He was never into romance novels, but Chrom could bet there was at least one book that described his situation perfectly well. A boy met a girl, he saw the girl naked, the girl saw him naked, she threw a soap dish at him, and − bam! − they're in love. If that wasn't a love story, Chrom didn't know what was.
Ever since then, he did everything to be with Robin as often as he possibly could, preferably one-on-one. He knew, of course, that they were in a constant danger of a war breaking out, and time often turned out to be a scarce resource. The more he valued the days of relative peace, when he could focus all of his attention on the more private aspects of his tactician. Even for several moments. Unfortunately, even this had been taken away from him.
"Is everything in order, milord?"
As much as Chrom appreciated the efforts Frederick put into his work, the man was certainly outdoing himself. Whenever the prince was left alone with Robin for more than a few minutes, the ever-vigilant knight would burst into the scene to kill all the mood.
Today, for example, Chrom had been looking forward to spend the entire evening in the tactician's company. It had been almost a week since their last battle with Risen, so everyone was allowed to relax a bit. This was also the first evening since his declaration of love when neither he nor Robin had any prior engagements. The prince planned every detail. He told the Shepherds he was going to be unavailable for the night, and so they should report all their problems to Frederick. This would keep the knight busy. He would definitely not storm into Robin's tent at the most inappropriate moment.
Or so Chrom thought.
Their evening had barely begun. They ate dinner in the candlelight, talked about their day, about their plans for after the return to Ylisstol. Robin was overthinking, as always, making sure she had a strategy ready for every outcome. Chrom told her there was no need to worry. He moved closer to sit right next to the woman. Before either of them knew, his hand found his way under Robin's robes. He caressed her thigh, put an arm around her, looked into her eyes. There, he found as much love and desire as he himself was feeling at the moment. The prince leaned in to place a light kiss on her lower lip, and…
"I cannot hear you speak, milord. Please tell, is everything in order? A confirmation would be highly appreciated."
… jumped away when he heard Frederick's voice. The man felt just as humiliated as he assumed he would if either Emmeryn or Lissa walked in on him having sex with a girl. Which, he reminded himself, he had every intention of doing. The person catching him in the act was not his relative, though. It was his trusted knight. And it wasn't the first time he was interrupting.
But this time, Chrom had had enough.
"Alright, that's it," said the prince, jumping to his feet. "Frederick!"
"He's not doing this on purpose, you know?" said Robin, attempting to laugh off her own frustration.
"Yes, I do," Chrom admitted. "And that's what frightens me most."
The knight's head appeared inside Robin's tent.
"You called me, milord?" he asked out of courtesy, having heard the prince perfectly well.
"My tent, now," ordered Chrom, giving Robin one more regretful look before disappearing.
When they could at last talk privately, the man wasted no time for preambles and moved straight to the point.
"Frederick, you have two lieges to take care of. Why won't you go check on Lissa?"
If Chrom didn't know any better, he would say that his question made Frederick uneasy.
"I would gladly do so, milord. However, I must regretfully admit that whenever I turn my back to milady for one second, she disappears. I spend hours trying to find her, but to no avail."
"So you just leave her alone?!" said Chrom in horror.
"Oh no, sire, I would never do such thing. Lon'qu keeps an eye on her, just like you ordered. Before you express your worry, milord, I wish to assure you that I made sure he keeps a more-than-respectable distance."
The prince shook his head, unable to comprehend what he was hearing. And when exactly did he appoint the weirdo to look after his little sister?
"Nevertheless, I would highly appreciate it if you would fulfill your obligations as a knight regarding both me and Lissa."
The knight moved the dirt around with his foot. Apparently, there was something that bothered him.
"I don't believe she needs me anymore," he half-mumbled after a pause.
Chrom blinked. This didn't seem right.
"Why would you say that?" he inquired.
Frederick's ears turned red. Was there something embarrassing he didn't want to admit?
"For some time now, despite my best efforts, milady has been avoiding me," said Frederick, lowering his gaze. Admitting that he somehow failed at being a knight was uncomfortable enough without Chrom's presence. "I am under the impression that she dislikes my company, milord."
"Nonsense," the prince assured him. "Let me talk to her. I'm sure there's got to be a logical explanation."
"Lissa!" Chrom walked angrily around the camp, searching for his little sister. "Lissa!"
"I'm here, Chrom, you don't need to yell," said the princess with an annoyed expression on her face, as she crawled out from the ladies' tent. No wonder Frederick couldn't find her. "What do you want? Have Risen invaded the camp or something?"
Chrom closed his eyes, took a deeper breath. Keep calm, he told himself.
