Disclaimer: I don't own Law & Order: SVU or any of its characters. They all belong to Dick Wolf and NBC.

Olivia's POV

He should be dead. How can he be here?

"Detective Benson…"

He's dead. He killed himself in front of me. He shot himself in the head. How can he be here? This can't be real. No, it can't. This isn't real.

Lewis is dead.

This has to be a nightmare.

Lewis is here. He's in my house again. He's here for me.

"I'll always come back for you."

The gun is being held to my head and he kicks me in the stomach. I fell to floor and clutch it as he then proceeded to kick me in the back. I try not to make a sound. I can't give him what he wants. My pain will get him off. And more importantly, I don't want Noah to hear.

After a while the beating stops.

It was throbbing everywhere. All over my body. But I would be strong. I had to be. I knew this would be over soon. This isn't real. It can't be real.

I got through this once and there's nothing worse he could do to me that he hadn't already done.

"Scream!" Lewis yells into my ear. He was angry, I wasn't giving him what he wanted. He wanted me to beg for my life. He wanted me to beg for it stop, but I wasn't going to do that.

"Beg me to stop Olivia."

"No." I say and he kicks me again.

I feel him move his disgusting hands down to my belt. He removes it and then starts to pull down my pants. I don't resist. That's exactly what he wants. I knew William Lewis better than anyone and I knew better. Resistance is what he wants and I won't give it to him.

I feel his fingers below my waist and he was moving them up until he grabs the top of my underwear.

I shut my eyes. I just want to wake up.

"Mommy?"

No.

I open my eyes and see Noah standing outside his bedroom door. His eyes were fixated on me and Lewis, whom turned to me with a devilish smile. I kicked him in the face. I scramble to my feet, but before I could get close to Noah, Lewis trips me.

He stood in between me and my son.

"Mommy, who this?" Noah asks me as Lewis points the gun at me. He sounded scared. I felt my heart racing.

"Mommy." Lewis looks at me and then turns to Noah. He takes a few steps closer.

"Mommy and I are…special friends." Lewis says as he kneels down to be at eye level. I try to get closer, but Lewis looks at me, while keeping the gun pointed at me.

"Nuh uh." He laughs.

"Now what's your name?" He turned back to Noah.

"Noah." He tells him.

"Well Noah, we're gonna have some fun."

"No!"

I felt like I couldn't breathe.

"Mommy." Noah was scared. I knew by the sound of his voice and also by his facial expression.

"It's okay baby." I say, but I don't think it sounds convincing.

"You know, I was going to have some fun with mommy but—"

"Lewis please." I begged. I don't care what he wanted to do to me. He could beat me. He could rape me. He could do whatever he wanted to me and I'd give him whatever he wanted. But not this. I don't want him anywhere near Noah. Not my baby boy.

"—but I think I rather play with you."

"No!"

He then points the gun at Noah's head.

"Please. Do whatever you want to me but please, leave him alone." I say, my voice breaking. I felt tears running down my face and I was trembling.

"I'll be a good girl." I added. I'd give him the satisfaction of me resisting as he forced himself inside me. I'd beg him to let me live. I just want him away from my son.

"Too late." Lewis says.

"No, please—" I begged.

"Mommy!"

"What better way to make you suffer…" He trails off as he cocks the gun. "…than to take the one thing you care about away."

I can't stand here. I don't care if I die, but not my baby.

He then shoots me four times. Twice in each leg.

I yelled in agony as fell onto the floor, bleeding.

Noah screams and starts to cry.

"One bullet left." He taunts and then pulls Noah further away from me by the arm while holding the gun to his head. "Aren't games fun?"

"Mommy!" I hear Noah cry.

I try to move. I can't move fast enough.

I can't stop this.

"No!"

"Say goodbye to mommy." Lewis says and then the gun goes off.

I screamed as I shot up in bed awake. I looked around the quickly before switching my lamp on. I try to catch my breath. I touch my cheek and feel that it's stained with tears. I look at my hands and they are trembling.

It was a nightmare.

My worst nightmare.

Nothing could ever be worse than that.

I then hear Noah start to cry from the other room.

Noah.

I quickly get out of bed and go into his bedroom. I take Noah in my arms and I rub his back as I held him.

"Shhh, it's okay baby. Mommy's here." I whisper into his ear and Noah slowly starts to calm down. I shut my eyes at feeling his breathing. I felt able to breath. My heart didn't feel like it was going to explode. I was now starting to calm down myself.

We are okay.

We're both okay.

"Mommy?"

"Yes, it's okay baby." I say as I carry him out of his bedroom and into mine. I sat down on my bed. I placed Noah onto my lap and continued to rub his back. He kept his head on my shoulder. I shut my eyes and took in slow deep breaths. "Everything's okay." I said, both to Noah and also to myself.

Noah picks his head up.

"Did you have a bad dream?" I ask him and he nods.

"I couldn't find you mommy." Noah says with obvious tears in his eyes. I place my hand on his head and he puts it back on my shoulder.

"Mommy didn't have a good dream either, but everything's alright now." I told him softly. "I'm here and I'm not going anywhere."

I turn out the light and kiss Noah's forehead, keeping him close. I held him tightly in my arms and I stroked the back of his head. It didn't take long for Noah to fall back asleep, but it wasn't the same for me. I stayed awake. I just laid there looking at Noah.

I couldn't close my eyes.

I was afraid if I closed my eyes I would see that again.

I didn't want to see that.

Oh, my baby boy.

Even now, Lewis still haunts me in my dreams.

A/N: I was rewatching the episode where Lewis had kidnapped Benson when I got this idea. I remember when I first watched the episode, I wondered where Noah was. But I later realized he didn't come until later. I had seen a few episodes of season eighteen before starting fifteen. I recently just finished fourteen (yeah weird order) which is how I came to rewatching "Surrending Benson". Anyways, I got thinking, what if Noah was there when Liv was assaulted? So I came up with this. Let me know your thoughts. Please don't forget to review.