mouth, she has never seen Gail look so tiny, never imagined she would see her looking so helpless. It is terrifying, her skin is impossibly pale, bruises litter her face and arms, the only parts of skin on show, and she can only imagine how bad the damage is that she cannot see. She sits down and grabs Gail's hand, needing something to anchor her. Gail has been injured before, but none of those times had felt like this. The sight of Gail lying in a bed hooked up to machines, with tubes coming out of her mouth and a clear bulge of bandages around her abdomen visible is one she will never be able to get out of her mind. She has been scared before, before Gail and since Gail, but nothing felt like this.
The bitter taste of terror in her throat is fighting with the anger she is feeling. This was not supposed to happen to them. Gail had suffered before, she had been through enough. She had done nothing to do deserve this and Holly was finding it suffocating sitting next to her bed listening to the machines beeping in their steady rhythm confirming Gail was still with her.
They had plans together, they had made promises and the world was cruel enough to dangle the possibility of infinite happiness in front of them, just as they were looking towards the brightest future either of them could imagine the world goes and throws a gunman at them. Holly's heart fractures a little bit more when she thinks of the ring sitting in a box in sock drawer, she berates herself for waiting to give it to Gail, waiting for the perfect moment seems idiotic now. She might never get the chance, and the thought that Gail might ever have doubted she wanted to spend her life by Gail's side is too painful to consider.
The only thing she can focus on is the warmth of Gail's hand in hers, a sure sign of life. She knows Gail is a fighter, and if anyone can come through this it would be her, but the medical side of Holly's brain can't stop thinking about the damage a bullet can inflict on the human body. She wishes now she had paid more attention to the doctor, actually listened to exactly what had happened. Her eyes shift again to the bulge of bandages covering Gail's stomach. It draws forward memory of a few weeks ago, lying in bed with Gail on a lazy Saturday morning. They had been lying there talking about everything, Holly tracing patterns on Gail's stomach, occasionally dropping kisses onto her skin. She's not sure there is a time in her life where she has felt more content than at that moment, she has never felt so loved and so safe, the way she does when she is alone with Gail and they are baring their souls to each other one minute and the next talking absolute rubbish and tickling each other. That morning had meant so much to Holly, she thinks maybe that was her perfect moment to give Gail the ring, when they were talking about the future. When Gail said she couldn't wait for the days in the future when she came home from work to see tiny heads popping up in the front window of the house, giant grins there to welcome her home. She said it was something she wished for her whole life, to have a little gaggle of tiny humans roaming around, she just never thought it was in her future, but now maybe it was, or at least she hoped it was. Holly had smiled and nodded, knowing she wanted it as desperately as Gail, but not wanting to interrupt Gail's rambling about a toddler with a giant red lunchbox and glasses, her heart had just about exploded with love seeing the look of adoration on Gail's face as she spoke. Their future would have been perfect Holly thinks and she knows it hasn't gone away yet, but she can feel it slipping. She need's her girl, without Gail, none of it would be worth any of the pain. With Gail lying unconscious in front of her, Holly has never felt smaller, she knows without Gail she would never be her full self again, she would just keep feeling smaller and smaller. She wills Gail to wake with all her might, knowing there is nothing she wouldn't do to help Gail recover. She rests her head on their joined hands and waits, the machines beep on.