Author's Note: My Friend and I were in a funny mood, so wo wrote this ridiclious, embarrassing, exaggerated story about how Harry thinks about having children.

Remark: I don't own any of these characters.

HAVING CHILDREN: A GUIDE FROM A TO Z

By Harry Potter

When I was little, I always wondered where the children came from. But now I know better. And now I will make children. It's quite fun actually. Well of course for the making part. Because when the time has come, your wife will curse you to hell and if you dare lay another hand on her she'll kill you. And then of course there's the part of being a father.

First step: How to make a child?

First of all you need a wife, a girlfriend … anyway just a women. I choose for the first one. Then the place, they say you can do it everywhere, but I still prefer a bed and somewhere where no one can disturb you (You don't want your mother-in-law to burst in your room).

Warning: If you are a celebrity make sure no one can hear or see a thing of what you do.

Ginny and I were three months married now, we had a row and the trouble began …

"I want to go to a warm country, how am I else supposed to sunbathe?" Ginny said.

"I don't want to sunbathe this time, last time three guys started drooling all over me!"

"It's not my fault you picked out a hotel with gay couples!" Ginny yelled.

"How could I know, it was not in the brochure!" I said with a scarlet face.

"Yeah, yeah! That's what they all say!"

"Oh come on don't be ridiculous. And I really want to go to a cold country, you know so we can snowboard."

"You can't even snowboard!" Ginny snorted.

"That's because you never give me a chance to learn it!"

"I don't argue with you anymore!" Ginny said furious she went out and slammed the door closed and went out.

"Fine! Do it your way!" I yelled. I walked to the kitchen and took the strongest Vodka we had in the house. I didn't even bother to take a glass. I drunk the whole bottle and started singing. Loudly and of-key, but who cares! In the end I was so drunk that I could see pink elephants dancing through the room. That moment Ginny choose to come home. By the looks of it, she had been drinking fire whisky at the Three Broomsticks, but it may also because of the fact that I had been drinking too much and that I was imagining things.

"Harry look out! There's a pink elephant behind you!" Ginny said pointing somewhere behind me. That proves that I didn't hallucinate about the dancing elephant or Ginny was even more drunk than I was. I love Ginny when she's drunk. We always have good sex when we're drunk. Not that I can remember much of it, but still. But now I think of it.

"Ginny! Let's have some fun!" I said while drinking the last drop of the Vodka and throwing the bottle away. Ginny giggled maniacally.

"What do you have in mind?"

"Let's make some good love. What do you think?"

"I think you're some attractive guy!" Ginny said giggling.

"I take that as a yes," I said mischievously.

"Yeah, but first you gotta catch me!" Ginny said and she ran away. I ran after her and took hold of her jacket. She unbuttoned the jacket and threw it of.

"You can't catch me that easily!" she said with a drunken smile. I grinned sheepishly. And took her pants in my hand, what caused her to fall on her stomach. She crawled out of her pants and ran of in her knickers. For a moment I couldn't move, I was only able to watch at her with my mouth wide open. She ran into the bedroom. When I came back to earth I followed her into the bedroom. I couldn't see her. All of a sudden she took hold of me and kissed me while she unbuttoned my shirt. I pushed her on the bed and pulled my pants of. I crawled next to her under the sheets and a moment later we threw our underwear aside. We were having the wildest sex I ever can remember (well at least what I can remember of it).

Alright that was the making part. After this the fun is over! Take it from me. What comes after this is a LIVING HELL.

Alright what do ye think? Is it alright if I continue this crazy guide story?

Grtz

Jade The Orkkiller