Now
"I hate this! I wish we'd never met! I wish I didn't love you the way I do!"
Blaine tried to keep the tears from spilling down his cheeks, his throat from closing, a sob from escaping. He tried to push his emotions down as the sound from his yell echoed off the oak floors, traveled to the ceiling, and back again, until all that remained was a shocked Sebastian and a bitter silence between them.
His love shook his head, reaching out to touch Blaine's hands or shoulders. "Blaine, no, don't say that-" Sebastian's hands landed on his biceps, but Blaine pushed him off as soon as they made contact.
"Don't. Just don't."
The pair made eye contact and Blaine's red rimmed eyes looked up at Sebastian's, noticing the tears threatening to fall as well. "I can't take this pain anymore, Sebastian... I was so naive and dumb and in love when I thought we could make this work... But we can't."
"Yes we can, we can make this work, Blaine,"
Blaine looked back into Sebastian's eyes, pushing his emotions down. He wanted desperately to fall back in his arms and cry and tell him how much he loved him and let Sebastian mend his broken heart, just as he would do for the other man.
Those green eyes plead for him.
He opened his mouth, not sure which words would come out.
"I need to go. I'm sorry."
Saturday, August 28, 2010
"I hate parties like this," Blaine looked over at Nick as they walked through the crowded house, making their way through the throngs of people. Heavy bass pumped through the speakers and red solo cups and sweaty bodies made passionate love.
"Oh, c'mon, it'll be fun," Nick tried. "Promise, in an hour, if you still don't wanna be here, we can go to the movies, ok?"
Blaine was looking forward to seeing this movie with Nick all week. Suddenly, a last minute invitation from a guy Nick was into meant Blaine had to be dragged along to this party.
Instead, he nodded at his friend, as he looked around for the guy he was supposed to be meeting.
"Griffin should be around here somewhere," Nick said, mostly to himself. Suddenly, his friend smiled. "Hi!"
The pair embraced each other and Nick smiled wider. "Hi, Griff. You remember Blaine," He said, as Griffin held out his hand to shake Blaine's.
"Yes, of course," He replied, the pair shaking hands. Griffin leaned in after he and Blaine et go to whisper in Nick's ear.
Nick all but giggled and Blaine did his best to keep himself from projectile vomiting. "I'm going to go get a drink," He said, though he wasn't sure the pair even noticed as he walked away.
Blaine sauntered into the kitchen, feeling the counter vibrate from the sound of the music. How did Nick talk him into such stupid ideas? He hated parties, particularly house parties because, well, he was bored half the time.
He shook his head and poured a can of soda into a plastic cup and began drinking it, leaning against the counter. A few couples came and went, ignoring Blaine in favor of making out and groping each other. Blaine should've guessed that, even at Oxford, people would want to drink and have sex and do drugs because... Well, all universities were like that.
As the third couple walked through the kitchen to find their own room, Blaine shook his head and went onto the patio for some air. He looked around, the crickets chirping in the background, some of the music from the party drowned out, and the air already cool.
Blaine stuffed his hands in the pockets of his jeans, zoning out as he looked up at the stars painting the sky. He briefly wondered what Matt was doing right now... If he were there with Blaine right now... He'd probably say something poetic about the sun and the moon and the stars. Blaine didn't even know what that comment might be.
He closed his eyes, trying to think of one.
Matthew, every time I look in your eyes, they make sweet, passionate, beautiful love together-
"Stop teasing! Take off your underwear and let me suck you off!"
Blaine's head jerked up and he looked in the direction of the voice. He walked toward it, suddenly realizing there was a jacuzzi on the other side of the house which two other people occupied.
Two guys, to be exact.
Two naked guys.
Blaine peeked around the corner and sure enough, one of them sat on the edge of the jacuzzi while the other kissed his stomach, ready to suck his hard cock.
Well, sucking.
Blaine couldn't resist watching for a brief moment, his pupils lust blown. The brown haired boy receiving opened his eyes, his olive green meeting Blaine's hazel.
He'd been caught watching the two. Surely they'd stop and Blaine would be the resident creep from now until the end of the time. Blaine blushed hard, looking away before trying his best to get away without the other boy noticing.
He could've sworn the boy with the green eyes smirked at him.
Blaine waited all night for a phone call from Matt, but ended up falling asleep long before a text arrived from the other boy.
Hey, I know it's late. I got so busy with writing, the time just got away from me. I'm sure you're asleep, so I'll call you in the morning. Love you, Browneyes. -M
The next morning, Blaine saw the text from Matt and shook his head to himself. Typical Matt. He was forgetful sometimes. Well, all the time.
Haha, you were right, I slept like a baby. Love you too, Matty. -B
Blaine got ready for the day, attending church services on campus. He convinced his parents to let him study at Oxford, only on the grounds that he attended mass regularly and keep up his schoolwork. Pam and Michael Anderson had reservations about studying so far away from home, for fear of him losing touch with his roots. Blaine supposed that was a small price to pay for getting out of his comfort zone and attending a university outside of Cordonia.
