A/N: I'm tentatively uploading this. I've never really written any tragedy, so I thought it would be a good time to practise. I'd be forever grateful if you could leave a review to let me know what you thought. I would say I hope you enjoy this short story, but that's really the wrong sentiment, isn't it? So…I'll just let you read because there really isn't anything else I can say that is appropriate to the story.

If This Was A Movie

She sank into a chair and curled into a ball, hiding her face in a pillow. She didn't want anybody to see the scars her tears had left as they had rolled through her makeup, smearing her mascara and eyeliner. Her cheeks were blotchy, her eyes red and dry after crying until she felt like her entire body was drained of water. Her brown hair was stuck to her face and looked messy and greasy. If she thought about it, she couldn't remember if she'd been in the shower that morning. She didn't remember anything anymore. She got up in a blur, didn't pay attention to anything and walked through life barely feeling anything.

Six months later and it was no easier. Just walking into the ARC was enough to send her mind reeling with memories that caused her to fall apart.

The therapist told her it was completely normal to feel that way after experiencing loss but loss never seemed like the right word. It was as if someone had come along one day and torn out her heart, ripped it in half and then shoved the dead part back into her chest.

She had changed completely. She wasn't trusted enough to direct the team anymore. She couldn't fire a gun to save her life, let alone anybody else's. The simple fact was that she couldn't stop remembering.

Every time Jess closed her eyes, she was met with the picture, the memory.

Matt, Emily, Abby and Connor were unconscious in the car from where the dinosaur had butted the car, sending it toppling over and over. Jess watched from afar, where Becker had placed her as his men shot EMD pulse after EMD pulse at the creature to no avail. From her position in the forest, Jess saw each of Becker's men get eaten. Snapped in half by its powerful jaws and sharp teeth as part of a horrific death that the government would never acknowledge. It was bloody, and the screams of the dying men still haunted her.

"Don't go," she whispered, begging Becker not to face the Tyrannosaurus Rex.

Of course, he had already returned to the site of the incursion and charged to face the monster. At the sound of his running approach, the creature whipped around, its tail knocking Becker's feet out from under him and sending his gun flying. There was a loud crunch as it was bent and broken under the foot of the dinosaur. Rolling, Becker was able to get away from the Tyrannosaurus and onto his feet. Weapon-less, he could only run, but for how long?

In horror, Jess watched as Becker ran, shooting glances over his shoulder at where his gun lay broken on the ground. As another roar sounded, closer this time, he redoubled his pace and spurred his booted feet faster. Another glance over his shoulder frightened him more than anything. Light glinted off the teeth in the Tyrannosaurus' gaping maw, as it released another monstrous roar, continuing to stomp after him.

Finally, there was simply nowhere else to run to. Becker was stood at the edge of the cliff, the Tyrannosaurus still coming at him.

Before Jess could even breathe, he had waited for the dinosaur to come even closer, for it to lunge at him and then jumped backwards off the cliff, taking the Tyrannosaurus with him as it overbalanced, snapping its jaws at its prey.

"Becker!" Jess shouted, silent tears beginning to fall.

She ran and didn't stop until she came to the cliff-face. Gulping, and dreading what she might find, she looked down, staring at the broken figure lying on the beach below her, legs skewed at an odd angle and claw marks crossing his torso. Blood pooled around him and the carcass of the beast.

She was on her knees before she knew it, lamenting the death of Becker, her closest friend and her secret crush. Why hadn't she ever told him? Could things have been different if she had? Would she have been able to persuade to stay with her to save him from his death?

The memory sent renewed sobs wracking through Jess' petite frame that paled in comparison to the bright tech-girl who used to happily greet Becker every time he came into the Hub. That Jess smiled, and wore bright colours on her slim, but full figure. This Jess was a shadow of her former self, dressed only in baggy black clothes that hung off her bony, ill-looking body.

She didn't even see her friends anymore. They didn't understand because nothing like it had ever happened to them. She wasn't even allowed to explain because she'd stupidly signed the Official Secrets Act years before.

Every time the memory hit, she kept thinking it couldn't be real.

Becker had been such a superhero that she was half-expecting, half-hoping the front door would open and he'd walk in, scar free and ask her why she was just sat in a chair crying instead of doing something productive like writing up reports. If she listened carefully, she could almost hear his heavy footfalls on the stairs. It was that kind of thinking which had led her to run down to the Armoury to see him and stop short as she saw Captain Wilkins, his replacement, cleaning the guns. It was that that had led to her falling back into the hours of crying that had characterized her months of mourning.

She just wanted to see him standing at the ADD for her with a bar of chocolate one more time. She'd give anything to eat prawn crackers with him one last time. She couldn't even look at Chinese food anymore. Everything reminded her of him. The rain reminded her of the way his hair looked and smelt after a light drizzle, all windswept and fresh.

Before she knew it, she was on her feet and in her car, trying to drive whilst blinded by tears. If Becker had been there, he would have scolded her severely for driving whilst in such a condition. What irony.

She found herself standing on his street, running recklessly down the middle of the road as it rained heavily, the heavens crying, and stopping in front of his front door. The light was on in the living room, but Jess knew that was because someone else lived in his house now. It was like he had never existed.

"Come back."

The funeral had been like that too. A handful of people – his parents, a few men from Sandhurst, the team from the ARC and that was it.

At least he'd had a heroes burial, his coffin covered in a draping, Union Jack flag which was handed to his parents to keep as it was lowered into the ground. A photo of him in his Afghanistan military uniform standing proudly saluting caught and held Jess' attention through the ceremony. She didn't want to remember him as he'd died, but rather as he'd lived.

Feeling as bad as before, Jess lowered her head against the rain, and walked stiffly back to her car. Once locked inside she whispered to herself, "I thought you'd be here by now."

A/N: Obviously this is a sad story. I'd be really, really interested in your reactions just to see if I can write this kind of stuff well so please review and be honest.