AN: I really have no idea where this came from. I was sitting around listening to sad music and, bam, this came out. It's not my best but I kinda like it anyway. I wasn't going to post it but, again, I kinda like it. Tell me what you think.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
When you left Seattle you swore to yourself that you'd never look back. You swore that you'd never run all of the possibilities through your head of what could have been. You swore not to think about him.
And you didn't. Not for a long time.
Fate, however, is a cruel mistress and just when you finally think it's over, that you've finally overcome your feelings and history it happens. You're in your office working on paperwork just like every other day in LA when Dell pokes his head in your office and announces that someone from Seattle is there to see you. The very last thing you want is for someone from Seattle to show up unannounced, especially when you've come so far, but in the back of your mind you kind of always knew this day would come.
When you step into the lobby the man you find standing there isn't the one you thought would come. While the other would follow you to the ends of the earth, this one leaves you in the dust without a second glance. He's here though and you know that he wouldn't have come all this way if it weren't important.
When you finally see his face, you know. You search his eyes, silently pleading to be wrong but when he crosses the lobby and pulls you into his arms, a look of utter devastation etched into his handsome face, you know that nothing will ever be the same.
"Mark," you whisper into your ex husband's shoulder and before you know it the flood-gates have opened and tears flow freely down your cheeks and onto his crisp blue shirt. "Derek tell me it's… He's not. Oh God."
"Addie…"
"When?" You ask. When he doesn't answer right away you scream the question again.
"Three days ago," he tells you.
"Thr…" You feel your knees buckle and you crumple to the ground. He tries to pull you off the floor but you wretch your arm away and scream at him not to touch you. "Three days? Why-"
"I couldn't…" He squeezes his eyes shut and falls onto his knees next to you. "I couldn't do… I had to tell you in person. You wouldn't have believed me-"
"How?" Your cry is strangled.
"We were leaving Joe's." He shakes his head and pushes his palms into his eyes. "This car came out of nowhere. He… He pushed me out of the way. It should have been me, Addison. I… It's my fault."
You're still hysterical a few minutes later when Pete pulls you up by the armpits. You're jelly in his arms as he drags you into Violet's office and sets you on the couch. You watch as Sam and Dell stumble in with their arms around Derek. They put him next to you on the couch and the three of them leave you to yourselves… To your own demons.
"Did he…"
"He-"
"Don't lie," you whisper harshly while pointing at him accusingly. "Don't lie to me."
"He was awake the whole time," he tells you as his head drops back against the back of the couch. "He just kept asking for us over and over."
"He asked…" You take a shaky breath. "He asked for me?"
He nods and you slide down the front of the couch to the floor. You pull your knees to your chest and bury your face in your arms.
"This isn't real. This isn't real. This isn't real," you chant over and over again. You look up at him accusingly and scream, "You're wrong. This isn't real."
"Addison…" He slides to the floor next to you and this time you let him wrap his arms around your shaking shoulders. "I wish this wasn't real. I wish I could wake up right now and it would just be a bad dream. But it is real. And all I want is my best friend… my brother back."
"What do we do now?" You ask. "I can't… I don't want… Oh God Derek. I'm still…I still…"
"I know," he whispers and tightens his grasp on you. "I know."
"I never even told him." You bite your top lip to keep from gasping out but only succeed in losing your breath and making your lip bleed. "I treated him so badly. I… And all he wanted was a chance. I wouldn't give him a fucking chance. After all he did… And now he's gone."
"Addison," he whispers. "We'll make it through this. I'll come down here if I have to. But damnit, we're not doing this alone. I need… No one understands. Nobody…"
You pull your head up and stare into his eyes and notice they're almost black with grief. "When is-"
"Tomorrow," he says softly. "I hope you don't mind. But I… I booked you a ticket."
You nod and take a few calming breaths. "He really asked for me?"
"Oh Addison." He shakes his head and lays it on your shoulder. "You knew. You did."
"But he didn't," you whisper and suddenly you're falling apart all over again. "He didn't."