As a noble, he was expected to attend a Cordonian one. The only reason his parents agreed was... Well... Blaine convinced them because it was announced that Prince Sebastian would attend Oxford as well.
There was talk of him around campus, but Blaine knew he'd never seen him before. As a matter of fact, he had no interest in him. The prince had the most horrid reputation among the nobles and rumors of his promiscuity swarmed around him. It was also rumored that the king had to silence many of these rumors, if only to keep his son's claim to the throne intact. To Blaine, the prince seemed terrible.
But, as far as Blaine was concerned, Prince Sebastian was just another student.
Now
Blaine woke up, half expecting to feel a pair of strong arms around him and a small little patch of warmth near his legs. Little Lucy, their yorkie, liked to sleep in their bed. Blaine opened his eyes, met with the unfamiliar hotel room. He packed a small bag and left Sebastian's royal apartments, just so he could be alone.
Well, more than alone. They were over. A ten year relationship ended and Blaine felt like his world was spinning out of control. It felt like he swallowed lead. The weight in the pit of his stomach bothered him all night and he couldn't stop crying, no matter what he told himself.
Blaine checked his phone and on it was a message from Nick and a missed call from his mom, but nothing from Sebastian. He should've guessed. Bas didn't care that much. Or at least, he didn't want to show it.
In reality, he probably cried himself to sleep, just as Blaine did.
"Hey." Blaine said, ignoring the twinge his stomach made when Arthur, Sebastian's butler, opened the door.
Arthur bowed his head briefly, before looking up once more. "Lord Anderson. I have explicit instructions from His Majesty to slam the door in your face if you ever came back."
"I just came to get my things," Blaine explained. "And Lucy. Tell him that."
Arthur paused for a moment, before nodding. "Come in." He opened the door a little further for Blaine, as he stepped inside. He was practically stepping inside his own home.
He stayed in the entryway for a few minutes, while Arthur was presumably talking to Sebastian. Though Blaine occupied this home three days ago, it didn't feel like home. Not in that way you were always welcome and loved. It felt cold and foreign.
Arthur came back a moment later and looked at Blaine. "His Majesty says you have one hour to collect your things. After that time, he says he would like to never see you again."
Blaine shook his head. Sebastian could be so immature sometimes. "No. Tell him to stop being so dramatic. Let me speak to him."
"My lord, I do not think-"
"Now."
Blaine walked away to go to the bedroom and pack the rest of his clothes and other possessions. He noted their- Sebastian's- unmade bed. Blaine was usually the one to make it. He didn't mind the maids in the rest of the house, but... He didn't want them in the bedroom. He wanted that to just be theirs. Lord knew nothing else could be.
Blaine let a few tears drip down his face, sorting some of their clothes, remembering some of the pieces he tried putting in his suitcase were actually Sebastian's. He tossed the navy Oxford sweatshirt aside, wanting to forget all the memories behind it.
He zipped up his suitcase, his eyes falling on the elegant white mantle. A few knick knacks from their travels lined it: A snow globe from Venice, a figurine of the Rio de Janeiro (Blaine thought it was beautiful. Sebastian said he didn't care, but Blaine knew he secretly liked it). In the center, a framed photo of the pair with their arms around each other, Sebastian's lips on Blaine's cheek. Their first photo together.
Bas gave the photo to Blaine two years ago, after...
Well, Blaine wouldn't need to worry about that matter anymore.
"Hey,"
Blaine whipped around and saw Sebastian standing in the doorway. Stubble grazed the other man's cheeks, his hair went every which way, bags lined his under eyes, and the whites of his eyes looked like they were painted red, bringing out the green of the irises.
"Hey," Blaine replied, pausing a moment. "Arthur let me in... I'm just getting my stuff,"
Sebastian nodded stiffly. "He told me."
Blaine nodded when he didn't continue and knelt down to pet Lucy. His poor baby missed him terribly, as evidenced with her constant need to be petted. That and she just loved to be petted all the time.
"I'm taking her with me," Blaine said, his mouth moving and his vocal chords hitting together before his brain had the chance to catch up.
Sebastian looked up, narrowing his eyes at Blaine. "Like hell you are."
"You won't ever have time for her." He told the other man. "You don't now. She's going with me, where I can actually appreciate her."
"Uh huh. And how you going to pay for her, Blaine, huh? I've seen your bank account-"
"You know what, just stop." Blaine said, shaking his head, walking toward Sebastian. "I can't be with you anymore. Not because I want to, but because it hurts too bad... I love you, Bas. I'll love you forever, but I need to stop."
"You can't give me what I need." He added quietly.
Sebastian's expression softened for a moment. "I want to."
"I know, but you said it yourself. We can never get married and we can definitely never have children." Blaine sighed.
