Chapter 1: CHEESE!
[Realm of madness]
Madness is such an interesting thing. It can make kind men cruel, dumb men smart and...oh who are we kidding?! Madness is madness! This was what was so BORING about it. There was too much structure to madness and insanity! This was the problem faced by a immortal being. His hair white and frizzy, half his suit red, the other purple, his eyes yellow and slitted and his accent, Scottish. He had many names and titles, the Mad Hatter, Sheogorath and...Ted. Yes that's right, he was also known as Ted. He sighed, sitting atop his throne as he watched the short blonde Brenton girl known as Alice the mad of Ciridel throw a sweet role at the Khajiit known as Ra'viit the white for his albino appearance. Ra'viit sputtered before throwing a dwemer gear at the keg smashing it and flinging mead all over the place.
"~BURP!~ BORING!" Sheogorath burped before groaning. They did this every other Tuesday and twice on Alice's unbirthday. "I'm SOOOO BOOORRRED!" he bemoaned.
"Oh! Oh! I know! I know!" Alice cried, jumping up and down excitedly. "Let's turn all of the swords in Riften keep into goats high on Skooma!"
"Nah, did that last Monday. Wasn't even much chaos, they just hired the Dragonborn to clean the mess up." Sheogorath sighed glumly, his chin resting in his palm.
"Make the dawmguard think they are all succubuses?" Ra'viit suggested. Sheogorath rolled his eyes, randomly firing off his Wabajack.
"I'm the prince of insanity, not cruel and unusual punishments, that would be-OOH LOOK CHEESE!" Sheogorath cut off pointing at some random butterfly that flew backwards which got turned to cheese by the Wabajack. He then looked at his staff before a torch appeared above his head. It probtly fell on it but was ignored. "I shall put myself into this! Then I shall kick myself into one of those other worlds Akatosh made and hehey presto! Fun for me and you and I and her and Thy and ooh cheese for all! Wait no, no I'll take all the cheese! No! Even better! I'll let myself serve a Pervert! They are always crazy and attract crazy people! Alice! Ra'viit! Pack your pouches and tell the others we're all going on vacation!"
[Earth, Midguard, Japan, Kouh]
Issei sighed tiredly, flopping down onto his bed. It was Sunday and tomorrow was the first day of school at his new Highschool. He had gotten kicked out of his old one due to something COMPLETELY not his fault! How was he supposed to know how the teacher turned into a bloody goat! Seriously one red flash and poof goat in a dress.
*TSHVRRRRRRMPH.*
With a solid thump something landed at the base of his bed. It was a dark wood staff with three faces of insanity carved onto the top, their mouths extended open revealing a small purple fire nestled in the middle.
"What the heck?!" Issei yelped, jumping away from the strange staff.
"Ooh! You'll do!" A scottish voice echoed. With that a purple blast flew from the staff and struck Issei in the chest, knocking him out. "Now for some tweaks. Make that perminant, add that, get rid of that and ooh! He has a Dovah in him! Ha! This! Is! Cheese!...wait...Sparta?...I mean AWESOME!"
With another flash a piece of cheese appeared on the desk and a stripe of white formed down the middle of his hair like a racing stripe on a car. He twitched, inside his mind a very interesting meeting was taking place.
[Issei's Mindscape]
Issei looked around the giant smokey blackness. Off to one side a giant red dragon was sleeping soundly, to the other three beings sitting at a long table. A white haired man in clashing clothes, a small blonde girl In a blue dress and a big bloody cat guy.
"Yep. I am going mad." Issei lamented sadly.
"No. I ain't done nothing!" The man in red and purple shouted defensively. "Anywho, I am Sheogorath Daedric prince of Madness, insanity and cheese."
"Hi!" The chippeer blonde girl laughed joyfully. "I am ALICE! HI!"
"Ra'viit is me, or is it I? Ra'viit is unsure...want some-WOLVES! I HEARD WOLVES!" The white cat-man shouted in terror, shaking in terror atop the large red dragon.
"He, is...whoever he is. I don't know that great big Dovah honestly." Sheogorath shrugged with a gesture to the large red dragon. "ANYWAY, do I have a deal for you. You can say yes or no but if you say no, I'll turn you inside out and call you Mary! Now, onto that deal, you see being a god of Madness gets pretty boring so I decided that I will stuff my soul into my staff THE WABAJACK! and give it to You. Yes you, who else is more perverted than you. Now so this isn't TOTALLY boring, I did modify what my staff does, I ain't telling you anything other than point the head at whoever you want and Poof! Enjoy the results. Sometimes it's permanent, other times its not. Completely random! Haha! Now...where was I? Oh yeah! I'll also be bringing some friends over in the next few days, carrier monkeys aren't too bright but oh well."
"So, you are putting yourself into the stick that fell on my bed?" Issei asked slowly.
