Disclaimer:Don't Own, Don't Flame, Don't Sue
Warning: if you have problems with abortion, you probably shouldn't be reading this. Just saying.
Ever In Love, Ever The Same
What with the world and all it's insane glory about all the bitter days and the kind of enamored stories that one could hardly believe they ever fit in. God what a disaster it was to be young and in love in a place that just couldn't understand. It was a small town and we weren't nothing but kids then. I was twenty and she was eighteen, and we were as new to the world as much as we were reckless. I guess as people, when we love, we love passionately, somewhat destructively.
-written by Jack Kelly, about how I lost the love of my life.
-x-
Sarah picked me up in her red car, a beautiful speedy little thing, like she was. She whipped around the corner at full speed and darted around the main streets of town running all the red lights. We could have cared less if someone tried to stop us, we were set in how we thought the world should work. We were having too much fun, laughing all the time, the world seemed so much better back then. The town was old, rickety shacks for homes and dead end jobs with no place to go. None of that had been part of our concern. We were there only for each other.
She headed to the outskirts of town and parked in a clearing in a grove and there we stayed till night fell. We laid on the hood of her car just staring at the stars as they stared right back as us. The night was as hot as the crackle of fire and smoldering embers.
"Jack, don't you ever stop loving me," she whispered turning her head to stare at me.
I turned my head and smiled back at her, "You know I never could, Sarah."
I made sure she knew that I really meant it and we spent that night melding ourselves to one another. I wanted her to know that at that very moment she meant the world to me. Even after we'd exhausted ourselves we still clung to each other. We didn't have a care in the world. We decided then that we wanted her parents to that we were dating.
But all the things that we do we sometimes don't always understand what it is that often try to commit to. Not even two weeks later we showed up at her mothers and what a lovely and sweet woman she was. I wasn't use to that sort of environment. My mother had died when I was young and my father had been in more trouble then he could find his way out of. I was mostly finding myself in the same problems from time to time. And I felt bad as I shook her mothers hand.
"Jack Kelly ma'am," I had reached over and she shook my hand, but two seconds later she had pulled me into a hug.
I was at a loss for words, Sarah was smiling nervously and she had good reason to be. This wonderful woman had no idea that her beautiful daughter was soon a mother to be. It was such an awkward evening, though I'm more then sure that neither of her parents had felt the least bit awkward. They had no idea.
There was no way we could keep the kid, sometimes the world just worked that way. No matter how much you wanted to go through with something, sometimes the fact of the matter was, the world could just be cruel like that. I didn't have a job and Sarah was still in school, there was no way we could support a child let alone ourselves. So we made the most difficult decision of our lives that night alone in car.
We told ourselves we wouldn't regret it, we couldn't. It was the best decision we could have made for someone our ages with no means, considering all circumstances...She pulled back into that same grove and we stared up into the sky again, only this time it felt as if nothing were staring back at us, no moon to shade us in it's light.
She crawled on top of me placing her hands on both sides of my face and kissed me deeply as if the world might stop if she did, and told me something I've never stopped doing, "Please, Jack, don't ever stop loving me."
I nodded and pulled her face back down to mine and we kissed each other deeply again.
We spent the summer pretending to have the time of our lives together. I treated her like a queen, trying to remove all guild and self-hate, but every time we were alone for too long and the room got too quiet...we both knew what was hanging over the other.
We did the best that we could and tried to repent for the wrongs that we did, but there's only so much you can try to pay for your sins. But we knew there was no such thing as what if or what might have been, things like that are enough to drive you crazy. Really nothing more then a waste of our time. One day I went to see Sarah, but she'd been gone, days before. While time does heal, it also leaves scars. There isn't a day that goes by I don't regret what we did.
Sometimes when I drive around town I can still see us. A ghost of who we use to be. I don't know where she is now, but I'm sure she's happy.
-x-
A/N: Well, I had this one floating around my stash of Newsies ideas waiting to be written. I figured this was as good a time as ever to get it written. Tell me how it went, and if anyone guesses where the idea came for this gets a cookie.