Sebastian's expression hardened as quickly as it had softened. "Well, good. I'll have everything any person could ever want. All the money and power in the world... Get out of here, Blaine. Go have your marriage and your babies with a boring Prince Charming who you can come home to and have mundane conversation and vanilla sex with."
"I will. Goodbye, Sebastian." Blaine said, shaking his head.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Blaine loved the university library. Among the shelves sat little nooks and tables for studying and there was even a small coffee bar near the front. There was something about the smell of books mixed with the aroma of rich espresso and fresh brewed French roasts that made Blaine wish he spent all his time there.
His philosophy essay begged to be worked on and hopefully finished that afternoon. Blaine decided he needed to get out of his dorm anyway, what with his roommate constantly on the phone with his parents. Like everyone, he was beginning to feel homesick.
Daily conversations on the phone and skype with his parents and Matt made the transition easier for Blaine, but it was still difficult sometimes. All the time, as a matter of fact.
Blaine grabbed his coffee from the barista and thanked her, turning around to find a spot in the library to work on his essay.
He was met with a brick wall. In the shape of a man.
Coffee spilled all over the guy's shirt and shoes, some of the splash even getting on Blaine.
Blaine's mouth fell open in shock, as did the other's.
"What the hell?" The guy asked.
"Oh my God, I am so sorry," Blaine apologized, immediately going for the napkins to dab the guy's shirt. He did his best to soak up some of the coffee, looking up at the other guy. Oh my. Blaine knew he shouldn't have been thinking the guy was gorgeous. He had a boyfriend.
The guy chuckled, revealing his pearly white smile. "Hi,"
Blaine blushed, feeling his face heat up. "Hi," He replied. "I'm really sorry, usually I'm not this clumsy,"
"No, it's alright," He replied, smirking a bit. "I've had worse."
"Oh God, what could be worse than this?"
"A lot of caviar," He chuckled. "No thanks to my friend a few years ago,"
Blaine raised an eyebrow slightly before his face cracking a smile. "I'd love to hear that story,"
"I love to tell it,"
The pair both laughed and the other held out his hand. "Sebastian Smythe,"
Blaine perked up a little at that. "As in Prince Sebastian?" He asked, taking his hand and shaking it.
"Yes," He replied with a nod. "Haven't I seen you somewhere before?"
Blaine shook his head, thinking. "No, I don't think so," He replied, knowing he never met the prince before. "Maybe my parents and my brother. Lord and Lady Anderson. They've had audience with your father,"
Sebastian raised an eyebrow slightly, before shrugging. "Yes, that must be it... Lord and Lady Anderson? You're Cordonian?"
"Yeah," Blaine replied, as they moved to get out of the way of the other patrons. "A Cordonian at a British university. Who would've guessed, right?"
Sebastian shrugged and chuckled. "Well, I suppose we're both in the same boat-"
He was cut off by the sound of Blaine's phone ringing. Blaine paused for a moment, before grabbing it out of his pocket. He smiled at the face that popped up on his screen.
"Hey you," He said with a giddy smile.
"Hey, Browneyes," Matt replied, evidently very happy to hear Blaine's voice. "How are you-"
"Matty, I'm sorry, I can't talk right now. Can I call you later?" Blaine asked.
"Yeah, sure..." Matt replied, sounding disappointed. "I love you,"
"I love you too. Bye."
Blaine hung up and put his phone back in his pocket. "Sorry, my boyfriend doesn't have the best timing sometimes," He said with a chuckle.
Sebastian nodded, thinking for a moment. "That's where I've seen you," He smirked wider.
"Where?" Blaine asked.
"What were you doing last Saturday night?" He asked, a playful twinkle in his eye.
Blaine scoffed a bit awkwardly, thinking. "Uh..." He chuckled awkwardly. "I was at a party. Why?"
"And nothing strange happened while you were at said party?" Sebastian smirked even wider, waiting eagerly for Blaine to answer.
Blaine shrugged, thinking. "Well there was-" The guys in the hot tub. "That was you. In the jacuzzi, that was you."
Sebastian nodded. "Uh huh." He smirked. "If I knew we'd have an audience, I would've shaved... My face, that is,"
The flush creeping onto Blaine's face was unmistakable and thinking about Sebastian's body, toned and tan, just made it even worse. "I'm really sorry, I didn't mean for you and you boyfriend to-"
"No, don't worry." He replied, his hand finding its way into his front jeans pocket. "He's not my boyfriend anyway,"
Blaine chuckled awkwardly, not sure what to say.
So, the rumors were true.
What do you think so far? Any feedback is very much appreciated! I've been in a creative vacuum with this story for a long time (Like a year and a half!) and I'm finally getting up the courage to get it out there. And, for any of you who have played the Choices app, that's where the name Cordonia comes from. I don't pride myself in being that creative with names. :)