The Final Fantasy Fan Chronicles

(When fans get too serious)

Episode 1 The Begining

(Note: I do not own any of these characters or do I claim to. Or Twlight Zone(Rod Sterling hello))

(Opens to Rod Sterling)

"Picture if you will Mr. Pat. Pat likes Final Fantasy, A LOT. Maybe too much. Judge for yourself in... the TWILIGHT ZONE! (Creepy Music)

(Opens in Pats house)

"Hi I'm Pat and I like Final Fantasy and I take 5 pills a day! Pillllllls."

Pat walks through his house in his normal day to day routine.

"La LA LA, Final Fantasy has awsome music do da da da always gets remixed"

Pat walks to the kitchen to make a sandwich. He opens the fridge.

"Hmmmmmmm ham, do da do, turkey, hm do da, Zells severed hand, do da do."

Suddenly a voice calls from behind the attic door.

"Please help me...damn it..." the voice calls.

Shut the hell up up there," Pat screams. Little known to the public the reason it has taken so long for a new FF7 game is that Pat has some of the characters held prisoner in his house. Yelling from the attic is Tifa. She has been kept there for 7 years, with nothing to eat but water, bread, and Bust a Must.

"Fuckin' pipes," Pat stammers nervously,"I know one pipe that won't get any food this week."

Bump Bump Bump. Bump Bump Bump. There is a sound coming from the crawlspace.

"Keep quiet darky."

"Racist bitch..."

"What!"

"Nothing foo." Under the crawl space lies one of FF7's greatest characters Barrett. Barett has been deprived of his gun and now virtually harmless.

"Haven't tried this out yet," Pat says as he slips on the gun arm. Outside of Pat's house is a beautiful scene. A growing tree. A birdbath and a bird. All is right with the world.

"Perfect." Bang bang bang boom crash scream bang bang scream boom bang bang bang bang bang bang!

"Hmmmmm what to shoot now..." A closet door. Oakwood, handcraft, a huge lock, beautiful. But within this beutiful LOCKED closet lies every ones favorite chocobo head...but this has slipped Pat's mind. Bang bang boom girl scream, bang bang hahahahahahahahaha bang bang bang (heavy breathing). Smoke rises as the door falls down revealing a dead and very gory Cloud.

"Ooops," Pat stammers, "Wait I killed Cloud! WHOOO HOOOOO yes yes yes yessssssssssssssss."(Victory music)

"Oh maid," Pat yells across his house. Down the hall trods Sephiroth clad in not his battle robe but a maids dress(just try and picture that).

"Bring Papa his smokes, oh and I really think thats your color." Sephiroth grits his teeth.

"Why thank you," Sephiroth mutters as he walks away.

Five Minutes Later

Sephiroth comes back carrying a Cuban cigar.

"Thank you Sephy old boy." Sephiroth grits his teeth harder.

"My pleasure boss." Grits teeth so hard his gums bleed. Walks away. Suddenly Barretts hand bursts through the floor and grabs Pat's body.

"Got you sucka!" Barrett raises Patrick and starts to bash him against the wall.

"Nightly night fucker," Pat says as he pulls a syringe out of his pocket. He sticks the needle in Barrett's arm and pushes the plunger.

"Gurgle gurgle." Barrett falls to the floor (Victory Music) Suddenly...SLASH! Pat falls apart cut in half on the floor. Sephiroth stands behind him with a bloody blade.

"YESSSSSSSSS DIE FUCKER!(I did like that dress though)."

The End

(OR is it?)

Tune in next time to find out!

Note form the author(s):This is just some stupid random story my friend and I came up with one night while we were sugar high.It is NOT implying that you smoke or make racist coments to other peolpe.The authors are not racist and dont smoke. But it was funny so we put it there...(but Zells hand was good...)