Title: Heroic Measures
Author: nancybrown
Rating: R
Characters/Pairings: Lisa/Ianto, Jack/Ianto, Tosh, Owen
Warning: canon character death
Summary: He loves her.
A/N: Among other things, remixed by permission from an idea by queenfanfiction. Written for the Jantosparkle Leftovers Party on Livejournal.
She's crying when he gets to the room, soft sobs piercing him even above the whirr of the machines.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." Ianto wasn't supposed to be in the field, but Suzie and Owen are both in quarantine from the Delbation 'flu and the Delbations still needed to be found. The entire time, he barely quelled a panic attack, could not explain his anxiety to get back to the Hub as anything other than nerves. Jack noticed, and tried in a peculiarly sweet way to ease Ianto's anxieties with friendly jokes and his typical part-teasing, part-hopeful flirting. Ianto returned both as best he always did, falling into the comforting rhythm that was becoming natural when he was around Jack, even though he told himself his thoughts were here in this dark room.
Lisa has missed two doses of morphine.
As his hands ready the drip, she says, "Stop. For God's sake, don't." Her voice is full of pain. "I haven't been able to think."
"You said the pain was worse."
"No, it said that."
He drops his hands, confused. "It?"
"It's in my mind, Ianto. Every day, it tells me things. Terrible things." Her eyes are glassy, not from the drugs. "When I'm medicated, it's stronger. Please."
He doesn't want to hear this, doesn't want to think she's really been compromised. He saw the bodies, the first ones converted, with horrible strings controlling their brains like puppets. Lisa isn't, can't be, no.
"Tell me how to help," he says, because this is what he always says, what has got them this far and must see them through.
"Kill me. I don't think I can fight it much longer."
Every word is a blow. He can't picture a future without Lisa. That's why he's done all this.
A part of him, the small place inside where no-one sees, tracked down the old files and knows that these monsters are manipulative, that it's possible every word she's said to him since the first day has been carefully chosen to goad him into aiding the Cybermen, that this plea could be just a further gambit to cement Ianto's loyalty after she saw him run off at Jack's whistle yet again. It's the quiet, sullen part of him that wishes he would walk down here one day to find her dead. He hates himself every time.
They're not so different with their inner voices.
"I can't kill you. I won't. You're mad from the pain."
She closes her eyes, and her voice is weary. "If you love me, really love me, you'll make it quick."
He watches her for a long, long time, memorising every feature, every detail, wanting to keep something of his Lisa forever. Before everything went to hell, he loved to lay with her, naked and warm, just holding her. He used to dream of spending whole days doing nothing but kissing her. He spends too long kissing her now, aching for a connection, lonely and awful, and they are both weeping.
He loves her.
He makes it quick.
After, he has crumpled to the ground with no memory of the fall, sitting on hurting knees as he watches her body cool. He's not sure how long he stays there, is only vaguely aware of the noise in his ear. Jack shouts for him, and then calls with concern, and finally informs him that they'll trace his signal.
Ianto doesn't move. The machines are quiet. It is something like peace.
"What the hell?" Jack says, gun out, Tosh and a sickly Owen fanning to the sides. "Ianto, are you hurt?"
"I killed her," he says dully, admitting to his greatest crime first. He'll have to tell them how he brought her in, set her up, kept her fed and clean and alive.
"You did?" asks Owen incredulously.
"Tosh," Jack says, tilting his head.
Cautiously, she approaches the deactivated life support system, examines everything, but Ianto yanked out all the power cables to make sure. "It's off." Owen's fingers against Lisa's throat inform the rest that she's turned off too.
Jack helps Ianto to his feet, lingering as he touches Ianto's wrists with a circular stroking motion. Jack always comforts with touch. "You killed a Cyberman on your own?"
His eyes keep watching her, but she will never wake up again. He nods.
Something grows in Jack's expression, and Ianto wants to retch, wants to scream. Ianto betrayed them, murdered her, he's the worst monster in the bowels of this hellish place, and Jack is looking at him like he's just saved them all. Of the many punishments he's pictured, knowing he'll get no mercy should they ever discover her, there's one he hadn't considered, and it turns out to be worse than anything he's conjured while awake or caught in a nightmare:
They think he's a hero.