Malcolm's Worst Day
by malkshake
It was Thursday morning in whatever shitty town Malcolm lives in. Except for some reason, no one had gone to school or work. Whatever. Lois was on the toilet, holding a pregnancy stick test. She watched as it turned positive. "Oh shit! HAAAAAL!" she screamed. "What the fuck is it?" her husband, Hal, asked. "I'm fucking pregnant again!" "Oh shit. How? We haven't had sex in ages, because you're a dykey lesbian". "It's probably not yours" Lois said. "Ok, whatever, don't explain, I don't care. Let's see how much money we have in the Abortion Jar". Hal picked up a glass jar with a label that said ABORTION JAR. There were only a few pennies inside, and a button. "Oh fuck" Hal said. "We don't have enough money!" "OH SHIT! Fuck you all!" Lois said, really pissed off at her shitty family. She went into the bedroom to rape Hal with one of her many strap ons.
Meanwhile, Malcolm had just finished masturbating in the bathroom. He was in the bathtub with the shower curtain drawn, so Lois didn't see him. He had been in there for hours because it took him ages to get a boner. He cleaned off his mom's Playboy magazine. It was just a prop, because he really masturbated while thinking about Stevie. "Boy I really feel like a man now" he said, to his two inch dick. He then skipped back into his bedroom, humming happily. There, a horrible sight awaited him. His brothers, Francis and Reese, were having sex in his bed. "WHAT THE FUCK?" Malcolm screamed. Just then, his queer little brother Dewey came out of the closet with a video camera and ran away. Malcolm got so pissed he shanked Reese and Francis to death. Then he heard his dad screaming so he went to see what was up.
Lois was raping Hal with a very realistic dildo. "AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Malcolm when he saw the disturbing scene. Lois pulled out. "What the fuck are you doing here?" Lois asked Malcolm "why aren't you at school or some shit?" "I don't know. I-" Lois cut him off. "Fuck you, I don't care about you or your shitty life. Now get lost so I can finish violating your father." Malcolm started to cry as he ran away. His mom hated him, and so did everyone else. After he'd finished crying like a retard denied a cookie, he was thirsty, probably because he'd cried so fucking much. He opened the fridge and discovered they had ran out of chocolate milk. "God damn it!" Malcolm screamed and cried a little more. Then he noticed his mom had some water bottles which she would take to her shitty dead end job with her. He took one out and drank some. "What the fuck?" he said as he spat it out. It didn't taste like water at all. Then he shrugged and drank some more. Soon he began to feel happier, and the world seemed better. Malcolm smiled and grabbed all the "water" bottles, and took them to his room.
While this was going on, Lois had finished raping Hal. "Fuck you" she said to him, and then went off to the kitchen. Dewey came into the bedroom. "Hi dad, what's wrong? Is there anything I can do for you?" he asked. "Yes, Dewey. Give daddy a blowjob." So Dewey got to work. In the kitchen, Lois was shocked to discover all her "water" bottles gone. "I'll find out whoever did it and kill them" she said, angrily. Then she grabbed a half empty bottle of Smirnoff and chugged some of it down. "Ahhh that's better" she sighed. But then that retarded baby, Jamie, or whatever, started crying. "Shut the fuck up!" she screamed at him, and drop kicked him out of the window. "Wait, what the fuck was I doing again?" she took another swig, and shrugged. Then she ran off to fuck Craig. So Malcolm's life was spared for a few hours, at least.
Malcolm was not aware of this, as he drank and watched Shakira music videos. Soon he began to feel weird. He puked and then passed out. Several hours later, he woke up, only to see Lois with a shotgun. "Mom, what the fuck are you doing here?" he asked. "You drank all my vod...bottled water. And now I will kill you". "But why?" Malcolm asked, confused. "Because that's the only thing that makes it so I can put up with you assholes. That and Valium. Plus I hate you" Lois explained to him. "No! Please don't kill me!" Malcolm begged. Just then Caroline, Malcom's teacher, walked into his bedroom. She was wearing a leather catsuit. "Can you finish this shit so we can fuck?" she asked Lois. "Sure thing baby" Lois said to her. Malcolm puked again. "Oh shit that's nasty" said Lois, and opened fire on him. Malcolm jumped out of the window. He ran right to that bitch Cynthia's house, because he was horny. But as soon as he got there, she kicked him out, because his dick is tiny. "HOW COULD YOU!" Malcolm yelled at her bedroom window as Lois ran over to him. "How did you find me?" he asked her. "Oh, Cynthia and I fuck all the time. Sometimes her mom joins in." "!" Malcolm screamed as Lois shot him. Lois laughed and took another swig of vodka. Then she killed everyone else, fucked Caroline, and got married to Piama.
The end.