Title: Bring It On Home
Rating: K
Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate or its characters; the song "Bring It On Home" belongs to Little Big Town.
She found him in the kitchen, coconut and sugar coating his arms, chest, and half of the surrounding counter top. He was on autopilot; the recipe was out, but he'd long since stopped looking at what he was throwing into the mixing bowl. He was completely oblivious to anything but the thoughts in his own head.
Carolyn Lam watched the man she loved with a heavy heart; instinctively she knew that he had lost a little more of that light in his eyes today. Not only had they run into another dead end in their fight against the Ori, but he'd also had to watch his best friend fight for her life; the fact that Sam would live to fight another day had only softened the blow a little.
Cameron jumped when her arms encircled his waist. "Hey baby, sorry about the mess," his quiet voice was almost completely devoid of any emotion.
"These for Sam?" She peeked around his shoulder into batter filled mixing bowl; she could usually tell how upset he was simply by what he was baking. Tonight it was macaroons, apparently the same recipe he'd used to coerce her into a first date; not that she'd needed too much extra encouragement.
Cameron's head dropped in a single nod of ascent and stayed bowed. "I'm supposed to protect them, Carolyn, that's my one and only job on this team; and I can't do it. Daniel's off who-knows-where in this galaxy or the next, Sam nearly died on me, and I spent an entire day not knowing if Teal'c and Vala were alive let alone where they were."
Carolyn knew that she was the only one that ever got to hear voice put to the worries that seemed a constant fixture in his head. To the rest of the world he was simply that stereotypical flyboy with an abundance of confidence and a positive attitude that wouldn't quit, but she recognized the fears that swam just below the surface. His team had been astute enough to catch glimpses occasionally, but not even Sam knew the full extend of the weight he carried.
He finally turned to face her, his eyes still down cast, "I'm not sure I can do this anymore- I'm not sure we're all going to survive this if I continue to lead the team."
"And what exactly do you think will happen if you stop leading them?" Carolyn gave him a stern look and gently pushed him onto one of the breakfast bar stools. "Cameron, I know you still feel like the new kid on the block, but you're team wouldn't put up this kind of talk and neither will I."
Carolyn leaned down so that she was forehead to forehead with Cameron and stared directly into those blue eyes that she loved so much. "Sam would have died if you hadn't been there today." She hated the pain she saw reflected back at her statement. Lam gently brought her hands to either side of his handsome face, "Cameron, everyone on your team has been through a lot in their lives. Daniel, Sam, Teal'c, even Vala; they are all extremely intelligent people. Do you really think they'd follow you anywhere if they didn't believe in you?"
It took several long minutes but finally she received a mumbled 'no' in response.
"But it's not like I really lead them anyway."
Carolyn shook her head with a slightly amused smile; her man could be more petulant that a 3 year old when the mood struck him. "No, you coordinate their strengths to get the job done. I've always been taught that's the best kind of team and leadership."
She let him mull that thought over for awhile as she cleaned some of the mess he'd made, pausing as strong hands began kneading her shoulders.
"Thanks Baby."
Carolyn snuggled back into his chest, knowing that his bleak mood had lifted somewhat already. "Should we finish these for Sam?"
"Nah, she doesn't like 'em much. I just needed something to do."
Carolyn popped a coconut encrusted finger into her mouth, "her loss."
You got someone here wants to make it alright.
Someone who loves you more than life right here.
You got willing arms that'll hold you tight,
A hand to lead you on through the night right here.
I know your heart can get all tangled up inside,
But don't you keep it to yourself.
When your long day is over.
And you can barely drag your feet,
The weight of the world is on your shoulders,
I know what you need.
Bring it on home to me!
Carolyn closed her eyes and took several steadying breaths before unbuckling her seat belt and exiting the car; Cameron had enough weighing on his shoulders with both Daniel and Sam missing, he didn't need her grief heaped on top of it all. It had taken Landry ordering Cam home for a three day weekend for him to actually leave the base. She flipped open her compact to check that there were no visible traces of her grief as she climbed the stairs to their front door.
The sight that greeted her upon entering the living room was almost enough to bring a real smile to her face; Cameron lay face down on the couch, one leg and arm hanging off the edge, and a small pool of drool forming beneath his cheek. The basketball game flickered silently in the background.
"Hey Baby, how was your day?"
The Doctor knew she shouldn't be surprised; her man was a soldier after all. "Just another day at the office. I'm glad to see you finally getting some sleep."
Cameron cracked an eye in her direction; her voice had given him much more information than the few words she'd spoken. He could see the tell-tale puffiness and residual redness around her eyes and the corners of her mouth only curved in a downward frown when she was truly upset. Pushing himself up off the couch a little more stiffly than he would have two and a half years ago- but glad to be able to do it none the less, he walked over and enveloped her in a fierce hug.
"You want to talk about it?"
Carolyn's solid façade instantly broke down in the face of such love and understanding. She did the only thing she could do at that point; she wrapped her arms around her fiancé's waist, buried her face in the soft material of his old Air Force Academy t-shirt and shed the tears that she'd been unwilling to show anyone else.
Cam walked them backwards toward the couch without loosening his hold and gently pulled her into his lap once they arrived. The way she curled into him would have made him laugh if he hadn't known how upset she was right then; something had happened at work. He could call her father to find out, but he knew that Carolyn would tell him when she was ready. It took nearly twenty minutes but finally her tears seemed to subside a bit; he gently grasped her chin and brought her face up to his. Cam dropped a quick kiss on the tip of her nose before raising an eye brow in a very Teal'c like manner.
"We lost SG-5 today." Carolyn tried to maintain her new found composure, but she couldn't hide the trembling of her lower lip.
Cameron simply pulled her head back into his chest and began rocking her slowly. He knew he would get the entire story when he got back to the base on Monday, but right now all he needed to know was that Carolyn always took it personally when someone died on her watch; especially when that someone was a very good friend as Captain Heather Hollings had been.
It had been a long day; both physically and emotionally draining and it only took a few minutes before Cam felt her breathing even out into the regular rhythm of sleep. As gently as possibly he stood, still cradling her small frame to his chest and carried her up to their bedroom.
You know I know you like the back of my hand,
But did you know I'm gonna do all that I can right here.
I'm gonna lie with you till you fall asleep,
When the morning comes I'm still gonna be right here (yes I am).
So take your worries and just drop them at the door,
Baby leave it all behind.
When your long day is over,
And you can barely drag your feet,
The weight of the world is on your shoulders;
I know what you need.
Bring it on home to me!
Beverly Ann Mitchell, also known as Grandma Mitchell- or the Iron Maiden, depending on who you asked- smiled down at her favorite grandson and his fiancé. It had only taken her one look at her boy's face to know that Carolyn was the one.
She was his rock, and he was hers.
Baby let me be your safe harbor,
Don't let the water come and carry you away.
When your long day is over,
And you can barely drag your feet,
The weight of the world is on your shoulders,
I know what you need.
Bring it on home to me.
You got someone here wants to make it alright,
Someone who loves you more than life right here