"Why are you avoiding Frederick?"
Lissa looked back at him, perplexed.
"Whaat? I'm not avoiding anyone."
"Aren't you?" said Chrom with evident sarcasm. "Well, that's very odd, because he's been following me, just me, twenty four seven for the last couple of weeks. I mean it literally, mind you, and I'm sick of it."
The girl furrowed her brows, considering her brother.
"Why won't you tell him to go away instead of yelling at me?" she asked reproachfully.
"Why won't you tell him to go away instead of hiding in the ladies' tent?" he said back at her.
"Fair point," admitted Lissa. "But why are you sick of him now? I mean, I've been ditching him ever since we came to Ferox. Why haven't I heard you complain sooner?"
The prince was silent for a moment. Long enough for it to be suspicious.
"Has Sumia finally made a move on you?" His sister elbowed him playfully with a knowing smirk. "And you're too embarrassed to kiss her in front of your old buddy?"
There was no way she had any idea how close to home this hit. No reason for him to admit it, though.
"It− It's nothing like it! I would never− Don't be silly, Lissa. I just want to be alone for a moment, okay?"
Chrom's fidgeting made Lissa laugh hard in his face. He could be so adorably awkward sometimes.
"Ha ha ha! Yeah, suuuureee. I believe you, I almost do."
Things were going much harder than he hoped they would. The man reminded himself why he was angry with his sister in the first place. This gave him the power to counterattack.
"You think I enjoy my every move being watched around the clock? That I like not being able to sneeze without Frederick running to me to wipe my nose? Or worse? Try it sometimes and you'll know what I mean. I've had enough, is all. I need a break."
"Okay, okay, I get it," said Lissa, putting her hands up defensively. "I'll try to ditch him less frequently. No, truly, I will. Now, if you'll excuse me…"
She made it to walk past him, but Chrom caught her by the shoulder.
"Try is not good enough. I need you to distract him for several hours−"
"What?!" she protested, not letting him finish.
"− a day, for a week at least," he continued, undeterred.
Lissa looked at Chrom as if he spontaneously sprouted antlers. Her jaw hang open for several seconds in a very non-princess-like manner, until she finally collected herself.
"Are you out of your mind?" she asked in a high-pitched tone. "Why ever would I do that?"
"Because you owe me!" Chrom's patience was running out.
"I don't owe you anything!" countered his sister. "Find some other way to deal with your problems. Just don't talk to Frederick the way you did earlier, because it turned out soooo great for you."
Lissa stifled a laugh at the memory of Chrom's naked pictures hanging on the wall of every tent. Chrom shuddered involuntarily, then he immediately refocused on his task. He didn't want to use his triumph card yet, but it seemed he had no other choice.
"Alright, then," he said, shrugging. "If you refuse to help me, I'll tell everyone in the camp about your biggest secret."
Lissa's smile froze on her lips, and the prince could swear she paled a bit.
"Which one?" she said testily.
"Oh, I don't know," Chrom teased. "There are plenty to choose from. Think the most private and embarrassing one."
"You wouldn't dare!" Now Lissa was the one to shout. Although, having noticed her brother's smirk, she wasn't sure she was right.
"Oh yeah? Why won't you try me, then? I bet Maribelle and Vaike will find very amusing all the little things you did when you had a crush on− Ouch!"
Lissa punched him in the arm, which turned out to be quite painful. The prince could see the color rising in her face. It seemed he got to her, after all.
"Alright, I'll do it! Just shut up already!" Seeing that her brother's face brightened, she tried to negotiate. "Two hours a day for a week, starting tomorrow. Will this be enough to keep your big ugly mouth quiet?"
Chrom smiled triumphantly, baring his teeth.
"Three hours. Consecutive hours," he specified almost immediately, "not divided into five-minute intervals."
Lissa rolled her eyes at his comment. He knew her too well.
"Two and a half," she said with finality. "And wipe that stupid grin from your face, will you?"
"Thanks, Lissa," said Chrom a bit more seriously. "It means a lot."
"Anything for you, my lord," his sister said in mock flattery that was meant to mimic Frederick's speech. Chrom shuddered at the resemblance. "Is that all, your majesty?"
"Pretty much." The man put his hands into his pockets and turned to leave. When he was out of the punch zone, he added, as if he suddenly remembered it. "Oh, and I talked to Lon'qu about my recent memory loss. You know, the one where I appointed him instead of Frederick to be your guard?"
Lissa watched her brother in utter disbelief. So much for getting to know the handsome Feroxian champion a little better.
"I hate you so much right now!"