Sheogorath grinned widely. "Now that, is the question."
"Eh?" Issei uttered in confusion. "Well are you or not?"
"Of course I am boy!" Sheogorath laughed aloud. "But also so are my friends here. Meet Alice the mad and Ra'viit the white, two of my most faithful followers who aren't annoying."
"So, one face for each of you?" Issei asked remembering the weird staff. He'd only ever seen something on that really weird show Magical Girl Levia-tan that he'd seen one night when messing with his TV antenna and was unable to find it again but the special effects were awesome.
"Yep!" Sheogorath grinned, popping the 'P'. "You see this will be fun for both parties. You get a Harem, I get my amusement not sex, never really saw the point in that."
Issei looked aghast at that. NOT INTERESTED IN SEX?! THATS well...crazy actually.
"Now, take this." Sheogorath grinned, handing Issei a silver ring, three screaming faces imprinted around the face of it resembled the Wabajack. "This will serve as a way to summon forth the power of the Wabajack discreetly as there's no fun if you're caught after all. Anywho...almost dawn, have fun, buy gold and ...TOODLES!"
[Issei's room, morning]
With a startled yelp, Issei sprung forwards, the first thing he noticed was the staff on his bed. He gulped, last night wasn't a dream. He looked down at his hands only to find that he did indeed have the weird ring on his finger and there was now cheese on his dresser in place of his formerly broken alarm clock.
[It's permanent.] Sheogorath's voice called. Issei jumped, noticing the ring glowing a soft orange. [Okay, here is how this works, No open perversion, maddening for you buuuut sexy for the ladies, after all Harems are the second best crazy out there. The best is whether or not you left the stove on! Ha!]
"Issei! Wake up!" His mum called from downstairs.
"Coming!" He called back, he then turned to his ring. "Uh, so I just go on like normal and get a harem huh? And that is what you want?"
[Yep! Alice is a Vouyer so she'll have fun, Ra'viit likes watching yellow or bronze things and I just wanna Wabajack shit!] Sheogorath replies as if it was simple math. [Now get to school I sense a disturbance in the force!]
"Isn't that from that movie?" Issei asked as he got dressed.
[What's a movie?] Sheogorath asked, genuinely confused about what a movie was. [Bloody heck that'll drive me nuts... Oh Haha! I like you already kid!]
"ISSEI GET UP!" His mum called in anger.
"I'm coming!" He called, rushing downstairs, not realising that the Wabajack vanished nor his now white streak of hair. He literally grabbed his toast and rushed for school, bag on his back and barely made it before the bell. Not noticing a red haired girl spying on him from the upper window of the disused dorms.
[Homeroom]
Issei was panting slightly as he entered his new classroom. It was with the second years and two weeks into the school year. Already four students stood out. Two who were obvious perverts. The other two was a pair of girls, a short pinkette and a black haired girl who was taller than most in the class, the only spare seat happened to be between them. Issei noticed a strange feeling coming from the pinkette, like a soft humming.
[SHE'S A FOLLOWER!] Sheogorath cried joyfully. Issei flinched, luckily it coincided with the squeals from the girls of the class, covering any oddness of the act.
"Class, meet Hyodou Issei, a new transfer from West-end High, please treat him well, Hyodou please sit in the spare spot between Katase and Murayama." The teacher instructed. As issei predicted, the perverts started up a verbal firefight at his placement.
"Hi, I'm Katase. I hope we can be friends." The pinkette grinned which had a slight unnerving quality to it.
[I like her already she is battle crazy!] Sheogorath cried joyfully. Issei gulped nervously.
"Hi, I'm Murayama nice to meet you." The tall dark haired girl gave a soft smile.
[BORING!]
"H-hi. I'm Hyodou Issei, you can just call me Issei or Ise." Issei replied nervously.
"Pay attention class." The teacher called aloud.
This continued on in similar fashion until the end of the day with Katase following Issei around like a lost puppy which according to Sheogorath was hi fault as he attracted the crazy.
[After school]
Issei kept looking behind him as he walked home, he felt like someone was watching him.
[You sadly aren't crazy if they really are...] Ra'viit sighed sadly, being the more jumpy of the trio in the Wabajack he was more likely to notice these things.
"Hey Hyodou Kun will you go out with me!" A buxom black haired teenage girl cried running upto him, breasts bouncing as she got rather close.
It was at this moment Issei and Alice had the same thought. "[HEHE Boobies]"
"Uh s-sure." Issei stuttered. "[SCORE!]" Both he and Alice internally cried. "May I ask your name?" He asked aloud.
[Easy kid, she's feisty.] Sheogorath warned mentally. It wouldn't do for his entertainment to die so soon after all.
The girl smiled brightly, pushing her breasts up as she clasped her hands together. "I'm Yuuma, Yuuma Amano!"
End.
Thoughts and suggestions and don't forget CHEESE!